LUST >> kimmynurry
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An alpha and a yakuza
reviewed by DeeDee101
the request.
AUTHOR » kimmynurry
STORY status » Completed
chapters reviewed » 37
genres » angst, werewolf, yakuza
description » Knowing that she comes from a strong and reputable bloodline of Yakuza isn’t as shocking as finding out that she has a soul mate. Specifically being a mate to a werewolf, and not just any werewolf – an Alpha. At the age of 16, her life fell apart, and it was also the time when her life changed – not for the better, but a dangerous one. Under the care of her Yakuza grandparents, Rei turns into this cynical human being who isn’t afraid of death anymore, one who isn’t afraid to stand up for what she believes in and will fight for her right. Having that in mind, Rei doesn’t give up or care for what’s to come for her but to continue to fight for her life. Life becomes harder as fate decided to meddle with her life, ing her into all sorts of complicated situations, especially when she’s the future heiress to the Yakuza throne, as well as being the mate to this jerk of an Alpha – everything is aligned to be a perfect disaster.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (5)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 1/1
To me simplicity of story titles always work, for example your story title rings nicely to my ears because it really fits the story summary. It also appeals to me because when I clicked there was no fiction with a name like yours, which is a big plus. It nicely correlates with your storyline. What I gathered is clarity because many authors fail to convey but you did. And you won all full points!
graphics (5)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 2/2
correlation to the story » 2/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1
Graphic made for your story is absolutely mirroring your story and its summary. I have nothing else to say here. I have no advice to give because it’s none. The only thing you can do is to give my applause to the graphic designer who made the poster for you. To some reviewers graphic isn’t playing a role, but to me graphic inspires you to develop your story more and more and graphic is always that thing that the reader comes across when he searches for a story to read. Full points here!
description and foreword (8)
APPEAL of the description » 3/4
appropriateness of the description » 3/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
Description is a bit long in my opinion, because I think it kinda gives it away the whole plot and events become a bit predictable. I am saying this because readers tend to give up when plot becomes predictable. You don’t have to, but I’d suggest if you shortened it a bit. However, what I truly like is that you kept this section very organized. Again, if you want to leave it as it is, it’s of course acceptable. :)
story layout (5)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 2/2
Font, font size and divisions are pleasing for my eyes, they are just how they should be. By reading throughout your story and observing its layout it is nicely organized, you really made sure to keep everything in check (that is something in which I fail while I write). This is another thing that draws readers to the story or it either draws them away.
PLOT (30)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 10/10
the effect of events » 10/10
development of plot » 10/10
I really thought this would be another cliche boring plot with mafia. But when I actually read your plot perfectly, you really shocked me. I am all for the mafia. Good action, nicely planned out scenes. However, mixed with werewolf stuff? Now that is something I want to read!
characterisation (9)
development of characters » 4/5
character influence on the story » 5/5
You developed every character well. For example while I adore Rei’s best friend Miyu, I particularly like Rei. Her struggle, her decisions, her independence in each sentence and scenes made me love her even more. However, there were parts that a little made me confused, but you honestly “fixed” all that in each chapter. And with that said, your characters did an amazing job in leading the story nicely.
content description (8)
quantity » 3/5
quality » 5/5
Your content description is very nicely organized, however what I would suggest is not to give out the whole information about the plot. Even a quote of summary would suffice. I am saying this because some readers simply wouldn’t like when you spoil them too much of your plot and readers adore (like me) when they get flagbastered and surprised. But other than that everything else seemed nicely organized.
flow (5)
suitability of the flow » 2/2
your control of the pace » 3/3
The flow is perfect. From its beginning, the story flows nicely, it shows her daily life and slowly as the story progresses you add that speed and more action, suspense which I like to see in every story. I do believe that flow is needed and more important than grammar. And it helps your storyline to develop more and more.
grammar (10)
punctuation » 4/4
spelling » 2/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 2/2
To be honest, I don’t know what else to add here. Just that your grammar is from the beginning until the very end is perfect. I didn’t see any typical typo that we all usually make when we write something (I am queen of typos xD). Spelling, punctuation is flawless. Tense collisions I believe should exist, some other reviewers may disagree with me, but I do believe that when you write in first person or third you can’t just write in one tense but sometimes you have to land something from other tenses too.
taste of story (10)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 5/5
influence of flow and grammar » 4/4
length of your story » 1/1
My personal enjoyment could be seen at the way I review and in how much time it takes me to read your story. I give myself a long time to read it because in that way I am enjoying parts I already read. I enjoyed reading your story a lot. It came in perfect timing, like an escape from reality. Grammar didn’t influence your story to be bad or anything but it affected it in a good way, just like the flow. Your story isn’t lengthy so I didn’t ended up being bored but very excited for many of your stories to come into my hands :D
NOTE: Do forgive me for being so late with the review!
total score (95)
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