I sat on the bench seat across the room, the steady beep of the machines a constant reminder of where I was and why I was here. The room was darkened with only the soft glow of the emergency lights on. The soft snoring of chaeren’s mother was coming from the small cot set in the corner of the room. I had urged her to get some sleep until chaeren was out. Chaeren had a kidney failure earlier today; I hadn’t left the hospital since as I comforted her mother and waited for her to get out of surgery. I checked my watch to see it was 830pm, she had been in surgery 6 hours now. Sighing I leaned forward pinching the bridge of my nose yawning.

“You should head home.” I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see chaeren’s mom beside me. “You’ve been wonderful staying here, but isn’t your girlfriend there tonight? You don’t get to be with her often…go.” She urged me. I smiled placing my hand over hers on my shoulder.

“Anni, I’ll stay until chaeren gets out of surgery. Kairen will understand.” I said giving her hand a pat. As if on cue the doors opened and a doctor came in walking over to us.

“Chaeren’s surgery is through, the kidney took.” Chaeren’s mom sobbed happily throwing her arms around me. I hugged her back with one arm as I shook the doctor’s hand with the other.

“Ahh…” I yawned stretching my arms above my head, I looked at the clock on the wall to see it was 11pm already, and mark still wasn’t home. I sighed slamming my book closed. “Early my .” I mumbled standing up from the floor where i had been reading. “I could have traveled home and visited with my mom and dad rather than sit here alone all night.” I grumbled as I tossed everything into my bag. I moved to the stairs and stopped at the base of them looking back to the front door.  “Whatever, he isn’t going to wake up for breakfast before I have to leave if he still isn’t even home…I’m driving home.” I said deciding I would rather wake up to fresh breakfast from my mom than to a snoring mark who won’t ever keep his word to me. I slung my bag over my shoulder and slipped into my shoes shutting off the lights to his house. I slipped out locking his door as I hurried to my car. Lights flashed as mark’s car pulled into the drive. Of course, he comes when I’m trying to make a quick escape.

“Kairen? Are you just getting back?” mark asked getting from his car. I turned from him tossing my bag into the front seat.

“Anni, I was just leaving.” I said and moved to get into the car. Mark grabbed the door and my arm stopping me.

“What…why I thought you were staying the night?” he said shocked.

“And I thought you were coming home early, for dinner?” I said yanking my arm away from him.

“Oh…mian…something came up.” he said scratching the back of his neck. I turned back around looking at him frustrated.

“Ok, what happened?” I asked cocking a brow. He looked at me biting his lip.

“it was nothing…I just got caught up.” he said shrugging.

“Chincha? Nothing?” he nodded. I laughed bitterly. “I’m glad that this nothing was so important that you blew me off…again!” I said poking his chest and got into the car slamming the door shut.

“Kairen, you don’t understand!” mark said pleading. He bent down to eye level speaking through the open window.

“Then please…explain how I can understand when you never tell me anything! You’re being so secretive towards me!” mark groaned running his hands through his hair frustrated.

“Can’t you just trust me?” he said exasperated. I laughed looking forward away from him.

“I do trust you mark…it’s you who doesn’t trust me.” I said and backed the car out leaving him there.

“Aish! Chincha!” I yelled loudly kicking the front of my car angrily. I watched her car disappear before I went inside. I flipped on all the lights kicking my shoes off in the door before wandering into the living room. I let out a groan as I saw the empty takeout for one person sitting on the table. “Mian kairen.” I mumbled to myself as I started cleaning up her dinner. I felt even guiltier when I saw the second set of takeout in the fridge with my name on it.

“Yoboseyo?” jb’s tired voice spoke. “Mark…why are you calling me this late at night.” he groaned yawning.

“Mian…did kairen talk to you today?” I asked curiously. I knew when she was frustrated with me she talked to Jb.

“Nae, I saw her today…she was at the Ferris wheel with daehyun.” At hearing daehyun’s voice I felt my blood boil as I clenched the phone tightly. She was always with that guy. “I can hear you breathing…you can’t get angry at her for hanging out with him when you constantly blow her off mark.” Jb said trying to reason with me. “Why are you calling me, shouldn’t you be talking to her about something?” I furrowed my brow confused.

“She isn’t here…” I said, I had been hoping he’d be with her that’s why I called.

“Hmmm, did you guy’s fight? She went there planning to talk to you…she was afraid you weren’t happy with your guys relationship…she said you’ve been distancing yourself from her and that you two still haven’t-“ jb stopped but I knew what he was going to say.  I groaned loudly pinching the bridge of my nose. “Good, I can tell you know what you did wrong…I’ll be hanging up now.” he said and disconnected the call before I could stop him.

“Mark…you pabo.” I mumbled to myself as I hurried to the door slipping into my shoes.

I rolled restlessly in my bed all night long, I wasn’t able to sleep soundly because I kept thinking about what mark could have been doing all night that kept him from coming home to me like he promised. My parents sadly weren’t home when I got here; they apparently went out for the week since they thought I was staying in town so I came here for a breakfast that I wasn’t getting. Sighing I rolled from the bed and wandered down stairs.

“What the?” I mumbled confused as I came into the dining room to see the table filled with breakfast. I heard clinking of dishes in the kitchen and scuffled in there. I wondered if my mom had come back early feeling bad. When I peeked around the corner I saw mark at the stove. My heart leapt in my chest and I wanted to rush to him but I forced myself to keep still. I would get answers while he thought I was still mad at him. I leaned in the doorway crossing my arms over my chest. “What are you doing here?” mark looked up grinning at me.

“I came to make you breakfast…I promised it didn’t i?” he said holding up the skillet to show me as he dumped the contents into the pan.

“You promise lots of things that you don’t do…why start now.” I said and turned to leave. I heard him drop the pan on the counter before I felt his arms wrap around my waist pulling me tight against him.

“mian.” He said burying his face into my neck. “I don’t mean to hurt you, or upset you. I swear that’s the last thing in the world I want to do. You’re the love of my life.” He said sincerely. I couldn’t help my heart from racing as his cologne filled my nose. I loved the scent of him.

“Yet you constantly do it…I don’t understand why you don’t trust me enough to tell me what you’re doing…unless it’s bad…” I said prying his arms off me and moving away.

“It’s not me doing anything wrong!” he said frantically following after me. “I swear…I just…” he stopped speaking and I looked to see his face was torn between wanting to tell me and him forcing himself not to.

“Why can’t you just tell me mark…I’m here for you…I’m here to help you and comfort you, but I can’t constantly stay beside you with the constant thought that I’m not enough for you.” I said my voice cracking with tears. He looked up at me horrified.

“What? You can’t tell that you’re enough for me?” he said moving forward. “What do I have to do to prove to you that you are the only one for me? I’ve given you my whole heart even though you haven’t given me yours isn’t that proof enough?” I gaped at him in shock.

“What?” I said not understanding.

“Why have you never told me you love me? Even though I tell you at least ten times a day…you’ve never said it back.” he said shaking his head. I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. He was right…I never told him to his face that I loved him. “I understand it’s because you haven’t given me your whole heart…but I’m secure in the fact that I’ve given you mine and it’ll be enough to keep you with me until that time that you’ll give me all of yours.” he said seriously as he came over and took my hands. “So can’t you just not ask any more about the things I can’t tell you…and just trust me that it isn’t anything that would betray you?” I just looked at him not answering. I didn’t know if I could, not forever.

“Alright…” was all I said. I wouldn’t give him my word that I would leave it alone forever because I knew that was beyond my ability, but I would leave it alone for now, because I was scared we were getting to a point of no return. “On one condition.” I said suddenly thinking of another thing we needed to get out in the open.

“Anything…” he said happily as he kissed my hands.

“Why haven’t we…done anything other than kiss.” I blurted out as I suddenly blushed a deep red. Mark froze with his lips against my wrist. He looked up at me slowly as he lowered my hands.

“I…I don’t know…how to answer that.” He said nervously scratching the back of his neck.
“Is it because you aren’t attracted to me in that way?” I blurted out. mark backed away shocked.

“What…anni!” he said waving his hands. “That is the farthest from the truth.” I bit my lip nodding.

“Then why…we’ve been dating for 6 months…I sleep in the same bed as you at least 4 days a week…yet you refrain?” I said not understanding.

“It’s not what you think.” He said nervously. I could tell he was starting to feel cornered. If I kept it up i think he would tell me why.

“Then tell me…that is it…if what I’m thinking isn’t true…” I said stepping closer to him. he looked me over as I continued closer as he backed away a little. I was only wearing an oversized shirt that barely fell to mid-thigh and he seemed to notice it for the first time now.

“I…it’s…” I cocked a brow getting closer still. He was almost there…I could tell he was about to spill the reason. He was stuttering more profusely. I placed a hand on his chest and he blurted out the answer I’d been waiting for, but not what I’d been expecting.

“It’s because of fantastic fantasies!”