Fate- Lee Sun Hee

Krystal’s POV

We’re both sitting here on the couch opposite from each other. We know what each of us wants to say. We know what both of us still feel for each other.  But what are we to do? People think it’s easy to just say it and to just show your true self. Like no one will judge you. Even if they do and you say you don’t care, it still hurts. Every little bit of it. To ignore will take years of emotional wrecking till you can feel nothing anymore. Easy. How SILLY. Because it’s not. Every day of your life is a lie and now you have to give up your only happiness to continue living that lie. That lie that helps give you a smile every now and so because it gives you a good image, money, trips around the world, admiration, and encouragement from your family. If we could change, we would for other people so they could let us love. But nothing could change this. People think it’s easy not to judge and be able to give up everything for love. Maybe it is. But we’re not strong enough. We can’t be selfish. We have too many people depending on us who will be affected. Especially now.  We were given the choice of love or success.

I looked at her. She looked nervous avoiding any eye contact with me. Her hands clasped together resting on her lap while her head fidgets here and there. I was even worse. People wonder how I can be so calm in public. I don’t even know myself because in reality I’m not.

“So….are you thirsty?” She gets up and attempts to escape to the kitchen.

“No. No thanks.” I yelled cutting her off and she calmly looked at me and sat back down.

Like I said, I was the one who was never calm and more emotional. With that being said, I couldn’t hold back the tears. I started sobbing quietly with my head down and shoulders bobbing up and down. I put one hand over my mouth to try to muffle the noises. She stood there for a second but then walked over to me enveloping me in an embrace and gently my back.

“Shhh…it’s okay, Krystal. It’s okay….I know I know.” Her words just killed me even more.

“Why us? Why? What did we do wrong? Why do we deserve this? I’m so sorry Amber but I’m tired.” I sobbed harder into her shirt which made her hold me tighter.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m tired, too, Krystal. We tried…I know we did our best.  I’m so sorry..that I can’t be strong enough for this. For us. I can’t do this either. I guess this is mutual.” She rested her head on top of mine.

“I…I want you to know that I will always love-“. She pulled me off before I could finish. I looked up at her and realized she was crying as hard as me too. Something I never imagined I would see. This was the first time in all that I’ve known her. She was always the happy go lucky person in public. In reality, she was happy but she was hiding behind a wall of insecurity. The constant questioning of her gender, uality, and most of all the neglect given to her by the industry since she was not your average “y” female idols with the short shorts and heels. She always questioned how long she can survive being herself. Would she last longer and be in higher demand if she changes herself?

“Don’t say it….please don’t say it. It will hurt more…just know I feel the same way.” She smiled at me and held my hands.

Promise me that when this moment's over and we meet again

That we can put everything in the past and stand by each other

After that heart wreck, she offered to send me home. But I couldn’t take her offer,  I know if I did there’s a chance I’ll take back everything and run into her arms again. I got into the van and took one last look at her apartment and left. In the van, the manager knew what happened and didn’t question why my makeup was ruined and my eyes swollen. He did not reject us nor did he support us but when he knew his job was on the line, too, he also pressured us into accepting our fate. Knowing he’s a small part in this, the guilt was killing him and he stayed quiet. He had watch these girls grow up into women was his thought and now he just help destroy two of them.   

When I got home, I slam my handbag on the couch and went to my room. I plopped myself on my bed and then got up. I looked around my room and everything was about us. The picture frame of us, the shirt from you hanging on the chair, the countless stuff animals and jewelry you gave me, and most of all the moments we spent here.

Flashback

“Do you see that cloud, it looks like a heart?” She said looking and pointing up. I looked up and frowned turning my head to her side.

“What are you talking about, stupid, we’re in my room. There’s no clouds in here.” Then I heard her giggling.

“I know….but I made you look didn’t I? er.” She grinned widely at me making me slap her playfully.

She looked back up again. “Krys, there’s no clouds in here but there’s definitely a heart and I’m looking right at it. She turned her head to me. “Because you have mine and I can only see yours.”

I blushed at her cheesiness and pulled her closer to cuddle.

End

I cried harder and slammed the frame on the wall and pushed everything on my desk to the floor. My sister heard the commotion and suddenly ran in. She scanned the room and found me collapsed on the floor. “Krystal…Krystal…what’s going on…?” I couldn’t get an