The mall was crowded, we were probably the only students who went to the mall at that time. I saw no one was using school uniform other than us. But we didn’t matter with it, we went to anywhere Jennie led us, from Topshop, Forever 21, ZARA, the department store, and many more. We didn’t go out of the stores without buying a single item, especially Jennie. She was a big spender, but it was not a problem because every time she spends, her parents would give her more. Her money was unlimited. Every time we went to a party or a formal occasion and we went out of outfits, Jennie always lent us her clothes, and her clothes were amazing. I got jealous every time I had a sleepover in her place, I got jealous on everything she had, and I wanted it too. But Jennie would always be Jennie, and I would always be me. She was too far for me to catch, and we all knew she realized it.

                I never gave any kind of expressions for my admiration to Jennie, I would be embarrassed if I did, it would make me look like her slave and her wannabe. I didn’t become friends with her because I was in some kind of obsession of becoming Jennie, I became friends with her because we fit with each other in so many ways. But although, that sounded like a total lie, I thought about what she did today when I got out of the restroom. She didn’t comfort me like Lalisa and Jisoo did. And while in the car, when I talked about Donghyuk, she didn’t seem enthusiast about it, she cut our conversation off like she didn’t want to hear more about it.

                I didn’t know did she just do it today, or maybe that attitude had become a habit for her from a long time ago. It was just me, it was too late for me to finally realize it, who knew maybe she always did that to us but we never realize it, because we believed in everything she said. This somehow reminded me of what that jerk said in the music room.

“It means your friends are fake. They only be friends with you because you’re popular and rich, not because of who you are”

                Was I that fake friend to Jennie, or was it otherwise? Because I felt she was more the fake one other than me, I was always there for her whenever she needed me, but then I realized, she was almost never there. This could lead to the fact of what that guy talked about was right. No, it couldn’t be. He was wrong, Jennie was my true friend. I would not let that jerk played with my mind by what he said to me.

                After we felt enough with our exploration through the mall, Jennie took us to a cafe. Jisoo took the table close to a tiny stage and I followed her, while Lalisa and Jennie took the orde. As soon as she put all of her shopping bags, Jisoo took out the cigarettes she has been hiding in her bag. It has been her habit since her parents divorced a year ago. We already tried to prevent her from smoking but we failed, she couldn’t stop and it has become her daily habit. She would steal time to smoke even in school. At first we hated it, but as time passed by it has become normal to us. There was no need to waste energy, she would smoke even after we scolded her a thousand times. She said it was her escape, she never speak more about how she truly felt right now.

“So tell me about Kim Donghyuk. How do you know him? What is your relation to him? Anything?” Jisoo asked.

“Well, he was my neighbor when we were in elementary school. Then I moved to Seoul and we parted for years. Apparently, I think he had moved to Seoul too and somehow we went to the same high school. So that makes him my old friend, I think?” I explained. Then a waitress came to our table, I knew exactly she has noticed that Jisoo was smoking indoor.

“Sorry, Miss. You are not allowed to smoke inside the café” the waitress said as she looked at us in a strange way. I was afraid she would think us as a bunch of bad girls just because Jisoo was smoking while she wore her school uniform, but really, I didn’t think I could handle it if the waitress thought I was used to smoking to, which I was not. I never touched cigarettes.

                Jisoo threw her cigarette away without even saying a word to the waitress. She was getting used to it. By it I mean disobeying authority, especially about smoking. I shook my head in disappointment, I wanted to help Jisoo solve her problem but in the other side, her problem was out of my ability. I couldn’t help her more than keep her in support.

“Jisoo, seriously. You need to control your bad habit” I said.

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, mom”

“I’m serious! I think the waitress thought I’m a smoker too, I don’t want her to look at me like that” I said.

“I promise you it won’t happen again. Relax Hayi” she said as she grabbed my hand and then leaned back against her chair as she put both of her feet on the table. “So anyway, was he your boyfriend back then?” She giggled.

“Are you crazy? We were only kids!” I yelled.

                Jisoo laughed at my reaction, I knew she was just kidding so I laughed with her too. But imagining I and Donghyuk were actually girlfriend and boyfriend when we were only seven was somehow entertaining too. I imagined how cute it would be, but I gotta say I liked him once but that was only a child play. Jennie and Lalisa came afterwards with our coffees.

“Heey, what are you guys laughing at?” Jennie asked.

“I was asking her about Kim Donghyuk and I a little bit. Nothing special though“ Jisoo said.

                Lalisa put the coffees based on our orders. I ordered vanilla latte as always, I never liked anything else other than vanilla latte and guava juice when it came to beverages. So it was easy for them to remember my favorites because I never liked something strange or hard to find. I sipped my vanilla latte and checked on my phone. I abandoned Donghyuk’s text message earlier because I was afraid of getting caught and I thought I need to reply him as soon as possible before he misunderstood my attitude towards him.

To: Donghyuk

Promise me you will not tell anyone about this. [I’m serious] Nice to see you too after years old friend! And please speak informally to meL

                I was typing as I heard my friends’ inaudible voices when suddenly a song was played. It was played lively by the café musician on the stage in front of our table, although I didn’t turn my head to see who the singer was but I admitted it, I liked the song and also the voice of the singer. It was smooth and gentle, somehow it calmed my mind. And then I started to catch some of the lyrics

Haruedo myeot beonssik neol bomyeo useo nan
Su baek beon malhaetjanha you're the love of my life
Geojitdoen sesang sok buranhan nae mamsok
Ojik na mitneun geon neo hana ppunirago
Gakkeum nae mam byeonhalkka bwa buranhaehal ttaemyeon
Useumyeo malhaetjanha geureol il eopdago
Kkeuteomneun banghwang sok teong bin nae gaseumsok
Naega gidael goseun neo hanappun ijiman
Gakkeumssik heundeullineun nae jasini miwo
Oneuldo nan isesange hwipsseullyeo salmyeosi neol jiwo

                Did someone actually write this song? This was too good to be played by a café musician. I wondered if the song was available in the iTunes, which of course it wasn’t. I’ve never heard this song and this voice but I really liked it. It gave me this feeling, as soon as the smooth voice went through both of my ears, I had goose bumps. I stopped typing as I slowly lifted my head and saw the person who sang this beautiful song. It was a man. He was in my age I guess. He was singing the song with his eyes closed, so deeply that it almost looked like he didn’t even care if there were audience or not, he just sang it because he enjoyed it. I knew the girls were complimenting him but I couldn’t even hear them saying anything because I was enjoying the performance too much. It has been a while since I watched a live music, and I have always liked acoustic mellow songs like this one. But this was better because of the voice, the voice that I would like to hear every night before I sleep. Then, that was it. He opened his eyes and went straight through mine. How did he even know I was here watching him? Then I started to notice that he got his ears pierced, he really looked like a musician to me, his appearance and his voice didn’t lie. He was hell good.

Hoksi naega dareun eotteon yeojawa
Jamsi nuneul matchwodo neon naman barabwa

“Thank you” he said as the guitar sound stopped.

                I heard claps from every corner of the café, so I clapped too, but I didn’t do it well because he was still looking at me from the stage. It didn’t last long because I finally turned my head away. I pressed the send option on my phone and the text message was sent to Donghyuk.

“He is good” Jisoo said.

“I know right? He looks familiar to me somehow” Lalisa said.

“Yeah, I thought I’ve seen him on YouTube… I-I don’t know, but he looks familiar to me too” Jisoo said.

“He is Song Yunhyeong” Jennie said.

“Who?” Both Jisoo and Lalisa said.

“Song Yunhyeong. He is a singer, a newcomer actually. He just debuted six months ago” Jennie said. “Don’t you ever watch TV or something? Seriously, you girls are so helpless” She added.

                 I pretended I didn’t pay attention to the conversation while I really did actually. I was just not in the mood to be that enthusiastic about things at the moment. Jennie acted like she knew everything and then blamed us for being less knowledgeable than her. I wasn’t sure she was really like that or it was just me who easily got jealous on everything she did. But the thing was, I used to be the one who knew a lot of things about music. Good songs, newest artist, and concert information. But then Jennie took it, I didn’t know how she did it. But seriously I have never heard anything about Song Yunhyeong, how come I’ve missed a good musician like him?

“He’s famous? Then why does he sing in a small café?” Jisoo asked. Then I felt Jennie’s hand grabbing my arms tightly, I looked at her and she was in shock.

“Stay calm! Don’t look! Keep your head down, okay?! Song Yunhyeong is on his way to our table” she screamed under her whisper as she tucked her hair on her side. I did as she told me because actually I was personally avoiding him ever since he finished performing. I didn’t know why but I just did, so I took my phone and pretended I was texting while really I was just typing ksbsfiavfigqef. And I thought he was seriously standing in front of us. Jennie didn’t joke around, Song Yunhyeong stood in front of us. Even though I wasn’t looking at him but I could feel his presence by seeing his shadow on my lap.

“What’s your name?” He said. The four of us went in shock. Who was he referring to? I had the feeling that he was pointing at me but that’s ridiculous. Of course the person he meant was Jennie, like every guy the four of us just met would absolutely go for Jennie first, the rest of us were their second options. And as I thought so, Jennie was the one who answer it. She was being confident that Song Yunhyeong was referring to her which I positively believe it was true.

“Jennie.” She said, “Jennie Kim” she added as she lifted her head and facing him.

“I was talking to her” he said. Now I got really surprised, if it wasn’t Jennie, then who was it? I slowly looked at Jennie, Jisoo and Lalisa, but as I glanced at them, they were already looking at me with the big O on their mouth, especially Jennie. Was that supposed to be a good sign? Or maybe…

                I braved myself and lifted my head to see the boy that stood in front of me, Song Yunhyeong was obviously looking at me. The ‘name’ he meant was my name and the ‘her’ he referred to was me. I didn’t even blink, I was too surprised of this tragedy, and I didn’t even know what to say. I saw Lalisa and Jisoo mouthed to me ‘your name! he is asking your name! Go answer it!’

“Are you deaf?” he said. I was clueless to what just happened, I suddenly felt bad for Jennie, I didn’t want to be in this situation, God why can’t it be Jennie? “What’s your name?” he asked one more time. I spontaneously stood up as I played with my hair.

“L-Lee Hayi” I said as I avoided his eyes.

“Give me your phone” he ordered. He gave me his hand, waiting for me to hand him my phone. Right now I really had no clue on what he was planning. “Hurry, give me your phone. I don’t have much time” he insisted. I hesitated at first but I gave it anyway since I saw the person whom I assumed his manager was waiting for him at the exit door.

                He quickly grabbed it and typed something on it. I couldn’t see it because he was way taller than me. Then he took out his phone, now he had my phone and his phone on both of his hands. Within a second he gave my phone back to me and put back his phone inside his pocket. After that he left us without a word. I was very surprised to see what he just did. What kind of person that took my phone, gave it back, and then left without even saying anything? I stood still, watching him walked out of the café as he put his sunglasses on.

“Daebak, Hayi! I think he exchanged numbers with you. That’s so great, no celebrity will ever do that to a person he just saw” Jisoo said as she grabbed my shoulder.

                Maybe it was great but I didn’t feel like it was great, there was something inside my heart that kept me away from feeling happy. First, that tragedy was very surprising me. Second, I didn’t know what to do with Jennie. I turned to her and she was already gone, she left her coffee on the table. I knew it must’ve been making her feel uneasy towards herself, she felt embarrassed, because of me. I thought I should apologize to her, but what should I apologize for? I didn’t do anything wrong, it was not my fault. But I felt like I need to apologize just because she was Jennie. She would avoid me tomorrow if I didn’t apologize and we wouldn’t be friends anymore, and I would lose my popularity.

                But why? Did Jennie really mean everything to me? Why couldn’t I be popular without even have to be friends with her? So yeah, that guy was right. There existed a thing like this, when a person gets close to someone for the sake of being popular. And that person was me. I was that friend he talked about. And once again, he made me feel guilty for everything, for Jennie, for being popular, for being rich, for being me.