It was calm.

Racing hearts slowed and there was a warm fuzzy feeling, a sort of bubble that surrounded them. Everything was happiness and sunshine, but that only lasted for a little while. Soon ‘I love you’ turned into a habit, merely a routine.

Something was off. Things were too go to be true. Woohyun tried to avoid the feeling all together, telling himself that this was normal in relationships. There was a sense of uncertainty. They were starting to spend less and less time together but only because of their busy schedules. Woohyun was overloaded with school and work, while Sunggyu had suddenly gained a certain amount of popularity booking gigs all over the city.

Sunggyu was avoiding it too.

Neither of them ever allowed themselves to show weakness. Suddenly it turned into a game, whoever called or texted first was a .

There were always good mornings and evenings but the middle of their days were empty and silent. Unlike the thoughts that happened to be going on inside their heads. Woohyun was completely frazzled. He had never done this before, and shouldn’t Sunggyu be taking some sort of responsibility? He was older he should be in charge of the situation.

He spent the majority of his days staring off in to the distance like he used to and got a few pats on the back because that was ‘the old Woohyun they knew’. Silent, unfocused and a complete mess, but no one would know it looking from the outside. Woohyun was wrecked.

He thought it was bad before when he was falling for that devil wrapped in leather. Now this, this was even worse. The not knowing. If people are together it should be all accepting no questions asked. For better or worse. Maybe that is going too far but at this point he really didn’t see an end in sight and that is what scared him the most. The were no set plans, there was no sell by date. Woohyun could not predict the future and it was eating him alive.

Sunggyu kept quiet, which was very unlike him. Things were new and different. It was three am and the silence was deafening. Sunggyu just wanted to relax and not think, but lying in bed with the candles flickering against the wall created to many shadows.

Nothing was a good enough distraction.

He reluctantly rolled out of bed and searched for the last hope if calming his nerves. He dug through pockets, bags and drawers until he found what he was looking for, a busted up pack of cigarettes. It had been nearly a week since he had lit one up. The lighter sitting next to the glowing candles seemed to be too good for the job so he lit the cigarette on the ticking gas burner of the stove. The only thing he wanted in that moment was to be normal, but he couldn’t remember what it felt like. Woohyun had consumed him.

Was the darkness of nighttime always so deep? Had the burning embers of the toxic fumes always been so bright? His own bed seemed to have lost its comfort. So, he sat on the long abandoned couch with a heavy sigh and let out a thick puff of smoke. He watched as it rose and swirled into the air. The familiar tingling made its way through his body reaching the tips of his fingers and he felt light again. Holding the cigarette in his lips he removed the hard annoyance of a cell phone from his pocket. It lit up but not from any sort of notification, only simply from being touched.

To be touched, was a nice thought.

Staring at it for a moment, he contemplated sending some kind of message. In the end stubbornness won and the phone was discarded, tossed to the other side of the couch. Face down of course, just in case.

Maybe Woohyun didn’t want to talk. Maybe he was intentionally unresponsive. Maybe the silence was on purpose.

Sunggyu couldn’t stand his own thoughts anymore. He took another drag. It was all too good to be true. There had to be a reason why Woohyun liked him. He was damaged goods. He wouldn’t blame him if the kid came to his senses. Yet, there was still an ache. Sunggyu could feel it deeper then the nicotine coursing through his veins. Nothing could break his new addiction, Nam Woohyun.

It would only take one word and he would cave instantly. Woohyun made his heart move and he was afraid he was losing himself. He knew that when he woke up to that good morning text he would regret this cigarette and wonder why he doubted anything in the first place. And that is what Woohyun did, he made him forget. There were no doubts and a calm would settle in.

Right now that wasn’t what he wanted. Sunggyu wanted to feel it burning in his lungs, because nothing else was close enough if it wasn’t that brown haired guy with his stupid sweaters. Breathing in every word, he would inhale as Woohyun spoke. He even haunted his dreams, but it was like a sick joke. When he woke up the bed would still be empty, but he would have to go on with his day.

Maybe he should quit him. Give him up. Love is worse then drugs. Love makes people sick.

He checked the time and it had yet to move. It was barely five minutes past three in the morning. He smoked his cigarette to the and stubbed it out lighting another before he could even exhale the last puff of smoke.

Sunggyu finished his second cigarette and then a third and he could feel the rattling under his ribcage and that wheeze squeeze out of his lungs as he got up off the couch. The damage was instant. If Woohyun could hurt him then he should be allowed to hurt himself.

His whole body was heavy as he dragged himself to bed shedding clothing along the way. Though he wanted to ignore the bastard so bad he still took his phone with him, tucking it under his pillow.

That last thing he saw before he closed his eyes were the moon and stars, making the swirling puffs of snow glow as it passed his window and he wondered if Woohyun saw the same.

It was an underlying feeling. They both knew it was there, a certain sense of sadness. Some foreboding future hung over them, like a black cloud. With happiness certainly comes sadness and everything good comes to an end.

It was almost too soon to have these sort of thoughts. Dating for only a month and already the visions of a bleak and ultimate ending was in view. Maybe they never should have began. It would be better to stay alone then to have someone rip your heart out of your chest.

Woohyun was running himself ragged. If he wasn’t sleeping before he was sleeping less now. All of his free time was being spent in the library. He buried himself in books and any book that even mentioned the word love would make him gag and instantly toss it aside. He didn’t need to be reminded of the tragedy. The stack of books on the table he barricaded himself at was monstrous. He couldn’t find solace in any word that he read.

Woohyun slammed the book shut, done with his feelings. He gathered his things and stomped out of the library. On his way out he walked into someone and grumbled an apology, though he wasn’t really sorry people should watch out. When he looked up his eyes found a leather jacket but the face didn’t match, it wasn’t Sunggyu. This was how his days were filled, searching for Sunggyu in all the wrong places.

Woohyun knew that he wasn’t here, that person slumped over a desk was not Sunggyu. The sound of boots echoing through the hall or the knee exposed through a pair of ripped jeans. It was never him. Bits and pieces of Sunggyu slipped out of his subconscious and into the real world more and more only aggravating Woohyun to no end.

Walking through the halls annoyed and two hours early for his next class he heard music. Already knowing his mind was playing tricks on him, he wanted to give whoever was screwing around in the band room a piece of his mind. But, when he was met with downcast amber eyes and a familiar pink pout the world stopped.

The tall figure met his eyes and leaned against the door frame with a weak smile.

“What are you doing here?” Woohyun adjusted his backpack looking at the ground.

“I go to school here.” Sunggyu had to admit that he really didn’t think that he would see Woohyun at this time of day.

Woohyun looked good. He was wrapped in layers. His hair was wavy, he must have gone out with it wet again. Sunggyu didn’t know if he should scold him or run his fingers through that messy hair.

“Yeah, well I mean here, right now. And what is all that noise?” Woohyun scoffed peeking around Sunggyu to see into the band room. Sunggyu stepped to the side blocking Woohyun’s view and when Woohyun moved again so did Sunggyu. He laughed but apparently Woohyun didn’t find it funny.

“The kids,” Sunggyu pointed in the room giving up on trying to get his boyfriend to smile. He shook his head. “I hadn’t seen them in a while.”

“Kids?” Woohyun really looked curious now. Sunggyu moved out of the doorway and Woohyun pushed passed immediately taking a seat. “Next thing you know you are going to tell me you have a wife too.”

“I give lessons.” Sunggyu looked at Woohyun from the corner of his eye. “If I had a wife why would I date your flat chested ?” Sunggyu snickered leaning back in his chair. He reached out a hand to touch Woohyun but he backed away.

So, it was back to this again. They had been so good up to this point. Sunggyu wanted to blame himself for everything. If only he had more self-control they could have just remained friends and things wouldn’t be weird. Sunggyu wasn’t going to force anything, he would let Woohyun come to him.

Woohyun huffed again and crossed his arms, he never should have come in here. He wanted to prove something to himself. He did not need to be near Sunggyu. He didn’t need to see him or feel his presence. He was not going to let himself become weak and needy. Trusting people too much only caused pain.

“I’ve been in such a bad mood lately.” Woohyun cringed as he started to let his feelings show. “I think I just miss you a lot.” He shrugged trying to reamin indifferent.

“Then come over.” Sunggyu turned to face Woohyun, looking for some sort of answer. He only saw  stoney eyes full of determination. Was Woohyun trying to fight this? Is this not what he wanted?

“I’m busy.” Woohyun wouldn’t give in now. He grit his teeth to keep from saying anything more. If he spoke too much he would give himself away.

Sunggyu clicked his tongue ring against his teeth, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. If this was how the conversation was going to be then he was done talking.

“Okay. Well, you know you can come by whenever you want.” Sunggyu sat up brushing his bangs away from his eyes as he stood. “I should get back. You can stay if you want.”

Woohyun left, just like that. Sunggyu had to admit he never thought loving someone would make him so sad.

The rest of the day was just as depressing and neither of them made a move to talk to the other. Woohyun went home and just gave up laying down pulling his blankets over his head not wanting to face the world. It was still early but he just wanted to sleep and not think of anything at all. It was too much to have feelings.

He tossed and turned eyes closed but not able to sleep, although he was definitely tired. He was tired of being controlled by his every emotion. Kicking his blankets away he flailed and groaned shoving his face into his pillow. Getting up quickly and sitting at his desk he had the thought that maybe if he got it all down on paper he would feel better.

He opened his notebook to the next blank page and pressed a pen to the paper, but nothing came to him. Feeling overwhelmed he began to scribble lines on the page pressing harder as he went along. Soon he tore through the page and gave up. There was nothing that could quale all of his pent up emotions.

The sun was setting on the cold winter day and Woohyun had had enough. Crawling back into bed he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Sunggyu was just getting home, Myungsoo and Sungyeol were already in the house ‘practicing’. They were actually just sitting on the couch drinking beer apparently waiting for Sunggyu to arrive. That was their excuse, anyway.

The three band mates practiced for a little while until Sunggyu lost his will to go on and gave up, throwing himself face down on the couch. Even when Sungyeol and Myungsoo sat on him bouncing around he didn’t move a muscle to scold them or call them idiots.

Sunggyu fell asleep like that. It wasn’t until he heard the door open and close that he woke up. It was a little after midnight and the apartment was silent. Myungsoo must have left as well, but Sunggyu didn’t want to be alone. He checked his phone and there was still no response from Woohyun. Frustrated he closed his eyes and went to sleep again.

Woohyun woke up covered in sweat from head to toe, his throat was hoarse and dry. He must have been screaming in his sleep. It was the first time in a long time that he had slept for so many hours and there was a very good reason for that. Woohyun used to suffer from nightmares. As a child he was even prescribed sleeping medication, but all that did was make him afraid to sleep because once the pills kicked in he was unable to escape his dreams.

Over the years he had learned to cope by sleeping less and less. Three hours was the maximum amount of time he allowed himself. Any longer then that and his past would return to haunt him. The images of life before Dongwoo were not pleasant to say the least.

He sat up gripping at his chest while residual images of his mother flashed in his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut willing the memories away, but it was dark and he was cold and alone. He felt around for his phone, thinking he could always call Sunggyu. Then Woohyun remembered how much of jerk he had been recently and didn’t want to put anymore stress on the red head after the day they had earlier.

He was surprised that no one had come in to see what was going on, he swallowed feeling the lump in his throat rising as he looked around his room. The shadows were starting to converge on him and he needed to get out of there.

Without a second thought, Woohyun was dressed and headed out the door. The air was frigged as the snow fell in thick chunks around him. He watched his own breath and listened to the sound of the snow crunching under his feet. Trying to occupy his mind, anything was better then thinking about the dreams that always managed to cripple him.

The sun was starting to come up and Sunggyu was awake again, sleeping on and off for a few hours here and there. He stood in the large window lighting up his morning cigarette stretching in the pale glow of the grey sky flooding in. He stared off into the distance looking out over the fresh layer of snow, there must have been two feet.

He hated snow. Sure it was pretty when it fell but the only thing snow did was keep him from riding his bike and that was no fun. He caught sight of a bird that landed in his long drive way, but then something else grabbed his attention, foot prints that led up to the stairs. Maybe Myungsoo had come back after it had  snowed, but he didn’t hear him come in. His eyes followed the foot steps and at the end of the trail he saw a body.

Woohyun.

“ing idiot.” Sunggyu ran. He ran as fast as he could down the stairs and out the door. He was barefoot in the snow but that didn’t matter. He had Woohyun in his arms shaking the life back into him. “Woohyun! Wake up!” He was screaming too afraid to stop and notice that the seemingly lifeless body was still breathing. “You piece of ! Woohyun! What were you thinking?!”

“Sunggyu,” Woohyun’s voice was barely audible. “It’s so cold out here.” He turned over in Sunggyu’s arms and chuckled morosely into the red heads chest, warm tears washing over his frozen cheeks.

Sunggyu gripped him tight and pulled him to his feet bracing him as they went up the stairs. Woohyun kept his eyes closed the whole time clinging to Sunggyu like a lost child. He walked him to the bed laying him down and Woohyun instantly curled up in a ball shivering almost violently. Sunggyu wanted to yell at him and tell him he was stupid, but seeing him like that broke his heart.

He gathered up all the blankets he could find and piled them on the bed before he started to strip Woohyun of his icy clothing. He couldn’t imagine how long he was out there, he didn’t want to. Sunggyu finished undressing him and carefully layered him what the blankets. Stripping down to his boxers he climbed into the other side.

When Sunggyu hugged Woohyun to his chest it stung. His skin was so cold. The idiot could have gotten frostbite, but first things first he needed to be warmed up. Sunggyu pulled him as close as he could giving him as much body heat as possible and felt Woohyun still shaking lightly, eyes still closed.

Woohyun tangled himself in Sunggyu’s embrace and it felt like home. He was happy now but the tears were still falling. Sunggyu leaned in to give Woohyun a kiss on the cheek, he felt the warm wet tears on his lips, and reached up to brush them away lightly his face with his thumbs. Woohyun took a deep breath as he started to calm down and buried his face in Sunggyu’s neck, sleep coming to take him instantly.

When Woohyun opened his eye, which seemed like weeks later he was glad to see Sunggyu still curled up with him in bed. He tapped the red head on the lips, Sunggyu stretched out and Woohyun just pulled him even closer.

“Good morning.” Woohyun beamed.

“I don’t think that it’s morning anymore.” Sunggyu grumbled and tucked Woohyun’s head under his chin tangling his fingers in that fluffy brown hair. He was just happy the kid was warm again.

“You almost had a snow man for a boyfriend.” Woohyun laughed trying to cover up the stupid mistake he had made.

“It is not funny. You scared me so bad.” Sunggyu squeezed him tightly kissing the top of his head. He never wanted to lose this kid even if he was an idiot.

“I know.” Woohyun stayed quiet.

“What were you thinking?”

“I obviously wasn’t. A person in their right mind would not sit outside in subzero temperatures for hours because they were too stubborn to admit that they were being an for no reason.” Woohyun let all the words fall out of his mouth at once in a quiet mumble.

“Yes, that is very stupid.” Sunggyu threw a leg over Woohyun’s hip, before he processed everything the kid had said. “Hours?! Are you stupid? Christ, Woohyun!”

Woohyun cowered a bit as Sunggyu started to get loud. He knew what he did was dumb and he would never do it again, but couldn’t they just go back to sleep and not think about it again. He huffed and smooshed a pillow into Sunggyu’s face.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Won’t happen again.”

“It better not. Don’t do that and I don’t mean the almost dying of frostbite part I mean do not avoid how you feel.” Sunggyu pulled the pillow away and caught Woohyun’s gaze. He was serious. “If we are going to do this, we have to do it together.” He kept his eyes on the pouty brunet.

“Yes. Okay.”

“Good.” Sunggyu smiled. “Let’s take a bath!”

“Bath? I don’t do baths.” Woohyun scoffed, but it was too late Sunggyu was already dragging him out of bed and toward the bathroom.

Sunggyu the hot water and closed the door behind the cocoon of blankets Woohyun brought with him. The mirror was already starting to fog as the steam rose. Woohyun took a seat on the toilet watching Sunggyu in amusement as he dug through his cabinet.

“What are you doing in there?” Woohyun laughed.

Sunggyu held out his hands. In one there was a bottle that read bubble bath in some fancy script and in the other he had a weird rock looking thing Woohyun felt just as confused as Sunggyu looked.

“Pick one.” Sunggyu was staring at the rock thing, trying not to be too obvious about the choice he wanted Woohyun to make.

“Um, that thing I guess.” Woohyun pointed to the colorful sphere in Sunggyu’s hand. “What is that?”

“It’s called a bath bomb,” Sunggyu’s eyes lit up. “My mom gave me all of my sisters old stuff, because I’m poor.” He smirked and tossed the ball in the water.

Both of them hurried to the edge of the tub hoping for something a little more dramatic then aromatics and some colorful fizz. One would think that with a name like ‘bath bomb’ there would be an explosion, but there was nothing. However they did agree that it smelled very good.

Sunggyu sat at the edge of the tub just swirling his hands in the water as Woohyun rest against his back watching the water rise. Soon the tub was full and Sunggyu stood pulling Woohyun with him.

“Are we taking a bath together?” Woohyun’s face was red. The idea of sitting in a tub and exposed pressed up against Sunggyu already had his temperature rising.

“No, we are going to take turns.” Sunggyu was obviously being sarcastic. “Yes, together Woohyun. Deal with it.” Sunggyu was already stepping out of his boxers before Woohyun could protest.

Woohyun balled up the blankets setting them on the sink so they wouldn’t get nasty on the floor and turned around to see Sunggyu stepping into the tub. He averted his eyes to look at the floor too embarrassed to look at the pale skin mirroring the alabaster tiles. Though he had seen all of Sunggyu it was too much like this.

Sunggyu lowered himself slowly into the hot water his skin already a light shade of pink from the heat, but it was soothing. Looking again Woohyun noticed that the water was swirling with blues and purples, no longer clear, making it a little easier to join his gorgeous boyfriend in the bathtub.

Feeling more comfortable Woohyun stripped and stepped into the tub sitting immediately to avoid any embarrassment. He stayed still trying not to touch Sunggyu too much, but there were hands on his waist and it was too late. He was pulled back into a firm embrace.

Sunggyu ran his hands over Woohyun’s toned arms before reaching his hands and interlocking their fingers. He kissed the tense shoulders and along that beautiful neck, sending shivers down Woohyun’s spine. This was what they were missing. Simply being together, it was all they needed, each other.

Relaxing, Woohyun leaned back against Sunggyu and let the warm water wash over him and rinse away any negative thoughts he may have had, wondering why he had even felt so bad in the first place. He vowed right then and there he would never hold anything back and just live in the moment. He turned around and tilted his head up to meet Sunggyu for a kiss. It was quick and soft but it held meaning.

They sat in the tub warming themselves until they had wrinkled toes and fingers. Soon the water had gone cold and it was time to get clean and up and out of the water.

“I think I like baths now.” Woohyun laughed as Sunggyu dried his hair, muffled with the towel over his head.

“Good.” Sunggyu moved down Woohyun’s body making sure to get under his arms working lower, patting him down before handing the towel off waiting for his turn with a smirk.

“What?” Woohyun ignored Sunggyu wrapping the towel around his waist before opening the door letting the cold air in. he was laughing the whole time as he walked out to find some clean clothes.

Sunggyu cursed at Woohyun holding his junk as he ran through the apartment diving back into bed and under the blankets. Only his head visible

“Clothes.” Sunggyu was pouting while he watched Woohyun get dressed. He reached out from under the blankets with grabby hands huffing and whining. “You’re so mean to me.”

“Stay .” Woohyun teased, but found an old t-shirt for the whiney rock star. He walked to the edge of the bed and motioned for Sunggyu to put his arms up and he did as Woohyun slipped the shirt over his head.

Sunggyu was happy. He couldn’t help himself as he pulled Woohyun back into bed.

“Don’t leave me. Okay?” Sunggyu was quiet hiding under his long eyelashes.

“I won’t.” Woohyun felt his heart skip a beat. “We will be together forever.”

The windows were rattling from the storm outside but they didn’t notice. They were too busy wrapped up in each other to care. They were whole.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, idiot.”

They stayed like that for a long while lost in the warm happy bubble they reclaimed, never to leave it again. 

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an: ohhhhhh there was some trouble in paradise for a moment and woohyun is just dumb,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, so a little background was seen. did you catch that? well. there is tons more coming in the next chapters. Thank you again for reading and subscribing!!

PS INFINITE WORLD TOUR OMFFGGGFGFGFGFGFGFGFGFGGGG WHO IS GOING????????? ME YESSSS AND I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR PIT EARLY ENTRY AKA JUST LET ME SELL MY SOUL OKAY

LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLL <3