Hanbin

There was definitely nothing to be afraid of for I had overcome my fear in a brief long time. After all these random collisions in my mind, certainly, I couldn’t lie to myself for any longer that the arrival of them had affected me to my deepest thought and worries. There should not be any more whining and wasting time thinking about what would happen. If it happens—it happens, no argument or objection.

            These people behind my back were unbelievably counting on me. I had the weight on my shoulder to carry until we finish what we started, close what we had opened, and be free from what had tied us until this very moment. I knew this would never be easy and I swore to myself I would be compatible on dealing with this kind of thing. In no other word, I had an unconventional responsibility that I should take care of.

            But the question I had been asking to myself was will I ever be able to deal with it while there stood a girl in the back of my mind. She for sure did not ask me to stand next to her, but I wanted to. After how she made me feel in the music room, the warmth and the happiness she offered to me, It all seemed impossible to continue my fight—no, it was our fight. The three other guys behind my back that I could never disappoint were throwing their faiths at me just because I might look strong from the outside.

            My phone had ringed for the third time with different person in each caller, but none of them was her. Who was I joking, why would I even have her number and why would she even gives me her number. Maybe the man who said that women are poisonous was true after all. The thought of her never left my peaceful mind ever since she walked out of the room, facing whatever might appear in front of her, whatever that I could not protect her from. I sighed as I laid my back against the edge of my bed, the comfy and the warmth of it were unforgettable, and they were something that I would always remember when I miss the feeling of rest and peace. The darkness of my room matched perfectly with the darkness of the night sky outside my window and suddenly I felt secured and protected. The darkness did not belong to Batman only, it also belonged to me and every mankind who needed it and craved for it in whatever case for whatever reason.

            After the third time, it did not ring again and somehow it left me this guilt inside my heart. They were counting on me. As I gazed at the moon outside my window, I knew I had to lift my foot and step out into the empty street. If the darkness was my comfort zone then the light was their hope. The midnight coldness my body deeply through my skin and touched every inch of my bone, eyes were closed as I felt its journey and her face unbelievably appeared. Her face, her round eyes, her scent and her sense. I knew exactly she was not sitting on the floor next to me with her back against the edge of my bed. She was out there, living her life, probably with her popularity and glamorous friends, wasting their money for reasons never understand.

            I opened my eyes and I realized she was a dream and they were reality.

            The next thing I knew, I was already outside, walking with the companion of the darkness under the moonlight with my hands on my pocket. The jacket I wore did not make the coldness disappear, but the energy I burned by keep thinking ever since I stepped my foot outside keeps me warm and sweat in worry. The heat of this rush I had reminded me of that tragedy, when my life and myself had changed. That was the true reason why I was here, walking, on my way to the place that Bobby had discovered from the music room in our school. The abandoned music room was not just an abandoned room, it was abandoned for a reason, and we made that reason more useful for our own matter. There most of us spend our time thinking, laughing, slacking and some of us even slept there for a night or two. The place that she almost discovered that day even though I knew she wasn’t there for our place.

            Now that place had to be useful to us for once more as our old friends were back at the city. Each of us knew we had to prepare something for them and I did not even think about it as I walk. Tonight I would not be entering the place with an idea, I was too distracted to think properly like I used too. She played in my mind too much, so I gazed at the sky above me and felt the joy of silence.

            Seoul at night was my favorite thing. The emptiness of the road made me realize I was not the only one who’s lonely. I walked through the streets in every district, taking time for myself before I face reality. But whatever God planned never fail to surprise me.

            Dream was standing there in front of me in the sidewalk, swaying from left to right with the presence of the dry tears on her cheek and the company of her lifeless eyes.

Hayi

It was 7.15 PM and my front lawn was still empty. I had finally come to the admission that it truly felt empty without the presence of his car right there, without the sound of Jenny’s car engine and her loud music, without anybody knocking on my door. My life was quite ever since I jumped into the teenage life—how weird it was not fully like what I expected it to be.

            I had almost everything, I’ve tried a lot of things, and I’ve tasted the bad and the good side of high school life that I have always dreamed of. The result was never what I wanted if I had to be deeply honest. I had just realized the measurement of the joy and sorrow inside of me and I very well knew who to blame—no one. I felt this way and I had no one to be blamed aside of my own self.

            Love and hatred filled my mind and my weak emotion. My soul was not ready for any of this, for this emptiness, for this wait I was doing, for Mino, for Jenny, for everything. Finally I had to come to one more admission about how correct that guy was. He was right about everything.

            I had no friends. I had no that one true friend I’ve been missing.

            Though if I had, I would never feel this empty, as if I had no one to hold on. The more I thought about it, the more it all made sense. O how badly I wanted this assumption to be wrong. I wanted Jenny, Jisoo, Lalisa and Mino to prove him that he was wrong and I knew it was possible because I trusted them. They were the reason behind the happiness I had during my adolescence. Especially Mino, I wanted the boy I love to prove that my thought was wrong. But how could he do it when he had not appeared outside my door with the same love he always gave to me.

            He said if I don’t open the door when he comes, that would mean I won’t accept him. But look at the fact that I was sitting in the last stair of the ladder across the front door, wearing my best dress in my best look and waiting for him to show up but he never came. I waited from five, ten to fifteen minutes just to see the same emptiness as fifteen minutes ago. I waited here to say that I finally accepted his apology and I wanted us to be the same again, be he was not there. He did not even answer my call or give me a reason for the absence in his own promise.

            Random collisions of the heart were the true demon of human kind. A person kills himself because he argued with his heart not with his mind, and I felt betrayed by the law of nature that women were born with excess of their emotion, allowing them to easily destruct themselves under every irrational reasons without thinking about what’s logical about it. How sad it was to be able to acknowledge that I was one of the women in this world who became the victim of my own heart.

            The last thing I could do to hold this despair was not to cry. I must not cry because it was for the weak and I was not weak, at least from the outside. Mino must have his own reason by not coming but at the same time I would want to know if he was actually there in the party. I could not hold myself as this heart was truly stronger than my own body. So I stood up and left to Taehyun’s place.

            I took the cab and was forced to go through the crowd of Seoul. Having to see this many people made me think if any of them had actually felt the same as me, if those women out there ever felt as betrayed as I was, but I knew it was just my heart speaking out of the little pain I had because of his disappearance. Through the rest of the journey I kept telling myself endlessly that Mino had his own reason for this but it was just the way to keep myself away from feeling another pain. This night could not be tragic because I knew how this would end. He would not disappoint me again after his last mistake.

            Taehyun’s house was huge, bright and crowded. Huge because of the wealth his family had, bright because of the light of the party and crowded because of the guests who were willing to attend his invitation only because of the connection they would get after it ended. But I did not come here willingly because of Taehyun certainly, and he would absolutely know it by the time I step into his palace.

            The cab driver dropped me in Taehyun’s house fancy entrance. We got to round the fountain first before actually arrived at the entrance. People in suits and dresses were crowding his land everywhere. I gave my money to the cab driver and stepped outside. One of his servant helped me to get out of the cab as he asked my name.

“Good evening, Miss.”

I nodded without glancing at him.

“Your name, please?”

“Um—Lee Hayi” I said.

He went to check in the guest list and soon approved me to come in as my name actually appeared in the list. As he asked me to, I walked in. My eyes could not stop moving, looking everywhere around me for the presence of Mino, but all of the men’s suit were in the same color that it made me give up a little. I was shaking, afraid of not seeing him in the party, but I was sure he attended it. Taehyun was his best friend, so it would be impossible if he missed Taehyun’s house party.

            There were just too many people, I could not breath for any longer, or maybe it was the pain I finally got for once more after finding his very much absence too in the place he promised to take me if I accept his apology, which I intended to do. I went to the ball room but he was not anywhere to be found, the kitchen, the dining room, everywhere. I walked into an empty hall with glasses all over the wall which had a view directly to the pool in the backyard. But he was not there, only a man wearing a black coat in a weird kind of hairstyle. He was not tall or short but I knew his outfit set was branded and expensive. I walked across the hall to the other building as I passed the man. The other building across the hall was more crowded than the previous one. This building was Taehyun’s party.

“Well make sure he knows I am here already” the man said to his phone.

“I don’t care how!” he shouted. I stopped and stared at him as he kept his back facing me.

“Alright”

The man suddenly turned around and he stopped also as he found me staring at him with all the confusion that me because of his shout. What could make a man as expensive as him this angry over the phone? Did he lose his jewelry or something? I did not turn away when he stared back at me. After a brief moment, he fixed his coat and left me the glare from his ruthless eyes before walking away furiously.

            I did not break my gaze until his back disappeared from my sight. That man gave me a certain uneasy feeling about something, or maybe I’ve met him somewhere. Then my mind reminded me of Mino and that was what made me walked away. I continued my searching to Taehyun’s next ball room, the one which were filled with teenagers. Half of the ball room was the faces I recognize, but none of them was Mino’s.

            I was tired, exhausted and desperate. My heart was racing fast because of the rush I had by looking for him in all over Taehyun’s huge place. I felt like giving up, but seeing that man walking furiously gave me the vibe of being furious too towards how Mino treated me this night. As I was about to continue searching, a hand stopped me from my back, and how I wished it was Mino. But it was not him.

“Lee Hayi?”  

The pierced ears and the tall figure of the man I hated the most. 

Hello everyone! I apologize for the long waiting because i was recently busy with finals :( and the great news is now i got my time back and i cannot wait to tell you more about Hayi and Hanbin! So subscribe and please do comment, i really appreciate it :) Love you all! 

ps: sorry this will be pretty short because i need to write something to let you know i am still alive but i assure you the next will be interesting. (there will be more characters and drama appearing in the next chapters so keep it up!)