Neutrality #2

September 6, 2013

Monday.

Like most people, I really dreaded Mondays, but I especially hated the Monday of September 6, 2013 the most. I woke up with a horrible headache, swollen eyes, and in an uncharacteristically dark mood.

I spent the entire Sunday locked up in my room, not that anyone, especially my mom noticed. What started out as disappointment and sadness quickly transformed into anger and confusion.

Wasn’t this unhealthy? Why did the one person I was so dependent on and love have to constantly hurt me? This wasn’t right, this was unfair.

Yes, I was angry, but I wasn’t psychotic. I wasn’t one of those girls who would either go through a random huge transformation, both physically and personality wise; and I sure as hell wasn’t that girl who would come to school with a gun and shoot her ex-boyfriend.

No, I was me. I was the calm, coolheaded, reasonable girl. Was I willing to hear him out? Not yet, I knew myself better than that. I knew that I would come crawling back into his arms no matter what happened. I had to protect my pride now, as it is all I had, my dignity and virtue was willingly stripped away.

I looked in the mirror as I brushed my hair, studying my dark circles and pale complexion. Frowning, I grabbed my limited makeup case and applied concealer and blush to make myself look livelier. I wasn’t about to let him know how much his little stunt affected me.

Were we still dating? I wonder the same thing.

But deep down, I knew I would stupidly and gladly accept a heartbreak from him every day than to wipe him completely out of my life.

He was the worst drug, and I was a willing addict.

I took a deep breath, my hand on the old brass doorknob. “I can do this,” I continued to chant silently. I opened the door in one swift motion and cracked my eyes open. To my disappointment, there was no one on my porch. No smartly dressed, messy hair man adorning a smirk.

I locked the door to my house and set off to school for the first time in years, alone.

The walk to school was eerie, the air felt colder, the ground felt harder, and the stop lights felt longer. I crinkled my reddening nose as I slipped my hands into my pockets for warmth. I don’t think I’d ever get use to the empty feeling in between my fingers again.

“Where’s your boyfriend today?” L.Joe smirked, leaning against my desk. Yes, this guy still continued to bother me at any opportunity, which for the past year was almost none (As I stated, Kai and I were glued to the hip).

“None of your business.” I murmured, turning the other way.

“Did that bastard finally get sick of you?” He taunted, “Did he finally leave you after getting what he wants?” I bit my lip as I tried to block out his crude words. Is that all these people think about? ?  Or don’t they realize that people can get sick and miss school? Or perhaps it was my poor makeup job gave the impression that we broke up.  

“I have to give him props though, he’s got dedication. To stick around for that long just so you would willingly give it up to him.”

I pulled back my chair with a loud screech and planted my palms on top of my desk. I glared up at him murderously and shouted, “Leave me alone!”

All eyes were on me as I stormed out of the classroom, water collecting in my eyes.

“I heard about your little breakdown in class,” a calming voice said. The owner of the voice quickly sat down next to me.

“How’d you find out?” I mumbled. We were both sitting on the ground under a tree behind the school. I had only been sitting out here overthinking and crying for an hour before Kyungsoo had found me.

“Everyone,” he sighed, “The school’s angel had a mental breakdown m