In the end, Jackson doesn't join Jinyoung and Jaebum at the cafe with the excuse "I'm not feeling well." 

That's not an excuse though. He truly is not feeling well. His brain aches. His heart aches. Somehow, he feels like his whole body has become numb.

Now he really believes that heartbreak can lead to death. He literally feels like a walking corpse. It feels like his spirit has left his body.

But can he classify this as a heartbreak when Mark and him are not in a relationship in the first place? 

Why is love so complicated though? Everyone makes it seems like an easy matter. How do they make love sound so beautiful when the reality is, it hurts.

*-*

 Jackson decides to move on.

Sounds easy.

But it's easier said than done.

How can he when Mark is being the flawless creature he is? Mark is doing nothing to him, yet just looking at the red-head makes his heart ache. Looking at Mark makes him remember Jimin. Mark's girlfriend. 

It's weird though. Why don't the students at school talk about Mark's new relationship?

Wait. Why should Jackson care anyway? Maybe they don't want to reveal their relationship and nobody knows yet.

'Too bad 'cause I already know.'

x.x

Jackson doesn't know why but he feels like his friends are ignoring him. For the past few days, their conversations became more and more short.

Jackson sighs. Maybe they finally realises that he is a hopeless guy. Hopelessly in love.

Whenever Jackson tries to strike a conversation with either Jaebum or Jinyoung, both of them would look uncomfortable and make up excuses to quickly leave. 

It is a lie to say Jackson isn't hurt. What are they hiding anyway? Is it that hard to say that they don't want to be friends with him?

'Fine. If they want to act this way, I can too' Jackson decides with a huff.

>//<

Jackson almost forgets about Mark for he is too busy avoiding his friends. Almost. 

How can he when his eyes will always notice the red hair poking out from the crowds?

How can he when Mark's deep voice will always sound melodious to his ears?

It's almost impossible. Nah, scratch that. It is impossible.

*^*

Another day. A boring one without his friends. It's funny how he is the one who wants to ignore his friends, yet he still wants them to pay attention to him.

He almost reaches his locker when he sees a familiar body leaning against his locker.

Jaebum.

Jackson groans. What does he want now? A part of him is curious and a part of him just wants to run away.

But he still needs to take his books. Jackson sighs. He encourages himself and finally continues walking to his locker.

Once there, he pokes Jaebum's shoulder. He almost laughs when Jaebum almost falls from the shock. What is he thinking anyway? 

"Jacks, buddy, I miss you" Jaebum has said. 

Jackson only hums as a response.

Clearly, Jaebum ignores his halfhearted reply and slings his arm around Jackson's shoulder.

"Jacks, I have something to tell you." He whispers.

"What is it?" By now, Jackson is fully facing his best friend.

"I can't tell you now."

"Why not?" Jackson whines.

"Because Jinyoung has to be there with me when I tell you." 

"What.. You two decided to live together?" Jackson accuses and he almost laugh when Jaebum cheeks flush.

"Uh.. No. Something more important than that." 

Jackson is curious. Why does Jaebum look like he's hiding something big? He seems very careful with each word he says, which is so unlike him.

"..okay. When are you planning to tell me?" 

"Hmm.. After school? At the rooftop?" It comes out as a question instead of a statement.

"The rooftop? Man, we could just talk at your house or something."

"Uhh.. Actually, we had practiced on what we're going to say to you at the rooftop so we don't think we can do it if we so it elsewhere." 

Honestly, Jackson has never seen Jaebum so nervous before. And his reason is very unbelievable.

"Okay, I guess" Jackson finally says after a minute of thinking.

He can see Jaebum sigh in relief. 

"Great. See you at lunch."

Before Jackson can say anything, Jaebum has sprinted across the hallway and disappears from Jackson's sight.

Weird.

Jackson shrugs. Maybe it really is something big. Ash, he can't wait to know it.

During lunch break, he is joined with Jaebum and Jinyoung. Strangely, they act like nothing happen. They are acting like usual and that kind of making Jackson frustrated because he wants to see any hints that can help him figure out the news that they will tell him later.

But, there is nothing. They just act like the cutest couple on earth which really makes Jackson jealous.

He sighs.

If only he is a bit faster in confessing his feeling to Mark. 

Hah, who is he kidding, Mark doesn't even have any feelings for him.

After the couple has finished eating, they look at Jackson and smile.

"Jacks, we gotta go first. Remember, rooftop, after school." 

"Yeah yeah. After school, rooftop. I'll be there." 

"Good." The couple says simultaneously, which is a bit scary to be honest.

After saying "see you later" the couple walk out of the cafeteria hand-in-hand with smiles adorning their faces.

Jackson is still sitting at the table after his friends leave. This is making his brain hurt. 

On second thought, why is he thinking so hard about this though? They will tell him eventually. There's no use to think.

With that in mind, he gets up and leaves the cafeteria.

^×^

The last bell is ringing. All of the students in Jackson's class hurriedly pack their bags and rush out of the class. Jackson would be like them too, if he doesn't have something to do at the rooftop. 

When he is sure he's alone, he gets up and walk slowly to the stairs leading to the rooftop.

He is taking his time so that he can calm his heart and male sure that he can accept anything that his best friend is going to tell him.

Step by step, his heartbeat quickens. His hands start to sweat. 

Uh oh. The signs are back. The signs of Mark Tuan.

But, it can't be. He's not here.

Without thinking, he quickens his pace. He just wants to get to the rooftop faster and calm his beating heart. 

He opens the door, expecting to see his best friends. What he sees is..nothing.

..what?

Do they forget? 

He walks further and as he is becomes nearer to the middle of the rooftop, he sees something red. He skips to the thing and when he reaches, he can't help but gasp.

His book. His red book that is missing. It has been here all along? But, he never brings his book here. How did it get here?

Not wasting any time, he opens the book to check if there's anything missing or something added (someone might scribble I'm his book for all he knows)

As he flips the pages, nothing is out of place. Everything is still the same. 

That is until he reaches the last entry that he wrote. He flips to the next page and what he sees leave him in shock. Why is there more entries? He still remembers the entry that he writes. This is not one of his. And the handwriting is different. And why is the entry number becomes 001?

Entry #001

Wow. Never thought you'd find me interesting, Jackson.

..what? 

There's only one person that he finds interesting. But, there's no way.

Still in disbelief, he flips to the next page.

Entry #002

I'm glad you noticed me tho.

Next.

Entry #003

I thought you'd never know I exist. 

Entry #005

And to know that you have some interest in me really makes me happy.

Entry #010

You think I'm hot?

Wow. (I'm trying to keep my cool. I'm pretty sure my cheeks are warm rn)

Entry #015

You're jealous when I talk to other girls?

Okay, I won't do it again.

Entry #016

I'll only talk to them when you're with me.

Happy?

Entry #021

I look cute when I'm sick? Really?

Glad to know someone had fun while I suffer.

Entry #026

I knew you were worried when I didn't come to school.

I was really sick at that time. I'm sorry for making you worry, okay?

Entry #034

You noticed my new sweater. And you liked it.

I actually bought it to impress you. Looks like it worked.

Entry #039

Do you want to borrow my sweater if you feel cold?

Don't worry, I warmed it up for you. ;)

Entry #043

You saw that? I was actually hoping for you to not see it.

It's not my proudest moment.

Entry #050

Yea, I like cookies and cream. Well, who doesn't? 

Entry #055

I agree. It was very hot that day. But not as hot as you. ;)

P.s have you tried cookies and cream?

Entry #062

I know right? I mean, it's the holidays. Why did the teachers give us so many homework?

Entry #068

Awww that's cute. You feel nervous around me? 

That's good. At least I know you really like me.

Entry #074

I don't know, babe. He's cool I guess.

(Read as: who gave you permission to look at other guys besides me? And he's totally not cool at all)

Please don't do this to my poor heart T.T

Entry #079

Hahahaha. Now that's funny. Told ya he's not that cool. ^^

Entry #086

You think I'm beautiful? I have to disagree on that.

You know who's more beautiful? Read the first word.

P.s you're really cute when you're nervous.

Entry #090

Who gave you permission to wear those tights? But, dayyum..

I almost got a nosebleed on that day. 

Entry #097

You're hot.

Entry #100

You think I'd look hot with red hair?

What do you think now?

Entry #104

Ohmygod. I agree. That shoes don't match her shirt at all. O thought I was the only one who noticed. 

P.s I know we have something going on between us ;)

Entry #112

I can already picture us together.

Entry #118

I'm okay. I got used to it. Lil

Don't worry. I bump myself into a wall everyday. @-@

Entry #122

I love it when you try to hide the fact that you were staring at me.

Now I know your secret.

Entry #123

I stare at you too, tbh.

How can I not when you're the most beautiful person I have ever seen?

Entry #129

I swear we have chemistry.

P.s we also have Chemistry together. It's a sign, I know it.

Entry #132

Oh god, I love it when you're being shy.

Entry #136

Can I just go and hug you? Seriously, youre so cute when you blush.

Entry #138

My Pooh cannot be as cute as you. 

Entry #140

Have I told you that I love your cheeks when they're red?

Entry #141

I love your red lips.

P.s I can make them redder if you want ;)

Entry #142

I love everything about you.

Entry #143

I love you.

Be mine?

The next page is blank. That's the end. His mind is a mess right now. Is someone pranking him? If so, this is the cruelest prank on earth.

He puts the book down and his eyes widen when he sees someone standing before him.

Mark.

Ahh, so that's the reason he gets the signs. 

He wants to run away. He wants to get out from there. But before he can do that, Mark grabs his wrist.

"Jackson, wait. I have something to tell you."

Jackson is silent for a moment. 

"Where are Jaebum and Jinyoung?" He asks.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Mark is having trouble answering the simple question.

He sighs and faces Mark.

"What is it that you want to tell me?" Oh god, he is standing so close to his crush. Can he squeal? No? Geez.

"As you already read in your book. I love you. Be mine?" Mark proposes.

Really, Jackson feels happy, but Mark is Jimin's boyfriend.

"W-what about Jimin?" 

His question seems like it confuses the red head.

"Huh? What about her?" 

"She's your girlfriend. She's gonna be upset when she knows that her boyfriend is confessing to someone else." 

That is the longest sentence Jackson has spoken to Mark without stuttering. He really should applaud himself. 

"But she's not my girlfriend." Mark has said. His eyes sincere.

"B-but I heard you confessing to her."

"Oh.. That. I was helping her confessing to her crush, who is now her boyfriend." 

..what? So he has been hurting for the wrong reason? Mark is still nobody's boyfriend.

And Mark just confessed to him. Mark just said that he loves Jackson as much as Jackson loves him.

His eyes wander around and stop at their entertwined hands. Wait, that's weird. He is sure Mark grabbed his wrist. When did they hold hands? 

Great, now his cheeks are feeling warm. What a perfect timing.

He looks up and his gaze meets Mark's.

"So Jackson, be mine?"

*×*

If I'm an evil author, I'd start the next chap with "No."

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Love, bae-less

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