A few days left before 2018 ends.

Yoona can't believe that another year is ending just like that. This year has been a whirlwind for her - it was a mess of different events and varied emotions. She feels like during the whole year she was just floating away to wherever life takes her. A lot of milestones happened and also, this was the year she completely felt that she just lost her best friend.

It's been around 3 years since she graduated from high school. Since then, she has been studying at the capital - where some of her friends are studying at, too. That includes Luhan. In those three years, knowing he was there too (albeit him being an hour away) was extreme comfort to her. At first, she was immensely homesick but the times they meet makes her forget that feeling. In other words, he has been her home - even when they were still living in their hometown and and more so when they moved to that new place.

But things changed. Timing is a , you know. It was embarrassing to admit but all these years, she was pining for him. She was hoping that for once, some miracle would happen and that would change everything for them. It was embarrassing to admit that every gaze and every action meant something to her when those were probably insignificant to Luhan. Or maybe at some point, Luhan held a torch for her, too but she was too slow on the uptake. Maybe, all his actions were hints already but she was too fearful to confront them. Maybe, they could have had a chance if only they found the right timing. But what good can all these maybe's do now? He was in love with someone else already. She was smiling when he told her about it...but if he only knew, if he only knew how she felt inside. She thought that maybe, because years have passed and they met infrequently already, that won't affect her anymore. Unfortunately for her, it consumed her whole being. What can work for that girl but not for her?

She doesn't blame Luhan at all. Okay, at some point, she probably did. But weirdly, she doesn't hate him. She doesn't love him as much either. What she feels for him is very ambiguous and what is the realization that probably, she will always be in love with that version of him she met when they were younger - who will never come back. What does that leave her then?

Hi, it's been 3 years...? Even though this story was lacking so much (especially with the random-ness of the updates), I'm still thankful that there were some of you who apreciated this (and even went out of their way to comment). As mentioned, this was just like a diary that's why the flow was uneven and the update schedule was all over the place. I'm the crazy one who made use of a fan fiction website as her diary lol. I was probably intrigued by the fact that I get to express my emotions and thoughts without disclosing my identity. I'm sorry if you guys became victims to that lol but I do hope that while reading, you still got something from it. I'm sorry I couldn't make a proper fan fiction. I really hope you guys would be able to find other fan fictions that will completely satisfy you.

As for the real life Luhan, we are still friends...I guess? But definitely not as close as before. In a year, we see each other only twice or thrice? Just like how I'm trying to cut off any affection I have left for him, I wanted to end this story, too. Kind of like a closure. That's why I decided to write this today.

I don't expect him to be a very huge part of my life from now on, to be honest. There are really just some things you have to let go of for you to move on - unfortunately, it's him.

I wish that 2019 will treat you guys well. Thank you so much. I say my goodbye here.