LUST >> Sphinx_
LUST review shop
rotten affections
reviewed by DeeDee101
the request.
AUTHOR » Sphinx_
STORY status » Completed
chapters reviewed » 3
genres » Angst, drama, fantasy
description » The parallels of a girl who found a mysterious fruit in the middle of the woods and a married woman.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (5)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 1/1
The title caught my attention way before I even got this story to review. I think that title absolutely matches the summary and the story in general. It is very unique and it easily appeases us readers. As I previously mentioned, it matches the theme and summary you wrote in your description. It correlates to the theme of fanfiction and it symbolizes what happens when we meet the ‘rotten’ side of love.
graphics (5)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 2/2
correlation to the story » 2/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1
The poster looks simple and in my opinion plain but it strangely showcases the story’s summary and everything you wished to convey. Even the simplest posters could grasp the heart of the story's summary and the people (readers) would still want to read it. Very good job if you made it yourself! ;)
Despite looking simple and plain it strangely correlates to the story with both leads’ emotions in their eyes, I especially like the line you drew. The line symbolizes a lot it could mean borderline and simply indicates that the characters' romance is over. I sensed a great angst vibe from your graphic despite not looking like other graphics. It has everything, the emotion, of the story and soul. You did a very good job.
description and foreword (10)
APPEAL of the description » 4/4
appropriateness of the description » 4/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
Very neat, very nicely appealing to the eyes. I don’t have anything else to comment, every other word is not enough to describe how impressed I am. The description is really nicely appropriate it has enough information about what story is about and the big plus JaeKnight’s layout MY FAVORITE! Great job! The overall organization of description and foreword is very neat and smooth, the contents aren’t messy but very delicately organized and it’s very appealing to my eyes, the font size and font itself is very pleasurable for eyes.
story layout (5)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 2/2
The font stayed the same, and it didn’t prevent me or distracted me. It actually flows very nicely, the size was actually good for my eyes since I wouldn’t read if it’s lowered. Parts were divided quite well. Nothing absolutely lacks in this area, like I said previously, the font didn’t distract me from reading, it was big enough and I feel grateful. Chapters are nicely organized. There wasn't a change of flow or pace.
PLOT (30)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 10/10
the effect of events » 10/10
development of plot » 10/10
The story brings a very strong message from the start until the very end. The base storyline is clear from the start and it does appeal. The plot you choose is self-harm, a couple issue over losing a child and him blaming her for losing it and going into another woman’s arms. This is more than a good start to appeal to the audience and convey the message that not every marriage is happy and that we women shouldn’t FOR NO reason put up with men who take us for granted.
The story started with the rather mysterious start of a maiden who took ‘forbidden’ fruit. To me this symbol reminds me of Adam and Eve, but it also reminds me of something else. Fruit to me symbolizes the beginning of the end - for instance here, a fallen marriage, fallen relationship...etc And then in the second chapter you described Seulgi’s and Jaehyun’s marriage life. We see that they enjoyed a quite happy marriage with him giving her empty promises. As the chapter lasts, we also see the way Seulgi was impacted by staying alone and being the housewife.
Was the plot cliche? No. Have you totally managed to foreshadow what plot is about and make it harder? Yes, you did and you quite impressed me. You didn’t show from the beginning about what the story is, but you brought us into some sort of parallel world and I like it.
characterisation (10)
development of characters » 5/5
character influence on the story » 5/5
Seulgi’s character went through hell. We see her having expectations of how she thought her marriage would be but then like in real life, men do change after getting married. Through each chapter we see her struggles and her inner mind which to me makes this story very realistic and impactable. Even if story is short, having been written for contest, you developed Jaehyun’s character in equal manner as Seulgi, you focused on what he does for living, we see that he works, and that he changed when they encountered their first obstacle - Seulgi’s inability to carry to full term.
And their arguments. It would be good if you could show a flashback of one of their arguments, it’s not a criticism but something for the future if you ever plan on re-writing it. Because you can count I’ll be in first row to read it. :D
content description (10)
quantity » 5/5
quality » 5/5
I think you did quite great in this section. Why? Your narrative tone described to us little details of their household, of how characters feel, how Seulgi sees Jaehyun. And her thoughts when someone tries to make her see he is bad for her. And it also explains the self-harm scene. Your talent lies in that you made me “see” each scene you had written. Honestly, if there is an imperfection I don’t see it because to me this piece is written and portrayed nicely to convey a message to readers.
flow (5)
suitability of the flow » 2/2
your control of the pace » 3/3
To me I didn’t catch any changes in the flow which is very tricky when you write short stories. Usually, when we write those, we tend to rush the plot slightly because of restrictions. However, you did great in this section, the flow of the story didn’t distract me or make me feel lost. You kept control of the pace through the whole story.
grammar (10)
punctuation » 4/4
spelling » 2/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 2/2
Grammar isn’t something that distracts me. Your grammar is quite good and it didn’t make me lose focus in reading and following your story. I didn’t pick any grammar mistakes or misspellings. Your vocabulary is also decent, you use different words, and the language simply flows.
taste of story (10)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 5/5
influence of flow and grammar » 4/4
length of your story » 1/1
And now the feedback! It’s a shame your story was short because I absolutely wanted more especially because of the very last chapter that left us with a cliff hanger and it made me wonder if Seulgi would find the courage, grasp her inner voice and to leave him. It left me at the edge of my seat. And in my experience of being a reader, your story absolutely had me mindblown because I am the greatest hoe for angst and I do thank you for letting me review the story.
Now, once again, grammar and flow haven’t influenced negatively, It wasn’t distracting and I enjoyed it. The length of the story is quite minimal but once again the story was written for a contest and I am hoping for some sequel! *whispers* Send an invite if you do ever post it!
total score (100)
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