Find Me

--

The air in the lake house was stale when Jessica walked in.

It smelled of a mixture of dust, freshwater, and the pungent scent of aging paper. She dropped the bag of her dirty clothing first before slipping the bag strap of her laptop off her shoulder. Both met the floor with a thud, lifting up a few of the sticky notes scattered on the floor from the impact.

Jessica paused for a moment, taking in the slow movement of the flowing curtains, the uncovered keys of the piano by the corner, the couch, whose throw pillows were stacked up in one of the one-seater, and the lone pillow propped on its armrest. The sticky notes posted on the wall glared at Jessica. The light of the telephone blinked red, indicating left messages while she was gone. Another sticky note was posted on its handle. Unlike before, no clinking of plates or chopping sounds from the kitchen could be heard, nor could an out-of-tune humming that usually accompanies the sound of stirring on the pan. There was only the sound of cicadas and the silent whirling of the ceiling fan.

The one who owned the kitchen wasn’t there anymore and even the lake house screamed that fact.

Jessica took a deep breath, breathing in the emptiness of it all, whilst trying to breathe out that feeling of ‘someone’s missing.’ She hurried down the path where their room was and carelessly shoved all the clothes and other essential things she could fit inside the luggage bag which she used when she moved in; the same bag she would use now that she's moving out.

It was somewhere along differentiating which was hers and which was Yuri’s that tears started to fall. She curled up on the same corner where Yuri found her for the second time. There was no storm outside; no lightning or thunder, nor an image of a man forming from thin air, ready to beat her up again, but there was also no Yuri to find her. 

Jessica had never been more terrified. 

--

Jessica counted.

There were 5 unopened boxes that were stacked up near the door of her new apartment, 1 pair of slippers on the entrance, 2 lone chairs by the dining table she had only bothered to clean once and was now accumulating dust. It had been 30 something days since she left Yuri, 42 hours since she last slept, 15 minutes since she took her last coffee and exactly 2 seconds since she deleted the 120 plus messages Tiffany left on her voicemail. A calendar stood on the wall just beside the door; almost full of angry marks of red  X's over scribbled reminder of the things she would do on each day. On this day she would write. On that day she would meet with her editor. On the next day, she has a book signing event for her last published book; the one that got a happy ending. Yes, that bull one. She was rarely home (maybe she never really was.) She spent most of her days outside, chasing schedules over deadlines over even more schedules. Today, she received a bonus for the last book she'd written right while she's doing an interview for a magazine.

"You must be happy," the interviewer commented, smiling as she referred to the eight digits check on Jessica's hand. It was four digits bigger than her first one.

Jessica looked at it and saw Yuri's proud smile on the day Jessica got her first, her voice saying 'I knew you can do it' still so clear in Jessica's mind. "Yeah. I should be."

--

Jessica had always liked to walk. 

Okay, no. She didn't really like to walk. It was Yuri who dragged her into it. Jessica already had her share of the outdoors when she was younger; braving the city at night, having the sky as her ceiling as she slept in secret places no one could come to make her face the lonely reality of being unwanted. She got enough of that. 

But she would never get enough of Yuri. 

Yuri liked the sun that melted Jessica into a puddle of sweating mess, the birds that Jessica found so annoying because they wake her up in the morning, the sea that Yuri loved to swim on but Jessica was too afraid she would drown in so she had always stayed on the shore, the forest Jessica was so scared she would lose Yuri into, and the ever-changing sky that Jessica despised because she was raised in ever-changing houses by ever-changing people with ever-changing intentions, and a person could only take more than too many inconsistencies in one lifetime.

Yuri liked a lot of things Jessica disliked yet Jessica kind of fell in love with her more for it. 

Because Yuri liked to wipe Jessica's sweat away, gently brushing her hair away from her face. She always stood with her face too close to Jessica's while she focused on finding each and every traces of sweat on her face and Jessica often found herself cross-eyed, blushing, and mesmerized when Yuri would break into a smile once she's finished.     

Because Yuri liked the birds. She loved their singing. She even bought them feeds and built a little fountain in their garden for them to drink on. But one day, Jessica was so sick she couldn't walk straight, and still, she was awoken by the birds from her sleep. The next morning, Yuri woke up so early and started hollering at the tree where she knew the birds sleep. Jessica stared at her like she's crazy but Yuri didn't mind. She just closed the window and came back to bed with a cute scowl, hands on her hips like a middle-aged woman who just shooed annoying kids away from her lot. "We gotta let them taste their own medicine sometimes."  Tucking Jessica back to bed, it was Yuri who sang Jessica back to sleep. 

Because Yuri liked the sea. She enjoyed how 'one with nature' swimming on it made her feel. She liked to dive and fish and catch weird ugly things from the ocean and then bring them all to Jessica still alive and kicking, and Jessica would scream and chase her as she ran back to the ocean, cackling at her own childishness. It would usually leave Jessica half soaked and Yuri with hurting ears from all of Jessica's screaming. When Yuri had overdone it, ending up making Jessica mad, she would look up to Jessica with sad puppy eyes and Jessica would have no choice but to give her a kiss for it. 

Because Yuri liked the forest. It made her feel at peace. So she coaxed Jessica into hiking mountains and camping overnight in the forest with her. They, of course, almost always didn't reach their destination because of Yuri's awful memory and sense of direction but they got by. As long as they were together... and as long as Yuri would piggyback Jessica on their way back.

Because Yuri liked the ever-changing sky. She loved that it kept on moving. Loved that sometimes when you look at the sky, you feel like the clouds were moving with you. She said it made one feel connected to everyone else even when they're physically alone. "And even if it changed, a part of it will always be with you... Like me. One day, I might change. I might not be able to make you laugh anymore. Maybe I'll forget how you like your favorite foods. I might even put cucumbers on it, who knows? I know the day would come when you'll think that I don't love you as much as I do now but I want you to remember that no matter how much of me had changed, I'm sure that it would still be you that I want."

Because Yuri never promised Jessica the world, the moon, or the stars. She never promised their love to be perfect or magical. But she tried, as much as she could, to be that one consistent thing Jessica would always have.

Jessica had always liked to walk. She liked to do it even now. It's the only thing that made her feel connected to her Yuri somehow. 

Sometimes, Jessica found herself walking without any destination at all. She'd find herself on the streets, in the middle of a park, on the bay; in many different places but never to those where she and Yuri had been to. In a crowd of people who didn't know her, Jessica would stand, waiting... just waiting. 

--

"Jessi, where are you? Her doctor needs to talk to you about something impor-" Beep. 

"Jessi, they need your opinion about-" Beep. 

"I tried to understand you but this gotta stop now, Jessi. Just until when are you going to hide? You know you can't run away from this for-" Beep.

"She's not doing well, Jessi. She was-" Beep.

"I know you're only scared. I'm sorry I can't be there for you. Please, call me back?" 

"Running away won't make it feel less painful once she's gone. You know that right?"

C.

---

After deleting all the voice messages, Jessica dialed the phone and waited for the automatic answering machine to answer. After a few seconds, voices; a mixture of Yuri's jolly voice and Jessica's bored ones came from the speaker. 

"Hi!!! This is Yuri!... and Jessica... We can't come to the phone right now!!!... If there's something important you need to say, please leave a message after Beep. BEEEEEEEEP!"

"... I miss us."

--

The summer ended that Jessica didn't feel the sun. The lake house remained empty, covered in dust and slowly rotting away like the old sticky notes on the walls. The cicadas sang while the moon waited for its stars to stop hiding behind the clouds.

While Jessica spent her days running away, Yuri stayed awake late at night waiting for the footsteps of a stranger. 

--

The knocks on her door fell on deaf ears. Jessica pulled her comforter up over her head to hide from the world.

"Jessi? Jessi! Jessica!" I know you're in there. Open up!"

No, Jessica wasn't there. She was in the world of dreams where Yuri still wakes her up with kisses and hearty chuckles.

"Please, Jessi! It's about Yuri!"

Yuri.

Squeeze, stop and let go.

"She... She's gone. She ran away again."

A/N: Needed to cut the supposedly last chapter into two parts. Putting them all in here will ruin the flow. I'm sorry.