Thank you for the reviews. Some were really sharp. This chapter reveals a lot but doesn't answer all the questions. So there's a bit more to come. I hope you'll let me finish the story and enjoy it till the end.

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But I know there were two shots.

When I head home my head still spinning I remember having read over and over again there had been two shots. I frantically start searching daum.net for random articles, comments, reports about that night, and while I’m scanning through countless entries I stumble over the second of the three pictures we unsuccessfully tried to erase from the web.

Yes, there had been two shots.

I know I cannot avoid it any longer, so I give in, take the scratchpad from my nightstand drawer and start to read.

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SM management had delayed the premiere for the video-clip aptly to the first of September and our comeback-stage was scheduled three weeks afterwards.

The viewing rates on the music-channels sky-rocketed immediately. Reviewers were almost instantly calling “September” the clip of the decade, a glimpse of the future, a jewel ... it was crazy.

And with the song the number of extreme fans increased abruptly. We had always had a good relationship and contact with our fans. But with “September” the mood tilted towards mania especially among the younger ones. For the first time in our career we felt constantly hassled never losing the crowd that seemed to follow wherever we went. It was fun only for a couple of days. After that it became tedious and even frightening. Still we were happy about the incredible success that we had only partly foreseen.

The expectations for our comeback-stage were sky high and put enormous pressure on all of us but especially on Kibum. Taemin had to drag him home from practice at night and he kept calling Rino asking for advice. Key had never been so meticulous before. He really really wanted to make our first live performance of “September” the icing on the cake.

We were all very nervous, much more than usual, when we got on stage. The space was smaller than expected and we had to dance the main choreography really tightly. Together with the management we had decided we would do a half-sync with live singing in between and Taemin wanted to start live. And he was brilliant. His voice carried us through the a capella part and we only switched to syncing when the dubstep set in and we seriously started to dance. During Taemin’s solo Jonghyun and I switched back to live and Minho rapped his passage beautifully leading to Kibum’s solo part, the highlight of the song.

Kibum had been dancing the main choreography effortlessly with his usual sharpness but we were all anxious if he could pull off the solo in one go under the pressure of a live performance. The fan chants peaked into a constant “KIM KI-BUM” but when he whispered “it’s time” into his microphone they fell silent and the stage was dark except for a single spotlight. We tried to keep as close to the edge of the stage as possible to give Kibum the space he needed and then the contrabass set in and he was on his own.

The winter-demon in the MV is painfully beautiful, breathtaking, gorgeous. But seeing Kibum live on stage, being close enough to hear the squeaking of his shoes and to see the sweat running down his neck while he was crouching, twisting, jumping, faster and faster until the music stopped, was so much more intense. I had seen him doing the solo lots of times. We had done rehearsals of the full performance and even in costumes. But it was something entirely different to watch him dancing this difficult part in front of a large audience with incredibly high expectations. He was dancing for his life.

When he collapsed at the end of the solo it looked so real that I almost missed my cue. Taemin came back with his summer-warm voice and we finished the song live and in almost flawless harmony.

The audience went wild but after the enormous stress we were relieved that there were no curtain-calls at comeback and we could just go backstage and to our dressing rooms.

Kibum was limping slightly because of a cramp. I had expected him to start whining as soon as we had left the stage but he probably was too exhausted even for that. We were pleased and totally happy that it was over. We laughed a lot and praised ourselves and each other shamelessly. Jonghyun hugged Kibum and gave him a piggy-back ride. And Key let his arms hang down Jong’s front like an ape and faked unconsciousness. Everyone we passed on our way to the dressing-rooms applauded and cheered for us.

The after show reception was cut short to a couple of drinks to let us get home quickly. There would be tons of shows to do in the following weeks and we knew we needed to rest.

We entered the parking-deck through the guarded backdoor still in a boisterous mood and proceeded to the elevators. Kibum by then was limping considerably and in spite of our party mood I was a bit worried that it was more serious than we first thought. Surprisingly enough he still didn’t complain and kept joking around with Taemin and Minho, teasing the latter about a minor slip of the tongue during his rap-part. I caught Jonghyun’s concerned look at Kibum’s slight hobble but he didn’t say anything either. He kept close to him though as if to be ready just in case and shoved him in when we were squeezing into the narrow elevator.

We were in a hurry because we hadn’t really succeeded in losing the crowd although we had a bit of a headstart due to the shortcut through the backdoor. But we knew that the fans were catching up and were probably already entering the parking deck from the first floor ramp.

The time from the moment we stepped out of the lift on the 5th floor heading for the bus until the arrival of the ambulances seems to be stretched to hours instead of minutes in my memory, like the world around us was slowed down. And as I sit on the sofa and read what I wrote down years ago, I suddenly can remember every little detail again.

I didn’t see the girl. I was in front but walking backwards talking to Jong, when out of the corner of my eye I saw Kibums head turn suddenly. He had always had this weird ability to spot cameras or onlookers faster than everybody else where I sometimes didn’t spot them at all. I remember thinking ‘they’re already here’ expecting a couple of fans on the ramp running upwards diagonally to the elevators.

The next thing I perceived was the sound of the shot and Taemin stumbling back into Minhos arms, almost instantly collapsing and already covered in blood. There were screams and I believe one of them was mine. My brain couldn’t process what was happening fast enough. I wanted to rush to Taemin who was shaking uncontrollably while Minho knelt down holding him when my eyes caught Jonghyun who looked the other way with an utterly horrified expression on his face. He took a step forward and it was only then that I noticed Kibum. He stood halfway next to me, motionless, and when I looked at him sideways I think I saw him closing his eyes. For a second I wondered why he didn’t react to the screams and Taemin who was convulsing in agony behind him. Then his knees buckled.

The bullet had ripped through his chest so fast that he hadn’t toppled over immediately. When he collapsed Jong caught him but different from Taemin Kibum was eerily silent. He wasn’t bleeding as much either and since he wore a black shirt it was hardly visible at all.

Jonghyun fell to his knees holding Key and I slowly got down too, not knowing what to do. Weirdly enough none of us was thinking about the shooter. “CALL THE ING AMBULANCE” Minho shouted and I finally started to function. I reached for my mobile and made a stammering emergency call to the police.

Although Taemin’s condition was alarming and screamed for instant aid I knew that I had to stay with Kibum and grabbed his hand. His eye-lids fluttered open once again and I noticed that there were still some snow-crystals glittering on his lashes. He seemed to look at Jonghyun but I’m not sure he could focus anymore. Almost imperceptibly he squeezed my hand. There was a smile ghosting over his face I think but that might have been just my imagination. When he finally closed his eyes I didn’t have to check for a pulse. I knew he was dead, so did Jonghyun. His face was distorted with despair and pain when he cradled Kibums still body to his chest. I only felt numb.

Then Jonghyun looked up and the pain emerged into wrath. Song Sungmi, was standing just a few meters away, an expression of pure horror on her face, still holding the gun in her hand that hung limply at her side. Jong shifted Key tenderly into my arms and got up.

The second image that I find once again on the internet and study closely before I report it; it shows Jonghyun standing above the crumpled figure of a young woman like an angel of wrath, wild-eyed, teeth clenched, left arm outstretched still pointing the gun at Song Sungmi at his feet. Her grandfather’s gun had indeed been fired twice that night, but only once with the intention to kill ... by my best friend.

The prosecutors had tried to nail him for murder with this photograph, but the judge granted his lawyer’s objection against it, since it didn’t prove anything besides the obvious. Jonghyun had never denied that he shot the girl after wrestling the gun out of her hand. He didn’t even try to plead for self-defence. In the end they convicted him for man-slaughter under extenuating circumstances.

My scratchpad ends with Jonghyuns shot. But I know that's not all that happened. I need to call Minho.