I stood frozen there after he kissed me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t look at him because I just can’t. I think my legs just turned into jelly because I’m actually melting from the inside out. Well, stop the metaphor here. I just can’t explain how I feel and I can’t still recover from the fact that he, Lee Sungmin from Super Junior kissed me, Lee Sunhi, an average fan girl.

     “If you say that again, I don’t know what I might do next” Sungmin said amusingly.

     What are you thinking right now, Lee Sungmin? I can’t read your mind

     I stayed quiet and frozen in that position, not looking at him talking. He walked towards the laptop and commanded me to sit beside him, but it feels like I can’t move my legs now.

     He stood up, walked near me and held my hand and guided me beside him. We sat together side by side while he was looking for something in his laptop. A picture of him together with his label mate popped out from his laptop. Aw~ my heart is hurting again :( Why do I need to suffer all this?

     “You see her?” he asked.

     Yeah, I’m not blind~ She’s the main reason why my heart aches right now.

     “She’s my ex-girlfriend”

     So, she’s his ex-girlfriend, his past love… They really did have a relationship, just like what the article says.  The hell I care, why is he telling me this?

      I was keeping quiet the whole time and not making any reaction to what he was saying.

     “We were together for a year but our relationship didn’t work out. It turns out she was only using me as a way for her to get into our entertainment. Good thing, Leeteuk-hyung found out about that and revealed the whole thing to me. I didn’t believe him at first but it turns out that she is really using me.”

      So, what if that happened? Since you’ve had a past relationship with her, just like what the article says, you’re together again? What if you’re only making that up? What if you’re only saying this to get my trust again? Why do you need to earn my trust again? We’re not even friends yet. We’re not that close. I’m a fan, you’re the artist, that’s the relationship we have but why are you telling me all this? Why? I really don’t get it. Are you starting to like me? Hey! Sunhi-ya! You’re really dreaming, how can he, Lee Sungmin like you? You’re not even in that great compared to that girl. But he kissed me? Why did he kiss me? Why? And why is he telling me this?

      I really wanted to ask him these questions but I can’t. I’m not yet in the position to ask him that. I must stay like this because I think that he needs someone who can listen to his feelings. But I still can’t understand the reason why he is telling me all this.

      “Yah~ you’ve been quiet for too long. Say something, I don’t want to be the only one talking here…” he said making me wake up from my day dream.

      “Y-yeah…” I said without looking at him. My eyes were fixed in the screen; I’m still trying to comprehend everything that he said.

     “Yah~ What’s bothering you? You’re like that since I came back from Leeteuk's room. What’s wrong?”

     “I don’t know. I don’t exactly know what is wrong with me”

     “Let’s just call it a night. Let’s now rest okay. You sleep on the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. Okay”

     “Okay~ but why did you tell me about your past relationship with her? What is this all about? I can’t get any of this. You’ve been way too friendly for an idol to treat me like this. Why are you treating me like this? Why do you want me to stay here? Why?” while I was walking towards the bed, all the questions that I’ve been keeping inside suddenly burst out.

     “Hmm~ I, I don’t know. I really don’t know why…” that’s the only thing he said.

     “That’s what I thought you’d say... Let’s end this, okay. I can’t stay like this with you not knowing anything why are we like this. I can’t understand why we are this close even if we only meet three times. I don’t know what situation we have right now. We’re not that close to be called friends and we’re not that romantic to be called lovers. I don’t want to be staying like this not knowing where we’ll end up, okay. I’m getting tired of this.”

     He held my face with his two hands and makes me face him while he looked into my eyes and say, “I-I like you, okay~ I don’t know why but I like you… it seems like I have the urge to be good to you ever since I saw you. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to be with you all the time. I want to see you every day. I don’t know why I’m feeling this but all I know is that I like you and I’m already starting to fall for you. I like you. I really like you.”

     My heart jumps twice for joy and it couldn’t stop beating so fast. My body felt like melting. He was gazing into my eyes while he was saying that.

     No more questions run to my head right now. With what he said made me feel like I’m the luckiest girl ever. He likes me and he’s starting to fall for me. Just like a dream I said, “I-I like you too~” without thinking twice.

     After he heard me said that, he embraced me so tight and he ruffled my hair. I tried to stop him but he held my hand and walked me towards the couch. He started to tell me how he was able to figure out what he feels for me and I started to forget what happened earlier. “So, this is all Kyuhyun’s fault, if he hadn’t told you what to do, you wouldn’t have figured out what you feel for me and I might have let you go” I said. “Thanks to Kyuhyun because we ended up like this. I like our situation right now even if we don’t know where we’ll end up. I like us just being like this because today we’re not in the fan-idol relationship, it’s a deeper relationship than that” he concluded.

      Suddenly, I felt like leaning my head on his shoulder. After he felt my head on his shoulder he said, “Let’s stay like this for tonight” and wrapped his arms around me. “Yeah~ just like this” I added. Then before I fall into sleep, I heard him singing ‘A Day’.

하루에한번만널생각해

더이상은안돼, 악겨둘거야

힘들없던하루예sunshine 그대만

있어준담연O.K. 그걸러돼

“(I think of you just once a day
It can’t be more, because I’m saving you up

The sunshine of a hard day
If only you are here, it’s OK that’s all I need)”