“What’s that?” Jacob stabbed his chubby finger at the page.

“That’s a lion, Jake.”

He chuckled, his laugh emitting bubbles of joy through the house. “That’s a not a lion! Where’s all its hair?”

“It’s a baby lion, it’s got to grow its hair! You didn’t have hair when you were a baby, did you?”

Jake his dark hair. It was the exact shade of Yongguk’s; they’d got the same genes. “I always had hair. I had hair when I was in my mummy’s tummy.”

Claire smiled. “Did you?”

“Yeah. My hair was the same as Uncle Guk’s so we’ve always been the same, we’re like twins except he’s much much older. Do you miss Uncle Guk, Auntie Claire?”

Claire gulped, Jake’s sudden changes of subject always catching her off guard. “Yes, I do Jake.”

Jake kissed Claire on the lips and patted her hand with his sticky one. “Don’t be sad Auntie Claire. I have tissues if you want to cry and you can borrow my teddy if you get lonely. But not Mr Ted because he’s my favourite and I need him for when I’m sad.”

Claire smiled at Jake, but her smile dropped when he looked away to find another book and she felt the tears in her eyes threatening to overflow. Her nephew was wise beyond his year, and whatever he had said recently always dissolved her to tears when nobody else did. She loved him more than anybody. Maybe because he was so similar to Yongguk.

She missed him so much. The empty flat was terrifying. She’d stayed at his sister’s when it got too unbearable, and Tasha was always so understanding and would prepare the guest room at a moment’s notice. Claire felt comfortable with Yongguk’s family; she wasn’t really too sure if she could call it her own anymore, now that Yongguk was gone and the attachment had been cut. But they hadn’t treated her with anything other than the love that had for her before.

Tasha came into the room and sat next to Claire on the sofa. “What are you up to, Jake?” she asked her son, passing Claire a cup of tea and folding her legs up so she was comfortable. “Surely you can’t be reading another story?”

“No. I don’t want to read a story. I want to go and find Mr Dinosaur.” Jake decided, pushing the book Claire held out for him away. He was always original with his toy names.

“He’s in your bedroom. Go and have a look for him.”

Jake scuttled off obediently on the hunt for his herbivore. Tasha patted Claire’s thigh.

“You alright, Claire bear?”

Claire swallowed her tears and nodded. “I’m okay most of the time, it’s just little things. Like what Jake says. I…it just makes it so emotional.”

Tasha nodded. “I know, it’s the same for me too. I’ve cried enough, it’s not that I’m bottling it up or anything. But the things he says…he’s just so innocent and oblivious.”

“He’s not really old enough to understand.”

“He’s not. I was surprised he took it so well, and he didn’t ask any questions about how and when and why. I suppose all of us are asking ‘why’, but how do you explain to a three-year-old that their uncle got shot?”

The both shook their heads in agreement that the whole situation was terrible. Tasha sighed.

“There’s been loads of flowers outside the high school passed Cinnamon Hill, you know, where that other woman worked? She was a teacher there, the other one that got shot. Can you remember her name?”

“No.” Claire’s heart ached suddenly, when she realised she didn’t even know the names of the other people who had died at the same time. The guilt weighed her down like a lead balloon.

“She was in her twenties. So, so young. They all were. Jimin went to school with Frank, he wasn’t really close with him but it still hits you hard. This has all been so hard.” Tasha sighed. “You always think this happens to other people, don’t you? You never think that it’ll happen to someone in your life.”

Claire shook her head. “No, you don’t.”

Tasha took a sip of her tea. “Have you met up with the friends or the family of the people killed? I mean, the ones who were there at the time? They were all with one person, weren’t they? Have any of them contacted you?”

“No.” Claire sipped her tea too. “I don’t think it’ll help. We understand each other, but what can do we do help each other? A few people have spoken to me about it, the policewoman doing my interview suggested it.”

“You said it, you understand each other. You might be able to find comfort in that, and if you don’t maybe they will. You don’t know, but there’s no harm in trying. I wish I’d had chance to go to their funerals but I was obviously too wrapped up grieving for Yongguk.”

“I know, I would have liked to go and show my respect. I think the other guy’s friend came to Yongguk’s but I didn’t really take much notice of who had turned up and I think he left quite soon after.”

“Yeah, I think he did. Frank said he noticed him,                I think he was his roommate but I can’t be too sure. See, you don’t know what meeting him will do to him, how much it’ll help.”

“Mum!”

“Is he still looking for that silly dinosaur?” Tasha shook her head. “He won’t make a good detective when he’s older, I tell you that.” She turned her head towards the door. “What, Jacob?” She yelled.

“Mr Dinosaur’s head has gone missing. I think Mr Dragon ate it.”

Claire laughed. “He’s got such a vivid imagination.”

Tasha tutted. “You could say that. I’ll just go and bath him and I’ll be back down.” She heaved herself off the sofa to go and aid her child.

Claire clutched the now-lukewarm cup of tea, watching the brown liquid tip from one side of the cup to the other as she thought about what she could do.

Life at the moment was just plodding along, nothing to aim for and nothing to do. She desperately wanted to get back to work, but she couldn’t deal with all the staring and sympathy and attention. She knew everyone would look at each other when she walked in, give her sad eyes and ask her how she was. Do anything she wanted. Not that they didn’t already, she was a manager that had authority and respect, but it’d be different.

She hated different. Different was without Yongguk, and that wasn’t fun. Her belly twisted as she thought about him, as it always did.

She’d go into work on Monday, she’d had enough time off already; nearly a whole month. It was important to grieve, but she’d had enough of it now and she had to move on at some point, get back to normality. Swamping herself again in all the hassle and the emails and the phone calls of the company would make her busy and that was the world she knew. She didn’t know this world of grief and loss so well, and she didn’t like it.

But maybe there was something else she could do first. Maybe everyone had a point. Maybe speaking to the other two that had witnessed that night with her but she hadn’t made the effort to speak to or even recognise at the time.

She made up her mind and was set.

“I’m going to ring up the station and get the contact details for the others tomorrow.” She told Tasha when she came downstairs with her three-year-old curled up in her arms in a fluffy onesie, his hair wet from the bath.

“Good idea, I think it’ll help you, Claire. I’m always here if you want me to come with you, but that’s your decision.” Jake leaned out of his mother’s arms and stretched his hands out to Claire. “Jake came to say goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Jake.” Claire took him and she cuddled him, taking in his childish scent and his warm, exhausted body. “Nanight, Auntie Claire.” He spoke, fatigue lingering in his voice.

“Come on, Jakey-Wakey, bedtime.” Tasha lifted him off Claire’s knee and held his limp body in her strong arms easily. His head lolled on her shoulder and his eyes closed. It made Claire giggle.

“He’s shattered.”

“He had to work hard to find Mr Dinosaur’s head, didn’t you? It wasn’t Mr Dragon that had eaten it, it was Mr Fish and he’d hidden it at the bottom of the sea under the bed.”

“That sounds like a lot of hard work, Jake! Was Mr Dinosaur happy to get his head back?”

Jake made an inaudible mumble as he was carried upstairs to bed.