[A/N] A very special thanks to misocheonsa who've generously made the awesome poster above for us! We are truly touched! Thanks sweetie~! /bear hug/

Everything feels wrong. It feels like the ground below your feet would crumble, dragging you into an endless pitch-black hole. Every breath you drawn were painful. Simply because the pain in your heart had become too severe to heal. Too fatal that it might engrave a mortal scar on it.

But you weren’t alone in this. The boys had long welcome despair to their soul too. Letting it succumb to what was left of their sanity. You had never seen them being so much in sorrow like this. Yet no matter how you hated it, you couldn’t do anything but stare when tears burst out from their darkened orbs. As you were just a step behind from breaking into tiny pieces of misery.

This can’t be happening…

The words replayed themselves inside your head as you tried to believe that what you were seeing right now was anything but real. That maybe this was all just a dream. A nightmare.

“H-hongbin-ah…”

Ravi cried out, resting his shaking head on Hongbin’s stomach with hands clutched on his shirt tightly, close from ripping it. No one knew how many times he had been chanting his best friend’s name, as he himself sure that it would just end up as a vain act. Because Hongbin would never answer him.

Never.

“D-don’t do this to me…”

More heartbreaking pleas escaped from Ravi’s lips as the baritone-voiced boy continued to beg, rendering the rest of the boys to break out even more tears. Ken, with teeth gritted, tried to hold his sobbing back by diverting his stare to the window. He couldn’t bear to look any weaker than he already were.

Oh, God—please… Don’t let it end like this…

Meanwhile, Hyuk was rooted on his feet. He was the only who wasn’t crying. In fact, his face was lack of anything like emotions. His stare was blank, so confusingly empty. His body didn’t move an inch when his eyes began to scan the soundless figure on the bed. The youngest had simply lost himself.

How you badly wished for time to stop and rewind itself. To bring all of you back to hours ago when joyous laughter was the only thing that filled the gleeful moment of Leo’s birthday. When the beginning was way happier than the ending.

“Lee Hongbin…”

The eldest grabbed Hongbin’s hand tightly. His voice was so thick in remorse and shame. It was indeed ‘his fault’ to begin with.

He knew that it wasn’t him who caused the whole mayhem. It wasn’t him who did the slaughter. It wasn’t him who made Hongbin like this.

But N was there.

And he watched all the atrocities his body committed.

From the spurting fresh blood when he rammed Hyuk’s head to the lamp post to the cracking voice of broken bones when he stomped on Leo’s chest. N felt them all. Yet the feeling of having no control of his own body was what killed him the most.

The feeling of hopelessness when something inside him began to crush his beloved ones yet he had no room to stop it.

N was drowning in his own pool of guilt.

“P-please… Forgive me… I-I’m so sorry…” His wailing became even louder when he brought the younger’s hand to his chest, retting it with drops of his own tears.

“Stop it—“

A voice came from behind. It was Ravi, with a mixed expression on his now scrunched face. Striding closer to N, his fist was balled before it suddenly collided with the eldest’ jaw.

WHACK

“R-Ravi!!!” You shrieked, only to be answered with the blue-haired boy’s dark stare. It wasn’t the fury in them that slightly made you cower, but the unspoken message of ‘stay back or I might hurt you too’ that left you with no choice but to stay put.

“Urghh…”

N hissed when blood began to seep out from the corner of his lips. His eyes were wide opened as he stared at the towering figure above him. But not because of the pain, but more like because he didn’t expect the sudden blow.

“Serves you right… .” Ravi groused in low voice.

He grabbed the eldest roughly on the collar, “…You said you’re sorry? As if it would bring him back to life, you worthless piece of !”

N didn’t even get to retort when Ravi crashed his knee onto his stomach and later tossed his body to the carpeted floor. But even with pain growing all over him, N didn’t beg his brother to stop. Because deep down, he knew that he deserved even worse than this.

“AND IF IT REALLY COULD BRING HONGBIN BACK TO US, I’LL MAKE SURE TO MAKE YOU SAY ‘I’M SORRY’ FOREVER!!!” He bent his body down and screamed at N’s ear.

” —YOU HEAR THAT!?! FOREVER!!!!!”

“Stop… please stop…” You faintly cried. Tears didn’t stop b out like a mini waterfall.

“Ya! Kim Ravi! What the hell— are you crazy!?” Ken stormed to Ravi’s direction and took a grip of his hands before the younger could lunge another attack on the sprawled N, “You do know that it’s not N’s fault! We all do! Because we’ve all been there before! So stop venting your anger at him!”

“SILENCE!!!”

Ravi roared and continued, “WE’RE DIFFERENT! WE’RE NOT LIKE HIM! WE GOT OUR TRIGGER ON BUT WE DIDN’T KILL ANYONE! WE DIDN’T KILL OUR OWN BROTHER!!!”

Those words were like blades to N’s heart, piercing it with their sharp ends. But N wouldn’t even bother arguing, because Ravi was right. They had all been at the point where they lost themselves, but none of them claimed the life of others.

None of them but him.

“…It’s alright, Ken… Leave him be.” N said with head sunk low, later flashed a sad smile at the pointy-nosed boy.

“But, N—!”

Ravi didn’t wait for Ken to finish his own sentence and soon lifted his foot in the air, preparing for a nice tramp on the N’s body. But his plan of giving the eldest the true taste of agony had to end when another voice suddenly broke the tenseness.

“What makes us different from him?”

The boys had their heads rapidly whirled back, now directed at the second eldest behind them. His front was as flat as usual but it didn’t stop them from noticing something different in Leo’s stare. As it was now filled with anger.

Leo was angry.

“You better don’t start talking with me… Or I’ll pound you down for good too.” Ravi threatened; not giving a damn to the fact that Leo was now glaring at him.

“Leo…” Sensing a potential brawl, you slowly scooted to the stiff-faced boy and tried to push him back. But Leo caught your hand and, for probably the first time in his life, pushed you away. He didn’t even look at you when he did that, of which slightly hurt you.

“Tell me, Ravi.” Leo stepped forward, “What’s so different about all of us?”

The younger stayed silent. But his eyes had yet to leave the second eldest’s. He was definitely not in the mood for an argument, but seeing that his silent brother had suddenly become talkative, Ravi couldn’t help but felt an urge to listen.

There was a brief silence before Ravi finally brought himself to give Leo an answer, “I told you… He killed Hongbin—”

“—And you killed your own sister.”

That second, it felt like everyone’s heart was close to stop beating. Their eyes were gaped wide with jaws nearly dropped to the ground. Truth to be told, the boys were long aware of each other’s sins, leaving only you in the dark. They knew what kind of unforgiveable crime that each of one of them did in the past, but had sworn to stay away from the sore spots.

Because to the boys, their past was metaphorically a field full with active landmines. And one careless touch could lead to a big explosion.

But just now, Leo stepped on one of them.

“What the did you just say…?”

Ravi’s growl became the last thing the boys heard before he stormed to Leo and sent a jab to his expressionless face. But Leo had long predicted the younger’s impulsive attack and swiftly trapped his balled fist in his.

“I said…” Leo growled back, “…We’re all sinners at some point of our lives.”

“—And we don’t come this far to be so stupid to tell who’s to blame and who’s not.”

With a single yank, Leo pushed Ravi’s sturdy body back before ending it with a nice uppercut on the younger’s face. You could only gasp when drops of blood spurted out from Ravi’s gaped mouth.

“—“ Ravi lowly cursed. He fell next to N and the eldest quickly scooted to him, offering a hand to wipe off the blood smeared on his lips. But before Ravi could shove N back, Leo had once again reduced the gap between them.

“One more thing… Kim Ravi.”

Leo leered at the slumped boy below him. By now, it was hard for everyone to tell if it was the real Leo or the evil version of him who was standing before them. As they had never seen this menacing side of him before.

“Remember what I told you back in Hongdae…?” Leo’s stare turned even grimmer as he approached his younger brother. It was clear to everyone that no matter how tough Ravi might usually look, Leo was someone that he should never think of picking a fight with.

“Make her cry again and I swear that I’ll kill you… wasn’t it?” The elder squatted down, leaning himself closer to the boy in front of him with a finger pointed back.

To you.

“…Now look at what you did.”

Although hesitant, Ravi ended up craning his neck to take a better look on where Leo’s finger was directed at. But the second your crying view entered his vision, Ravi felt something broke his heart into countless of tiny pieces.

“___…”

Ravi knew that he had never been as sweet-tempered as his brothers. And all he could possibly promise to his future girlfriend was to treasure her more than anything in this world. But today, Ravi broke his own promise. He made you cry.

Again.

And he didn’t think that he could forgive himself this time.

Worse, the stares he had been getting from his brothers were enough to convince him that you weren’t the only one he owed an apology to. Because as much as he hated to admit it, Leo was right. Last night’s incident was no one to blame, including N. The eldest might had his hands tainted with Hongbin’s blood, but it wasn’t him who made the call.

Yet his ego somehow gave him the urge to throw fit, to rebuke his grief on someone else’s world. It prevented him from believing that sometimes things could go north too, with or without people expecting it to happen. As Ravi was blinded with overflowing sadness and misery.

The blue-haired boy was about to come over to you when a hand stopped him from doing so. Glancing to the side, he was then greeted by Ken, staring at him with the most upset expression the jokester had ever shown.

“Before you apologize to her, say it to him first.” He motioned to the slightly petrified N on the ground, whose face had turned abnormally pale upon witnessing what his usually taciturn friend, Leo, just did to Ravi.

Reluctance was all over Ravi’s face when he was making his way back to the eldest. His head was dug low, with eyes frantically leered here and there in an obvious effort of averting his reticence. But the longer he stayed, the more Leo and Ken’s words seeped into his head. Further striking him on how wrong he had been.

“Ravi-ya… I—” N softly said as the younger hiked closer. He didn’t expect for anything like an apology to come from Ravi, or anyone else. Because deep inside, N was secretly blaming himself too. Although his senses had told him that he shouldn’t.

“Shut up.” That instance, Ravi ripped the hem of his shirt and brought it to N’s now bruised jaw, wiping off the blood that oozed out from the wound that he gave to the eldest.

“I… I’m sorry.”

The younger faintly whispered, “I know I should be saying something else… like, more than this… but— I can’t think of anything right now, so…”

He breathed out again, “I’m sorry…”

Ravi then took a step back and bent his body down, bowing down to his dazed older brother before him. It sort of had all of you in shock, especially N. Whose eyes were already bigger than golf balls by now.

“Hey, hey…” Later striding in with a carton box on his hand, a witty grin had suddenly formed on Ken’s lips.

“Ever heard of something called ‘tissue sheets’ before? Nowadays, people clean things with these, you know?” His grin stretched wider as he studied his brothers’ dumbfounded expression.

A smile slowly appeared on N’s front as he pushed himself to stand up, later playfully punched Ken on the chest, “You little prick…”

Taking the tissues, N took Ravi’s jaw and forcefully yanked it up, earning himself a hitched groan from the younger, “You should have told Ravi sooner. Good thing he didn’t rip his whole clothes off…” He mumbled as he cleaned the blood from Ravi’s baffled face.

“Serves him right… don’t you think?” Ken snickered, placing a hand on Leo’s shoulder, “Right, Leo…?”

The boys’ attention was once again shifted to Leo, who had long returned back to his aphasic mode, not saying a single word.

“Oh, come on… Are you that angry because Ravi beat the out of N? Aww… so the ‘dad’ really cares about the ‘mom’, huh?” Ken repeatedly nudged the elder’s neck, but soon stopped after the latter showered him with a glare.

Leo sighed, averting his gaze from N who now had stupid grin perched on his happy face, “Do whatever you want to N. I don’t care.”

“But keep in mind that you still owe ___ an apology.” The pale-skinned boy stepped back and wrapped an arm around your neck. Completely ignoring the eldest who began to silently mouth him curses.

“…That or I’ll seriously kill you.”

Leo’s words weren’t even meant to be a joke. And for that, Ravi gulped nervously, finally stomached on what kind of beast he had earlier angered. He then rethreaded his steps back to you, but again, halted when he heard your soft mumble.

“It’s… it’s okay. You don’t have to, Ravi…” You started to fiddle your fingers, “In fact, I’m the one who should apologize to you…”

You ignored the stare that Leo gave you and continued, “Hongbin— if there was someone to blame for what had happened to him… it would be no one but me…”

“Princess!? What are you talking about?!” Ken’s eyebrows were tangled together, “Didn’t Leo made it clear to you? Hongbin’s deat— no, no… the point is, it’s no one’s fault!”

You repeatedly shook your head, “B-but it was supposed to be me— I’m the one who should have got hit by the car! Not Hongbin! I-I… I’m the one who should be dead by now!”

“—Enough!”

A yell suddenly broke inside the cold room, coming from the shaking figure by the bed. Hyuk was crying. Not only because he had failed to sense life from Hongbin’s limp body, but also because everything that his ears had caught from all the bickering.

“Just stop it… please…” Hyuk sniffled with both hands gripped on the end of his shirt. He had his back facing all of you, yet you could clearly tell that the youngest’s body was trembling greatly.

“Can’t we just stop blaming each other…?” He finally turned away, giving you a clear view of his face, as it was now all red with a pair of badly swollen eyes b out endless drops of tears.

“No matter who’s at fault here… it won’t bring Hongbin back to us…”

His eyes suddenly darted to you, “And ___... please don’t say something like dying so easily… it hurts… so bad…” The youngest later rested his head on Hongbin’s lap, muffling his heartbreaking cry.

“I… I’m sorry, Hyuk-ah…” You faintly whispered.

You didn’t even mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. But you wouldn’t lie that guilt was already piling in your heart. Voices inside your head were screaming how this was all happened because you were so foolishly weak.

So desperately helpless that someone ended up dying in your place.

Hongbin-ah… I’m so sorry…

Right next to you, Leo’s face remained undisturbed. But if only his back wasn’t leaned on the wall, the boy would have lost control of his legs and fell to the hard ground, failing to contain the overwhelming feeling in his heart. Yet Leo couldn’t bring himself to say anything. His eyes had started to produce tears as it became somewhat harder for him to breathe.

Taking a few steps to the bed, Leo brought his hand to Hongbin’s head and gently caressed his soft locks. 

Lee Hongbin… Please… Wake up…

Slowly, after enduring the soreness on all over your body, you tried hard to move your body. It was trembling like crazy yet you pushed yourself to slide to the side, to be closer to Hongbin. But the second his face entered your sight, the pain inside your heart instantly grew bigger, forcing more tears to rush out.

Sitting on the bed, you traced his pale face with your fingers, admiring every single detail on his flawless feature. The lack of mortal wounds on his front somehow convinced you that he was nothing but sleeping. But the fact that Hongbin weren’t drawing breaths was simply too undeniable. Leaving you no other choice but to believe that he had moved to a better place.

his cold cheek with your thumb, you later bent down. But when your face was right above his, a teardrop slid down and fell on his face. You briefly gasped, yet as expected, the sleeping prince didn’t move a single muscle.

More like, he no longer could.

With both eyes closed, you further lowered your face. And after putting a hand on his broad chest, you let your lips met with his forehead.

Hongbin… I hope you’ll rest well…

The boys now had their eyes on you. Their face slightly tensed when they finally figured what you were doing; letting Hongbin go. They knew that befriending misery wouldn’t change a thing. And for that, they decided to stop crying.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds before you later rose to take the last glance of the dimpled-boy’s face. Studying it, you then told yourself that this might be the last time for you to be this close from him. But as much as you wanted this moment to last forever, you knew that Hongbin needed to go. As he no longer belonged here.

So there you weakly smiled and whispered to him.

“Lee Hongbin… Thank you… And goodbye…”

You were about to slide back when you suddenly felt a hand on your wrist. A shriek escaped your lips when you had your frail body forcefully pulled forward.

“Kyaa—mmff!!”

The boys’ jaws were all over the floor upon witnessing the scene before their gaped eyes. Because just now, they saw how you suddenly fell on top of Hongbin, crumbling to his chest.

But that wasn’t what nearly killed them.

As the truth was.

Your lips were now on top of his too.

Lee Hongbin’s lips.

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!?

Loud gasps filled the entire room, while you were at loss for words with body that instantly stiffened. Staring at Hongbin’s closed eyes, you totally had no idea on what in the world was exactly happening.

The second your eyes went down, you finally learned that your lips were touching his. Yes, you were kissing.

Kissing Lee Hongbin.

What the—

All of the sudden, his eyes perked opened and you automatically jumped back in panic. Pain once again greeted your battered body when you roughly landed on the carpeted floor.

“HONGBIN?!?!???!”

A unified scream broke the utter silence when the supposed-to-be-dead boy slowly sat on the bed with a wide grin plastered on his gorgeous face. Running a thumb to wipe his lower lips, Hongbin later smirked in victory.

“Finally…”

“W-wha—” Ken’s mouth was left agape as he stared at his younger brother, watching how he now looked all fine. His face quickly turned pale as if he had just seen a ghost.

Feeling countless of stares directed to him, Hongbin wittily tilted his head. His smirk widened as he shifted his gaze to his petrified brothers.

“Mwoya? Did you guys really think that I was dead?”

Once again, silence was in the air. None of the boys made a sound as their heads were too busy processing things.

.

.

.

.

“WHAT THE HELL— LEE HONGBIN?!”

N was the first one to explode. The eldest later stared at the younger in fury, repeatedly jabbing his finger to the grinning boy before him, “A-are you joking with us!? I-I-I thought you were—“

“Dead?” Hongbin snickered, “Hey… We are all immortals… remember?”

He rubbed the back of his neck with a set of an apologetic smile before slightly bowing his head down, “Sorry… But, you see— I was actually going to play dead for some more, but then you guys started to fight with each other— So, I… uhh…”

Again, none of the boys or you let out a single word. It was hard to believe that the Lee Hongbin didn’t die.

He was here.

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