6

I guess this is it. This is already our goodbye.

I arrived at the hotel, and quickly packed my bags. Honestly, it was already my last day in Jeju and my flight was only a few hours away. I didn’t tell Myungsoo about the departure, for what? As if it would matter. As if it would change anything. The moment I turned my back as I said goodbye to him in Seongsan, I already accepted the fact that what happened these past few days may be one of the greatest and most memorable days of my life, but to him, those days might mean ‘just another trip in Jeju’.

As I was packing, a slight pang of guilt was building inside me. I hadn’t been completely honest with Myungsoo and he deserves to know the truth.

I left an envelope in the front desk asking them to hand it over to the guest in Room No. 307, Kim Myungsoo when he checks out. Enclosed was my letter, a polariod photo of us we took during our pseudo tour, and a photo of the sunrise that we came to watch at the peak.

“Dear Myungsoo,

By the time you’ve read my letter, I am already probably back in my hometown, in my country where I belong to.

I’m sorry for not telling you that I was already heading home after our sunrise trip. I thought it wouldn’t matter.

The past few days had been really amazing Myungsoo, all thanks to you. I will never regret all the time and fortune that was spent while I was in Jeju. It would be an understatement if I say that it was the best trip ever! And you are the best thing that happened to me there. Thank you, really.

I hadn’t been completely honest with you, I’m sorry. So I’ll just go back to square one and introduce myself.

Annyeong Myungsoo! My name is _____________, and I am from the Philippines. It has just been a year since I graduate and I now work for my parents. I came to Jeju for a healing trip, I had the need to get over an unhealthy lifestyle that I’ve had for years. And what was that lifestyle? Fangirling.

Yes. This is the part where I chose not to tell you. I am a fangirl, Myungsoo. The kind of fangirl that kisses your photo that she made her wallpaper, the kind of fangirl that would go through a lot of feels when you sing, and act, and just be the dumb cutie that you are, the kind of fangirl that would go through extreme diet just to save enough for your albums and concerts, the kind of fangirl that would go through hell when you were caught up in a dating scandal, the kind of fangirl that lived her life thinking about you all day long. Did you have enough rest? Did you practice until the wee hours of the night? Did your members and managers took care of you? Did you have any sasaengs? Did your fans make you feel special today? Did you get in contact with your family? Did you have someone you were dating? Did you eat? All these random thoughts, Myungsoo.  I think of you every single day.

I knew you the moment I saw you sitting beside me on the plane. I know who you were and I acted like I didn’t care. I didn’t want to scare the hell out of you. Meeting you in the plane is one thing, meeting you in the hotel is another, going around Jeju with you is a whole other story. I’m sorry if I lied. I tried to tell myself that I should just stay away from you, but the fangirl inside me wanted to be with you. Worse? My heart wanted to just be there and spend time with you, not as your fangirl but as someone – one traveler that you met. I thought one day wouldn’t be so bad, we could just go back to our own lives the next day. At the peak, I wanted to just drop everything and tell you the truth. The scene was perfect, you looked happy watching the sun rise and I couldn’t risk ruining that moment for you. Because of I told you, you might just get angry at me. I am worse than a sasaeng, I took advantage of you. You didn’t know who I was, and I completely knew who you were. The trust you gave me when you allowed me to travel with you was so overwhelming and you have every right to get mad at me. I am so sorry Myungsoo. I know I am selfish for asking forgiveness only through a letter, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask for your forgiveness face to face. I am so sorry Myungsoo, I am so sorry. Don’t worry, our lives will never cross again and you could just forget everything that happened. But Myungsoo, I can’t do the same. The last few days here in Jeju, are the best days of my life and I will forever treasure the memories that I’ve had here. I can’t forget about this Myungsoo, I just can’t.

And since I am already writing this letter to my bias, I will just continue on with what I’ve really wanted to tell you when we were at the peak.

Sunrise, Myungsoo. Don’t forget about it.

You have been completely vocal about how you wanted people to see you. How you are more than just a handsome face. And I see that Myungsoo, all your true fans see that. You are very talented man. A lot of artists envy you for your handsome visuals, but I know that deep within you, it is your visuals that hinder people from seeing who you really are. Is it hard being so handsome, Myung? Hahaha. Kidding aside. The moment I recognized you in the plane, I had a debate within myself why you were in Jeju, all alone. I know that Infinite is preparing for a comeback but the members are also busy with their individual activities. You had a drama to film, but why are you on vacation? I know I shouldn’t be nosy about your life, but as a fan it bothered me. Were you on a healing trip too? Anyway…

Dearest Myungsoo… I know the past years have been hard for you, especially when you were caught up in a dating scandal in the middle of Infinite making their solid mark in Kpop, when you had to accept roles in dramas where people are still wary if you could really be a good actor, when people were doubting if you were just taking photographs and not being a real photographer, all of these plus the constant pressure in the entertainment industry. I know you’re having a tough time Myungsoo. And I know that you could walk past these hard times. You are a strong willed person, and beautiful inside and out. Remember, that even the sky gets dark. Remember the sunrise Myungsoo. Remember it clearly. Always remember what it symbolizes, a new beginning. When you fall and set, remember to just keep on rising back. And just like the sun, always remember that I will always be there for you. The night may fall, and there will be darkness, or the clouds may turn dark, cover the sun, and start pouring heavy rains, always remember that the sun is always there, waiting for the right time to shine. The sun never leaves it place Myung, it is always there.

Now this healing trip is over for me. I go back to my hometown and I try to live my life a little less differently from how I lived it before. There is going to be one less fangirl for you, but I will always be your fan. I will always remember you Myungsoo, the one who had been my inspiration for the past few years, and the one who was kind enough to travel with me in a small beautiful island. I really wanted to call you a “friend”.

PS: I hope you know that just like any fangirl, my ovaries keep on exploding at the sight of you. Please don’t think that you are that hot. HA!

PS2: Three things Myungsoo. Three things:

I’m Sorry. Thank You. I Love You.

____________”