Don't fall in love. Fall off a bridge. It hurts less.
***WARNING. smallTRIGGER – SELF HARM***

The next morning, Sojeon’s phone ranged, but no one was there to answer. Sojeon was in the bathroom. You’d think she was getting ready and all, but no. She was doing something far worst. She was cutting once again, when she already promised not to.

Tears roll down her face, as her wounds open up again. She didn’t know exactly why she was cutting again, but all she knows is that, its soothing to her. It was the only way to put off some of the weight on her chest that she was feeling.

  But Sojeon didn’t cry because of that. Sojeon was crying because she realizes what she is doing, and still proceeds with it. She doesn’t try to stop herself, instead she accepts it. She accepts all the deep cuts on her arms, and watches her blood flow out. But did she accept it? Of course, she hates it how she is cutting, but it was the only way to help her pain at ease.

People have tried to help her, by giving her different methods, and tactics to help her, but she didn’t find them useful. She found that by bringing pain to her, it was the only way to release the greater pain that she has been holding in for too long.

Sojeon sits on her bathroom floor, and stars out tiredly. It was the effect of blood loss. The thing is, Sojeon knew when to stop her bleeding, but she doesn’t know how to stop herself from cutting. Even though she has stop for a while already, but it came back.

She signs, then stands up and look at herself in the mirror. Did she like who was staring back at her? What Sojeon liked about the person staring right back at her through the mirror was how happy she used to be. It was hard for Sojeon to even smile.

Washing the blood from her arms away, she walks back to her room, and picks up her phone on her bed. She saw three missed calls from Ahra, and a text from her that showed a small number of 8 on the upper right message icon.

Clicking on the message icon, she sees a whole bunch of “call me!” from Ahra. Furrowing her brows, she clicked the phone icon next to Ahra’s name and called her.

The line didn’t ring for long.

“JEON!” Ahra shouted through the phone.

“Chill.” Sojeon replied.

“Sorry for shouting. Dude, guess who is back?!” Sojeon sounded almost excited.

“Who?” Sojeon said in a tone like she didn’t care.

“Luhan!” Sojeon could see the smile on Ahra’s face, and she cringed. Her blood began to boil, thinking about how Luhan treated her last night.

“I don’t care.” Sojeon said calmly, trying to calm herself down.

“Come outside. I’m outside, and apparently Chanyeol’s friends is friends with him, and they are about to go hang out at their place. You’re coming with me no matter what. Chanyeol invited us.” Ahra said, and then she hung up. Right then, Sojeon heard banging on her door, and hurriedly put a long sleeve shirt on.

Sojeon walked to the door, and opened it. Ahra let herself in, more like she just barged into Sojeon’s house.

“What are you wearing girl? Go change!” Ahra demanded.

Sojeon closed the door and turned back to face Ahra. “I never said I was going.”

Ahra threw her famous devil eyes at Sojeon, which scared Sojeon. It has been forever since Ahra has used “the” eyes on her, and she has forgotten how scary Ahra could be when she uses her eyes.

“Fine.” Sojeon sighs, and then marched to her bedroom. “But I will leave after an hour!” Sojeon slams her bedroom door, and Ahra smiled in victory.

“I can’t believe you’re dressed like that.” Ahra almost felt embarrass standing next to Sojeon.

“If you’re just going to complain, then I guess I don’t need to go.” Sojeon says, and was about to turn back, but Ahra grabbed her arm, and stopped her. Sojeon held in her jump from the pain of when Ahra grabbed her arm, and played a poker face.

“Sorry. I’ll shut up.” Ahra said, and they found themselves at the door steps of Chanyeol’s friend’s house.

Ahra turned to Sojeon and checked Sojeon’s outfit one last time before she sighed. “I can’t believe I am about to walk in with you right now.”

Actually, Sojeon’s outfit was not even bad. Ahra just wanted Sojeon to dress up a little bit more, so that she would impress Luhan, but Sojeon declined. Sojeon wanted to wear what she was comfortable in. She wore a long sleeve sweater, and skinny jeans. Although it was summer, Sojeon barely felt the heat.

“I feel suffocated just looking at you.” Ahra said almost irritated, before she ringed the door bell, and seconds later, the door opened.

“Oh, you must be Ahra and Sojeon?” Ahra knew the face, but not the name. Chanyeol talked about them to her once.

“Ahah, yeah.” Ahra said, and the guy smiled, letting them in.

“Oh, Ahra hey.” Chanyeol walked up to them, and smiled. “Hey Sojeon.” Chanyeol said, and Sojeon didn’t say anything, but did a slight nod, acknowledging his greeting.

Ahra clicked her tongue in disapproval, and elbowed Sojeon lightly. Chanyeol saw the gesture, and he chuckled lightly, when he saw a change of expression in Sojeon. It’s been a while since Sojeon’s cold face was crack, and it felt refreshing.

“Well, come on. I’ll introduce you two to my friends.” Chanyeol lead the way to the living room.

The living room was filled with laughter, and bright energy. Right when they entered, they were greeted by everyone in the room.

“Hey guys, these are the two that I invited.” All eyes were on them. “This is my cousin Ahra, and this is her friend, Sojeon.” Ahra smiled, and bowed to them, while everyone laughed.

“Please, don’t be too formal. Just treat us like your friends.” The guy who opened the door early said.

“That’s Suho, the owner of this house.” Chanyeol said, and Ahra nodded. Chanyeol proceeded to introduce all the other people in the room, and the whole time, Sojeon’s eyes never wavered away from outside the window.

They were barbequing, and next to the grill was Luhan, hand-in-hand with his long time crush, Rani.

“Come, I’ll introduce you guys to the rest of the guys.” He led them outside, and Sojeon held in her breath. Actually, it has now become hard for her to breathe.

“Oh, hey, Chanyeol!” The guy grilling shouted to them, waving his tongs in the air.

“That’s Sehun.” Chanyeol said. Chanyeol proceeded to introduce them all, and the whole time, Luhan never spared Sojeon a look.

On another note, Ahra was sending death glares at Luhan. How can he just ignore Sojeon like that? Chanyeol led them to sit, while he went to go grab them some meat.

“This isn’t too bad, right?” Ahra said, but Sojeon didn’t reply. Sojeon was too busy thinking about how she could meet Luhan, holding hands with Rani like that.

If Luhan has been gone for this long, and he only came back not even that long yet, and they were holding hands. How can Luhan not even acknowledge her presence? Did her chapter in his book really ended already?

Sojeon really wanted to crawl under her bed sheet and cry herself to sleep. No, she wasn’t jealous of Luhan being with Rani. She just never imagined that she would meet Luhan like this. Her imagination of her and Luhan reuniting was something like this.

She would get to beat Luhan up for leaving her, and then hug Luhan, and then they would talk. Luhan would listen to her story, because that’s what he loved most, when they were still friends. He would listen to her rant, or talk, and then later, calm her down with some bad jokes, and hugs. But this was nowhere near what she had imagined.

This was the opposite of what she imagined, and believe it or not, she felt like her tears were coming out. She really did lose her best friend. The only person that would make everything better, because she gets to be with him at the end of the day. But it hasn’t been like that for the past years, and it may not be like that for the rest of the year. Must she end the chapter that Luhan is in? Everything was telling her yes, but something really tiny, told her to hang on.

She realized that she had loved Luhan until now, and that was the thing that was holding her back from ending his chapter in her book. If this was love, then why does it hurt so much?

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Been a while right? Hah, sorry about that. I actually got caught up with school. But, enjoy and please leave me nice comments :)