Hayi

                When a person was right about everything, would you believe in them? Would you rely on them? I had my biggest dilemma in my entire life and it was because of a guy I didn’t know. A guy whom I just met shortly and in a really unexpected time, and unexpected moment, I didn’t even remember his face, and I didn’t even know his name. It was crazy how he affected me this much and the more insane thing was he knew a lot about me while I didn’t even know he exist before what happened in the music room. I hated how he played with my mind, I hated how he was right, I hated how he made his words sounded perfect, too perfect that it made everything seemed right.

                I spent the night thinking about it. Him, the fake friends, and how his words were actually pointing at me. It made me the fake person he talked about, I was fake and somehow I half agreed with it. I looked at myself in the mirror. I gazed at every inch of my body. No, he was wrong. I was not fake, I was being me, the real me, the original me. This was how I am, I didn’t fake anything. Then my phone vibrated, I quickly unlocked the screen and opened the new text message.

From: Mino

I heard my girl is having an affair with a celebrity

                I stood still, staring at the word ‘affair’ somehow made me feel guilty. Not because of the fact Song Yunhyeong asked my name, but because I forgot about Mino. I have forgotten him ever since the music room incident, the tragedy with this celebrity, and Jennie. He didn’t once cross my mind but yet I was still happy when I saw his name showing up on my phone. I decided to call him instead of talking through text messages; this gotta need more than just texting.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey” he said.

                I sat on the edge of my bed as I played with my hair. What should I say? I went out of words, we never had a fight before, at least not like this, and I didn’t want to break up. I loved him.  

“Um-uh I-I was actually going to tell you about that” I stuttered

“So you agree with the ‘affair’ statement?” he said. God his deep voice was y.

“N-no. Listen, he just took my phone and then he gave it back to me. I didn’t even know what he was doing with it” I explained

“He didn’t exchange numbers with you?”

“No. I don’t know. Who told you about this? Jennie? Lalisa? Jisoo?”

“It doesn’t matter. Well, if you’re smart then you’ll check on your phone to see what he actually did to your phone”

“Are you saying I’m stupid?” I said. He went silent; I guessed this was really a fight, our first fight after two years. “Look, I’m not interested on what he did to my phone, whether he stole information or saving his number or anything! I didn’t care because I’m not even interested in him! Yes, he is a celebrity, so what? You’re my boyfriend. You should’ve trusted me instead of believing in whatever your source told you about me and accusing me for having an affair? God damn it Mino! You’re unbelievable!” I ended the phone call quickly afterwards.

                Without even realizing that I was heavily in tears, I jumped onto my bed. There, I cried on my pillow, I didn’t care if I made it wet, I was upset. Upset of the fact that I had a fight with my boyfriend for the first time. I was scared of break up, I was scared of losing him, and right now, all I believed was tomorrow would be different, Jennie, Mino, and even me. We wouldn’t be the same as today and yesterday. Why were things going so heavy today? What did I do to deserve this? I couldn’t imagine tomorrow. Jennie’s car probably wouldn’t be in the front of my house tomorrow, and Mino probably wouldn’t go to see me in my locker or in any corner of the school. I would lose my friends and lover, and the only thing that would be there to listen to me whine was probably him.

                I fell asleep while I cried. My eyes felt heavy as I woke up, I could feel the dry tears down on my cheeks and the pain in my back because of the improper sleep I was in. I checked my phone to see if there were any calls from Mino but once again I was disappointed. Nothing, it showed nothing. I threw my phone onto my bed as I stood up and got ready for school. I decided to go to school early today, I avoided the surprises that would happen this morning. I avoided getting disappointed of Jennie’s car that wouldn’t show up this morning, I avoided meeting Mino in the hallway, I avoided seeing everyone. I finished twenty minutes after and went straight to the bus stop.

                I set my phone on silent mode as I put my earphones on. I listened to Arctic Monkeys, the kind of song that girls like Jennie hated, but I loved it very much. I never played it whenever the girls were around, and I pretended to like those club songs while seriously I got headache every time Jennie put it on the music player in her car. But this morning was different, I went to school by bus and I listened to alternative which felt nice. I leaned against the window as I sat on the bus. I watched the empty street of Seoul and felt the emptiness inside this bus. There were only three people in the bus currently including me, an old woman wearing a huge coat across my seat and a school boy fell asleep inside his jacket in the back seats. But I didn’t mind, I needed emptiness to clear my mind, but it failed right after the bus passed on a huge billboard with Song Yunhyeong’s face on it. He was on a shampoo advertisement. As I saw his huge face, I also felt a huge pain inside my heart. It reminded me of the fight I had with Mino, he was the reason of all of this mess I had with my boyfriend, and by that time I realized I hated Song Yunhyeong. I hated him very much, I was not expecting to see him again, and even if I see him again, I’d go to him and tell him he was the reason I fail my relationship.

Hanbin

                My morning had never been this tiring before. Mr.Lee took my motorcycle to get it tuned up today and that meant I had to take the bus to go to school. I didn’t mind with taking bus though, but I couldn’t help with the fact that I had to woke up earlier and walk a few miles to go to the bus stop. My house was located in the suburb and it was pretty far from the nearest bus stop. It took ten minutes until I got there and thankfully the bus arrived not long after I got here. I had the chance to choose my own seat since I was the first passenger that morning, I took a seat in the back row. I leaned against the window as I put my jacket over my face. I felt sleepy and decided to continue my sleep during my journey on the bus. My eyes felt so heavy and my body was fatigue, I didn’t even want to go to school today because how tired I was. But I couldn’t skip school because I had physics test today.

                So I closed my eyes and tried to continue my sleep, which I failed soon after, even if my eyes were closed but I couldn’t lead my mind to sleep, I had too many things in my mind. I wasn’t worrying about the physics test, physics was easy to me, but I was thinking about something else, a lot of things were coming to my mind simultaneously, I almost felt like my mind was going out of capacity. I massaged my head a little as I put away my black jacket. I looked around, trying to get my mind away from thinking too much. That was one of my bad habits, I overthink way too often, even though there was nothing to worry about. I got neurotic easily.  As I looked around to take away the burden in my head, I caught a figure of someone I knew, inside the bus. It was Hayi.

                Yes, Lee Hayi the Princess. She was taking a bus, two hours before the school even started. It was a shocking view not just to me, but for the whole Korea peninsula. The Princess was actually taking public transportation after three years being in the same school as her, I’ve always seen her going to school with her little army and if it was not with them, then she would be going to school by her own luxurious car, with her driver, and she would always come late. But what I got this morning in the bus was absolutely worth it. It was not every day you got to get a moment like this, a moment that I should enjoy. Lee Hayi was taking a bus, a bus that I was taking also. And there were probably just three people sitting in this bus, including me and her. She seated herself on the nearest seat to the exit door. Her long brown hair was falling down to her shoulders as she leaned her head against the window. I couldn’t see her face when she was sitting there, but I could see her reflection on the window. She didn’t look like the Hayi I always saw in the school hallway, or the Hayi that I caught playing piano in the music room, she somehow looked sad about something. Maybe it was the song she listened to, maybe it was her parents, or maybe it was because if the words I said to her yesterday, on our first meeting. Did I hurt her that much? Did my words make her cry last night? Did I change her whole life? Because the Hayi I was looking at in the bus was not the Hayi I knew.

                The Hayi I knew was the Hayi that always kept up her confidence, spreading her sweet smile wherever she was going, and laugh like nobody was watching, and her secrets that kept me guessing what kind of girl she really was. After catching her in the music room, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, her secrets, her real intentions, everything. It got me more curious about her and I got the feeling like I needed to explore all of her, her secrets, her mysteries, and her real world. Yesterday she was being sweet and confidence and now, she was in blue. I wondered what made her so gloomy like this, and somehow I had the feeling like I needed to destroy anything that got her down. I could’ve approached her, patting her back and say that everything’s going to be alright, but who was I to her really? I was probably one of the reasons behind her frown, I made her cry yesterday. If I showed up right now, it would make everything worse, and in the end I couldn’t do anything to save her day. I bet she didn’t even realize I was here; the man who made her cry was in the same bus as her and was creepily staring at her ever since she got into this bus.

                Hayi suddenly got up as the bus stopped, we arrived at our school’s district, I didn’t even realize it as I was drowned into the thought of her way too deep. Well, since we went to the same school so this was my last stop too, I got up right after she went out. The door was almost closed but I held it and went out on time. I kept my eyes locked on her as we both were walking to the same direction. She hadn’t realized I was with her. I kept myself in distance because I didn’t want to scare her as she would cut me off and ran away. I wanted to know what she was planning by going to school this early. I followed her, like the psycho man in Sherlock Holmes typical cases. We walked to the empty school front yard, nobody was here except us, not even the janitor, that explained how early we got to school today. Her track was familiar to the track I had every day when I got to school at this time. After the main hallway, she went to the stairs, I thought she wanted to go to the restroom but I had a feeling that I was wrong. I kept following her silently, she didn’t sense I was there because she was wearing her earphones, but I still walked carefully just in case I get caught. And the result showed that I was wrong, she didn’t go to the restroom at all, or any other rooms. First floor, second floor, third floor, and lastly, fourth floor. I was surprised to see that she went to the fourth floor, again.

 This time I got really confuse of her intentions. First, she went to school by public transportation. Second, she went to school early, like too early. Third, she visited the fourth floor, and I should remind myself that nobody had ever gone to that floor except me and my boys. And the next thing she did, didn’t surprise me at all. She went into the music room, I thought so. I hid myself behind the walls as I silently watched her going inside. As she closed the door, I walked towards the music room. The door had a small window attached to it so I could see what happened inside. I peeked at her, walking around the room, gazing through the whole room alone. And that was when I braved myself to walk inside.

“How surprising it is to see you here” I said.

Hayi

                The music room, what had stricken into my mind that I decided to go to this cursed place? That was the consequence of going to school early, I had nowhere to go. Why did I go to school early? Because I was avoiding some people, and that was just how people were giving many impacts to the decisions I was going to make. I put myself in torture because of some people that I was afraid to lose, but really, were they afraid to lose me? Honestly, I doubted it. But there I was, on my way to the fourth floor, i completely forgot about the memory I had in this floor, I threw it all away. I was not scared of the person I met in the music room, I would face him if I meet him there, and I doubted he was there. I mean, who would go to school this early?

You?

That’s exceptional

                I put away my earphones as I walked into the music room. It was dark like the last time I went to this place, stuffed with music instruments and chairs. Everything was still the same as yesterday. The grand piano was still there, I also caught a few whiteboards on the wall with the word ‘sinosijak’ written on it in an awful handwriting, and I knew someone had gotten here not long after I left. But then again, I thought it would probably that guy who wrote that word. Speaking of that guy, he was the only thing I didn’t find in this room. I searched through the whole room, looking for him, just, maybe he was hiding somewhere and he would catch me again, this time I needed to be the one who catch him. Like I said, I would face him no matter what; I was not scared of him at all. In the meantime, I heard the door cracked, someone was coming inside.

“How surprising it is to see you here”

                I turned around carefully. That guy, it was that guy. I was certain it’s him even though I have never seen his face as clear as now, but it was him. I recognized his voice and the way he put the entire sarcasm element into his intonation. I got caught, again. I froze as I kept staring at him, standing in the door as he closed it tightly, leaving the two of us inside the room alone. Though, I have said to myself that I would be brave but the fact was I could not. His figure already made me sweat and the thought of him mocking me and my life again was making me even more scared.

“Why are you here?” he said. “This early in the morning” he added.

                I was going to make excuses again but the nerves had got my mind paralyzed. Any excuses wouldn’t work and I knew he was going to accuse me for more irrational things that surprisingly true about me.

“What? You miss me?” he said as he walked around the room and seated himself on the floor. He leaned his back against the wall behind him as he looked at me, waiting for an answer. “You’re out of words. You really miss me, don’t you?” he said.

                He put that irritating smile again, the smile that silently mocked me, playing with me like I was his hostage. He accused me of missing him, I knew he was only playing around to make me feel more annoyed, but somehow I felt like, it was true. Every damn thing that came from his mouth was always true. I had no idea how he made everything seemed right. I hated him for that.

“I don’t even know you. Our first meeting was a tragedy, how can you possibly accusing me for missing you?” I said.

“Then, why are you here? Again, I suppose. You came to school early, so much earlier than before actually. And you came to this place. What is your intention, seriously?” he said. “A Princess never do the things like you did, Lee Hayi”

“So you’re saying that a girl like me can’t go to the school’s music room? A girl like me can’t go to school early? Is that what you mean?” I said in tense.

“Geez. Calm down, princess. I was just asking your intention on going to places like this, it’s a very rare view for me to see, and I believe you admit it too that you’re acting really strange this morning” he said.

                Yes, I was acting strange this morning. I went to school early, I took bus to go to school and I went straight to the fourth floor as i got here. It was strange, I admitted it. But did he have to know the true reasons behind it? I didn’t think so. He would mock me for that. He would say it to my face that he was right about everything he said yesterday.

“I come here for an escape” I said straightforwardly. I looked down, avoiding his eye gaze. Because I knew this was the answer he wasn’t expecting, I didn’t want to see his eyes expression change. And I didn’t want him to see my face like this.

“Wow” he said under his breath. “What has been chasing after you, then?” he muttered.

                We went in silence for a moment, none of us started to talk after my admission. I slowly lifted my head to see what he has been doing. He looked around the room with the expression I expected. Shock, didn’t know what to do. He avoided seeing me too as if he had something to confess also.

“Me too” he said. “I also come to this place for an escape” he added.

                I refused to say a word, I had no idea what to do, I have never been in a situation like this. He got me a feeling like we were standing on the same track. I stood still in the middle of the room, staring at him who sat on the floor as he looked down.

“The world out there is going crazy, right?” he said as he looked at me.

                I stared at him in pity even though I knew I shouldn’t. He had a serious problem, more serious than mine. I sensed his mind was troubled by the craziness that he had outside this room. We were absolutely on the same track, we were avoiding things, we refused to go out for a moment and sit still in this room looking at nothing. I took steps towards him and sat on the floor next to him. He needed someone to keep him warm even for a second. I looked at the floor as I saw our reflections on the tiles, until he began to speak again.

“I get envious of the peacefulness of this room the more I spend my time here. This is the only place where I scream, letting go the entire burden on my shoulder. I kept this place unreachable because I am already attached to it, and I don’t want anyone to be here.” He said. “Until you came” he added as he looked at me.

“I’m sorry for what I did on our first meeting. I didn’t leave you the best first impression, did I?” he chuckled. “But that was one of my efforts to keep this place away from people. I thought I scared you enough for not coming back. I got surprised that you came here again”

                I vaguely sense the burden he described. Similar to the burden I had, he didn’t even tell half of his story but he successfully giving me an uneasy feeling for him. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to listen to his story, his joy and his sorrow, I wanted to be anything that he needed. He opened my eyes and showed me about this wide world. How there existed people like him and people like me. And how I should’ve never judged him by how he acted to me, he had his own story, and I had my own story.

“How come I’ve never seen you in school?” I asked. He turned his head to me as he stared deeply into my eyes. I realized the tiredness in his eyes, those black eyes of his stabbed me down to my awareness of his secrets, the secrets that he never expose.

“Because your world and my world are different” he said.

                He mentioned it again. My world, a girl like me, those two phrases had the same meaning. He was pointing at the popular life I’ve been into. I hated when he brought that up, not after his confession, not after what he just said to me in this room.

“Well then, what kind of world are you in?” I said.

“The kind of world that a beautiful girl like you will never go into” he said.

Happy New Year everybody! A day closer to iKON's debut! Hope you have a wonderful year in 2015:)