"Ouch!"

Rubbing your forehead, a loud yelp escaped your lips as you jerked your head up, only to see Hongbin grinning from ear to ear.

“Geez… what was that for?! If it left a bruise I swear I’ll sue you!” Your eyes traveled down to the soda can that he just knocked forehead with, later glared fiercely at the boy behind you. Yet he just showed his adorable dimples before running a hand and ruffled your hair softly.

“Then you need to stop daydreaming in a public area…” He tossed the can into the cart. With hands tangled together, the two of you continued strolling inside the supermarket.

“Are we not done yet?” You whined, reluctantly following him as he began to drag you toward the frozen goods section.

“Well you tell me…” Hongbin vaguely replied.

“What do you mean?”

“We have no idea what to get for dinner today. So if you want this to end soon then go ahead and tell me what you want to eat.” He briefly smiled, later stopped in front of a big freezer box with packs of fresh meat inside.

“Okay…” You sighed in defeat, “Umm… What should I choose…”

You mumbled to yourself, fingers tapping your chin. Meanwhile, Hongbin was already busy stacking stuffs inside the cart. Face slightly scrunched as he re-read the shopping list he wrote down earlier.

“Yo~!”

The youngest cheerfully yapped as he strode to your direction, hugging a big pack of ramen, two plastic bags full with kimchi and onions, and a whole load of canned lattes. You didn’t even need to ask him to whom those tin cans would soon belong to.

“You got everything that Leo asked?” Hongbin helped him put everything into the cart and the youngest nodded.

“As long as I didn’t forget to get him the canned lattes, he won’t complain if I happen to miss the other things…”

“You got one smart excuse right there…” The older smirked, later turned his head to you, “So, have you decided what we’ll have for dinner?”

“O-oh!” You blinked in frenzy, shifting your attention back to the stacked packs of frozen meat. But nothing crossed your mind. None of your favorite dishes sounded appetizing today. In fact, you weren’t even slightly hungry.

“Umm… How about you guys decide it for me? Anything will be fine… really.” You forced a smile, didn’t even realize that the two boys before you were now exchanging worried glances with each other.

“If we’re all good here then hurry up and head to the cashier. I… I want to go home…” You fiddled your fingers, “You know what… I think I’ll just wait outside…” With that, you hurriedly strode to the exit.

Hongbin could only sigh, eyeing your small figure as it slowly disappeared from his sight, “And here I thought that taking her outside would somehow boost her mood up again…” He ruffled his hair.

“Well, if I were her… I don’t think I’d feel any better than her now. This is no longer about what’s inside her mind… but her heart, too…” Hyuk brought a hand to his chest, closing his eyes, “And when it comes to heart. It’d be no one to heal… no one but ourselves. She needs time… That’s all.”

“It’s sure weird to see you being all poetic like this…” Hongbin rolled his eyes, “On a second thought… That was gross.” The older then went ahead and pushed the cart forward, leaving his dumbfounded younger brother behind.

“Ya! Ya! This is not poetic! This is called being romantic you dimwit!”

Sighing, you leaned your back on the reddish brick wall, standing right next to the entrance. You shoved your hands into the pockets of your jacket and kicked a mound of dirt on the ground with a pout on your crumpled face.

“Aishh… Why can’t I stop thinking about it…? It’s been three days already… I seriously need to let it go…”

Right. It had been exactly three days since the ‘accident’ you had with N at Everland on last Saturday. You had tried your best to shake it off, but to no avail. It still persistently lingered inside your mind. Worse, it was now hard for you to look at him in the eyes. To have him in your field of vision without feeling your heart going crazy as the memory of him savoring your plump lips ran wild in your mind.

Why did he kiss me, though…? And those words he said…

Again, a question popped out. You stared blankly at the road across the street, trying to recall everything that had went by in this past three days. You reckoned how N had become more like a contagious disease for you lately. Every single second was spent trying to avoid him. Be it during breakfast, lunch or dinner, you refused to sit next to him. And your body would automatically distance itself whenever he approached you, attempting to utter a word or two.

You thought things at school could pose as a distraction, forcing your mind to forget about the kiss even just for a split second. Especially with N doing his best to act normally in front of you and everyone, pretending that nothing ever happened between you two. But things weren’t that simple to begin with. Guilty had never left his heart and neither had turmoil from yours, leaving a clear hint that you weren’t ready to face him again.

“What should I do…” You mumbled to yourself, head dug low.

Aside from the obvious awkwardness between you and the eldest, the boys’ reaction wasn’t any better either. You could still remember how their faces looked like when it all happened inside the Ferris Wheel cart. They were horribly indescribable. Five set of shocked faces, all darted to you at N with eyes as big as a piece of kimbap. Jaws were all dropped low to the floor, but not even a gasp was heard. You were expecting them to jump onto N and instantly beat the eldest to pulp. But nothing happened. None of them lifted a finger. All you got was a bunch of shocked boys trying so hard to pretend that whatever happened before their eyes wasn’t anything extraordinary. But it wasn’t even hard for you to tell how annoyed their stare was.

Very annoyed.

To make it even worse, the long way home from Everland was something that you would curse for the rest of your life. It was dead silent, thick air of coarseness filled the entire bus. The boys went completely mute in deep thoughts, except for N who kept his smile directed at you for the whole ride home.

Still, you didn’t expect N to apologize. It wasn’t his fault, it had never been a mistake to start with. Because that day, you didn’t push him back. You knew what he was going to do yet you didn’t back away. Instead, you gave the boy the long awaited green light.

You, yourself, let everything happen.

The day after the so-called incident, the rest of the boys were back to their normal self. Maybe, they finally decided to move on and let bygones be bygones. But then again, you were well aware about the heated competition among the six of them. You knew how they had been fighting with each other. All for the sake of winning your heart. That was why they didn’t dare to bring the topic up. As doing so definitely wouldn’t bring smile back to your face again, nor it would stop you from being all edgy around the eldest.

But if there was one thing you could notice from them; it was that they were also avoiding N.

Guilt struck you hard every time you saw how broken N’s expression was when he tried to talk to the boys yet they all ignored him. You could easily tell how he felt left out. He got his own brothers treating him like an outcast. And when sorrow took its toll on him, N went ahead and singled himself out. He suddenly stopped talking to you and stayed silent most of the time, of which he rarely did; more like, he had never been like that before. You nearly thought that he somehow switched bodies with Leo, explaining why he had become strangely wordless. But you eventually learned that you weren’t the only one who needed some time to be alone.

This feels so wrong… I need to talk to N and turn everything back to normal again… but still, what if he’s not ready…? Just like me…?

You sighed for the thousandth of times and further lowered your head, “We can’t be like this forever… right?”

“Like what?”

Your slightly jolted when Hyuk’s head suddenly popped out from the automatic door beside you, heaps of plastic bags were hung on his hands. With an eyebrow raised, he studied your face, forcing you to gulp nervously.

“U-uh… nothing…”

The youngest just faked a laugh before letting you help him with the groceries.

“Let’s go home!” Hongbin chimed from behind and the three of you soon threaded your steps back home.

“Princess!! Breakfast is ready!”

You caught Ken’s loud yell from downstairs and quickly slung your tie around your neck, grabbing your blazer in the next second, “One minute!!”

Just like how you had predicted, last night’s dinner was far from lively. It was intolerably uncomfortable. N was, once again, being completely ignored. You couldn’t enjoy your meal either because the number of aphasic boy increased from one to two. The other four weren’t helping as well. They laughed, they joked, they dissed each other, but all the fun didn’t revolve around N. His name had since then crossed out from the their memory.

In a not-so-different note, N had recently been the first to finish his dinner, only to walk back to his room alone without saying a single word. To be honest, you never wished for this to happen. You hated how the boys treated N like a total stranger, but you couldn’t do anything to make them stop. Worse, you couldn’t bear to imagine how N had to deal with his two roommates who had now stopped paying attention to him. Acting like he was never there. 

Combing your hair in a speed of light, you took your backpack and tossed it onto your shoulder. After one last check on the mirror, you finally twisted the knob and flung the door open.

“Princess! Your omelet is getting cold!!”

“Arasseo! I’m coming down no—”

The words were instantly cut when your eyes spotted a figure in front of you, pacing toward the stairs with the same shocked expression like yours. Standing still, you saw how his Adam’s apple rose up and down nervously.

“Good morning—” N awkwardly rubbed his neck, hand slowly had the door behind him closed, “…honey.”

The last word was barely audible, yet you caught it nonetheless. You knew that he was just trying to slowly patch things up, but your heart was far from ready. At least not now.

You caught a forced chuckle, followed with his feet slowly strolling closer. The thumping inside your chest became even more uncontrollable when you realized that his broad chest was now only a few inches apart from yours.

“Umm… I…”

N mumbled in hesitance. Meanwhile, you didn’t even dare to lift your face. You weren’t ready to look at him. All you could do was waiting. Waiting for him to say whatever he wished to tell you. Although you could swear that his voice was something that you’d rather not hear right now. Or maybe for the next couple of days.

“…C-can you please… look at m-me?”

You found desperation in his tone. Dejection in his shaking voice. It was supposed to be a simple request, yet he had to beg you for it.

Last night, you had sworn to move on. You had pushed yourself to stop being so denial and accept everything. And this could be your only chance to start things off. Reject N once again and he might disappear not only from your sight, but also your life. Forever.

You slowly lifted your head. Eyes hesitantly travelled up, finally meeting with his. Your favorite brown orbs.

A smile appeared nearly immediately on N’s face. A sincerely relieved one. Deep down, he thanked whatever holy up there that you didn’t hate him. At least, you looked far from pissed. For days, he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. All because his head was too busy bringing up images of your engrossed face as you stared at him with full hatred. Because if there was anything that N would repent, it wouldn’t only be for what he had done in past. But also for having you cursing his existence for the rest of your life.

“A-about that… Umm… I-I mean…”

He sighed, trying hard to form the jumbled words inside his head. Clearly, he wasn’t any different from you. He could feel how his blood rushed madly inside each of his veins. N was badly nervous.

Very nervous.

“…About that night… What I did to… y-you… I…”

Biting your lower lip, you anxiously waited for him to continue.

“A-also… about the w-words that I said to you back then… I-I… I just want to let you know that I… I really mean it…”

…What?

Your eyes suddenly beamed wider. Mouth now slightly parted as shock took the very last bit of your sanity. You knew where this conversation would end at, yet you still couldn’t believe that the stuttering boy in front of you would bring that thing up. That one thing that had been turning your entire world upside down for days.

N-no way! The kiss-- and those words too!?

Just like that, flashbacks from the night when his warm lips met with yours filled your head once again. Along with the words that he softly whispered to your ears.

Yes, those words.

The words that nearly made you fainted the second they registered your ears. The words that changed your nights into sleepless ones. The words that had you questioning that it was reality you had been living.

You watched as his plump lips moved softly, forming words that had your eyes widened the second you caught what they actually meant.

Never in your life, not even in your imagination, had you imagine someone to whisper those words to you.

Words of passion and affection.

“___… I love you…”

“So… You don’t hate for that… right?”

His words brought you back to your senses and you quickly noticed thick shades of pink on N’s cheeks. In fact, both of you were blushing, feeling all embarrassed from having each other’s presence. His eyes never left yours, and because of that you pathetically stuttered.

“I-I…”

Putting a strand of hair behind your ear, you were about to continue when Ken’s loud yap suddenly echoed inside the entire house.

“Princess!! If you don’t come down now we’re all going to be late!!”

“…C-coming!!”

You shouted back in reflex, later speedily threaded your steps down the stairs. But a hand caught your wrist, forcing you to skid a stop and looked back.

“You don’t have to answer now… J-just… Just please… d-don’t ignore me…”

He looked hurt, voice croaked with hand badly trembled as it wrapped around yours. For all this time, you thought that being the eldest would automatically make one’s heart strong. But you had no idea what loneliness could do to even the strongest person on earth.

“P-please don’t act like I don’t exist… It hurts…”

You didn’t even mean to ignore him. To make him feel unwanted. Yet looking at his face, you couldn’t help but imagined how desperate it looked when he was alone, with everyone casting him aside.

You put a hand on his, it gently.

“Mianhae… I didn’t mean to… I just… I needed some time to calm myself down… But I never thought that my silence would hurt you… N… I-I’m so sorry…”

He showed you a weak smile, and you watched how his eyes gradually sparkled with hope. Lips slightly parted as he repeatedly mumbled something like ‘I’m really happy’ with head sunk, probably to hide the emerging tears.

He slowly let your hand go, flashing one last smile before you finally walked away, leaving him behind. You were halfway down when you suddenly turned back and showed him what he had been dying to see for this past three days.

Your smile.

 “And no… I don’t hate you, N. Not at all…”

“We need to talk…”

The five voodoo boys turned their head, only to see the eldest standing by the living room arch. His face was dead serious, clearly telling that he wasn’t in for joke. That he really meant what he was about to tell them.

Ravi let out an annoyed groan, sitting motionlessly on his seat with eyes still glued to the TV. Again, he ignored him. And the same happened to the rest of the boys. None of them gave a single attention to N. Not even Ken and Hongbin who now had their eyebrows irritatingly knitted. Leo and Hyuk did glance at the eldest, but ended up paying no mind to the perched figure behind them.

“I said, we need to talk.”

He repeated in a firmer tone. Too bad none of his brothers felt like shifting his attention to him. Grabbing the TV remote control, Hongbin casually flipped the channels before he finally stopped on a music program. The boys began to hum when a group of boys around their age, dressed in clothes with numbers on the back, danced to the loud stomping music on the TV.

N exhaled deeply, biting his lips in frustration. He then walked closer to the sofa where his brothers were all idly sprawled.

“Don’t ignore me!”

This time, N slightly raised his voice, a clear hint that he would soon lose his temper. But they didn’t even flinch. Hongbin was about to raise the TV volume when the eldest finally snapped.

“DON’T ING IGNORE ME!!”

He roared loudly, snatching the remote control from Hongbin and harshly pressed its power button before tossing it to the floor. Good thing it landed on the thick carpet, otherwise it would have break to pieces.

“STOP ACTING LIKE I’M INVINSIBLE. I’M SICK WITH THIS!!”

His ear-splitting scream rang inside the living room. It was so unlikely for N to be like this, but with frustration climbing into him, he had clearly long passed his own limit.

“Ya! Stop yelling! You are going to wake ___ up!”

Ravi rose from his seat, finally exchanged words with the eldest after the whole three days.

“Then don’t ignore me! Come to me! Hit me! Say and do anything you want to me!!”

“…We have nothing to say or to do with you.”

Ravi sent him a glare before walking away, purposely bumped onto N’s shoulder hardly. One after another, the boys left their seat and walked out from the living room. 

It felt like an arrow was shot and pierced his heart. The eldest, still rooted to the ground, tightened his fists and closed his eyes to calm himself down. He could feel his breathing became slowly heavier with a stinging sensation on each corner of his eyes. His cheeks felt strangely hot, and something warm threatening to fall down.

N was crying.

But his tears were for no one to see. He tried with all his might to hide them from the others. His pride as the eldest forbade him to let his younger brothers know how weak his lonely self could be. So with head hung low, N stood still. He didn’t move an inch, even when his whole body was already trembling.

The boys were making their way to their bedroom when they caught a faint whimper. Barely loud enough for them to hear yet they didn’t even need to look back to find out to whom the somber voice belonged to.

“…I’m sorry…”

Hyuk and Ken were the first to skid a stop. They soon regretted themselves for turning back because what greeted their vision was the shaking back of their eldest brother. The two quickly grew rigid, guilt slowly filled their heart.

“I’m so sorry……” N said in a louder and clearer tone.

Hongbin and Leo were the next to halt their steps. They could feel their heart cracked when the whimper became even clearer to their ears.

“I know you guys are angry with me… because I kissed her…”

N kept staring at the ground, “But we can’t be like this forever… I… I…” He raised his face, finally looked at the boys in the eyes, “I hate it when you guys ignore me… It hurts me… so bad.”

There was a moment of silence before the eldest continued. His voice had become morbidly low and hoarse. Giving the impression that a single touch might tear him apart, turning him into tiny bits of sadness.

“I am sorry for what I did… But you do know how I feel, right? I just… It’s just hard to control myself when I’m with her… I just want her to know how I feel…But I couldn’t hold myself back… So I-I…”

“We understand.”

A voice suddenly entered N's ears.

“We’re just…” Ken looked down in shame, hands balled into fists, “It feels like we’ve lost… from you.”

He took a step forward, staring deeply into N’s eyes, “You were right… we were angry… very angry. But it was more like because we hated ourselves for being such a coward… For being too afraid to make a move on her…”

Hongbin came closer as well, along with a set of smirk on his handsome face, “We’ve actually been waiting for a chance to start a conversation with you like this… But our ego…”

He scoffed, “Besides, ___ didn’t stop you back then. So we have no rights to be angry with you.”

N was loss for words, not knowing what to say. Yet whatever his brothers just told him, had sure lifted the lingering burden on his shoulders.

“S-so you guys… didn’t hate me…?”

Hyuk chuckled, smiling smugly at the eldest, “Well… I don’t think we are on that level yet. After all, I’m sure that I can do even better than you.”

“Ya! You are still too young for something like that!” Hongbin slapped his youngest brother’s head, earning him a loud groan from the latter.

“Too young my … I’ve live longer than you could imagine! Don’t decide my age based on this baby face of mine!”

Laughter quickly filled the whole living room. Even Leo couldn’t hide his chuckle. Deep down, the boys were glad that everything finally went back to normal. Happy that they were back to being six again. Everyone was laughing their lungs out. Everyone but the person in the back.

Everyone but Ravi.

“Ravi-ya…”

N called his name softly and now the boys’ attention was focused to the blue-haired boy by the wooden stairs.

“I’m sorry…” N once again apologized, “I know how pissed you are… That’s why…” He paced to the baritone-voiced boy, “It’s okay if you want to beat me up. It’s okay if you feel like punching me… or kicking me. Just do whatever you want to me… I won’t fight back.”