They all need something to hold on to
They all mean well
Pay your respects to society giving me hell

***

Suzy wakes up disorientated to the sound of retching. It’s only about three in the morning. She turns her head and notices that her new roommate wasn’t in bed and so Suzy figures that Soojung’s in the bathroom. She carefully slides out of bed and approaches the bathroom door which was closed. “Soojung?” Suzy frowns and walks in slowly. She grabs a hold of Soojung’s hair and offers gentle of her back.

Soojung wipes her lips with the tissues that Suzy offers and leans her head back against the bath tub so that she was resting against it. “Thank you,” Soojung said with a feeble smile.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Just go back to sleep, you’ve already done so much for me.”

Suzy shakes her head and pulls her knees closer to her chest. “Soojung, I think we need to get you help, real help—professional help.”

Soojung shakes her head adamantly, “It’s fine.”

“No it’s not, all the stress you’re going through has made you worse. This isn’t you.”

Soojung smiles and lifts her head so she’s looking at Suzy, “I can get through this.”

Suzy knits her brows together. She had wanted so desperately to believe that Soojung could conquer her problems. She was struggling because Soojung’s been battling with her eating disorder for years now and she was a bad friend to leave the situation till now. But there were so many things they could do, they were children then and still children now.

“I’m going to get you a class of water.”

“Suzy—” Soojung tried to protest.

“I’ll be back.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.” Suzy spoke with her back facing Soojung, “I want to.”

***

Jongin doesn’t expect to be standing in front of Suzy’s house. Not after last time especially. Except this time Suzy has invited him over. “Soojung?” Jongin asked when the door opened and Soojung lunged forward into his arms quickly. Jongin looks worriedly over to Suzy who was standing behind with a concerned look on her face. “Hey,” Jongin whispered into her ear, “What’s wrong?”

Soojung explains to Jongin about the dinner and about her parents.

“Can’t you request for a DNA test?” he asked. It seemed obvious enough.

“Does it matter?” Soojung crossed her arm over her chest, “He’s been the only father I’ve ever known, I don’t care if I carry his blood.”

“Just give him some time,” Jongin extends his arm and wraps his hand over hers protectively. He rubs his thumb over her knuckles and Suzy leaves them be.

Suzy stares at the massive stretch of water in her backyard and how the water glistened off the perfectly blue body. The sun danced over her skin but she could still feel the morning chill brush over her skin. She rubbed her arm to keep herself warm as she sipped on her coffee.

“Thanks for taking care of her,” Jongin comes out onto the porch and surprised her.

“Where’s Soojung?”

“She’s getting ready or school now.”

Suzy nodded her head, and clasped her hands together whilst leaning forward over the rails of the porch. The wind breeze brushed against her skin and ran through past her hair. It carries her scent of chamomile to his nose. “What do we do now Jongin?” Suzy asked.

Jongin observed the back of her. Even though her long black hair cascaded down her back, Jongin noticed how stiff her shoulders were. She seemed so guarded. “I didn’t know it had gotten so bad with her father. I should’ve been there for her. She shouldn’t of have had gone through that dinner alone.”

“No one knew that it was going to happen, you can’t blame yourself.” Suzy knows Jongin has a terrible tendency to carry the blame for things that are out of his control. It was part of his obsessive nature to be in control of the things and people around him.

“I just wish I knew of a way we could help her.”

Jongin doesn’t know about the bulimia, no one else did besides Suzy. Soojung had sworn her to secrecy but there are only so many more times Suzy can find Soojung in the bathroom until she ends up in the hospital, or worse, dead. “Hey, Jongin?” Suzy doesn’t look at him so he takes a step closer to her and mimics her pose over the railings. “Promise me you’ll look after Soojung like you used to look out for me.”

“I think she’s old enough to look after herself,” Jongin let out a light chuckle in an attempt to lighten the mood. Considering that they hadn’t spoken in the longest of times, their topics of conversations always tended towards the heavier side.

Suzy shook her head, “I mean it, Jongin,” she said in a firm voice. “There are not a lot of people you can trust out there.”

Jongin pressed his lip into a straight line and nodded his head silently in agreement.

Soojung watched them from behind with a weary smile on her lips.

***

Sehun couldn’t help but stare at Taeyeon as she sipped on her morning latte. “Aren’t you going to be late for class?” Taeyeon asked.

Sehun shook his head.

“I don’t want you being late to class because of me, school’s important, Sehun.”

“I’m not a child, I can look after myself.”

Taeyeon looked taken aback. She wasn’t entirely sure where this attitude was coming from. “I know that…” she stammered.

“I’ve got a free this morning.”

“You seem to have a lot of those.”

“You care?”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? School’s important. If I had a choice I’d go back and experience high school all over again.”

“Please don’t talk about it as something to be envious about.”

Sehun’s tone didn’t go undetected by Taeyeon who had to ask, “Are you ok? Why are you so angry?”

He intertwined his fingers together and leaned forward on the table, “I’m fine,” he lied and looked straight past her.

“I’m not stupid, what’s wrong?” Taeyeon placed down her mug on the table and leaned forward.

“I don’t like being used.”

Taeyeon retracts backwards and leans into her chair, “Oh?” she said with feigned ignorance, “And who would dare use my Sehun?”

Sehun looked at her with a look of disbelief and rolled his eyes, “I’m not ok being the guy who makes another guy jealous—especially if I don’t know about it.”

Taeyeon doesn’t realise that she isn’t the only he’s referring too but it’s enough to make her heart sink a bit. She paused and bit her lip nervously, “I’m sorry.” Her apology sounded too quick to be sincere but Sehun doesn’t care.

“You could’ve told me. It’s not like I would’ve minded but…” Sehun paused and wondered if he should be honest with her for the first time about how he felt. He swallowed his words.

“I’m sorry, Sehun, I really do care about you.”

“Just not the same as Baekhyun?”

Taeyeon seemed surprised that Sehun had mentioned his name. “How did you know?”

“It’s a bit rude to stare at someone for a long time if you’re not interested in them.”

Taeyeon wrapped her hand around the mug, “Are you angry?”

“Does it matter? You’re leaving in two days and it’ll be as if nothing happened,” Sehun drank his coffee and stood up from his seat. “I’ll call you later. I don’t want to be late for class.”

“But you said that you had a free!”

“I guess I don’t anymore.”

Taeyeon is about to protest, the first syllable of his name managed to escape her lips but he was already out the door.

***

School seemed so trivial on days when they other problems to deal with. Yet maybe it was school that they needed to distract themselves from the lives they were all leading. Like how Soojung happily talks to Jinri like she doesn’t have a problem in the world and where Sehun and Jongin meet up for their dance practices behind his father’s back. It was a place they could escape from the craziness they were born and raised into. At least the teenagers around them were easily dealt with compared to their parents.

“Suzy!”

Suzy tilted her head to the side and noticed a familiar face, “Do Kyungsoo?” she asked. He nodded his head, wide eyes still staring at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I was coming to pick up something for the museum. I should’ve guessed you’d go to Redwood.”

“That’s right. Don’t you have school or anything? You don’t go here do you?” Worry washes over Suzy and she wonders how she could’ve missed someone like Kyungsoo. Luckily he shakes his head. “I’m actually at St. Ives.”

“Our lacrosse team rival, nice.”

Kyungsoo smirked and nodded, “Yeah we didn’t totally kick your asses last year.”

Suzy rolled her eyes and laughed, “Ah well, I wouldn’t know about that. You play?”

“Oh no, I quite like to observe more than anything else.”

The school bell at Redwood rang and the students started shuffling towards their classes. Kyungsoo smirked, “I guess I’m going to be late too if I don’t get going. I’ve got a free this morning,” he pointed to the door with his thumb.

“Yes, I’ve got P.E. now,” Suzy grumbled.

“Hey, I was thinking that last time we didn’t really get to have a proper conversation and maybe we could do that over dinner?” Suzy paused and her eyes widened followed by a slow grin. Kyungsoo pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded, “I get it…” his voice trailed off ready to accept defeat.

“I like dinner,” Suzy said abruptly, “I mean—I would like to have dinner with you.”

Kyungsoo smiled, “Great! I’ll pick you up at seven then.”

Suzy nodded and waved at him with a grin as he left. “Move it Bae,” Soojung’s voice came from behind and pushed her forward. “We’re going to be late and Mr. Kim is going to make you do laps.”

Suzy wondered if Soojung saw the exchange between her and Kyungsoo.

***

Soojung had promised that she’d take it easy when it came to sports, especially until they got her eating under control. So they took it easy around the course, pacing themselves so that they wouldn’t get exhausted. “You basically disappeared off the radar this weekend, what happened?” Jinri asked but didn’t give Soojung much time to respond before she continued. “I met a guy named Lee Taemin, he goes to St. Ives and I really wanted to tell you about him. Oh he’s so charming.”

“St Ives has quite a few good looking guys,” Hyeri chimed in. She was getting more comfortable with speaking now especially around Soojung and Jinri.

“Oh, there are plenty, if you want next time you can come out with me and I’ll introduce you to some!” Jinri exclaimed. Soojung and Suzy exchanged glances and giggle at Jinri and Hyeri who were suddenly caught up in their own world of talk.

“I guess we’re just not that interesting,” Suzy smirked and shrugged her shoulders.

They’re about on the second last lap of their warm up when someone rushed up from beside Soojung and knocked her into Suzy. The two girls stumbled but Suzy managed to keep them both upright. “Hey! Son Naeun what was that about?” Soojung hissed and chased after the girl.

“An accident,” she smirked, “Like you.”

Soojung stops in her tracks and Suzy bumps into her from behind.

“They know,” Soojung uttered.

Suzy looked on concerned having missed Naeun’s taunt completely because she was out of earshot.

***

Soojung stepped into the lunch room and immediately recoils in fear when all eyes seemingly fall on her. They all leaned in to each other, whispering, pointing with judging eyes. Suzy turned around to see Soojung had fallen a few steps behind her and with a reassuring smiled extended her hand and pulled her forward. “Don’t worry, they don’t know.”

“But they do,” Soojung mumbled.

“It doesn’t make sense, the only people who know besides your parents is Jongin and myself, and I haven’t told anyone and unless Jongin said something I highly doubt word would’ve gotten around.”

They made their way to the food in the middle where Soojung picked at the fruit salad and vegetables. Suzy however piled on bread rolls, pasta and puddings onto her plate and eyed Soojung carefully tossing a steak roll onto her tray. Soojung is too nervous to react so she follows Suzy closely.

“Don’t worry, even if they do know so what?” Suzy shrugged remembering the first day she was in school and how everywhere she walked she couldn’t escape the pair of eyes. “Does it matter what they think?”

“Of course it does!” Soojung said with a bit of resignation in her voice, “I have a reputation to uphold here.”

Suzy smirked and rolled her eyes, “That’s why you’re scared, who cares about what some high schoolers think? In two more years we’ll be out of here, no one’s going to remember anything.”

Soojung sighed, “Maybe I should leave like you did.”

Soojung doesn’t mean for it to come off as an insult but it does and Suzy merely brushes it off. She doesn’t respond and walks back to the table and takes a seat beside Sehun. “You’re here early, I thought you were going to be spending more time with Taeyeon?” Suzy nudged him in the shoulder but Sehun responds with his usual grumpy demeanour and Suzy leaves it as it is.

“They keep staring,” Soojung covered the side of her face with her hair and Jongin looked up around her to which the crowds immediately dispersed and looked away.

“We can go to the other building to eat if you want.” Soojung stares at her plate of food and back at Suzy who’s picking at her own meal and keeping a close eye on Sehun. Sehun’s stabbing at his own food as well and Jongin’s looking sweetly at her.

“I’m not that hungry,” Soojung confessed and Suzy looked up immediately with a threatening glare. She knew what it meant and slowly she sat back down. “I’ll have a bit of the fruit salad then,” she mumbled and glared back at Suzy who nodded.

“Why are you so nervous anyway?” Jongin asked.

“Son Naeun knows about my parents and I, and we all know what a big mouth that girl has, figuratively and literally.”

Sehun looked up from his plate, turning into the conversation after a while. “I’m sorry about that,” Sehun spoke after a while.

“How did you know?” Soojung stammered but Sehun tilted his head towards Jongin who looked perplexed.

“I was just keeping him in the loop, but I swear I didn’t tell Naeun or anything.” Jongin tried to speak in a hushed tone except it’s a bit too loud for Naeun who was walking past and decided to take a seat beside Jongin with her posse surrounding them.

“What are you talking about?” Naeun asked, full of intrigue and sarcasm in her voice. She clasped her hands together and rested her chin on them. Her posse all tilted their head towards Soojung.

Sehun looked across the table and glared at Naeun who had her eyes set on Jongin who was sitting so close to her. Jongin turned his head to her and smiled, “Nothing,” he replied.

“Certainly none of your business, Naeun,” Suzy sighed and took a bite of her food.

“I think it does when it affects the food chain around here.”

“What does that mean?” Suzy rolled her eyes.

“I think we’re about to get a new queen,” she smirked and casually began eating her food at the table.

“You’re not talking about yourself are you?” Soojung scoffed. Naeun keeps eating with a smirk on her lips. “But how can you be queen when everyone considers you the second rate version of Bae Suzy. I mean with the doe-eyed, long hair and a signature smile that’s as gorgeous as it is deceiving.” After a pause Soojung smirked, “Well yours maybe not so much. You’re not fooling anyone.” Soojung glanced over at Suzy who had her lips pressed in a thin line accompanied with a disapproving furrow in her brows.

“I may not look as pretty as Bae Suzy and I definitely don’t have your despicable attitude, but at least my parents don’t have a sketchy history.”

“What did you say?” Soojung and Suzy said in unison, both girls slammed their hand on the table in protest.

“Please, we all heard your mother got into her car accident because she was all drugged up, risking people’s lives, how inconsiderate of her. I guess she’s all pretty and no brains right. I wonder if her daughter has the same traits as her.” Naeun doesn’t really give her attention to Suzy as far as she’s concerned the other girl isn’t a threat especially when she ruined her reputation herself. “As you for? How’s your daddy?” Naeun smirked, “Oh wait, you don’t know because you’re mum’s a cheating . You’re not even your father’s child.”

There’s a collective gasp which frightens Soojung. She doesn’t like it when the attention is on her at times like these, but of course no one ever does. “I d-don’t know w-what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because your boyfriend said so.”

Soojung looked down at Jongin who’s eyebrows knitted together out of confusion, “I swear I said nothing. At least not to her. I only spoke to Sehun.”

“Shut up, Jongin.” Suzy hissed from across the table, “You’re not helping.”

Sehun looked over at Jongin and the two boys exchanged knowing looks, “I think we’ve got an eavesdropper here,” Sehun placed his fork down on the table and wiped his lips with a napkin. It seemed that no matter how hard they tried to restrict their dance practice room to just them someone would always find a way in. Whether it was Naeun or one of her groupies that had overheard they weren’t too sure but surely their missing clothes was a sign that someone was there.

 “What is your point Naeun?” Suzy rolled her eyes.

“I just wanted people to know who they look up to in this place—a brainless bimbo and a ,” Naeun’s words are vicious and they hit too close to home. All the bad things they thought about themselves being aired out for the public to see and hear.

Suzy grabbed her pudding and tossed it straight at Naeun’s face.

Chaos ensued.

***

Detention was made worse by the fact that they all sat in their soggy uniforms. Their hair still had remnants of pudding and steak and after a few hours they were beginning to all smell quite horrible. Neither of the girls looked at each other, not even Soojung and Suzy who were both scribbling study notes in their book. They weren’t allowed to talk anyway. Behind them sat Sehun and Jongin and a few from Naeun’s circle of friends and others who were grabbed by the teachers for detention.

It was already half past six but they weren’t allowed to leave just yet, not until Mr. Choi finished marking his class’ essays. Fortunate for them he only had a few more but Mr. Choi was quite meticulous with his marking and a slow reader from what they’ve observed. He had four more and Suzy assumed that he’d take another ten minutes at least per essay.

“, this is going to take forever,” Suzy uttered beneath her breath.

Soojung shot her a glare, “This wouldn’t of have had happened if you hadn’t resorted to being a five year old,” Soojung retorted.

Suzy looked at her astounded, “I stood up for you back there.” Both girls glared at each other with Naeun observing with a gleeful smile which faded instantly when they both looked in her direction. “Should’ve just swallowed your pride,” Suzy said and shook her head.

“There were a lot of things we should’ve just swallowed,” Soojung hissed.

“Maybe we should’ve let you eat that pudding and purge on her, at least then we can blame it on your stress eating.”

Soojung takes in a deep breath and she’s about to retort when Mr. Choi shouted from the front. “Be quiet back there!”

Immediately they eased back into their seats and finished notes.

***

It’s ten past seven when they’re dismissed and the car ride home is quiet. “Look, if we’re going to be living together for an indefinite amount of time I don’t want us to be fighting,” Suzy said.

“Especially not over someone like Son Naeun,” Soojung agreed. “She just makes me so mad.”

“Ah well she’s jealous, don’t let her get to you.”

“Yeah, she’s had it in for me since Jongin and I started dating. I knew she always liked him.”

“Good thing for me then, isn’t it?” Suzy deadpanned and Soojung laughed.

“Do you think she’s right then?”

“Jung…” Suzy said and sighed, “You’re not seriously listening to what she said are you?”

“My mother cheated on my father sixteen years ago, I cheated on Jongin with Sehun and it’s all coming back full circle…” Soojung’s voice trailed off. She didn’t want Suzy to know that she was suspecting her of drug abuse but if it was true, then Suzy has very much inherited her mother’s genes for drug addiction.

“The difference between our mothers, our parents, is that we have each other, we’re different from them.” Suzy reached out for Soojung’s hand but they feel a bit cold.

It’s half past seven when they arrive back to Suzy’s house with an unfamiliar car at the front of her doorsteps. “Expecting someone tonight?” Soojung asked but Suzy shook her head.

The car was a black BMW none that Suzy had seen before, it surely wasn’t Sehun’s and Suzy didn’t know anyone else who would be at their house at this hour. Her mother rarely had friends over. “Suzy, you have a friend,” Eunsang greeted them at the door.

Cautiously Suzy began to tread into her house where she heard laughter ringing from the lounge room. Her mother rarely laughed so loudly it must be someone they knew. In fact it was Do Kyungsoo and for a moment Suzy felt her stomach sink. “I’m so sorry!” Suzy exclaimed immediately.

“Suzy, you look atrocious!” Jihyun gasped when she noticed the state her daughter was in. “I’m so sorry Kyungsoo, my daughter is usually very well kept.”

Suzy rolled her eyes at her mother, “I’m sorry, things got a bit out of hand at school and I… I’m sorry I forgot about tonight.”

“No worries, your mother has been keeping me well entertained,” Kyungsoo smiled.

“Look, I’ll go upstairs and get cleaned up changed and I’ll be back down in twenty minutes?”

“Uhmm Suzy?” Kyungsoo chased after her quickly “Look, you look really beat up,” he chuckled and Suzy ran her hand through her hair nervously.

“I’m really sorry Kyungsoo, I am.”

“Look, I feel really uncomfortable with you saying sorry all the time and we’ve just met. I just wanted to say how about a reign check? You look really tired like you’ve had a rough day.”

“How did you know?” Suzy chuckled.

“Saturday? Seven again?”

“Sure,” Suzy said and smiled, “Thank you so much, Kyungsoo, really, I owe you one.”

“You owe me nothing.”

It was nice, Suzy thought, to no owe someone anything.

 Suzy walked up the stairs to be greeted by Soojung at the top who wore a sheepish grin, “So, you and the boy from the museum.”

“What about it?” Suzy grabbed Soojung by the hand and they walked side by side to her bedroom.

“Pretty interesting choice I guess.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Based on your track record.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about that?”

“Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum, Jung Ilhoon…” Soojung smirked, “Did you want me to continue?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get you—he’s different,” Suzy smiled, “Maybe different would be good for us.”

“Maybe,” Soojung nodded “Let’s just hope he can deal with the crazy.”

“Well my mother seems to love him already, who knows?” Suzy chuckled, “By the way, I’m showering first!”

“What happened to guests first?”

“You’re not a guest, you’re my sister, we’re family, and I’m older so I go first!” Suzy pushed Soojung aside and dashed into the bathroom first.

When the silence settles in and Soojung settles down she feels the loneliness start to creep in. “Family…” she thought and stared at the pictures Suzy had covered her walls with. There were photos of her mother and hair who shared the same long locks and eyes smiles, photos of her and Soojung right at the front.

Soojung grabbed her phone and flicked through the messages.

‘I’m really sorry, Soojung, please come home.’

‘We’ll talk about it.’

Two messages sent early this morning and none thereafter.

***

May your dreams come to reality
If all else fails
Give up, we needed the company
Let's drink to your health

I wanted to clarify something, there are four mains to this story not just one. Which means there will be different plots, and different chapters based on one character more than the other sometimes. I have no intention on finishing this fic anytime soon but I can't imagine the length being all that short, it'll go until I'm more or less satisfied with each character development and the plot. I hope people don't jump to conclusions about the characters/the ships because I have a long way to go before I finalise any pairs. 
Overall, thanks for reading, if you enjoyed it please leave a comment.
If you have any questions about the fic or you're confused feel free to ask me HERE
xo