“Lust.”

You could feel your heart stopped beating for good three seconds because of the word that he just said. His eyes kept staring at you without blinking, but that gaze he gave you was different from yours. Fear was the only thing that casted on him, as he was indeed dead scared that you might hate him for the bitter truth which just spitted right on your face. And for that, he dug his head low, completely ashamed.

“I’m so sorry, ___.”

Ravi started to fiddle his fingers, feeling nervousness all over him. “When the trigger is on… we will lose complete control of our body… and let the evil inside us take over it. And all the horrible things that might come next… are a perfect reflection of our sins…”

Ravi’s honest confession drowned you in deep thoughts. Yes, you fully understood that part about the evil taking control of their bodies. But this thing about their sins was new for you. Recalling what the evil inside Ravi’s lost self did to you a few nights ago, your face automatically blushed with both ears cooked to bright red.

Is that why… he did that kind of “thing” to me…?

“I didn’t mean to do that to you… I swear. You do know that… right? It wasn’t me… I couldn’t control anything at that moment and the evil took advantage of it since you were the only one around me…”

Witnessing Ravi’s broken expression gave you a hard spank on the heart. You could clearly see how guilt had wholly took its toll on him with a face that told you how badly stressed he was.

You quickly rested a hand on his firm shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze.

“It’s okay Ravi… I understand…”

Ravi forced himself to smile since he didn’t want to make you worried. He took your free hand while gazing deeply into your eyes.

“Actually… I have a story to tell you… Would you… kindly listen to it?”

With head tilted both curiously and confusedly, you scooted yourself closer to him. Ready to welcome another revelation from the pained figure before you.

“What kind of story…?”

“My story…” His gaze struck you deeper, “My past…”

Again, you were taken aback by his words. You found insecurities in his eyes, as if he was begging you to listen to his story. He looked scared and he, without any doubt, needed someone to lean on. And with that, you agreed. If you could be the strength for the boys, then you would definitely do anything to make them happy.

“Of course, Ravi… I’ll listen to you… always.”

His lips slowly curled up and formed a sincere smile, signaling you how delighted he was to introduce you with his not so beautiful past. As he was more than set to spill you the darkest bit of his secrets. Especially that one bitter fact which also posed as the sole reason behind his immortally cursed life.

Ravi tightened his grip on your hand before staring into the empty space, trying to recall whatever he had locked in the deepest part of his brain.

“I used to be a addict…”

If words could literally kill, then you would have died from a straight shot on the heart, with Ravi’s shocking atonement as the bullet. Whatever just registered your ears was beyond hard for you to believe and you couldn’t describe how badly you wished that he was just joking. But reality had never been that sweet to begin with. As what he just told you, was indeed, a genuine truth. And you had no choice but to take everything in. Ravi might best fit your description of what society perceived as thick-skinned player, but never in your wildest dream had you ever thought that he was used to be the filthiest type of addict in the world.

Ravi’s hand started to tremble again, slowly closing his eyes as he continued. “I messed around with many girls and hurt each of them because of my uncontrollable lust. Yet I didn’t even feel sorry and kept on hurting one after another… every single night.”

You shuddered as you imagined what kind of terrible life he had inside your head and felt shivered crawled down to your spine. Ravi could figure how speechless you were right now and he didn’t expect you to say anything either. Thus, he continued with his story.

“It’s just like… You know… if I didn’t had in a day, it felt like I might go crazy, or worse… die…”

His face reddened as he finished those words, knowing that it was not, in any possible way, a pleasant thing to talk about, especially with an innocent girl like you. But he couldn’t stop what he had started. You were the most important soul in his life right now and he wanted you to know every single thing about him, be it a good one to hear or not.

He studied your face, realizing how you had stayed silent since the beginning of his story. He knew that he might have disgusted you. But he could swear to you, on anything holy up there that he had changed for good. That he was no longer the same Kim Ravi like he used to be in his mistiest days.

Ravi bit his lips warily before cleared his throat. “But… they’re all in the past-- you know…”

He must be very nervous at the moment, judging from how his voice amusingly cracked in the middle. You automatically chuckled and patted his shoulder again.

“I know, Ravi… I know…”

Ravi was a sinner. But your silent wasn’t from judging his wrongdoings. Instead, it was because you were trying to understand him. You wanted to take all of his pain and make him share them with you. Besides, you knew that he had moved on from his past, and for that he was greatly thankful.

Ravi’s face flushed red with a series of awkward rubbing on the back of his neck, feeling somewhat shy. He went mute for a couple of minutes before exhaled a deep sigh with eyes that slowly glowed dimly.

“And then… Something bad happened…”

Telling from the way he talked and how his body quickly tensed up, you knew that what he was about to tell you right now was something that he wouldn’t want to share with just anybody.

Ravi tightened his fists, eyes growing teary. “I had a younger sister… Her name was Kim Wonhee.”

Your eyes sparkled in curiosity upon hearing the first piece of trivia about the boys’, or in this case, Ravi’s family. Your brain was already busy thinking how did she look like and how her expression would be if you get a chance to meet her someday. But the second you studied what Ravi just said seconds ago, you frowned.

“…’Had’?”

“She already died.” Ravi breathed out.

You gasped loudly while covering your mouth with your hand. “I’m s-sorry, Ravi… I didn’t m-mean to--”

“No, it’s okay… I’m planning to tell you everything anyway…”

There was determination on his eyes, and for that, you nodded, agreed to spare some more minutes and let him continue.

“Wonhee… She was 2 years younger than me… I loved her so much, even until now… She was the only family I had in this world since our parents died in an accident when we were kids.”

For a second there, you felt like seeing yourself in the mirror. You could see how his life reflected pretty much the same story as yours, reckoning how you lost your parents in your adolescent days too. Not to mention that your parents were also died in an accident, although the question was… you didn’t know how it happened.

“She always told me to stop… but I never listened. And one day… on that fated day, I came home badly drunk…” Ravi closed his eyes, feeling the suffocating pain in his heart.

“I saw her in the kitchen, waiting for me to come home. She didn’t know that I was already behind her… And I didn’t bother to say “I’m home” too… Thus, I approached her and then— then I—”

Ravi started to pant hard and his eyes produced warm liquid on both corners.

“Ravi…” You grabbed his hands and squeezed them, assuring him that you were right beside him, ready to help him with anything.

The next thing you knew, Ravi was already crying. But he tried to hide his loud sobbing by biting his lips. It was the first time for you to see such a strong soul like Ravi to shed tears and you couldn’t help but felt hurt as well.

“Something occupied my mind and without me realizing… I already ripped her shirt open— and I--”

You raised your hand to wipe his tears with your thumb and Ravi squeezed his eyes to let more of them poured out. He looked like as if he was already broken into pieces, irreparable. Worse, those images from the day he cursed the most replayed once again inside his head.

“She hit me desperately… but I kept abusing her… I k-kissed her-- I kissed my own sister…! And I even had this rotten thought of… r- her…”

The strong and bold Ravi you once knew had long gone from your sight. Completely replaced with a crying, broken and tortured boy with a ruined past named Kim Wonshik. You didn’t waste a second and quickly put an arm around him, pulling him closer to your body.

“No, Ravi… Stop--”

“She fought me back with all the strength she had… but of course… I was stronger. I didn’t know what I was thinking at that time… but there was one thing for sure… lust had washed all over me. She threw a bottle of cooking oil to my head… a-and that’s when my eyes darkened…”

Ravi opened his eyes and stared at you with a look that you thought would never see from someone so tough like him. The gaze he was giving you right now looked like one belonged to those who had lost everything in their lives. Those who had their last ray of hope, wishing for a better future, crushed into tiny bits right before their miserable eyes. You brought him closer as you hugged him and put his head on your shoulder.

“I was mad… I felt a-anger inside of me… Lust and anger… Mixed into one… Because never in my life… s-someone had refused to have with me… But this filthy self of mine was failed to realize… that it was my own sister sprawled in front of me…”

Your shoulder was already drenched with his tears and you unconsciously let out some teardrops from your eyes as well. You could feel his whole body shook and his sobs became heartbreakingly louder. And you were somewhat sure that Hyuk, who was in his room upstairs, heard his crying as well.

“So then… I snatched the cooking oil from her and opened it… I poured it all over her small body and shoved her to the wall… She stared at me in shock… Especially after I pulled out a lighter…”

“Kim Ravi… Please stop…”

It was painful enough for you and you couldn’t bear to see him suffer for any longer. You begged him to stop. You wanted him to forget about everything, but Ravi was just too stubborn, just like you. He continued what he had started even though it hurt him to the bone.

“Everything happened so fast… The next thing I knew, our house was already burned in flames… And I found myself standing in front it…. Watching the glowing red fire turns everything to ashes… Alone…”

Ravi stopped for a few seconds and all you could hear were his sobbing and yours. After taking a deep breath, he went back to his track.

“My sister was still inside… Burning together with the house… In the f-fire… And I… w-was the one who did it… I burned my own house… I killed my own s-sister.”

You tightened your hug on him and caressed his blue locks, trying to calm him down. But you couldn’t deny the fact that you also couldn’t stop crying at the moment.

“Sshhh… It’s okay, Ravi… Everything is over now…”

“I still remember her face that night… She looked both s-scared… and disappointed. It was exactly how you looked like that night… When I did those horrible things to you… I wanted to stop-- I swear I wanted to… b-but the evil inside me—it’s--”

You felt something clutched your heart and you didn’t want him to remember about it ever again.

“Enough, Ravi… It’s all in the past… You have us right now… you are not alone anymore…”

Both of you went silent for a couple of minutes, with you still hugging him tightly, not wanting to lose him. You let him calm his mind and his heart down, fully understood that telling you such a bitter past must had cost him more than just a strong determination. And those painful crying you heard, all came from him, were clear enough to make you realize how broken Kim Ravi had become.

“I’m so sorry… for being such a jerk…” He weakly whispered between his hitched sniffing.

You shook your head and later put your chin on top of his head, swaying his rigid body around as if you were calming a little kid down.

“No… You are not.”

A smile automatically appeared on his face, finally felt a glint of happiness inside his cold and hollow heart. Ravi pulled away from you, straightening his hunched back again, and wiped the poured tears with the back of his hand.

“Thank you… You healed me…”

“You know… I know Wonhee is happy up there… and I’m sure she already forgives you…” You squeezed his arms hard with a sincere smile formed on your lips.

He nodded and returned you a smile too. His eyes were red, but they were no longer filled with pain. In fact, he was satisfied. Delighted with the fact that someone had finally freed him from his dark past.

“Yeah…” His smile widened, “I know she is…”

He grabbed one of your hands and put its palm on his cheek. “Listen, ___. I swear there won’t be a second time. Never. Just lock me somewhere or kill me if I ever touched you like that again.”

You only laughed, later gave him a playful smirk, “Nah, I don’t think that’d be necessary. Just to remind you, I have five strong men who can beat you up to pulp in mere seconds.”

Ravi chuckled and kissed the back of your hand. “You’re right…”

“Oh, about your trigger…” You pursed your lips and tried to recollect the puzzle inside your mind. “It’s… fire, right…?”

Ravi simply nodded before he brought a hand to caress your hair. “Yeah… Our triggers are all related with our sin and past… When I saw the burning fire in front of my eyes… that’s when I realized that I shouldn’t have done that to my sister. I shouldn’t have done that unforgivable sin. I shouldn’t have killed her… And the blazing fire was the last thing that caught my eyes before I… fainted.”

Ravi put his hand down, pain slowly crawled back to his glimmering orbs, “The next thing I knew… I was already inside that hellhole… Chained, like a filthy animal… Along with the others…… Damn--”

Ravi muttered the last word as he hit the armrest of the sofa, letting out a frustrated sigh.

You frowned almost immediately. “W-what…?”

“I don’t know how or when did I got dragged into that cursed place… In fact, none of us know the answer… But we do know that bringing us to that revolting… bloody purgatory was an easy feat for the Evil King and his henchmen. We didn’t even question for how freaking long we had been holed in that nether world and whether what’s left of our friends and families actually searched for us… Because we know that we all deserve the voodoo dolls curse…”

You instantly rose from the sofa, resting your hands on your waist with anger smoldering inside you.

“That’s plain rude!! How could those jerks did that to all of you?! I mean-- who in the world do they think they are!? What makes them think that they have rights to make your lives miserable like that! It’s not theirs to judge, you know!? Urgh! That’s it! I will definitely free all of you!!”

Ravi’s mouth left in agape upon witnessing the sudden explosion. He then laughed while pulling you back down to sit on the sofa with him. Smile was still perched on his face when he saw you blew your bangs angrily, mumbling some curses that probably directed to the King.

“Aigoo~ my honey is so cute…” He giggled, pinching your cheeks.

“W-what did you say…?!”

“You are so damn cute when you are angry like that…” Ravi leaned his back deeper into the sofa and crossed his legs, watching you with a sly grin.

“Don’t expect me to thank you for that…”

You heard him chuckled again and you felt your heart thumped loudly inside your chest. Feeling a bit nervous, you put a strand of your hair behind your ear, too bad it made those hideous hickeys clear for Ravi’s eyes to see.

You gasped when you felt his fore finger traced the bluish marks, apology was what followed next.

“I’m sorry, ___… This is all my fault…”

I do want to make you mine, ___. Only mine… But I hate myself for hurting you like this…

You blushed madly yet couldn’t help but shuddered under his touch. You stayed still in silent as he kept on staring at those hickeys with his finger softly brushing them, as if by doing so could make it somehow disappear.

“I-it’s okay--!” You abruptly stood up again and cleared your throat awkwardly. “Ya! You-- how many times do you have to say ‘sorry’ to me?! I told you that I forgive you already, right? Babo!”

You flicked his forehead for a change of topic and the latter rubbed the slightly hurting spot with a wide grin plastered on his sharp feature.

“And I like it too when you are shy like this… You look ier this way~”

“W-wha—ya! KIM RAVI! YOU ERT!”

The cushion was the first thing that caught your eyes and you quickly threw it on him, but much to your disappointment, he was fast enough to catch it. He then wittily stuck his tongue out at you, teasing you more.

“Ya!” You were about to land a playful hit on his arm when you suddenly heard a storm of footsteps from upstairs.

“WHAT HAPPENED?! WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?!”

Your hand hovered midair and both of you could only look at each other while bursting out a loud laugh. Meanwhile, Hyuk stayed frozen on the middle of stairs, panting hard with both eyes as big as golf balls. Once he heard you screamed, he tossed away the magazine he was reading and rushed outside his bedroom in a speed of light, trying to make sure that you were alright.

“Cut some slack, you worrywart. Nothing seriously happened!” Ravi replied with both hands up in the air.

Hyuk narrowed his eyes before finally strode into the living room in a threatening manner. “Aishh… Do anything stupid and I swear these hands will be more than glad to kill you!”

Hyuk had his finger furiously pointed at Ravi’s face, yet the older boy just smirked upon watching his younger brother’s action, considering it as cute instead of scary. He then felt this urge to tease the youngest even further and quickly brought his hands around your waist, pulling you to sit on his lap.

“W-whoa—”

Ravi securely wrapped you inside his broad body, not showing any plans on letting you go.

“Oh~~ I’m scared~ ___~ Help me~” Ravi smirked while wriggling his eyebrows, and that successfully made Hyuk felt even more pissed than before.

“YOU--!!!”

With fists firmly balled, Hyuk jumped onto Ravi, being more than ready to give the grinning boy a nice punch in the face, but you quickly raised a hand and stopped him.

“E-enough! I’m fine! Ravi was just trying to explain everything to me!”

Ravi smirked in victory, “See?”

Hyuk reluctantly put his hand down with a groan, “But--”

“Aishh…” The youngest suddenly grabbed your arm and pulled you up, freeing you from Ravi’s grasp, “But first, I need to save you from this idiotic ert…”

“H-hyuk--!!” Your cheeks blushed even redder and Ravi just slyly chuckled with head shook.

“Youngsters these days… Seriously lack of manner towards their elders…”

Hyuk glared at Ravi and the blue-haired boy was close from throwing another mockery when the front door suddenly yanked open.

“Guys~~~ we’re back! Are you ready for dinner?!” N cheered with a grin while bringing heaps of plastic bags in both hands.

“W-welcome back!”

You smiled at him as he walked inside the door and put everything on the floor to take his shoes off. You noticed how Leo walked into the house with enormous numbers of plastic bags as well.

N looked at the three of you and furrowed his eyebrows, not so amused with the fact that each of one of you just stood still without giving any signs of helping him.

“When will you ungrateful kids stop staring and help your mommy?! Geez! Get your lazy asses here! Ppalli!”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” Hyuk hurriedly rushed to him and grabbed some of the plastic bags with Ravi followed right behind him. They had no choice but to help their mom, or their daddy would be very pissed.

You made your steps towards Leo, deciding to help him since no one walked to his direction.

“Let me help--”

You were about to snatch some of the plastic bags in his hands but he indifferently moved away and just bumped into your shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

You blinked your eyes at him, slightly stumbled backwards because of his action. Ravi actually witnessed everything and he shook his head at Leo.

“Ouch~ you shouldn’t have done that to a girl, bro…”

“Hmm…” N wiggled his eyebrows, staring back and forth at you and Ravi after placing all the plastic bags on the dining table.

“Did I just miss the greatest apology of this century? I mean— so you two are already back to being buddies again now?”

You and Ravi exchanged glances before you shrugged your shoulders with a smile and came over to N.

“Yeah… Kind of.” Ravi rubbed the back of his neck shyly but actually grinned over the fact that the awkwardness between the two of you had finally gone.

“We’re cool now.” A chuckle came out from your mouth, before you helped N to gather all the ingredients needed for the barbecue party from the plastic bags.

“Aww~ this is no fun!”

N suddenly wailed with a frown set on his face, “I was actually preparing this barbeque party to get you two close again, but what now?! Everything is back to normal without me doing anything! Argh! My plan is ruined!”

Hyuk rolled his eyes at the oldest as he crossed his arms. “So what? At least we can party for real now without having to feel awkward …am I right?”

N just glared at him before spelled out curses under his breath, just like an angry mother who felt disappointed with her children.

Your giggle didn’t last for that long, since you just noticed something off from the boys. They’re back, but not completely. It didn’t take you to be a genius in math to realize that only two of them returned, when four actually left earlier today.

“Wait… Where are Hongbin and Ken?” You craned your neck to the door but