5

A memory only we two know.

It was still pitch black when I traveled to Seongsan Sunrise Peak. The hotel was kind enough to book a car for me. It was very dark but I wasn’t afraid. As I walked the trail to the peak, I felt utmost calmness and tranquility. Surprisingly, there were only a few people at the peak now. I took my blanket and laid it out, I eagerly waited for the sun to rise. Watching the sunrise in Jeju is listed on my bucket list, and I couldn’t miss the chance.

The coldness started to get into my bones. I thought wearing a cardigan would suffice. So I just pulled out my blanket and used it to cover my body and I just sat on the grass. Until I heard someone saying…

“How would you leave your best-tour-guide-ever behind?”

I looked around and I saw a familiar silhouette.

“Myungsoo?”

“Hi! I thought you needed a jacket and some coffee. Here.”

He placed a jacket around me and gave me a tumbler of coffee.

“Why are you here?” I asked him.

“Because I thought that the sunrise would be as beautiful as the sunset. I couldn’t miss out.”

“Oh...” I was about to continue but the sun started to rise. The smiling Mr. Sun is saying Hi to the world. The sun rose fast, but it felt like I watched it in slow motion. It was so beautiful that I could only stare at it in awe. And the stupid seal that I am, I started to clap my hands and shed tears. It was so beautiful. Words cannot express how beautiful the sunrise was.

The people started to go, it was only me Myungsoo, and a very few foreigners that are left at the peak. We just sat there, and sipped our coffees.

“That was beautiful. Definitely way beautiful than the sunset.” Myungsoo broke the silence.

“I believe that the sunrise is as beautiful as the sunset. But I love the sunrise more. I can always catch the sunset when I walk home from work, but I rarely see the sunrise. This is probably the first time that I saw it in all of its beauty. I love it when the sun rises.”

“Why? Why do you love the sunrise?”

“Maybe because the sunrise symbolizes the birth of a new day, a new beginning. The sunrise has taught me that even if the sun sets, and darkness starts to fill… the sun is always there waiting to rise the next day. The sun may set, but it never forgets to rise again. It’s okay to fall, just remember to always stand again.”

Myungsoo didn’t respond.

“Myungsoo, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“I didn’t know you loved taking photos. I haven’t seen you take a single photo yesterday. But earlier, I think you have every second of the sunrise photographed. Why?”

Liar. Of course I knew he was into photography. What I didn’t get was why he didn’t take photos during our tour when he is the kind of photographer that would take the most random photos.

“Well. I don’t know. New beginnings, maybe? I just felt like I needed to capture that moment.” He smiled.

I was confused. I didn’t know what he meant. Sometimes, I just wanted to scream at him and ask him to tell me everything. Was something bothering him? Why was he even in Jeju when he is such a busy person? Why? Why? But I couldn’t, I reminded myself that I did not have the right to.

We kept silent for a while. No one dared to speak.

“Thank you. For this… Thank you.” Myungsoo broke the silence and a smile formed in his lips.

I wanted to ask him for what? He has been thanking me since yesterday when it should be me who should thank him but I couldn’t bring it up. There was silence again, but the silence was beautiful. We could talk and have a conversation, get to know about each other but the silence was perfect for this moment. The beautiful view, the gentle breeze, the sound of the waves, the sunlight kissing my face, with Myungsoo by my side… it was perfect.

A part of me wanted to get to know Myungsoo more, how is the Myungsoo beside me different from the Kim Myungsoo that I have followed virtually before? I wanted him to be someone than I can call a friend. But what can I do? All I have is his name and the ‘memories’ that we’ve shared for how long? A day? It dawned to be. Myungsoo was so close yet so far, he’s close to me… he has been in my heart for years, he was right beside me, yet he was so far, I couldn’t even be completely honest with him. But somehow, the silence between us felt like it was the only communication that we had. The scene was lovely, but my heart was getting heavier because of the fear that that moment was going to end soon.

I grabbed my things, stood up and said “Hey, Myungsoo? I think I’ll have to go first. I have some things to take care of.”

“Oh? You’re going already? Wait. I am so sorry I won’t be able to drive you back to the hotel. I was kind of planning to stay here a little bit longer and take some photos. If you could just wait for a little bit longer?”

“Oh no. It’s okay; the car’s already waiting for me. You just take your time and have fun.”

“Really? I’m so sorry I couldn’t drive you back. I’m really really sorry. See you around!”

For the last time, I said that it was fine, gave him a reassuring smile and waved goodbye. As I turned my back, I closed my eyes trying to record the moment in my head and in my heart. My tears started falling, and my steps were getting quicker…

I guess this is it. This is already our goodbye.