The news came out on a Tuesday morning. You weren't in Korea then, you were somewhere far from the scene and she flew somewhere you'll never reach her. Nevertheless, when the sun set where you were, you received a call from her, unexpectedly so.

She was unsually quiet, though you understood her reason quite well. You had experience this: your band on the brink of disbandment. But you knew hers was a little too different to even compare.

"So," you willed yourself to say it. "This is a goodbye?"

It took her a while to reply and when she did, it broke your heart to hear her voice, sounding so small and fragile, so unlike the Sooyeon you once knew. "I guess so."

"Where are you headed?"

"I don't know yet."

"Will you comeback?"

Sooyeon didn't answer. You preferred it that way.

"Well, you know where I am." You hoped she hears it for what it means: if you decide to come back, I will welcome you even if they don't.

"Thank you." She hung up before you even had the chance to reply. You don't lose her like this, not yet anyway.

She called you once during her escapedisappearanceexile or whatever the netizens wanted to call it. It went on voicemail but no messages were left. You wanted to give her a call but you were afraid she wouldn't pick up. She was lazy, she didn't like talking for too long and you were a talker. You talked mindlessly about a lot of things but she preferred silence or anything that didn't result to moving muscles. But that wasn't why you were afraid.

You knew deep inside that she found someone else to confide in; someone not you--and that's what you fear, which was why you lost her so easily, without putting much of an oucne of bravery and confidence. It was silly to fight for her anyway. Your bestfriend was her ex-bestfriend. It would never work out no matter how you tried. So you deleted her number and ignored the churn in your stomach.

A year later, you finally let yourself say goodbye.