Switched #1

September 24, 2020

I can't tell you exactly when or where I fell in love with her because I was probably in love with her the entire time.

 

I could only tell you when I realized I was madly in love with her.

 

People ask me all the time, why her?

 

I could come up with thousands of reasons why but you wouldn't understand.

 

Because,

 

You've never seen how her eyebrows bunched up and how her tongue peaked out of the corner of when she was focused and serious.

 

You've never seen what she looks like when she just woke up, her hair looking like a bird's nest. (And I say that in the most endearing way.)

 

You've never seen the way her eyes lit up when she was in the middle of a good book in the making or when she suddenly found inspiration to make it better.

 

You've never seen how she blushed when you tell her she looks beautiful or remind her how much you love her.

 

And you've never seen how stunningly attractive she can be when she was angry (although it was not often). But she was strangely fascinating, she was like a whirlpool of chaos and craze.

 

I ask myself all the time, how did an idiot like me score a girl like her? What did I do to deserve this intelligent, generous, and soft spoken beauty?

 

I know I'm not the most romantic or sensitive man, but I am absolutely telling the truth when I tell you I'm madly in love with this woman.

 

Despite this macho bravado I put on, I am scared as hell to lose this girl again. She's my most prized possession and I would be stupid to let her slip through my fingers again.

 

I worry all the time you know, if she made it through the day okay, if she ate well, or if she made it to work safely when I wasn't able to drive her.
 

So, I know what you're wondering. If you love her so much, why did you let her go in the first place?

 

Well, I'll let you in on a little secret.
 

I did it for her.

 

If I had it my way, we would have never taken a break. But that wasn't what was best for her.

 

She was so determined to do well and succeed in life. I wouldn't blame her, with what she and her mother went through, I knew she felt so much pressure to get a good job and make lots of money. I admire her mom, she was a hardworking lady. Although it costed her a relationship with her only child, all her hard work paid off. Her child grew, no blossomed, into a beautiful and mature young woman.

 

So, I knew she needed to focus all her time on school. She would hate herself if she failed. I knew it wasn't a good time for her, she couldn't balance school and a relationship at the same time. I knew she felt guilty whenever she had to cancel and she was constantly tired, she should be sleeping not going out to dinner with me.
 

And so at first I tried to give her her space, I started making plans of my own so that she wouldn't feel obligated to see me and she could study without worries. Although it killed me to push her away, she needed it.

 

But sometimes it wasn't enough. She was still stressed out and bombarded with a series of things. And it wasn't just her, I was sure busy as hell.

 

And so I made the decision to let her go. As much as it killed me, I had so much faith in our relationship that I knew we would get back together when the time was right. (Although it might of just been wishful thinking.)

 

I spent four years focusing on myself and dance, I was determined to better myself and make myself into someone who was worthy to be with her.

 

I thought about her all the time though, was she happy? Was she with another man?

 

It would have broken my heart if she had moved on but I would just quietly accept it.

 

But the question still lingers, why did we have to avoid each other? Why couldn't we just be friends like normal people?

 

Because we were too much in love. I believe that if you could hate someone or be friends with someone right after you break up, you never truly loved them.

 

We would have just fallen back into place.

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