Thursday, 9:30am. LuHan and a grumpy (more than usual) Kris is in the car. Kris' usual grumpiness is not because he woke up too early or because he didn't get enough sleep. It's all because of LuHan.

6am sharp, LuHan came to his room and woke him up with a ringtone.. . . .of Tao, laughing and saying 'idiot' to someone. It's the exact the same ringtone, Ivan had, the one he heard when they are on the van together. After he glared at LuHan and asked him why he has that, his best friend told him to take a bath and wear something nice. He asked why and LuHan just said he prepared a surprise for him. He shooed him to the bathroom so he can take a bath.

When he came out in the bathroom, his favorite pair of jeans and polo shirt is laid on the bed with a note from LuHan that says, he better hurry down for breakfast. Kris is so clueless but because it was rare for LuHan to be that eager he just went with the flow. He went down, they had breakfast together. LuHan even made him some coffee which he never did before. That is when Kris asked what was up and that is when LuHan told him that today, they're finally get to talk to Tao.

So yeah, LuHan told everything that happened to Kris. The giant was so pissed at him for keeping it all a secret. LuHan argued back and told him if he told him everything about it, then he would surely act on his own and it might destroy the plan. And also he said that he wasn't sure what was running to Ivan's mind so he didn't say anything, because he doesn't want to give him false hopes.

In the end, Kris followed him quietly. Luhan knows that Kris is angry at him for keeping secrets. But he doesn't care, as he said to Ivan it was a little revenge for his dying heart. While Kris is driving with a cold city guy expression on his face LuHan received a text from Ivan. He looked at Kris first to see if he was paying attention, he's not.

~~~

From: Ivan Li

WHERE ARE YOU!? IT'S ALREADY 9:35am AND YOU'RE NOT HERE!? I'M SURE I SAID 9AM SHARP!?"

To: Ivan Li

Sorry. I just told Kris this morning. We're on our way. From: Ivan Li you're insane! Just hurry up. I'm so damn nervous about all this! Just so you know! I didn't sleep at all!

From: Ivan Li 

You think you're the only one? I didn't sleep at all too and I almost got killed this morning. Where's Tao?

To: Ivan Li 

 I'll get killed too, wait and see. He's in the kitchen making breakfast while rapping. I'm so so so so so restless. Just please come and join me.

From: Ivan Li 

Geez! Calm down! You're making me nervous too!!

~~~

"Who's that?" Kris suddenly asked. LuHan looked at him in shock. "Is that YOU-KNOW-WHO!?"

"STOP CALLING HIM THAT YOU ING KID! HE'S HELPING US SO BE GRATEFUL YOU GIANT FREAK!!"

With his outburst Kris shut up and looked straight to the road. Kris angry is dangerous but LuHan angry is death itself. Kris just kept on sighing while driving. LuHan looked back to his phone.

~~~

From: Ivan Li

Fine. I'll try to calm down.

To: Ivan Li

Good! I just got angry at Kris for calling you, "You-Know-Who"

From: Ivan Li

What the! I hate Valdemort!! That noseless creature is the worlds enemy! Why would he call me that!? I AM SO ANGRY!

~~~

LuHan tried okay. But he can't stop himself laughing. Now he's thinking if Tao has a thing for giant dorks and man-child kind of guy. Because the way he sees it, Ivan is basically as childish as Kris. Kris stared at LuHan for a while and gave him a questioning look. When LuHan saw him looking he stopped laughing and looked back at his phone then continued typing.

~~~

To: Ivan Li

You just made me laugh! On this VERY SERIOUS situation! I laughed and I get judged by Kris.

From: Ivan Li

Not fair! Make me laugh too! My heart won't stop beating so fast! Each and every pulse on by body is beating so fast! :'(

To: Ivan Li

Kris ripped his pants on High School graduation. It was totally ripped and we saw his SpongeBob underwear. Not boxer briefs! It's a SpongeBob UNDERWEAR!

From: Ivan Li

That's not funny! I have a SpongeBob briefs okay! It's cute! DON'T JUDGE! Tao has panda and leopard printed one.

To: Ivan Li

You're creepy. Stop going through Tao's drawer! You . Here's the real joke. Imagine Kris is bald.

~~~

A whole 3 minutes passed and Ivan is still not replying after that. LuHan thought maybe he hurt Ivan's feelings when he called him a ert. He was planning to send him another message that it was a joke but before he could type, Ivan replied.

~~~

From: Ivan Li

OKAY! YOU GOT ME! DAMN! I LAUGHED FOR SO LONG. Tao thought I'm dying from laughing to much. God. That's a good one. You got me.

To: Ivan Li

Glad to make you laugh. We're here. We'll just park the car.

From: Ivan Li

Oh God! We should stop texting. I'll tell Tao the situation now. Bye.

~~~

Luhan hid his phone while Kris is looking for a place to park. LuHan looked at Kris, even if his best friend is trying to hide it, his nervousness is still so obvious. His hands are shaking and his ears are red. Kris parked the car without a problem. Before they go out of the car LuHan pulled Kris into a hug.

"We'll be fine Kris. Everything is going to be fine. Let's take it slowly." he said to him.

Kris hugged him back tightly before nodding. That was the very first time Kris hugged him back, he's a little bit hurt yes, but the happiness was overflowing.

Inside the condo, Ivan went to the kitchen and back hugged Tao. The panda boy shrieked from surprise then hit Ivan's head lightly.

"That hurts!" Ivan whined.

"No it's not! It's not strong! It'll be done in a minute go back to the living room and text whoever it is you're texting. You look like you're having LOTS of fun!" he said as he rolls his eyes.

"are you jealous?" he .

"Of course not!"

"good. That was just the Chinese photographer I was talking about before. And... .they're coming here now. Like now. They're just parking the car."

"WHAT!? BUT I COOKED ONLY FOR TWO PEOPLE!? Why so sudden!?"

"You'll find out later. It's okay, it's not like they're here for breakfast." he smiled to Tao.

"Okay then~" Tao said as he spoon-fed Ivan some fried rice. Ivan chewed it and swallowed it in no time.

"Tao~ can you promise me something?" Ivan asked seriously.

"What is it? You know~ you're mood is always changing these days." Ivan just chuckled at the comment about his mood.

"promise me you'll promise first."

"okay." Tao laughed. "I promise that I'll promise."

"Don't ever get angry at me no matter what okay?"

"What would I get angry at you?"

"Just promise me you won't." Ivan looked at him with begging eyes. "Please?"

"Okay. I promise. I won't ever get angry at Van-Van. Even if he kills every panda on earth I promise I won't get angry at him."

He smiled to Ivan, he pushed him down on the chair. Ivan hugged his hips as if he's scared that Tao is gonna go somewhere if he doesn't hold him. When Ivan looked up to him he kissed his forehead.

"I'm doing this all for you Tao so I'll really die if you hate me. I love you so much." Tao is dying from too much feels.

The blood immediately rushed to his cheek. His heart skipped a beat, he wanted to tell him that he love him too but the words won't come out. He's so happy and surprised that he can't even speak. After staring at each other's eyes for a while and just when Tao is about to say his reply to Ivan, the doorbell suddenly rang.

Ivan flinched and becomes restless but after one deep breath he took Tao's hands and dragged him to the front door. Ivan opened the door while holding Tao's hands. He felt all the sweat on Tao's hands as soon as he saw who the visitors are. Ivan gripped his hands tighter and make him look at him.

"You said you'll talk to them the next time they come." Ivan said.

"I.. .But.. .I'm.. ."

"Tao, please. I'll be here. I'll stay with you." Ivan said. He didn't wait any confirmations from Tao anymore. "Come inside." he said to LuHan and Kris who nods to him and walked inside.

Tao's head is down, he was the one holding Ivan's hand now. He was scared, he felt like the air was suddenly gone and he cannot breathe properly. Kris was just glaring at Ivan & Tao's hands that's never separating. LuHan pats Ivan's shoulders and smiled nervously at him.

They all sat awkwardly on the living room, no ones talking since Tao won't stop hiding behind Ivan. Their hands are still linked with each other too. Luhan was sitting beside Kris who won't stop rubbing his hands that's dripping wet with cold sweat.

"I. ..I hate the two of you! You made fun of me! You hurt me! My parents hates me because of the video! What did I ever do to you? Why did you do that to me?! You destroyed me! You planned all that just make fun of me!" Tao finally said with tears.

That killed Ivan, Kris and LuHan. It hurts to see Tao crying, it hurts to see him hurting. Ivan wanted to cry too, suddenly feeling sad and remembering everything he's been through. But he stopped himself, he needs to be strong for Tao.

"Tao~ you're wrong. We didn't plan all that. You misunderstood. It's just, one thing led to another." Kris said. He tried to approach Tao but the younger squished himself more to Ivan.

"liar!"

"he's not lying Tao. It's true." LuHan said. "I was the one who suggested to bring our classmates there to witness the confession. I didn't know they would react like that. I thought they're open to that kind of relationship just like me and Kris. But they're not. They came out before Kris could say his answer and they humiliated you." LuHan explained.

"I'm so sorry Tao. We didn't react fast because we cannot believe at the situation. We we're surprised too and we didn't know what to do." Kris said as he kneels in front of Tao. "I love you so much Tao. That was my reply that day." Kris is crying now too.

Ivan wanted to push Tao and run away. He doesn't want to see this, he didn't sign for that. He bites the inside of this mouth and he reminded himself that he promised to Tao that he'll be there. To distract himself, he looked at Luhan.

Luhan is.. . .. .crying too. All those times he stayed at Kris' side, he was hurt countless of times. He said he was prepared to get hurt and all. But seeing him now breaks Ivan's heart more. Yes, he prepared himself, but seems like hearing Kris say the 3 magical words to Tao is still the most painful thing he'll ever witness.

"Tao. Talk to Kris." Ivan said. He tried to make Tao let go of him but the other won't let him.

"You promised to stay with me. Don't leave me Ivan. I need you here." Tao begged.

"Tao. Please. Talk to me." Kris said.

"I understand that it was not planned! I understand that you love me! But the fact that YOU AND HIM!" Tao pointed at LuHan. "The fact that the two of you didn't do anything to stop anything.. .!!" Tao bursts into tears.

Ivan cannot stop himself anymore, he shed tears too. Kris and Luhan looked down out of guilt. Ivan hugged Tao who's crying and sobbing so loud. It breaks them all, the sounds of Tao's pain breaks them.

"I. ..I'm so sorry Tao. ..This is all my fault." LuHan said as he kneels beside Kris. "I'm reflecting, I. ..I did everything to stop the video from spreading. I. .." he sobbed. ". ..I also talked to all of our classmates after you went missing. We are all sorry Tao. It was not supposed to be like that. We . ..I'm so sorry." LuHan said as he cry with the same manner as Tao.

"I.. .it reached my parents! . .." he sobbed. ".. .my dad slapped me and hurt me!" he shouted at them. ".. .my mother looked at me with disgust on her eyes! They told me I'm a disgrace and they want me gone! MY OWN ING PARENTS DID THAT TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU!! JUST BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!" He shouted so loud before dragging Ivan with him and they both ran on Ivan's room and locked the door.

LuHan and Kris was left kneeling on the living room. Both not stopping from crying and sobbing so much. Tao has all the right to get angry at them, they know that, they're ready for that. But it still hurts, a LOT.

Inside Ivan's room. Tao is crying non-stop. He's on top of Ivan's chest crying there while saying, 'I hate them so much'. Ivan wanted to help Tao to calm down but before doing that he wiped his own tears first.

"Tao. Please calm down." he tried to lift him up but Tao won't move.

"I thought I'm ready to face them." he sobbed.

"You are ready. See~ you already let out what you've been keeping inside all this time. It's okay to be angry Tao."

"It hurts Van. He said he loves me but he let it all happen before his eyes. He just watched." he said still crying.

"Tao. They did not expect it to happen too. It's like rain, the water will continuously fall and no one will be able to stop it. Why don't you get out of there and face them Tao. Let's end this so you can truly live a happy life."

"I don't want to go outside. I. ..I don't want to forgive them! My parents hurt me, I was called names, and no one accepted me all because of this stupid feeling for Kris! All because of it!!"

Ivan let Tao cry in his chest, he just hugged him and his back without saying anything for a while. Yes he understands that Tao is hurt, he tried putting himself on his situation but he tried to put his situation on Kris and LuHan's too. They're all hurt, there's no exception.

"do you know what they say?" Ivan asked Tao who shook his head even if he's crying. "They said when you're loving, getting hurt is kinda part of the package." he said while slowly lifting Tao who finally lets him. "You're hurt right?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tao said still crying.

"Then you're loving. We all get hurt while loving." he wiped his tears. "LuHan told me your parents never once stopped looking for you after you left. They never stopped coming to the police station to ask if they have any news about you. He also told me that all their classmates are helping too, and they're all going to say sorry to you once they found you." Tao cried more. Silently this time, he just let's his tears falls on it's own. He let them got wiped by Ivan's warm and kind hands. He didn't make any noise, just crying as he look at Ivan with a pitiful face. "Kris and LuHan too, they never stopped looking for you. For five years Tao, five years. They tried to find to say sorry because they know they hurt you. They're reflecting and they're sincere about it."

"I. ..I don't know~ I. ..I'm a mess.. .I can't think."

"I know. Take your time to think Tao. It's rare to find persons like them, like your parents, like your best friend. Are you sure you're ready to forget them all because of the past that can never be changed?"

He sat himself together with Tao. He gave him a tight hug and kissed his forehead just like what Tao did earlier that morning. He let him cry a little more before letting go.

"W...where are you going?" Tao asked while holding Ivan's hand that was preventing the other to go.

"You need to think Tao. I'll give you some time alone. Call me when you need something." he said before kissing Tao's forehead and wiping his tears one last time.

He went out of the room and went back to the living room where LuHan and Kris are. They're still there, kneeling and .. .crying. He sighed, he asked God to take him to heaven for doing all this. He's sure to himself now that he's an angel, a real one.

"STAND UP!" he shouted at them. Both flinched and immediately turned around to see if Tao is with him. The disappointment was so clear from their expressions when they see no Tao behind Ivan.

"He.. .he won't forgive us?" LuHan asked while wiping the tears that won't stop falling.

"He needs time." he said calmly. "BOTH OF YOU STOP CRYING!" he commanded. "showing him you're really sorry through crying is done so stop. He's childish so he'll think you're doing it just because you want everything to end so you won't feel guilty anymore. He'll think it in a bad way for sure. Show him you're strong, show him you guys are sincere and ready to take any blow from him. If you want to be forgiven then just accept and swallow everything he'll throw to you. Take everything just like how he takes it all before." Luhan wiped his tears.

Ivan was right, they have no rights to cry right now. They just need to say sorry again and again and again and try and try and try. Tao was so hurt that he's closing his own heart to anything, if they want to get forgiven then they need to destroy the walls on Tao's heart first. They wouldn't be able to do that if they just cry.

"Kris. Ivan is right. Let's wait...let's give Tao some time. Let's not give up." Kris wiped his tears too and nods to LuHan.

They both stood up and asked Ivan where Tao is. Ivan said they better give the younger an hour or more to think. Ivan promised to them that it'll be alright and before the sun sets, everything will be settled. He was positive on it.

They waited for Tao to come out of Ivan's room but it didn't happen the whole morning and afternoon. Ivan gave them food for lunch but they all have no appetite, same for Tao. Ivan gave him some food but he won't stop crying so Ivan left the food on the table beside the bed.They waited until the sun sets but Tao is still not coming out of the room.

Ivan left them on the living room again and went running when Tao suddenly called him. He shouted his name so loud, Ivan's body moved on it's own and ran to his room.

"what is it?" he asked when he opened the door.

"I'm hurt." he stated then stared for Ivan as if asking for confirmation that he's not wrong.

"You are." he answered.

"I hate them! I ing hate them!"

"Yes you do."

"They destroyed me."

"I know."

"But. ..if they didn't do it, I won't ever meet you." Ivan was speechless. He did not expect something like that from Tao. "If everything you said earlier is true... .about my parents looking for me, about those people wanting to say sorry to me is true.. ... .then.. .I think. ..I.. .I want to talk to them."

Ivan nods and helped Tao out of the bed. They went to the living room hand to hand. Tao's tears are still falling but there's no sobs, just tears. LuHan and Kris watched and waited for Tao to talk.

"Go home." Tao suddenly said.

"Tao! I thought you wanted to talk to them!?" Ivan asked.

"Go home." Tao insisted. "Go home. ..and tell my parents I'm okay. But don't tell them where I am. Do that and I'll forgive you. Also! I'll write to ChenChen so give it to him. And lastly, tell all your classmates who called me, 'Disgusting gay' to OFF!! And I wish them a ING HAPPY LIFE! Tell them I'm going to their house then I'll them while they're sleeping so they better be careful."

"Whoa~" Ivan said quietly.

"Tao~ do you really.. ." Kris said but got cut off.

"I forgive you both as long as you do my request then we're fine."

"Ca. .can we see you again?" LuHan asked hesitantly.

"We'll see." Tao answered. "I. ..I'll write the letter now. Wait for it and make sure you give it to my best friend when you go back to China. After this day, please don't come near me." Tao pulled Ivan again with him to his room.

"Why are you always dragging me?"

"I need you by my side. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be able to do any of it." he said as hd took out a pen and papers.

"You told them not to come back again? Did you forgive them or not?"

"It's not easy to just forget everything Ivan. I need time and space. I don't want to see them for a while."

"mm~ I see." he said the sat on his bed. "Congratulations Tao." he suddenly greeted him.

"Congratulations for what!?" Tao turned to him and asked.

"You just overcomes one of your biggest fears.. .and you found out the truth.. .and Kris said he loves you too. ..and judging how strong you've become, I know, sooner or later you'll truly forgive them to the point that you'll think everything that happened as a joke and you'll finally be able to meet them without running away, instead asking them for a coffee to catch up. Congratulations Tao." he said continuously before suddenly dropping his body to the soft bed.

"I was able to do all of that because of you." Tao said then sat beside him. "Thank you Ivan. You changed me, you made me realize a lot of things. All that I am now is because of you." Ivan just smiled to Tao.

He wanted to cry because he imagined Tao going back to China and leaving him alone in Canada. It's weird right? Weeks ago he doesn't even know Tao. Weeks is all it takes for him to revolve his world to Tao and now, he's so scared to be left alone.

"Write your letter." Ivan said as he pat, Tao's hands. The other nods and went back to the table and starts writing his letter for ChenChen. "I'll go out and talk to them while you're at it."

"I need you here." Tao tried to stop him.

"LuHan needs me there. You'll be fine." Ivan reasoned before going out.

a/n: It's a double update :D please read the part 2 :D