LUST >> JungMichan
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This walk will be legend
reviewed by exoexoexolellel
the request.
AUTHOR » JungMichan
STORY status » Completed
chapters reviewed » 1
genres » General Fiction
description » One minute he's performing to a stadium filled with fans, and the next, he's waking up in the middle of an endless desert. Suho doesn't know how he got there, or what happened to the others, but he does know where he has to go.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (5)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 1/1
The title is a surprising but interesting pick. I feel that there can be many interpretations to it, post-read. 'Legend' could symbolise what the fall meant to Junmyeon in developing his sense of self, or it could mean an unfortunate event for the fans as part of EXO history, or as a further stretch, it could mean for the rest of the members that sometimes performance is dangerous and can be fatal (though I would say less of this because of the one-shot's dominant focus on Junmyeon and Chanyeol only), or all of the above. The multiple interpretations make the title elusive and mysterious, which I find very appealing. Pre-read, I must say the title would've caught my eye if I was scrolling through a list of fanfictions. It's not a common title and the amount of syllables is catching. Excellent pick!
graphics (0)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 0/2
correlation to the story » 0/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 0/1
It would be nice to have a poster for the one-shot just to amp up the appeal of the presentation though obviously it's not compulsory. Nevertheless, it may be fun to give a story image to the one-shot. It can also be an effective visual indicator to tell the readers who you're including in the one-shot, and create a certain vibe from the poster to add to the story. Images incorporated in a poster, in the foreground or background, can also add mystery and have some reflective and curious readers think in on it to decipher what the images could symbolise. Something to consider!
description and foreword (7)
APPEAL of the description » 2/4
appropriateness of the description » 4/4
organisation of description and foreword » 1/2
This section is a little hard to mark since the read is incorporated as part of a compilation of your one-shots. I've based the Description on the one-liner you've supplied in the compilation's actual Description and Foreword. I find the summary to be clean, concise, straight-to-the-point and not lacking of any significant elements to the one-shot. Very happy and impressed with the one-liner.
story layout (5)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 2/2
Font, font sizes, spacing and divisions are all very consistent. Presentation of the one-shot is standard and simple. Gives the read a visually clean and smooth read. No issues here.
PLOT (22)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 8/10
the effect of events » 7/10
development of plot » 7/10
As far as the storyline goes, not much occurs between Junmyeon's fall off the stage and him waking up in hospital. Of course, the revisits to the unconscious realm are nice fillers in between Junmyeon's reality and creates a nice contrast throughout the one-shot. As short as the read was, there were symbolic messages that were presented, including Junmyeon's need to find his 'home' and realising at the end that it was with his beloved members, and the portrayal of the brotherhood that runs strong across the band, seen through each member's concern for Junmyeon in the present world. These messages make This walk will be legend an intriguing read and has the likely effect of making the readers think and reflect on what the band means to Junmyeon and what Junmyeon means to the band.
In terms of the effect of events, there really is that one dramatic event which drove the storyline - Junmyeon's accident. Again, you may be content with your story being a one-shot, but the lack of substance makes it difficult for me to give full marks. I do want to re-empahsise that as long as you're happy with the product, there are no issues here. It's just a matter of how many marks I can give out based on what's presented to the readers. If the fall and exploration of Junmyeon's unconsciousness was all that you wanted to introduce, the one-shot is perfectly fine as it is.
characterisation (7.5)
development of characters » 2.5/5
character influence on the story » 5/5
The most obvious character development to comment on would be with Junmyeon's. It seems like he's started at a very comfortable stage with his sense of self pre-fall - he knew he was the leader of EXO and he was somewhat aware that he retained a fondness for each and every one of them. After his fall, it appears that he lost sight on the journey back 'home', that he didn't realise he wasn't able to get anywhere efficiently on his own and it took him some time to figure out he needed to be reconnected with s to find his way back. This makes me question whether this lack of awareness was already embedded into Junmyeon before the fall, though the inferences I made above suggest otherwise. In this sense, the line between who Junmyeon was before and who he is afterwards becomes a little blurred and it's difficult to analyse his character development. I can see that he has changed as a character, but it's not clear as to how.
As for the side characters, there weren't enough attention on the others for me to be able to comment on their character development. I can squeeze a bit out of Chanyeol, though there really isn't much difference between his role and the others'. Junmyeon's fall may have made the rest of the boys realise the danger in performing on an elevated platform and also of their fondness for their leader. Were these realisations already ingrained in each and every one of them? Perhaps, perhaps not. Again, not entirely clear to me.
Nevertheless, character influence was strong, relevant and appropriate. Junmyeon's thoughts, happenings and decisions dictated the direction of the plot and drove the one-shot's storyline along. Chanyeol chosen as the more focused side character played a significant supporting role in light of the story's events. I could poke a little deeper by questioning why he was chosen as opposed to any other member in the band, as his concern and actions seems like it would have been mirrored by any one of them. However, I will let it slide as I am content with knowing that only one side character was utilised as a supporting figure rather than overwhelming the readers with the lot of them.
content description (10)
quantity » 5/5
quality » 5/5
The quality and amount of content description in your one-shot is dazzling. There are very tasteful descriptions in both Junmyeon's unconsciousness and his reality. Consistent revisits to the setting and the way the scenes are carried out help keep the readers' imagination grounded and let the narration freely write the story. To say I'm very impressed is a big understatement. Keep cultivating your talent for description in your future writings!
Below are just two instances where I found the wording a bit awkward. Perhaps you can reword in a diferent way?
... as if someone has thrown a switch and turned it all off.
He sees Sehun looking in the door, and Jongin clinging to him.
Here I would make a minor edit so it reads across with a bit more clarity:
He sees Sehun looking through the door, and Jongin clinging to him.
Or:
He sees Sehun looking in the doorway, and Jongin clinging to him.
flow (5)
suitability of the flow » 2/2
your control of the pace » 3/3
I felt that the flow was very controlled and appropriate. With not too much happening in reality, I didn't feel like you rushed the plot. Junmyeon's journey in his unconsciousness was much of a relaxed travel and supplied a nice contrast to the escalations occurring in reality. Overall I'm very happy with this category.
grammar (10)
punctuation » 4/4
spelling » 2/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 2/2
Grammar was immaculate, I found no mistakes throughout the one-shot. You made the Nazi inside of me very, very content. I spotted some use of advanced vocabulary that I definitely encourage continuing to develop and practise. Gives a nice refresher throughout the one-shot here and there. Full marks here.
taste of story (9)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 4/5
influence of flow and grammar » 4/4
length of your story » 1/1
Personally I found the one-shot to be a very nice read. The alternating scenes of Junmyeon's unconciousness and reality were a good mix and kept the intensity of the read high, since we got to look at what was happening inside Junmyeon's knocked-out state and what was happening external to him. I felt the read to be quite short because not much happened other than Junmyeon's fall and him waking up, and also because of the lack of roles that the other characters played other than Chanyeol. However, this doesn't have to be a bad thing if a short read was what you were aiming for - and I think it was. Still astounded by the neat and clean grammar, and the flow was expertly presented. All in all, I enjoyed this read very much!
total score (80.5)
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