Find Me

Find Me

Find Me

---

 

“We're here.” 

 

The deep voice directed at her from the driver’s seat sounded more like a grumble than actual words but she understood it nonetheless. Giving the driver the right amount, Jessica weakly pushed the door of the cab open and dragged her feet into the pavement. She ignored the vibrations coming from her bag as she slung it onto her shoulder and started to walk. Whoever was calling and whatever she or he may have to say would have to wait. Besides, whatever that is, it wouldn’t matter to her anyway. Not now. Maybe not anymore.

 

Feeling the wintry breeze, Jessica hugged herself tighter, rubbing her hands against her arms to generate as much heat as she should. Fog formed on the air as she breathed and she hunched to hide at least half of her face behind the collar of her coat as she continued walking. She was almost there now. She needed only to bear a little bit more.

 

She turned to a familiar corner and hissed under her breath when an icy breeze welcomed her. Feeling the chill in her bones, her jaw clattered that she needed to bite her lips to keep them from trembling. Nails dug into her arms. She closed her eyes, wincing at the memory of Yuri’s warm breath against her skin. Yuri should be holding her now.                                                                                                                          

As if faith wanted to torture Jessica more, a sight of a couple walking hand in hand greeted her as soon as she opened her eyes. They were smiling at each other, seemingly unaffected by the cold or the stares they were getting from the people around them. It was a warm sight to look at but somehow it only made Jessica feel like the cold was burning her instead. 

She stopped in her track and looked away, arms falling limply on her side as the couple walked passed her without a glance. 

 

Lost in their own world.

 

It reminded Jessica how she and Yuri used to be just like them. 

 

Now, they were just lost.

---

 

It was ironic how someone who always got lost was the one who had always found Jessica.

 

It was amusing, really. Yuri's someone who was never sure how to get from point A to point B regardless of how many times she went to the same path before. “Direction is not my thing. That’s why I got this,” Yuri would say, waving a map on Jessica’s face.

 

But, that didn’t explain the part when Yuri started to frequently forget where she’s going.

 

No.

 

That part was explained by memory tests. By PET and CT scans. By a protein plaque in Yuri’s brain that would eventually make her forget Jessica.

 

The funny thing was, during that time, when Yuri was holding her hand, saying sorry like it was her fault that she inherited the bad gene in the family, all Jessica wanted to do was run away. Away from there. Away from her. Away from the love that threatened to hurt her again.

 

(Which was exactly the thing she’s doing now.)

---

 

There was a thing called muscle memory, which explains that when you repeatedly did a certain movement over a certain period of time, your brain would allow your body to perform that action without conscious effort but with maximum efficiency.

 

That’s why, when Jessica found herself unconsciously going to that old kindergarten’s deserted playground where Yuri had first found her, she wondered if it was because every time she’s upset, or jealous, or just plain disappointed with herself, she would always go there to cool down and reflect and would only go home once Yuri had found her.

 

It didn’t make sense at all when she found Yuri there instead.

--

 

The squeaky sound of the rusty swing that moved along with swooshing of the wind faded into complete silence. It was like nothing else was there. Only Jessica and Yuri and the growing space between them. 

 

Yuri stood in the middle of the old playground, clad only with a thin pink cardigan over the hospital’s plain yellow uniform. She was right in front of the swing Jessica was so fond of; still and expressionless. The brown eyes, which were once so bright that it made Jessica want to squint, were dull as they stared blankly at the empty seat of the swing.

 

“Yu-....Yuri-yah?”

 

It came out as a breathless whisper; uttered in complete confusion from the feeling of both relief and exhaustion.

 

(To run to or to run away from love?)

 

Her feet itched to move.

 

“Come back home, Sica-yah.”

 

Jessica felt dizzy and took a step back, stopping buckling knees from giving out. She hissed under her breath. This was always the case. It was the memories that kept holding her back.

 

Jessica took a hesitant step forward, followed by a fairly sure one, and soon, the sound of her shoes against the cold ground was echoing in the whole old playground as she hurried to Yuri’s side. She stopped a meter away from what used to be close enough. A little less wouldn’t be as hurtful. Safe was staying a little too far. She gritted her teeth before she forced a smile, taking two practiced steps forward. Hiding shaking hands behind her back, she playfully bent her body frontward.

 

“Good afternoon, Yuri-yah! My name is Jessica.

 

Unrecognizing eyes stared at her as she sank on her knees and cried; mourning for all those memories that would no longer count.

 

 

 

 

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
dancingpasta
Finished a new yulsic oneshot. It's called Flashback. Enjoy reading! https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1386146/flashback

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
UndefinedCharacter
11 streak #1
Chapter 13: Take care always authornim! Happy New Year! 🎉😉
UndefinedCharacter
11 streak #2
Chapter 10: I guess, if you're too scared to get hurt, you wouldn't want to take a chance... But still... :(
UndefinedCharacter
11 streak #3
Chapter 9: She's still there... :'(
UndefinedCharacter
11 streak #4
Chapter 8: Yeah, it's nice to see bits of Yuri's mind sometimes. It completes the story... 😭
UndefinedCharacter
11 streak #5
Chapter 3: I just want to compliment you on your detailed writing. I was amazed on the "bad genes" part, I remembered reading/hearing this on an online course I took about this disease. Good job!
UndefinedCharacter
11 streak #6
Chapter 1: My heart...
palitao
#7
Chapter 11: Love it!❤️
danone #8
Chapter 12: Read this again and i just wanna say thank you for a great story.
langsircoklat #9
Chapter 13: U are one of my fav writers🥰