It must have been around the time when we started the preparations for “September” that the first letters arrived. But Kibum didn’t tell anybody. I found one torn in our kitchen-bin by accident. I wouldn’t have taken a closer look if it hadn’t been for the cut-and-paste blackmail style of the text. It was in English and although I wasn’t as firm as Key in the language I understood perfectly well what it was about.

I showed it to Jonghyun and we waited for an opportunity to talk to Kibum alone and take him to task. After practice the following night we let Minho and Taemin go out for dinner on their own and sat Kibum down in the living-room.

“What?” he asked surprised when Jonghyun shoved him angrily onto the sofa.

“The letter”, Jong said without preface and tossed the shreds at him. “Why the didn’t you tell anybody?”

Key slightly winced although he tried to act cool and said:

“I get them all the time, so what about it?”

Both Jonghyun and I were taken aback by the information that it by far hadn’t been the first letter.

“Then why didn’t you tell anyone?” I asked again, “not even Jong or me?”

“Tell you and then what?”

“Well, believe it or not but I’d like to know if one of my closest friends receives death threats”, Jonghyun blustered still angry but when he sat down next to Kibum his anger gave way to concern.

Key looked exhausted and pale. And although we knew that was mainly due to the exceptionally hard training he was going through, the letters didn’t help.

“Don’t worry about it”, he said accepting Jonghyun’s arm around his shoulders and looking at me he added with fake indignation “seriously, Hyung, just because you don’t get any you shouldn’t read my hate-mail.”

I tried to laugh it off but I was still worried, so was Jonghyun, who didn’t let go for the longest time and even laid his chin on Kibum’s shoulder looking at him from the side with puppy-eyes until Key smooched his forehead jokingly and then pushed him away with a lopsided grin.

Giving in to our urge Kibum told the management about the letters and they forwarded the matter to the police. I don’t think they took it seriously though.

Of course hate-mail among celebrities wasn’t and isn’t anything unusual. I’m pretty sure the EXO kids got a lot of it since they had far more sasaeng fans as well as anti-fans. Among our members though it was rather unusual.

The overall message of the letter I’d seen was extremely homophobic. There was a lot of name-calling and weird accusations of “corrupting our youth”. Although it was addressed to Kibum it was a general condemnation of SHINee and male idol-groups. But the colorful and disturbing death threat applied to Kibum specifically.

In spite of Key’s objection we told Minho and Taemin about the letters as well, partly to make them aware of the situation and partly to explain the growing tension among us. Taemin was the least worried. I think it was beyond him to understand extreme hatred like that. But I noticed that Minho was more alert than usual.

Another disturbing point about the letters was that it mentioned a few things that weren’t publicly known so Kibum made it a habit to wave and smile at cameras that might or might not have been there in the elevator, the parking lot or in the practice-rooms. Sometimes he sang things like “taking a shower now, my little hater” before he went or said good-night to the “unknown killer”. It became a sort of running gag and I slowly ceased to worry because nothing else happened and we were so busy with the “September” project.

---

Taemin calls me one evening and tells me he’s at home. The doctors finally decided it was about time for him to reorganize his life and find his way back to normality. He is receiving physical therapy while they keep testing his returning tactile sensibility. And it is returning indeed, slowly but surely.

I visit him at his parents’ house where he has returned to his old room that is full of memories of our roly poly Maknae. I have to smile when I see an old picture of him with his mushroom-haircut.

“Do you know if the police kept the letters?” I suddenly ask, not even sure why.

“What letters?” he asks back.

For some reason it surprises me that he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. It’s been on my mind for days so that it’s hard to realize that other people are not thinking about it.

“The letters Kibum received”, I say but Taemin still looks clueless.

“You remember the letters, don’t you?” I want to know, “those disgusting and spiteful things cut out of magazines?”

“Oh”, he says, “yeah, I remember. Although I never really read one of them. Key Hyung didn’t want to show them and he always said, it wasn’t important.”

“But ...”

I don’t get the opportunity to ask why it didn’t upset him more because Taemin’s mother brings another guest.

“Jong-In!” Taemin says and smiles. “You know Jinki Hyung, don’t you?”

I haven’t seen Kai close-up for a long time. He’s tall and butch and doesn’t look remotely like Taemin anymore. But he’s still shy and uncomfortable in my presence.

He sits down on the bed, reaches into his jacket and gives Taemin a small jewellery-box.

Taemin obviously knows what it is. He opens it and pulls out a thin silver necklace with a pendant. At first sight I think it’s some kind of enchased semiprecious but when he hands it to me I see what it really is and my blood runs cold.

“You kept the bullet?” I ask incredulously.

“Yeah”, he says with a smile, “it’s a token.”

A token of a premature death and a broken body.