Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain
I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days

***

Suzy doesn’t like first dates, they’re just too awkward for her. She doesn’t really care for what his favourite colour is, what his favourite food is or if he likes olives or not. She thinks it’s quite trite. Except Kyungsoo does a good job of avoiding all of this. He talks about the museum and there’s a passion in his voice mixed with soul and Suzy is almost sold.

“I’d love for you to take me on a tour one day,” Suzy winced because even that sounded trite. Also she had just suggested—which seemed a bit forthright considering they were barely through their mains—a second date. It was very unlike her.

Kyungsoo nodded, “Gladly.”

“So how is it that our parents have been friends for so long and this is the first time we’ve actually spoken to each other?”

Kyungsoo smiled, “Ah well I like to think there’s a time and place for everything. Maybe it was just about time we met.” Kyungsoo cut into his steak, “But you know we have met before, once.”

Suzy raised an eyebrow, “When?” She’s running through a series of thoughts trying to remember Kyungsoo before the night of the benefit when he interrupts her.

“You were probably too young, but I came over once with my father. I was quite anti-social so I never spoke to you so as my father spoke. I buried my head in my books a lot but for a moment I looked up. I saw you playing with that boy that’s been your neighbour for a while now. You were fighting in the back and I thought you were interesting merely because even though you wore a white dress you had mud that clung into them like ruddy diamonds.” Kyungsoo smiled and Suzy could feel herself all flustered.

“So you were checking me out?” Suzy teased.

“I was nine and you were probably seven.”

“We’re only a year apart!” Suzy protested.

Kyungsoo chuckled, “Alright, kiddo,” he teased.

Suzy stomped on his foot playfully and Kyungsoo retaliates with a playful game of footsies. They laugh and Suzy forgets that it’s a first date because Kyungsoo makes it seem like it’s their tenth. Kyungsoo is very different to the boys she’s dated in the past. Although she would be lying to say that she didn’t have fun with them, Kyungsoo had something they did a lot of wit to go with his charm. Maybe he was right. Maybe there was always a time and a place for people.

They’re taking a stroll down the street, still much undecided as to what they were going to do but Suzy doesn’t mind entirely. “You know if you want, we stop by the museum and I can show you around.”

“Like a private tour?”

Kyungsoo chuckled, “Something like that.”

“Alright!” Suzy chirped, “I’ve always liked night at the museum. Do you think the paintings will talk to me?”

Kyungsoo laughed, “I don’t know, but I can imagine that Lee Soon Shin would have a lot to say about today.” The museum’s marble floor makes for a great sound space. Suzy feels small in the place that’s usually so crowded. She shrinks behind Kyungsoo but he turns around when he notices her lack of presence. “Come on,” he said and extended his hand out to her. Suzy looks at him for a second and grabs his hand.

They take a casual stroll around the museum, their steps in sync and Kyungsoo keeps a comfortable grip on her. “This hair pin was from a famous pansori singer.”

“You really know your stuff.”

“I want to be a curator when I graduate,” Kyungsoo smiled, “There’s just so much about the past that helped to define us today. I think we need to celebrate it.”

“Your father is ok with this?”

“Thrilled as a matter of fact.”

“I wished my mother was as supportive of my choices.”

“Ah well, he got lucky that’s all. My other siblings could care less about this museum. You’re an only child your mother doesn’t have anyone else once you leave.”

Suzy smirked, “I can see why my mother loves you.”

“I am quite charming,” Kyungsoo teased and Suzy bumped into him ever so lightly.

Kyungsoo touches her very gently. Sometimes he grazes her hand with his own; once or twice he brushes away the loose strand from her face and tucks it behind her ear. He’s very gentle with her, but she thinks it’s because Kyungsoo knows how to deal with broken things.

It’s almost twelve when she arrives back at the front steps of her house. Kyungsoo walked her to the front of the house, “I’m afraid we’re a bit late tonight, I hope you don’t get into trouble.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m home before twelve? My mother probably thinks you’re a saint.”

Kyungsoo laughed into his hand, “Well good, I’m pretty sure the last thing I’d want is to get on your mother’s bad side. My father has told me quite a lot about it.”

Suzy grinned, “I had a really great time tonight.”

“Good,” Kyungsoo said, “Maybe next time we can do something more fun.”

“How about I plan our next date?”

“You’re ok with that?”

“Are you? Men tend to feel a bit intimidated when a woman takes charge.”

Kyungsoo grinned, “By all means, take the lead m’lady.”

They stop at the front of her house and the sensor light switches on, over them. It illuminates their surroundings. “I’ll call you then, Kyungsoo,” Suzy said and bit her lip nervously.

He nodded, “Well goodnight then.” He waved his hand slightly in front of her face and turned away to walk back to his car.

“Kyungsoo! Wait,” Suzy shouted and chased after him. She rushed over to him quickly and planted a kiss on his lips.

“Goodnight,” she whispered and ran back into her house before she could see him react.

From the balcony of his house, the one he liked to sit because it was the closest to his next door neighbour and best friend, Jongin watched over her quietly as she paced up the driveway. The person she was with was Do Kyungsoo and Jongin remembered him vaguely from when he was a child. Still he didn’t know much besides the thing Suzy had told Soojung who had in turn told him.

He inches closer over the balcony in hopes that he can hear their conversation but it’s fruitless. Not until Suzy laughs because boy does that girl have a boisterous laugh. Jongin rolled his eyes good naturedly when he heard her notorious laugh and leaned back into his seat. He tapped his cigarette over the railing, the ash floating away with the wind as he watched Kyungsoo walk away.

“Kyungsoo! Wait,” he heard Suzy shout as she ran to him and kissed him and ran away like a nervous little girl. It was something that Jongin wasn’t used to seeing, not when Suzy was the girl who would fight and hit him when they were younger. Even as an older teenager Suzy was never this shy in front of boys. Jongin laughed to himself and took another drag of his cigarette.

As Suzy ran off Jongin noticed how Kyungsoo pressed his knuckles to his lips and smiled into his hand. Jongin took a drag of his cigarette and stomped it out before retreating back inside. He was happy for her he told himself.

***

Suzy walked into her room and fell onto her bed, careful to not wake up Soojung. ‘How’s the date?’ Suzy glanced over at her phone and saw a message from Jongin.

‘Good, home now.’

‘How was the boy?’

‘Different.’

‘Good or bad different?’

‘Good.’

Suzy dropped her phone on her bed and walked over to the bathroom to undress herself. She wiped off all of her make up slowly, careful to not leave anything behind. As she settled down into her bed she reached for her glass of water and the bottle of pills she had stashed in the back of her draw. She looked at the bottle with a furrow etched into her brow. She would have to get a new prescription soon. She tipped a tablet out onto her palm and threw it into the back of without any contemplation before she reached for a swig of her water.

It was true what they say, old habits die hard.

***

She talks to Kyungsoo through texts, a bit too frequent for Soojung’s liking especially when all Suzy does is talk about how smart he is, how funny he is, how charming he is. The list is practically endless and Soojung can’t help but roll her eyes every time. She snatched the phone from Suzy’s hand and fights off her friend’s attempts to snatch it back.

“Are you going to the lacrosse match this week?” Soojung read out loud and Suzy blushed, “Are you asking a boy out on a date? You don’t ask boys out on dates, they ask you! You’re Bae Suzy!” Soojung hissed and shook her head disapprovingly.

Suzy managed to snatch back the phone when Kyungsoo replied, ‘Yeah, St. Ives versus Redwood, this would be interesting.’

‘We’re going to kick your .’

“Hey Suzy, are you listening to me?” Soojung asked.

‘And who was the champion last year?’

‘We’re back with vengeance.’

“You look like a goofball with that smile on your face.”

‘Don’t worry by the end of the night you’ll want to sit in the visitor’s stand with me.’

‘We’re not segregated you know, you can sit with us royals at Redwood we won’t look down on you for being from St. Ives.’

“If you smile any wider your face is going to crack.”

‘It would be an honour to sit with her majesty, save me a spot?’

‘Don’t be late.’

‘Speak for yourself.’

“BAE SUZY!” Soojung snarled and Suzy finally looked up, “You really like this boy don’t you?” Soojung says with a playful lilt in her voice.

“Like who?” Sehun butted in and sat down beside Suzy pushing the other girl along the bench. Suzy grumbled something about Sehun and moved over whilst Jongin took a seat on the other side of the table with Soojung.

“Are we talking about Do Kyungsoo?” Jongin chirped.

“How do you know?” Suzy narrowed her eyes on Soojung who laughed nervously.

“I hear he’s really smart,” Jongin teased, “And funny and really charming,” Jongin mimicked the way a girl would talk with a high pitched voice accompanied with an unnecessary pout.

Suzy shot him a glare and Jongin recoiled nervously with a chuckle, “Well that’s all you have been saying about him,” Soojung defended herself.

Suzy nodded her head, “It’s nice to know you guys care so much about my love life, don’t you have anything else to talk about besides me?”

“Nope,” Sehun teased.

Suzy curled her hand into a ball and threw it at Sehun’s arm, “Woah, calm down princess,” Sehun coughed and grabbed his arm in defence.

Soojung cocked her head to the side, she was the only one Sehun usually ever called princess. Of course he meant it in a joking way but Soojung couldn’t explain why her heart suddenly sunk into the pit of her stomach.

“So what about this Do Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked, “Seriously.”

“He’s coming to the Redwood and St. Ives lacrosse game this week.”

“Interesting,” Sehun interjected, “You’re inviting the enemy right onto our grounds, very smart Suzy, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.”

“You’re right Oh Sehun, I hold you right next to my heart,” Suzy said with a playful lilt.

“And I hold you dear to mine,” Sehun nudged her gently on the shoulder.

“Does he play?” Jongin asked curiously.

“Nope.”

“Thought so,” Jongin chuckled, “He’s a bit small.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jongin paused, “Well he just looks like he’d get pummelled on the ground.”

“Well if you’re big, why aren’t you playing lacrosse?” Suzy retorted angrily.

“Woah, calm down, we’re not going to get into a fight over a boy,” Soojung paused, “Oh that was weird, I never thought I’d say to that to a boy,” Soojung cocked her head towards Jongin who silenced himself. “You can sorta be an sometimes, darling.” Soojung caressed his face as if she intended to ease the pain to her words with her touch.

Jongin rolled his eyes and took a sip of his water.

“You’re a bit quiet today,” Suzy finally spoke again when she noticed Sehun calmly eating his food. They all turned their eyes onto Sehun who only smiled.

“Am I?” he replied.

“Still mourning Taeyeon? She’s been gone for a week,” Soojung said.

“Actually, I dumped her before she left, so I’m not mourning anything.”

“You-dumped-her?” Suzy asked, making sure that she heard him clearly, “But you were so—”

“It wouldn’t of have had worked out. I realised I could never be a one person kind of man.” There’s something in Sehun’s voice that ticks Suzy off and she knows it’s not another bout of his Casanova disease. Sehun seemed genuinely hurt by her departure. Of course he’d never let up. “Plus, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. If Suzy can get a boyfriend anyone can.”

“Shut up!” Suzy kicked his shin from underneath the table.

The school bell rings signalling them for their last two periods. Sehun and Suzy had Biology whilst Jongin had debate and Soojung had Economics. It was a short stroll to their next class so as Suzy perched herself onto the window sill, waiting for the class to fill and the teacher to arrive she focused all of her attention on Sehun.

“So you’re not going to tell me what happened between you and that singer chick?” Suzy asked.

“I told you,” Sehun shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not going to repeat myself.”

“Ok, well don’t, but you told me the most simplified version so I’m going to need an explanation.” When Sehun doesn’t answer Suzy lets out a sigh, “Look, I can see how this is eating you up inside—”

“Just because you’re happy, Suzy, doesn’t mean you can depict how either of us should deal with our feelings,” Sehun snapped to which he immediately recoiled. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want to talk about it.”

Suzy nodded her head, “Ok, but I’m here for you, always.”

Suzy pulled him into a side embrace that Sehun coolly shakes off. He smiled.

***

The lacrosse teams meet once every fortnight on a Wednesday for a game. It’s the start of the season and the first game is between old rivals. Suzy watched all of the players warm up from below when she was interrupted by a familiar voice. She had been nervously scanning through the sea of people when Kyungsoo hadn’t replied to her text. She wondered if he was lost. “I’m sorry,” he said with a playful lilt, “I got lost without my tour guide.”

“Do Kyungsoo!” Suzy shouted excitedly and leapt up to greet him with a big embrace. Kyungsoo holds her by the waist gently and smiled. “Come sit,” Suzy shuffled along the bench for him to sit.

“Hi, I’m Kim Jongin,” Jongin leant over towards Kyungsoo after Suzy had forgotten to introduce them to him.

“Jung Soojung!” Soojung shouted cheerily from behind Jongin and when Sehun didn’t reply she grabbed his arm and raised it. “That’s Oh Sehun! Suzy’s told us lots about you!” Soojung shouted over the sound of the bleachers.

Kyungsoo smirked, “Should I be concerned?”

“She’s my best friend and I’ve never seen her talk about a boy so highly. In fact I think you’re the first guy she’s only ever spoken about all day and all night.”

“Yah! Jung!” Suzy hissed and narrowed her eyes on her best friend who only gave her a retaliating smirk. “Oh by the way,” Suzy turned around to Kyungsoo, “See that down there, it’s the first aid bay.”

“And?” he asked.

“Just letting you know first because your is going to be so sore after we kick it.”

Kyungsoo smirked. “Don’t be too sure. What happens if my team wins?”

“You can decide on a punishment.”

“And if I lose you get to decide on a punishment?”

“Deal,” Suzy chuckled and linked pinkies with Kyungsoo.  

Soojung giggled as she observed the two from the side, “I’m happy she’s happy,” she whispered to Jongin who merely glanced over and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, she doesn’t need to go rubbing it in everyone’s faces.”

Soojung rolled her eyes and turned to Sehun, cheering and screaming in his ear. Sehun pushed her away playfully they laughed in unison and with that the sound of the whistle signalled the beginning of the game.

***

“Well that was the most anti climactic game I’ve ever seen,” Kyungsoo smirked, “I saw the results coming from a mile away.”

Suzy rolled her eyes and let out a sigh, “A tie is still better than losing.”

“I think that’s worse, but that just means we’ll play again.”

“Scared?”

“Nope,” Kyungsoo raised his nose in the air and laughed. Suzy watched how the stadium lights lit up around him and engulfed him with a bright light. “Your best is our worst, we’ll win,” he teased.

“So I guess that voids our bet if it’s a tie.”

Kyungsoo nods, “I’ll get you to cook me a meal next time then.”

“That’s a punishment buddy,” Jongin who had been walking close behind them butted in and pushed in between Kyungsoo and Suzy.

Kyungsoo smirked and searched Suzy for a confirmation. She could feel her cheeks turning a rosy hue, “I cook amazing ramen, with a boiled egg,” she protested.

Kyungsoo stifled a chuckle and nodded, “I happen to really like ramen.”

Across the car park Jongin kept his eye on Kyungsoo and Suzy, “He’s cute, isn’t he?” Soojung asked, “Not my type, but definitely Suzy’s.”

“And Suzy’s type is…?” Jongin asked curiously.

“You don’t know?”

“I’m a guy, of course I don’t.”

“You’re meant to be her best friend. It’s not like he’s the first guy she’s dated.” Jongin had to admit that he had been through a lot of heartbreak. There was a time she came home crying when her first boyfriend Im Jaebum left her for London, or how her second one cheated on her. The third guy, Sehun doesn’t even remember him except for the fact that he played her a song on his guitar. However he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with Kyungsoo’s presence. “He’s different, bright,” Soojung concluded.

“Her type is a guy that’s…bright?”

Soojung smirked, “He’s got a light in his eyes. He’s not as damaged as we are, Jongin, he’s good for her. Right now he’s who she needs.” She turns her head towards him, observing how his eyes looked like he had flames in his eyes.

“She doesn’t need anyone, she’s already got us,” Jongin protested.

Soojung pressed her lip into a thin line, “It’s different for her with him. Like how you were there for me,” Soojung said as she caressed his cheeks and Jongin breathes a little easier and smiles. “It’s that kind of different.”

“I’ll always be here for you,” Jongin said and swooped in for a kiss.

***

“Hey Suzy?” Soojung asked between soft breaths. Their bodies sinking into the matress as the sheets engulf their bodies.

“Yeah?” Suzy replied, her eyes still scanning her book. It was hard for Suzy to take her pills whilst Soojung was awake so she often found herself staying up late at night till her roommate fell asleep.

“Why do you sleep with the light on?”

Suzy froze and carefully continued to flip through her book, the sound of the pages scrapping against each other echoed in the room. “Because I have night blindness,” she lied and turned to the next page.

“Oh,” Soojung pressed her lips into a thin line not entirely believing her lie.

“I did prepare a room for you but you insisted on sleeping here.”

Soojung shrugged, “I just wanted you to know I was here.”

“How can I forget? You’re quite literally the daughter my mother wished she could have.”

“Don’t be jealous.”

“I’m not. If anything you’ve taken a lot of the pressure off of me.”

“Your mother loves you.”

“Yeah, she does a terrible job of showing it.”

“That’s how all mothers’ are.”

“What about you? When are you going to talk to your mother? It’s been almost two weeks now.”

“She hasn’t called, not after the first week.”

“Maybe she’s trying to give you space.”

“Maybe she’s stopped caring.”

Suzy switched off the lights and slid underneath the sheets, her arm sliding around Soojung’s waist like a child holding onto its mother. The other girl grabs it gently and closes her eyes. Suzy blinks once and then another time, she wasn’t sure how long it would take before she could sleep. All she knew was she didn’t like how the shadows on the wall moved around like it was about to engulf her. Suzy shifted in closer and buried her head in Soojung’s hair.

Soojung slid her hand up Suzy’s arm and squeezed it tight so that she knew she was there.

“Goodnight, Suzy.”

***

And I'll be gone, gone tonight
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I been holding on too tight
With nothing in between