People fall so in love with their pain, they can’t leave it behind. The same as the stories they tell. We trap ourselves.

6^th December 2013

Luhan alighted from his red convertible, throwing his car keys to the valet boy before passing him a fifty dollar bill. With his hands in his pocket, he sauntered over to the girl who was waiting for him as they made their way into the club.

The moment the stepped foot into the club, Don’t Tell’ Em by Jeremih started playing and Luhan bobbed his head to the beat right away. Almost at the same time, the red haired girl beside him rolled her body a little, showing her enjoyment to the music before giving one another a high 5. It was rare for them to share a same taste in music because they have very different preferance. Squeezing through the crowded dance floor, they headed to the tables behind instinctively. Guys whistled at the girl’s revealing outfit, girls ogled at Luhan’s perfect features.

“Yo. What’s up?” Luhan declared his arrival by exchanging fistpumps with the group of male around the table.

“What’s up Lu ge!” Tao was getting already high from the alcohol and nicotine. He gave Luhan a hug which the older patted his back and put him back into the seat.

“I just saw you in school in the afternoon Tao.”

“But still!” Tao shouted excitedly over the loud music, “Hello Rae!!”

“Thanks for noticing me.” Raelynn raised her cup that was already filled with alcohol as she rolled her eyes at Tao, earning laughter from the others with her sassy attitude.

“Well, who wouldn’t notice you y lady?” Luhan winked at Raelynn as he sat beside her, causing the girl to punch him in his chest playfully. Picking a drink up from the table, he turned to the rest and raise his cup.

“Here’s to the moment when we didn’t think about right and wrong, where we just lived, crossed our fingers and hoped for the best.”

“Yeah man! To hell with that boring school” Tao raised his cup eagerly and crashed into Luhan’s. “To hell with a degree! A ing waste of time and money!”

“To hell with school.” Kris agreed coolly and downed his drink, the rest raised their cups to Luhan’s before sipping on their drink.

“School’s not that bad.” Lay reasoned while he sipped his orange juice, causing all of them to roll their eyes at him. Tao even threw the cushion at his face.

“Noticed any pretty girls during orientation just now?” Chen asked them.

“Of course…” Tao smirked before shaking his phone at their faces. “They are on the way here.”

“That was fast!” Xiumin commented with a straight face before breaking out into a wide grin, “But I like that!”

“Hell yeah!” Tao fistpumped him once again.

“Lu ge, seen any pretty girl?” Chen asked him and he shook his head.

“You will never get married like that.” Raelynn spatted at him. “Old .”

Hooking his elbows around her neck, Luhan poked her sides causing Raelynn to squirm and giggle. “What did you say? Say that again.”

“Stop it old ! Hahah.. omg.. Luhan! Hahaha!”

The group of boys nudged at one another upon seeing their flirty behaviour. Even Lay took out his phone to take a picture of them. He was sure that they would get married someday and he wants to tell them in their face that he was right about them.

“Get a room guys.” Kris rolled his eyes at them.

“Just kiss and makeout. Maybe you all will figure out that you two like each other afterall.” Xiumin stated plainly.

The couple rolled their eyes at their statements before sitting back up. Raelynn’s skirt was being rolled up all the way from the fight and Luhan used his body to block for her as she tugged it down. He knew it better that Raelynn and him would never get together. He doesn’t actually love her but he know that he could. He had long realized that he could easily fall in love with her. It was almost like the bud of a flower, ready to blossom but it’s just not quite there yet. He likes Raelynn a lot, he really do. He thinks about her often, but he doesn’t love her. He could, though, he know he could. But he just doesn’t, so it would be better to stay as best friends.

Passing Raelynn her drink, Luhan’s phone vibrated on the table, lighting up the dark area.

[From: Mom]

Dad and I are going Japan to play golf later. Will be back next week.

All it takes was just one message that killed him inside, killing his joy he had for the night. Everything was going fine until he read that message. As if to purposely hurt himself, he constantly read it over and over again to torture himself. It how one little thing like this can ruin his entire day. What was he expecting anyway? His parents to stay in Seoul after coming back from the States? Because in his dictionary, there was no such thing as home.

Laughing dryly to himself, he was not even going to get mad anymore. He was just going to learn to expect the lowest out of the people he thought the highest of. He used to believe that time heals the deepest of wounds, wounds that he get since his parents missed his 16^th birthday for a meeting, his 18^th birthday for work and 21^st birthday for a golf competition. But sometimes, it’s difficult to give time. He can never get those time back again.

“Everything okay?” Raelynn held his shoulders and asked.

“Yeah. Okay.” Luhan forced out a smile and grabbed the drink from the table, emptying it in one mouth. Lighting his cigarette, he let the nicotine run through his veins before feeling himself calmed down a little. Somewhere between being emotional and emotionless, he was sure that if his parents show that they don’t give a , he would show them that he was better at it. Even if it kills him. “It’s dancetime! Let’s go!”

His life, his choices, his mistakes, his lessons and it would be none of his parents’ business on what he was going to do. He was going to the pain they caused him away. it, drink it, shoot it, smoke it, snort it, cut it, binge it, purge it all away. Get high. Relapse. That was what he had been doing anyway.

“Own the dancefloor Rae!” Luhan flowed his body with the music as the group of them drowned themselves in the music, escaping the reality for that moment. Within minutes, people surrounded them right away. Girls flocking to Exo M while guys closed in on Raelynn like predators. They had become the centre of attraction with their looks and their dance skills.

Among the girls that was around them, Luhan quickly picked out one that could accompany him for the night. Sliding his arms around her waist, he smiled at her and the girl leaned in right away. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Raelynn dancing with a guy. Grabbing Lay that was beside him, he whispered into his ears. “Look after Rae for me.”

“Will do.” Lay nodded his head and danced over to Raelynn.

“Why are you so happy?” The girl threw her arms around his neck as she tossed her hair ily.

“Happy? I am?” She said that he was happy but he was just good at what he does. People will never realize that he is a damn good actor too. “It must be because I met you.”

“What a sweet-talker.” Right when the girl finish her words, Luhan reached in and pressed his lips on hers. Steadying her with his arms around her waist, he let their tongues intertwined in that small cavity they share. And as he kissed her, the heat of her body increased, and it exhaled a wild, untamed fragrance.

“You smell good.” Luhan broke away and praised the girl.

“I sprayed perfume.” The girl whispered beside his ears seductively, “On my wrists, neck and somewhere private.”

“Oh? Somewhere private?” Luhan raised his eyebrows teasingly, “Are you going to let me find where is it then?”

With her arms carressing his chest, the girl smiled and battled her eyelashes at him. Catching her wrist, Luhan planted a feathery kiss on the spot she mentioned she had perfumed on and he kissed slowly up her arms, to her shoulders up her neck as he nibbled on the spot below her earlobes.

With his low and seductive voice, he blew hot breadth into her ear, his hands sliding up from her waist before caressing the side of her moulds teasingly. “Let me say bye to my friends first.”

“Before exploring that private area.”

-

Luhan always tell the girls he picks up from the club to never take the thing they do seriously. In a way, he was also reminding himself. If they don’t take it seriously, they would never get hurt. If they never get hurt, they will always have fun, and if they ever get lonely, just go over to their friend’s house and visit their friends. That was why they were cool with him not going all the way. Deep beneath his playboy surface, he still believed that the first should be done with the person he loves so he was keeping it for her.

He was not afraid to love, he was just afraid of not being loved. He was always that friend where he would always be there for the girl he likes, until she finds someone better, someone who can give them more. He would also be there whether it’s late at night or early in the morning for them but he was always the friend, never the boy they wanted.

Although he was in love with the idea of being in love, he was also scared of the idea of being in love too. He was scared of rejection. He was scared of being hurt, and being brought down so whatever that comes, he will let it comes. What stays, he will let it stays too. What goes, he will let it go too.

Zipping his flyer, Luhan picked up his shirt from the floor and pulled over his head.

“Leaving?” The girl asked as she rolled over and Luhan nodded his head. He had a good makeout session with her but he wouldn’t go anywhere further than eating or her. She came and so did he. The game ends here. “You know the way out right?”

“Yeah.” Luhan ran his hand in his hair and he opened the room’s door. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

-

“Good morning.” Luhan muttered under his breadth as he stepped into his quiet and empty house. It was exactly the same way when he left last night, there was no trace of his parents coming back at all and he sighed deeply. It was not as though anyone would greet him back anyway, why did he even say that?

Dragging his heavy footsteps, he just wanted to sleep for a few hours before he begin another day. But before he could collapse onto his bed, the alarm on his phone rang, signalling that it was time for school and he sighed deeply.

It was another day where he needed to cultivate loneliness and remind himself that he would never outgrow it.

Because loneliness is a human condition that will always be a part of him.

 I am still doing some setting for the characters (as usual with the slowpoke pace), nonetheless, enjoy!