{Love Still Goes On}

Jonghyun's POV

Jihye's POV

 Yeah, I’m waiting for you
 Cause you’re my better half
 Our love should go on
 I still love you
 Hey, ma! Ain’t no doubt
 I’ll tell you something

After four years, here we meet again.

She was still far from me but I know it was her standing there across the street and looking this way, although it has been so long since we last saw each other.

Abandoning my ddukbokki on the park bench, I stood up and walked towards her. As I came nearer, her face also became clearer.

I was sure she also knows it was me although I was wearing a cap low over my eyes and sunglasses to avoid being recognized by other people. But there's no one out here at the moment. Just the two of us.

Right at the middle of this empty park today, we came face to face with each other.

After four years, I can see her again in front of me.

 As if I was shocked by love
 This trembling feeling makes everything vague
 I set my focus on you
 Your unreachable heart makes my heart tear

-FOUR YEARS AGO-

"You called me?" I asked, approaching her.

"Yes," she replied quietly. "I want to talk to you."

"Why? Is there any problem?"

We were at the bus stop near their house. I wonder why she didn't ask us to meet in our favorite park. This was a weird place to talk to especially at night. Perhaps whatever she would like to say was really important or else she would have said it over the phone.

"Let's end it here," she said.

"What are we ending?" I asked uncertainly. "What are you saying?"

"I am breaking up with you now, Jonghyun," she went on.

"What!? Why?" I gripped her arms. "Is there any problem? Why are you suddenly breaking up with me?"

She calmly removed my hands. "I know you're set to debut soon as SHINee. I don't want to be a distraction. I don't want your years of training put to waste because you're going out with me," she reasoned.

"That's the problem?" I asked in disbelief. "How can that be a problem? Nothing's going to change even if I debut!'

"No, Jonghyun. Many things could change. So as early as now, I'm ending our relationship."

She then turned her back on me and walked back home.

"Jihye! Jihye, wait!" I called after her but she didn't even look back.

I hung my head and walked away, not understanding why she was doing this to me. I couldn't see what was wrong with debuting as SHINee. If only I could give it all up for her ... But that would make her blame herself even more. And we're about to debut in two days' time. I stopped for a few seconds to look back but she was determinedly walking away from me. I watched as she turned the corner and disappeared from view.

Jihye ...

 Key’s gonna open
 If I just have you, it’s heaven
 I’ve said it many times, I’m different
 From those easy guy that you know
 Look straight at my sunaebo that’s only for you

-FOUR YEARS LATER-

"I am SHINee's Bling Bling, Jonghyun," I said, bowing and then smiling around at the fans that have gathered. I looked at each of the fans crowded around the stage but it was impossible to see their faces clearly. Only the stage was properly lit up.

Enough of this. I can't possibly be thinking that Jihye would be here.

When the show ended, the members and I went back to our dorm to rest. It had been a day full of schedule as it had been our Korean comeback after a long promotion in Japan. All of us were happy although we were tired. Korean Shawols still show us warm support even if we were gone for quite a long time.

"Ah~ It's very tiring," Key complained, sitting at the couch cozily.

"I think it's going to be our goodbye stage next week," Onew hyung announced from the kitchen. "Here, drink some water." He put out a pitcher of water and five glasses.

"Goodbye stage already?" Taemin gasped, reaching for a glass. "But it's fun doing promotions here again."

"Look at all those people who waited for us!" I said. "I thought they have already forgotten about us."

"Oh~ I'm going to sleep now," Minho said, getting up from the sofa and entering the room.

"We should all sleep now. We have schedule tomorrow," Onew hyung said and everyone followed.

"I'm just going to tweet once," I said, taking out my laptop.

I signed in and tweeted once. Just something to make my thousands of followers happy. Hehe ... Then I went off reading some mentions but most of them were in English. After that I logged out and looked at the pictures saved in my laptop. My pictures with the members, selcas ... until one more click and Jihye's face showed up on the screen.

"Still awake, Jjong?" Onew hyung called out quietly, emerging from his blankets.

I snapped the laptop shut hastily that I almost broke it. "Uh -- yeah ..."

"You'd better sleep now. It's almost two in the morning," he said sleepily. Then he covered himself with the blankets again.

"Okay," I said, checking to see if his face was well beneath his blankets. Then I carefully opened the laptop again and stared at Jihye's face a little bit longer.

After all this time, I still miss her. How long was it since we last went out? Right ... four years ago. I wonder if she misses me too? If only I could see her again ... But we were always busy.

Minho coughed and turned in his sleep. I looked around sharply, afraid that they might see me staring at Jihye's picture. Playing safe, I turned off the laptop and slept.

 I stupidly touch your Facebook, you’re smiling
 (Let this love begin, this tangled up emotion
 Formed and is stuck deep in my heart)
 I’m just dragging to the next page, I’m crying
 (Let you come near, if I take you out, I’m a missing child
 Even if I stand a the edge of a cliff, it’s still only you)

One night after another schedule and all the members were already sleeping, I was once again in front of my laptop. Since we don't have schedule for tomorrow, I could stay up a little longer tonight. After posting up another selca on my Twitter and reading some mentions, a sudden thought struck me -- What if I make a Facebook account?

That's right. Silly Kim Jonghyun on Facebook. But to make it interesting, maybe I should pretend as a poser of myself?

So opening Facebook.com, I signed up as Kim Jonghyun but making it appear as if I was not the real Kim Jonghyun. Let me see who can actually prove it was me. That person would have to be a real die-hard fan, being able to know me even if I hide my identity in here.

I posted few things, like "Jonghyunnie oppa is very handsome!" and "I wish I could meet him once!" to make it appear like i'm just a fan, posing as myself. But then what's the use if I don't even have any friends in it? I saw the search bar at the top of the page. Right. I should search for friends.

But .. who?

I stared at the screen for half an hour, thinking. Not many of my friends in SM or outside have Facebook. I know very few people who has an account. But most of them are on Me2Day and Twitter.

Unconscious of what I was doing, I was already hitting some keys on my keyboard. I pressed enter and the page loaded.

 Park Jihye  Add as Friend

Did I just type her name?

She was one of the few person I know who has Facebook account. But this would be my first time to open it after all this time.

I clicked on the name, ignoring the "Add as Friend" for a while and viewed her timeline.

Her cover photo was her picture with some friends. Although she was at the corner of the picture, her face stood out to me the most. So this is how she is now, after four years of not seeing each other. She became prettier after all this time and she was smiling happily, arm in arm with her friends.

Clicking on the Photos, I opened her uploaded pictures and looked at it one by one.

Mostly these were pictures with her friends, beaming widely at the camera. It was like a documentation of what kind of life she has after breaking up with me, where she went and what she did. There were no longer the pictures of us together, no trace of me at all. As if I never existed in her life

I kept on clicking at the next button, examining her every pictures, oblivious to the tears now flowing down my face.

 Love just has to go on
 As I go closer, you get even further away
 As I go closer, leaning on the sunlight
 You become more hidden

After looking at all her pictures, I reopened her Timeline and read her posts.

 Here at Namsan tower. Hm~ the breeze at the top is really wonderful!

 Gotta study well for tomorrow's exam. Good night!

 Wow~ Scored nicely. It was not the highest but it's high so I'm really glad! :)

 Girls' night out! Let's have some fun!

Looking at these posts, I suddenly have the longing to see her again, see for myself how well she's doing now. Honestly, I still have feelings for her. Even if I had other relationships after her, I always come back to her over and over again. If only I could see her again, maybe we can bring back what we had before.

A gentle hand landed on my shoulder and I shut the laptop close quickly.

"Y-yes, hyung?" I said innocently, as I looked up and saw Onew hyung standing behind me. I didn't notice him get out of bed.

"You okay?" he asked. "Why are you crying?"

I felt around my eyes. "Oh yeah? I-I don't know -- the screen was too bright --" I lied, wiping the wetness away.

He smiled and sat down beside me. "It's Jihye, right?"

"Wh-what? No --"

"It's okay. I don't think there's any wrong with it. We're all normal person and it's normal to feel that way. Even if you don't admit it, I know," he said, opening the laptop.

"How?" I asked, defeated. "You've never dated anyone."

"Doesn't mean I have never felt like that in my entire life yet." He turned the laptop towards his direction and began scrolling up and down Jihye's Facebook.

I blinked. True, he must not have dated anyone yet and he doesn't have a girlfriend but of course, he would have felt something like this. For all I know, he likes someone from f(x) hoobaes, SNSD sunbaes, or from other groups outside SM, or maybe a non-idol girl.

Then he can understand.

"I still love her until now. She broke up with me before we debuted four years ago but I still want to see her again, talk to her ... I don't know."

"Love Still Goes On?" he smiled, and I got it. That's our song, right?

"Well, yeah. Something like that."

"Then 'Love's Way,'" he suggested, concentrating on the screen and clicking away.

I thought about it hard, recalling the lyrics and the message of the song. "Right, hyung," I said finally. "Thanks!"

Then, without returning to my own Timeline, I logged out.

 Boy's back
 It doesn’t matter

-FOUR YEARS AGO-

"No, Jonghyun. Many things could change. So as early as now, I'm ending our relationship." I said firmly then turned my back on her, walking on my way home.

I've thought of this for weeks, as soon as I've found out that they're set to debut soon. I can't let myself to be a distraction for him. He worked hard for it, for his dream of becoming a singer. I don't want him to have haters even before he starts his career. I want him to have as many supporters as he can. If people find out that he was going out with some non-idol ugly girl like me, fangirls might not like it and abandon him without even looking at his talents. I can't destroy him just by that.

"Jihye! Jihye, wait!" he called out into the night.

I've done the right decision. I won't look back.

I admit it was a very lame reason for breaking up with him. But I have to do this if I wish for his success. He'd be sad about it for now but I know he'd be happy once he could reach the top, his dearest wish in life, doing what he had always wanted.

But I'm not saying that I don't love him anymore. He'll always be in my heart and I'll always be behind him, quietly supporting him and giving him all my love.

Unable to help myself, I stopped walking and looked back at him, but he was already walking home too, his head hung.

Perhaps he didn't care that much? After all, they're going to debut the day after tomorrow.

Jonghyun ....

 I’m getting tired of waiting, even if I go crazy, I bear it
 With the faith that I’ll have you, I endure it again
 Should I end it about now? Ha, no way
 I’m like a stone that stays by your side forever

-FOUR YEARS LATER-

I threw my bag on the sofa and plopped down beside it, tired. I just came home from watching one of SHINee's performance.

I made sure that I sit at the very back, well hidden behind the lightsticks and balloons so he won't see me.

After all their shows I've been since they made their comeback, I can see that he was doing really well. What I did four years ago was just right. Although I still feel a bit sad about it sometimes, I was also glad that about what he has reached now in his success as SHINee's Bling Bling.

True to my words, here I was, supporting him all the way. Actually, I run one fanpage about him on Facebook and that's where I post news about what happened at the latest performance, et cetera, and not on my personal account.

Although it was already past midnight, I logged in to write a fanaccount, post the fancam and pictures. This is for other Blingers who weren't able to watch. Another tab was openned on my browser, logged in to Twitter. Yes, I follow him under a different name.

"Omo~ he posted something!" I gasped.

I immediately copied it and translated it in English then posted it on the fanpage.

This life I had after I chose to break up with him ... was a bit frustrating. He was once mine but I had to give him up for his own good, and now I'm a mere fangirl, a mere Blinger who follows him wherever he goes. But he doesn't know that. He doesn't know me anymore, I guess. This was a bit frustrating but I'll endure it for him.

 Although I try to forget you, a life without you is
 Beethoven without music, a completely jammed autobahn
 Although I try to erase you, a life without you is
 Picasso that quits painting, a magic with the trick figured out

Perhaps people would think I had been crazy when I broke up with him. Who would broke up with someone who's about to become a star?

Yeah. I'm crazy. Now I've turned into someone like this even if I had all the chances before to hold his hand when all the other girls could only dream of it.

Fangirls were all really quick. Soon, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and basically all the available social networking sites out there are already full of updates about the latest performance. I read some of them -- Onew-biased, Key-biased, Minho-biased, Taemin-biased accounts ....

Looking at these, I suddenly thought, what could they be doing now? Perhaps they're already resting, charging up again for their performances tomorrow. He could have been telling me that personally or even mention me on Twitter, telling me how he feels.

I glanced at my cellphone and, to my surprise, I saw that it was already 2:30 am. I shut down the laptop and went to bed.

 I stupidly touch your Facebook, you’re smiling
 (Let this love begin, this tangled up emotion
 Formed and is stuck deep in my heart)
 I’m just dragging to the next pace, I’m crying
 (Let you come near, if I take you out, I’m a missing child
 Even if I stand a the edge of a cliff, it’s still only you)

One night, after I had posted an update to my page followers and read on some other fanaccounts about the last performance, I stayed up a bit and opened my personal account.

"Friend request at this time of the night? Who could this be?" I wondered aloud.

  Kim Jonghyun   Accept   Not now

"Huh? Kim Jonghyun? Another poser, perhaps."

I opened this poser's profile and found out that the account was opened one hour ago.

 Jonghyunnie oppa is very handsome!

 I wish I could meet him once!

"Seriously? What kind of poser is this?! And why would he add me straight away? There's not even a post here in my personal account about Jonghyun --"

Wait. It can't be the real Jonghyun, right?

I recalled him as a trainee, back to the time when we were still together.

"You'll have many fans by then!" I had told him, as we were talking about his becoming an idol.

"Right," he had said cheerfully. "They would go like, 'Jonghyunnie oppa is very handome!'" he pretended to spazz like a die-hard fan.

"'I wish I could meet him once!'" I had added, putting on a cute fangirl voice.

He had pinched my cheeks then, and said, "Very cute, Jihye."

Tapping the keyboard lightly with my fingers, I thought about this hard. He used exactly the same words. Could this be just a coincidence? But I've never seen a poser say things like this. He should have said something like, "Hello everyone! This is SHINee's Bling Bling, Jonghyun!" Anything that would make unsuspecting fangirls grab the trick and add him quickly.

No. He could really be a poser, but an "epic fail" poser. He couldn't possibly know much how to pretend as someone like Kim Jonghyun.

Then that would make it highly possible for this to be the actual Kim Jonghyun. That silly netizen ... What if he only wanted to look like he was a poser of himself? But then he couldn't pretend because he was really frank. That would make him an "epic fail" poser of himself.

And nobody knows he's connected with me for some time in the past. My friends only knew I was dating someone back then but I haven't told them that it was Jonghyun. Did he tell someone?

No matter how I think about it, I always go down to the same conclusion: It is highly possible that is the real Kim Jonghyun.

Hesitantly, I typed in, "Hi there. Long time no see."

My cursor lingered over the "Share" button.

 Love just has to go on
 As I go closer, you get even further away
 As I go closer, leaning on the sunlight
 You become more hidden

I debated against myself.

Should I post this?

Should I not?

How would I know if it's him or not?

I should catch him off guard by posting this here.

But I've already decided a long time ago to break up with him and have him forget all about me for the sake of his career.

And yet, I'm the first one he added as friend.

If this is really him, then he still remembers me?

At the last thought, I felt some pain on my chest. Pain of longing for him. All this frustration swirled inside me. I wanted to reach out for him, talk to him again and explain properly why I did that choice four years ago. I wanted him to know that after all this time, I'm still here for him, not merely as a fangirl but as his past lover. Is there still any way for us to meet again?

As I made up my mind, a single tear rolled down my cheeks.

The message was successfully posted in his Timeline.

 All about you, love you
 I wanna be with you, only you
 As always, my heart is the same
 I still left my shoulder open for you

Since we were free today to go wherever we want, all of us went to our own destinations separately: Onew hyung, to his parents' house; Key, to a shopping center with some of his 91-liner friends; Minho, to a soccer game; and Taeminnie, left alone in the dorm to watch some new anime. I, on the other hand, decided to visit the park where Jihye and I used to meet.

Our favorite park.

I was well disguised with my sunglasses and a cap pulled low to cover half of my face.

On my way, I came across an ddukbokki stall. I bought one order then entered the park. I went to the very center of it, to where our favorite bench under a shady tree was.

Why did I go there? I don't know. I just wanted to. I looked around at the empty park. I wonder why no one's here? It was a very fine day after all.

Ah, I knew it. I suddenly remembered. Not many people go in here that's why Jihye really likes it here: peaceful -- like it was a place made especially for the two of us.

Remembering Onew hyung's words last night, I sang 'Love Still Goes On' and 'Love's Way' as I ate the ddukbokki slowly.

I sighed deeply. "What should I do? I want to see Jihye again so badly ..." I said, talking to myself. "What's the use of going here if she's not coming anyway? As if we made an appointment ..."

 My left chest that you’re clenching
 Is yours alone, is still beating for you
 Even if I throw and throw away
 Everything of mine, I only need you
 I wish for everything from you
 And if you want something, I’ll give it all to you

Feeling bored at home, I decided to go out.

I don't know exactly where to go. I just let my feet carry me wherever it wanted to take me.

There were many shopping malls on my way here, many restaurants and arcades, but I don't feel like entering them at the moment. After all, I don't have much money.

Walking on, I tried to think of going somewhere relaxing without spending too much money. Is there still such a place? Everything on earth has to be paid with money.

Then I remembered one place where it was quiet and relaxing, somewhere I don't need to spend money in, because that place was as good as mine.

Our favorite park.

If I could help it, I wouldn't go in there. It held too many memories and I'm afraid all of those would come crashing down on me, drowning me and pulling me back to the life I had, four years ago.

Deep in this thoughts, I was surprised to see that I was right outside the gates of the park. My feet did a good steering of their master. From a distance, I could see the shady tree I really liked, under which our favorite bench was placed, waiting for one of us to come back. I realized just how much I missed this place and the person I used to meet here almost everyday.

I entered the park.

 Love just has to go on
 As I go closer, you get even further away
 As I go closer, leaning on the sunlight
 You become more hidden

After four years, here we meet again.

She was still far from me but I know it was her standing there across the street and looking this way, although it has been so long since we last saw each other.

Abandoning my ddukbokki on the park bench, I stood up and walked towards her. As I came nearer, her face also became clearer.

There was no mistaking that it was him who stood under the shady tree I liked so much. Even though he was wearing sunglasses and a cap pulled low over his face, I knew it was Jonghyun.

Right at the middle of this empty park today, we came face to face with each other.

After four years, I can see him again in front of me.

I removed my cap and sunglasses, to see her properly now that she was in front of me.

"Jihye?"

A tear slid down her face as she stared at me. She was not sad, though. I can see that she was crying out of happiness. And I was glad that she had that expression. It only means that she wasn't angry at me or something.

"Jonghyun ..." she whispered.

I pulled out a handkerchief from my pocket and raised it shakily to wipe her tears but then she suddenly hugged me tight, and so I hugged her back, drenching her shoulders with my own tears.

"You came," I said in between gasps.

"You did too," she sobbed.

Calming down, I was finally able to tell him everything that he needs to know. After four years, this frustration within me dissolved, as we made up and talked to each other again.

Like no years passed by, we sat on the park bench with his arms around me. "So it was really your Facebook?" I asked, leaning against his hard chest.

"Yeah. Perhaps Onew hyung did add you. I was kind of hesitant to do so, thinking that you're mad at me. And he wanted to help," he said.

"I was never mad at you," I said, making it clear to him.

He smiled down at me and my hair.

 Love just has to go on
 As I go closer, you get even further away
 As I go closer, leaning on the sunlight
 You become more hidden

We were standing hand in hand backstage. I could feel her shaking.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Y-yeah," she replied nervously.

"You'll be fine," Key said from behind us, smiling. "Come here, Taeminnie. I'm kinda jealous~"

Obedient Taemin quickly came by Key's side and held hands with him, chuckling.

"What are you two doing?!" Minho said, his eyebrows raised. He squeezed himself in between them.

"Yah! Stay away. We're over now!" Key said, pushing Minho away.

Jihye was laughing with their roleplay but I could hear her heart perfectly, pounding loudly in her chest. I gripped her hands in an assuring way.

"Relax there, Jihye," Onew hyung advised, his eyes almost disappearing in his cheerful smile.

"Right," Jihye mumbled. "By the way, thank you."

"That's nothing," Onew hyung said, patting her on the shoulder gently. "I didn't actually do anything, did I?"

Just then, PD-nim approached us. "You can go up the stage now," he smiled, handing us microphones.

"Come on," I pulled her up the stage, ready to introduce her to the SHINee World as my girlfriend.

 My love~

It's EmanneArdeeSy again~

I guess we'll be together for three more songfics. Three more members left for this batch of songfic oneshots ^^

Do you already miss TAEMINishi?

She's been so busy, as always, with designing lanyards and t-shirts and other fanmade merch so she can't even log in here. But I told her all about your comments and she said she misses writing fics. She hasn't done so for months already.

As for this songfic, what do you think?

School is about to begin in two weeks so I'll try to post as much new songfics as I can before I get too busy with studying, okay?

I'll be waiting for your comments for this fic~

-- EASy ♥

PS. I really love that Onew solo, Itoshiki Hibiyo ♥.♥

His voice is just soooooo lovely and calming and gentle and sweet~

(Onew spazzing in a Jonghyun fic. Sorry guys~ kkkk Love, MVP)