“Need help?”

Nara leers at Kevin, turning her back on him.  “Shut up,”

“You know, you always wear bras with front clips,” He slips his arm around her waist, chuckling into the crook of her neck.  “You’re so bad with back clips tha—“

“I said shut the up,” Nara brushes him away roughly, picking up her shirt and pants.  She trips over her own foot and nearly crashes onto the nearest table if not for Kevin’s arm, holding her up by the waist.  

“Hey, are you o—“

“Stop touching me, Kev,” Nara grits her teeth, shaking the sudden dizziness off. 

“I’m sorry, did I overdo it last night?” Kevin tries to get a look at her face but she pulls away.

“I have no energy left to fight you, so did you really need to ask me that?”

“I’m sorry,” Kevin tries to reach out and take her hand.  “Let’s go get some med—“

“Please! Kevin, please,” Nara cradles her own hand to her chest.  “Just, please, don’t,”

“I want to help, Nara, why—“
“Because you’re the reason I feel like a piece of every single morning I wake up,” She sobs, running out just as she slips her shirt over her head.

Kevin slams the door closed and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.  “You idiot! Get your goddamn head together!” He shuts his eyes, clenching his hands into tight fists.  “It’s your fault in the first place.  It has always been your fault,”

That’s her 23rd ‘meeting’ with Kevin in her 4th month.  Out of all 23 meetings, he had with her 15 times.  He simply made her sleep beside him 5 times.  And the rest 3; she was asked to sit there in his apartment, watching him get drunk until he lost consciousness, holding his head over the toilet bowl as he threw up in the mornings just before she left.  In those mornings and the 5 when they simply slept side by side, Kevin would tell her one single word, over and over again:

“Stay.”

Nara was confused.  Her mind was broken up into pieces where Kevin was, and yet she still had the nerve to see Kyungsoo and be in his arms.  He was her fresh breath of air. She loved him and he loved her.  But he didn’t know about her little meetings with Kevin.  Nor did Haerin, nor did Kai, nor did Yunjae.  

Kevin confused her.  Kevin threw her off of a cliff at times she least expected him to.  Kevin startled her with his words, his sudden gentle touches, his abrupt, needy kisses that conveyed nothing, not even want, but necessity.  As if he was desperate for something to hold on to.

He was like her.

And it killed her to not be able to love him.

She hated herself for that.

And she couldn’t tell anybody about it.

She knew, that even if she didn’t come to their meetings, he wouldn’t dare do a single thing to her.  He wouldn’t tell his father, he wouldn’t ruin her job, he wouldn’t ruin her life.  Because he knew that whatever he did or tried to do; he had already lost her.

And his helplessness was what anchored her to him and him to her.  All he was holding on to was her presence.  He knew that she will never be with him, be it by mind or heart.  He might have hurt her, forced her, chained her with him, but he knows, that the name that she’ll be calling in bed, the name that she’ll be calling for help, for comfort, for safety, will always be Kyungsoo’s.

4 months ago, all she had for Kevin was hate, spite and everything bad.  But now, she had so much empathy and compassion, she could almost make herself stay.

“What do I do?” She sobs, running blindly towards work.  “What do I do?” The only person she could talk to was Haerin.  But how could she possibly tell her about this? “Haerin will— Haerin is gonna—“

“I’ll what?” 

Nara squeaks when she meets Haerin’s eyes in the elevator.  “H-Haerin,” She stutters.  “What are you doing h-here?”

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of your manager and we’ve got a full schedule from 10AM today to 3AM tomorrow,” Haerin frowns.  “Something’s up, isn’t it?” She pushes the top floor and holds the ‘close’ button down to keep anybody from getting on the same elevator.

Nara throws a confused look at her.

“Can’t afford people to see the rookie model looking like this,” Haerin smiles, glancing at Nara sympathetically.

The elevator dings at the rooftop and the two get off, leaning onto the furthest railing with the elevator to their backs.  Haerin takes out two cartons of milk from her bag and hands one to Nara after opening it for her.  She says nothing, because she knows that Nara will tell her what’s wrong when she wants to.

“Haerin?”

“Yeah?”
“Is Kyungsoo home?”

“No, he’s over at the House.  Why?”

“Are you doing okay with school?”

“Yes.  Don’t worry, I have a good brain,”

“Oh,” Nara nods.  “How’s Kai,”

“Just Kai being Kai, nothing special,”

“Have you told him you love him?”

“No, not yet,”
“Why?”

“It isn’t the right time,”

“Why’s that?”

“Because life might still get in the way,”

“You’re going to let it get in the way?”

“You can’t fight life.  Just like how you can’t fight love, or fate, or destiny,”

“Can you fight your own conscience?”

“To an extent, yes,”
“What if it becomes unbearable?”

“Then you should do what feels right,”

“What if I’m not sure that what’s right is right?”

“Ugh, as cheesy as it sounds, listen to what your heart says,”

“Dammit,” Nara clutches at her head.  “I’m sleeping with someone,”

Haerin falls silent at her statement.  “Who?” She asks quietly.

“The CEO’s son,”

“Why?”

“Because he threatened me to,”

“What else?”

Nara looks up at Haerin and turns away from her stern gaze.  “Because he’s just like who I was before everything took a turn for the better,”

“How long?”

“4 months,”

“How many times?”

“Fifteen,”

“Wha—“

“Actually, 23, but the other 8 times we didn’t have ,”

“Are you okay with it?”

“I’m not okay with keeping it a secret, because it feels like—it’s actually like— going behind Kyungsoo’s back, but I can’t give Kevin anything else but my company.  I don’t want to drive him further into the ground,”

“Then tell Kyungsoo,”
Nara gapes at Haerin.  “Are you being serious right now?”

“Yes,”

“It’s going to kill him!”

“No, it’s not,” Haerin sighs.  “Don’t tell him the explicit details, just tell him that you’re seeing another man but he’s the one you’ll love till you die,”

Nara reddens at the words.  “I don’t think tha—“

“That’s the only way you can tell him without him asking into the details,” Haerin shrugs.  “He’s like Kai.  They’re both weak with and for words,”

“So I’m going to tell him?” Nara grimaces as if the thought itself was sour.

“Yes, you will, over a romantic, candle light dinner, in which I’ll be around with Yunjae and Kai.  That way, you don’t have to pay too much, and you’ll have company,”

Nara bites her lower lip in thought, but then nods.  “Okay.  Help me out, okay?”

“All the way through it,” Haerin pats Nara’s cheek and smiles down at her.  “Now, let’s get to work, because you’re late for your photoshoot with Elle,”