(filler chapter. still on the same page, the past, thank you)

His mind can't stop replaying the scene where he met Seunghyun earlier.

He keeps hearing that sentence.  

You knew It's not nothing.

You knew It's not nothing.

You knew It's not nothing.

And the fact that he forgets his morning coffee is not helping.

He speeds through the alley, knowing that it would be less messy at this hour.

He was on his way to home, from college.

And he's been drifting off. 

As much as he tried to fight it.

He couldn't.

He's been drifting off while riding his bike.

He tried hard to open his eyes. He really did.

Suddenly, he cant quite figure it out. 

All he knew is that his motorbike was crashed out to the ground.

He was moving through the other side.

He heard a car almost moves past him.

He didn't know whether he should be thankful that the damned car didn't crush his skull yet or that fact that he's still breathing after all that happened.

He was smell of asphalt and blood.

He almost can't see.

His head is spinning.

He can't think anything either.

It's been minutes, but he knew. He heard people's scream and ran near him.

He knew because it suffocated him

Being the emphasis like this.

He tried hard to open his eyes.

He did the best that he could.

He saw blood running from his nose and also his mouth.

He barely can stand.

There's no way to go home like this. 

He closed his eyes.

And wait.

He heard people saying things like "he's still alive!" , "call the ambulance", "move him, move him from here."

et cetera.

At some point, the sounds mute.

Maybe because his brain is going to be dead. 

Maybe his body has finally started malfunctioning.

Maybe, just maybe, this time, he let himself getting helped.

Sleep came to him like a present and hot machiato on rainy christmas day.

He welcomed it.

He felt sticky, all over his body.

His legs burns.

His nose and mouth can't stop bleeding.

And he realized that there is someone stuffed tissue on his nose so he will stop bleeding.

Later on he heard this person cursed because these tissue end up wretched in blood.

He almost felt sorry.

He should stop being a burden.

He even being a burden for these strangers.

But in his heart, he felt a weird sensation.

He is not feeling sad, no sadness at all.

And that's a first.

First.

Maybe this is how death feels like.

No struggle, no pain.

Just plain, and empty.

As he lays helplessly on this ground.

As he kept his eyes close.

For the first time,

He didn't think about Seunghyun at all.

He decided, He wants this.