The shooting carried on until late at night, or early in the morning if you may.

Ha In insisted in staying all the way through, even if manager hyung offered to give her a lift, she argued saying she didn’t have anything to do the day after, and that she wasn’t tired (even though I did catch her nodding off a few times).

Once we were done, I offered myself to drive her home, not only because I wanted to prolong my time with her, nor because I wanted to spend the night at her house, but because I could sense something was wrong with her, and she was uncomfortable with us knowing, which only made me more uncomfortable.

I didn’t say anything until we were already inside, and Ha In was chatting happily though slightly drowsily while getting ready for bed.

-I still can’t believe you are dressing up as Eeyore! Seriously what are the odds?

-Well – I answered while getting my pyjama from one of the drawers which now belonged to me – it’s an adorable character, I thought it would fit me well.

I winked at her, and she laughed as she entered the bathroom.

I climbed into bed and waited for her to join me.

-You actually scared me when you saw me with the onesie you know? For a moment I thought you had a childhood trauma with it, and the way Peniel was laughing his head off wasn’t helping either.

-Yeah, well, he knows I am slightly obsessed with Eeyore – she answered, getting inside the bed too, and quickly snuggling against me – when we went to Disney together I bought as much Eeyore stuff as I could get my hands to, I’ve always liked it a lot, which I guess is why Peniel was laughing, he probably found the coincidence funny.

I bowed my head to one side, agreeing silently to her hypothesis.

-Also… - she added, her hand distractedly trailing shapes over the fabric covering my chest – I didn’t know you were so good with kids.

I smiled, I had been playing around with the little girl who appeared on the video, I didn’t want her to get bored, and I have always liked children, I hadn’t given it a second thought until I saw how Ha In was looking at me, and after I saw Ha In playing with the little girl too.

-I’ve always liked being around little kids – I honestly told her, my hand going up and down her back – it’s always an awful lot of fun.

-You looked adorable when you were with her.

-You looked gorgeous when you were with her , you’ll be a wonderful mother – I blurted out.

Her head shot up startled.

-It’s too soon for me to even start thinking about it don’t you think? – she laughed, her cheeks pink.

I bit my lip thoughtfully.

-Well indeed – I said – still fantasising about the future never hurts, and we’ve never talked about that stuff before.

-That stuff? – she asked amused.

-Yes – I said, smiling too, I rolled to one side so I could look at her  - like how many kids you want to have, at what age…all that.

-Have you given much thought to it? – she asked.

-Weeeell – I started embarrassed.

She arched a brow, clearly interested in my hesitance.

-I hadn’t given it much thought before, I had always thought I was too young and too busy to be thinking about that stuff, but…I don’t know, lately it has been jumping into my mind – I confessed.

She smiled broadly, even if she was still slightly blushing.

-So, how many kids you’d like to have? – I asked again.

-Hmmmm….let me see, at least two, I wouldn’t mind having more, but I don’t like the idea of an only child, it gets terribly lonely – she told me.

I smiled and squeezed her softly.

-I’m the same, having a brother is more fun, it’s always been great to have hyung for me back then – I said – though the idea of having a big family has always been appealing to me.

-When you say big….

-Three? Maybe four…? – I theorised.

-Wooooah, hang in there! – she said,  raising her hands – four kids? Are you crazy?

-Why not? The more the merrier! – I protested.

-Yeah well, you say that since you wouldn’t be giving birth to them, and even thinking ahead, how on earth would we handle four kids?

She suddenly quietened after saying “we”, her face which had been a healthy and adorable pink, turned crimson. My smile, on the other hand, did nothing but broaden.

-I think we would handle it quite well – I said with a slightly seductive voice emphasising the we – and we could always use the boys as baby-sitters.

She giggled, but I could feel her awkwardness creeping up, she even shifted slightly so our bodies wouldn’t be so closely pressed against each other.

-Anyway, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, we are still too young, anything could happen until we are old enough for building a family– she said, rolling on her back, lying face up.

-Couldn’t agree more – I admitted, rolling on my side, my arm sneaking under her back and basically topping her – still, I hope you are aware I’m completely intending you to mother my children right?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

I stared at his face, which hovered over mine, looking at me in a completely serious manner, yet I couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

I laughed so hard it became hard to breath, and I felt Minhyuk kneeling next to me, quite possibly glaring at me for my inability to remain serious when he was making such important statements.

I rolled to one side, still trying to suffocate my laughter, and when I finally was able to stifle it, I sat up, wiping away my tears while turning to look at an annoyed Minhyuk who glared at me as if I had just offended his great ancestors.

-I was trying to make a point there you know? – he said.

-I know, I know, sorry – I apologized, my voice still slightly shaky after all the laughing.

-Why on earth would you laugh at me like that?

-It’s not that I was laughing at you! It’s just that it feels so unreal for you to say that! – I justified.

He half closed his eyes while he gave me a calculating look.

-Why?

His question left me speechless.

-Well you know…it’s just talking so ahead of time….

-So – he interrupted, his eyes still unsettlingly fixed on me – you feel uncomfortable talking about it because you don’t feel as it was possible? Talking about events so far away….

I stirred uncomfortably, I had not expected this conversation to go down such a serious track.

-Ha In – he said, calling for my attention again, I raised my head to look back at him, and it scared me how serious he looked, he almost looked mad – you don’t think we’re going to last do you?

His words hit me as if I had fell on my back from heights, the air left my lungs and I sat there, petrified.

No, no I didn’t think our relationship would be everlasting.

Not because I didn’t love him, not because I wasn’t happy, but because I loved him too much and I was way too happy for it to last forever.

My life was being too good to be true.

Ever since I was a kid, not ever there had been a permanent change on my life that made me feel happy. I spent my childhood immersed on the life my dad had scheduled for me, a life that didn’t involve fun, friendship or love of any kind. The start of my adolescence was met with a new life of some sorts with Peniel’s family, but that lasted only three years, three years, that even if it may seem a lot of time, were nothing but a whim of air in the middle of a hurricane, and even those years weren’t 24/7 happiness, even if I had my grandma backing me up, there was nowhere I could escape from my father, nowhere to hide, nothing to do, I was uprooted from that happy family who was making me feel loved, and imprisoned once again in that life filled with activities I dreaded and surrounded by anonymous people with which I wasn’t allowed to bond.

Ever since I moved to Korea, and especially ever since I started dating Minhyuk, it all felt too good, too perfect, and I couldn’t help but keep waiting for a flaw, for the breaking down of the happy live I was scared to start building, as I was sure it was fated to crumble down.

I wanted to grow old with Minhyuk, and I was sure I wouldn’t change my mind in that, he was the only person I wanted to live my life with, but I didn’t want to fantasise about it, because I was as certain of him getting eventually tired of me, as much as he could love me right now, as I was certain of the sun rising from the east.

I didn’t doubt Minhyuk when he said he loved me more than anyone, that I was the one he wanted to be with and that he couldn’t imagine his life with anyone else, but I didn’t believe it everlasting, and today’s talk with his manager did nothing but reassert my thoughts.

I hadn’t been able to keep Eun Ji off my mind ever since Minhyuk told me everything that had happened, a very annoying voice at the back of my head kept telling me she was the one, that even after all the pain Minhyuk had suffered because of that woman, she was the woman on Minhyuk’s life, that there would be no other after her, no one he could love more, the pain, the scars that Minhyuk had were prove of that, someone being able to mark him so deeply would never be able to be pulled out of Minhyuk’s heart, and I was sure he would eventually realise.

I was perishable, but her, she was everlasting.

It was about time Minhyuk would realise that, and he would leave me, if not for Eun Ji, for someone who would be better for him, someone who would actually be a match for him, not someone as me, so small, so unimportant and unworthy….

-Ha In? – Minhyuk’s voice pulled me out from my train of thoughts – you heard me?

He wasn’t looking so sternly at me anymore, his expression has softened, and he was unawarely leaning towards me. I realised my eyes had become teary, and embarrassed I blinked furiously in an attempt to clear them.

-Why? – he asked.

I looked at him unable to speak a word.

-Why would you think something like that? what could make you give up on us like that? – he asked, his words striking me desperate.

But it was starting, I could feel it…this conversation was going to be the beginning of the end, I would talk to him now, I would explain my reasoning to him, and he would deny it all, he would be furious at me for even daring to think something like that, but the words would sink in, he would eventually realise I’m right, and that he’s better off with someone else, and then I’d be back to be on my own….I wonder where should I go after that…I couldn’t stay here, not when the only reason I stayed a year ago was because he asked me to.

I realised the tears I had tried to keep to my own had broken free, and that an agonising cry I hadn’t recognise as my own was coming from my chest.

-Ha In-ah – he muttered, his face now turning to the one of the overly concerned Minhyuk I knew and loved, he skipped next to my side and hugged me immediately, and I couldn’t help but answer his hug and hide my face on his chest, crying my eyes out all over his pyjama – I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you cry.

Of course he was sorry, he was too good, and he would never be able to see someone cry and remain impassible about it.

-Please talk to me… - he begged.

I took a deep breath, and then another, but I was unable to speak, I felt as if I decided to speak my mind, he would vanish, and I wasn’t ready for that just yet.

Sensing I wasn’t able to speak, he pulled me apart and looked intently into my eyes, his hands tenderly cupping my cheeks, as a thumb caught a stray tear which had been able to survive my break down.

He stared into my eyes for a long time, seemingly more preoccupied as every second passed, until he let out a sigh and grabbed his hair with his hands.

-God, this is all because of Eun Ji, isn’t it?

I opened my eyes in shock, and he took that as a yes. With a resigned sigh he hugged me again.

-Whatever it is hyung has told you, you shouldn’t take it by heart – he muttered.

This time shock made me separate from him.

-How did you…?- I  asked, my voice unsteady after all the whiny cry.

-He didn’t tell me if that’s what you are wondering , but I know you Ha In, I know you very well, and there aren’t many things you can keep from me