The question isn’t who is going to let me. It’s who is going to stop me.

7^th December 2013

In the almost empty streets of Gangnam where everyone was sitting in the high end restaurants watching the world goes by, a girl in a black oversized hoodie walked by. Nobody paid attention to her as their champagne glasses produced a crisp ringing sound when they gave a toast to one another.

 Turning down a backalley, she pulled her hoodie down a little. Till she reached a door that was located right at the end, then she lifted her head. The man guarding the door gave her a nod and opened the door right away.

The lights inside blinded the girl as she stood there for a moment to adjust to her surrounding, her hand pulling her hoodie off. It was only 9pm but the place was already bustling with activities. She greeted her seniors as she made her way to her table. Sitting in front of the table, the girl looked at her own reflection and the amount of makeup placed before her. With a smile that never reach her eyes, she convinced herself that it was just another day. And at the end of the day she will earn sufficient money for her coming term school fees.

“Hello Hwayoung.” The lady beside her greeted her. “You’re early today.”

“I’m the first one today Unnie.” Hwayoung replied before beginnning her makeup routine, paying little attention to it. It was alright if she wasn’t the prettiest for the night. For once, she didn’t want to be the centre of attraction.

“Hyeri.”

Before the two of them could continue, a man dressed in black suit interrupted them, handling the older lady a black file. Hwayoung’s eyes drifted from the file to the lady on her left who spaced out for a short moment and accepted the black file.

“Unnie, you are going to accept?”

“10k for tonight to tomorrow morning.” Hyeri read the information inside the black file, “He’s the regional manager of Apple.”

“But the show haven’t even start.”

“I accepted him the last time he was here.” Hyeri nodded her head at the man and she received a hotel room’s card in exchange for the black file which she slipped into her purse.

“10k a night is a lot Unnie.” Hwayoung couldn’t believe the amount the guy was paying her.

Giving a exasperated sigh, Hyeri held Hwayoung’s hand gently. “Help me pick a nice outfit for tonight?”

“Hopefully he will up the price after watching me perform.”

Hwayoung nodded her head and they walked to the dressing room. She quickly picked out something for herself; a black dress with a high slit but it was one of the most covered outfit here. Covered or not, it didn’t matter anyway because at the end of her performance, she would be . All she wanted was for that short moment, she could stay as covered as possible.

“How about this?”

Hyeri showed her a y bright red dress that was almost translucent and Hwayoung nodded in agreement. She knew that the lady was willing to do anything for the sake of money. In fact, behind all of their smiles, there was a story nobody would ever understand.

“How’s your dad Unnie?” Stepping into the changing room, Hwayoung asked.

“He needs another surgery as soon as possible.” Hyeri replied with a thick voice, “The medicine is not working anymore.”

“Do you need money Unnie? I can lend you first if…”

“No Hwayoung.” Hyeri shook her head at Hwayoung as they walked back to their vanity together. “You need money for yourself too.”

“Moreover, I think I can arrange for one after tonight.”

“I will have enough money.”

Right when Hyeri ended her words, their gaze landed on the mask that was sitting on the table and they knew what it meant right away. It was showtime.

Securing their mask on their mask tightly, everyone gathered near the entrance. Upon hearing her cue, Hwayoung stepped onto the stage and applause roared. That moment she could feel everyone’s attention on her as she swayed to every beat of the music. Slowly, she teased the crowd as she undressed herself seductively, removing the only layer of clothing that was covering her body.

This was the only time she would ever gain every male’s attention in a room, having all their heads turn to look at her. But that moment, in their eyes, all she sees is sadness. Men trying to find love hopelessly. What’s agitating about solitude is the inner voice telling everyone that they should be mated to somebody, that solitude is a mistake. The inner voice didn’t care about who they find. It just keeps pestering everyone, tormenting them, including her. She looked up in the crowd and realized that no one loves her, and no one burns for her.

She had been in love. It was painful, pointless and overrated. She paid a heavy price to be in love, to fit into society’s norm and how she wished that back then, she learnt how to not take things personally. How she wished she understood nothing others do was because of her. What others said and did was a projection of their own reality, their own dream. Because now she knows, it is only when she becomes immune to the opinions of others, then she won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

But, it was too late. She had to pay for the price now.

Taking off her undergarments elegantly, she danced around the stage confidently yet ironically, she felt so vulnerable at the same time. Sometimes, music can make things seem a bit more real but there was nothing she could do. Men who thinks that buying them for the night would be entitled to have their love. But no, not her, or not anyone who works in Lust. They were strippers who sell their body but not their feelings. If it wasn’t for the high pay that could pay off her soaring high university school fees, she wouldn’t even want to working here.

Even when she was fully , she had to continue dancing. Compared to other stripclub, the men who visit Lust were all rich and well-carried. Normal people were not allowed to enter so she did not have to be humiliated by going around to have notes pushed into her undergarments. The tips were collected by the bouncers and the men were not allowed to touch them at all. And if they wanted to have a night with them, they will have their particulars given to them in a black file. But what comforts her the most was that all the strippers were all masked and men were not allowed to see their faces unless they bought them for the night.

It was until the music ended then she was allowed to go exit the stage. Hyeri passed her a bathrob and she covered herself with it right away.

“Good luck Unnie.” She wished Hyeri before going back to her vanity and took down her mask to touch up her makeup for the next part of her show.

“Hwayoung.”

From the mirror’s reflection, she saw the bouncer standing behind her. In his hand was the 2 black files that allowed the girls here to earn extra income whenever they need. But, that was something she would never do. With the monthly salary and tips, she could still pay for her university bills and it was sufficient so she would never give her body to someone she has no feelings for.

Shaking her head, Hwayoung rejected right away.

“But you haven’t even open the files.” The male told her, “What if they are going to pay you your half a year’s pay here?”

“I would rather work for half a year here.” Hwayoung replied plainly and the male was slightly taken aback. All the girls here wanted to earn sufficient money and leave as soon as they can but the girl before him would rather stay.

“I will not let them treat me like a cigarette, to only use me when they are bored and step on me when they are done.”

“I want to be like drugs, I want someone to die for me.”

-

[From: Minji]

Come in from the right! Forth row from the back!

Hwayoung opened the lecture hall’s door quietly and stealthily sneaked to the right side. Her eyes scanned the crowded hall but she couldn’t find where her friend was. Class had started one and a half hour ago and her sudden entrance had distracted some of the students sitting nearby. She could feel her their glares burning the back of her head as she spotted the last empty seat at the end of the last row and she slipped in quickly.

[To: Minji]

I’m at the last row! I can’t find you.

Setting out her stationaries, Hwayoung tried to blend in with the rest of the students in hope that the lecturers wouldn’t realize that she came in late. She straightened her back and tried to pay attention but 5 minutes into the lesson, she started yawning. Work ended slightly later than usual and she barely slept for 4 hours. However, a familiar voice rang beside her, driving all her sleepiness away as she froze in her seat.

“Can you see what’s the sentence written on the second row?”

“Is it product life cycle? Or produce life cycle?”

Hwayoung turned her head slowly, her fist tightly clenched as a pair of twinkling doe eyes appeared before her just like what she expected.

“Uhm?” Luhan raised his brows and asked her again, straining his eyes to catch a glimpse of the word.

Taking in a deep breadth, Hwayoung forced herself to stay calm and turn to look at the screen again. Holding her breadth, she forced herself to stay composed. Shortly after, she couldn’t help but to chuckle slightly. “It definitely can’t be produce life cycle.”

“We are studying business, not biology.”

“Hahah, you’re right.” Luhan laughed, his doe eyes waning into crescents. “What a himbo question.”

“Himbo?”

“Yeah. You know dumb blondes are called bimbos? Wells I call stupid guys as himbos.”

“Hahahah. You’re funny.” Hwayoung couldn’t help but to laugh together with the male, she had no idea he had such jovial personality.

“I’m Luhan. You are?” Sticking out his hand, Luhan introduced himself formally as he turned to look at the girl beside him.

Hwayoung looked at the hand before him, spacing out for a moment. Taking a deep breadth, she slipped hers in gently as she forced out a smile. With the same shaky voice, she introduced herself as she kept her gaze on him closely. “Hwayoung.”

“Im Hwayoung.”

But, Luhan’s eyebrows didn’t even twitch.

“Nice to meet you, Hwayoung-ssi.”

I miss updating stories but I really have no time to write. ):

Damn you exams.