Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

***

Soojung runs laps when she’s bothered. Suzy keeps herself a few paces behind. This scene is all too familiar, for them. Suzy wasn’t angry at the fact that Soojung had found her pills. Honestly, if anything it had been a desperate plea for attention with the way she went on about it. Suzy wasn’t angry at the fact that Soojung knew, at least not anymore. But what Soojung knew was only half of the story.

Suzy catches up to her and stops her abruptly which makes Soojung crash into her. Suzy catches her with her arms and holds her upright. Soojung pushes away brusquely and continues running without acknowledging Suzy.

“I want to talk to you,” Suzy pants as she chases behind her.

“Haven’t you done enough?” Soojung rolls her eyes.

Soojung had spent the last few nights in the guest room of the Bae household. She had dinner with Jongin who was quickly becoming suspicious and only came home late to avoid Suzy. The Bae house was suddenly a place where everyone who stayed there avoided each other.

She quickens her pace and Suzy does too, “I’m not going to apologise, because you went through my stuff.”

“And if I hadn’t you would’ve told me?” Soojung asks. She was right about that, she wouldn’t of have had told her. “Of course, I thought so.”

Soojung sprinted till the end leaving Suzy behind.

***

“She won’t talk to me,” Suzy sounds exasperated as she tries to explain to Kyungsoo over lunch how her friend wouldn’t even give her the time of day to explain herself.

“What does she want?”

Suzy doesn’t know how to explain the situation to Kyungsoo because it would involve telling him how Soojung found her bottle of painkillers which she had religiously been taking every night for a year – even though she had promised her doctor she’d only take it occasionally. That the reason why she left last year was because she was running from something she would rather forget and that as much as she was certain she liked Kyungsoo, she didn’t feel safe letting him see the skeletons in her closet.

“I don’t know,” Suzy lies and takes a sip of her water to clear .

“Girls,” Kyungsoo smirks, “Am I right?”

“What does that mean?”

“You don’t even understand your own gender,” Kyungsoo says much to Suzy’s chagrin.

“And here I thought you were a smart boy,” Suzy said in a snide tone.

“What does that mean?” he shoots back and when Suzy doesn’t reply he makes his own deduction. “So boys are stupid?”

“Nope, but it’s always pleasant when people make generalisations that can be awfully ist.”

Kyungsoo tosses his hands in the air as if admitting his mistake and takes a sip of his iced Americano, “Alright,” he says, “I was wrong.”

Suzy smirks and turns her head sideways to the man at the cash register. She hasn’t seen Soohyun since she kissed him all those months ago at the clubs. She heard that he was working for her father from the newspapers; he was someone to keep an eye out for the title read.

He was ordering his coffee when he turned around to her and suddenly it all came flooding back to her. His face, that same smile awkward smile that greeted her that night down by the bonfire.

“Take care of her, Myungsoo.”

His voice echoes in her ear and Suzy feels her heart sink into the pit of her stomach. “I’ve got to go,” she quickly scrunches up her napkin and tosses it on the table. Kyungsoo tries to grab a hold of her but she slips through his fingers as she dashes past. Soohyun catches her from the corner of his eye and chases after her onto the streets.

“Suzy, stop!” he pleads and grabs onto her wrist but Suzy keeps pushing. “Suzy, we need to talk, I want to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk!” she snarls and pushes him away.

He threw both his arms in the air as if to signal that he was unarmed, “Please, Suzy. This thing that happened it’s been eating me up alive.”

“Yeah, well it’s already swallowed me whole.”

Kyungsoo catches up to them on the street and stands in between Soohyun and Suzy and pulls her away so that she stood behind him, shielded by his frame. “Are you ok? Did he hurt you?”

Suzy glares at Soohyun, “I don’t even know him.”

***

Sehun stares at Miyoung as she makes her way across the dining table. He observes as she greets her husband with a peck on his cheek and a gentle squeeze of the shoulder. Sehun wonders how he was screwed up so much considering how he had parents like them. Parents who so selflessly given him so much and yet he could give them nothing in return. Everything moves in slow motion for him and Sehun is afraid to disturb the peace he’s enshrouded himself in.

“I wanted to keep you, I did Sehun... Just come home with me now be with your real parents.”

“You ok, son?” Taecyeon looks up from his dinner plate with a smile plastered across his face.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Sehun lies. “Just a bit tired.”

“How was school today?”

“Good.”

“What did you do?”

“The usual, classes, dance practice, etc. etc.”

“Anything else happen?”

“I had lunch with my birth mother.”

Sehun doesn’t notice how Taecyeon’s grip on his knife and fork tightens, his fist slowly turning ghostly white. Miyoung glances up nervously and offers Sehun a smile, “How’d it go?”

“Alright,” Sehun says.

“Darling,” Taecyeon says in a low yet stern voice that Sehun’s only ever heard a handful of times before they would erupt into an argument.

“Not now,” Miyoung shoots him down before their conversation could continue further and Sehun is confused as to the reaction.

“Wait? What’s wrong with me seeing my birth mother?” The question is more directed towards his father rather than anyone else who’s side he hadn’t heard of.

“Nothing, Sehun, tell us how it went,” Miyoung’s persistent is causing Taecyeon to be all the more frustrated with the situation at hand.

Sehun doesn’t know but Taecyeon had insisted that Miyoung not tell Sehun about his birth mother, even when he knew that she was the reason Sehun had nightmares at night. Taecyeon didn’t believe that Yoon Soeun deserved Sehun, especially not after Miyoung. His wife always spent tireless nights staying vigil beside his bedside when he had fallen ill. She had spent years going to dance recitals, and interviews with the principal because of Sehun’s behaviour. Miyoung had been the perfect mother to Sehun and Taecyeon was afraid that his birth mother would take him away.  

Taecyeon loosens the grip on his utensils and wipes his mouth. He excuses himself from the table and Sehun notices how her mother glares at his father as he retreats. His dinner has barely been touched and Miyoung excuses herself and chases after him up the flight of stares. Sehun stares at one of the maids who offers him a shrug. Sehun gets up from his seat and quietly follows his parents upstairs. With his ear pressed up against the door, Sehun tries to diligently listen to their conversation.

“I told you to not let him meet her, she’s bad news.”

“He’s old enough to decide for himself what type of person she is,” Miyoung protests.

“She’s the woman who gave birth to him. Nothing more. She abandoned him when he was a child for money.”

“If it wasn’t for her we wouldn’t have him,” Miyoung tries to console Taecyeon.

“Why don’t you feel threatened that she’s going to take away your only son? Our only son!”

“Because this is part of being a parent, Taecyeon! It’s not going to be easy. If he wasn’t curious about her now he would be in the future. We were going to have to deal with this now or later.”

Their conversation goes back and forth and it gets a bit heated when Sehun’s phone rings from outside notifying them of his presence. He switches it off frantically before making a dash down the corridor to his room. The thing about living in a giant townhouse is how the corridors seem long and endless which allows Miyoung to catch a glimpse of her son entering his room at a quick pace.

***

Jongin finds them having lunch the next day in the cafeteria. Soojung, Suzy and Sehun were all eating their food in silence. They all looked tired as evident by the dark circles around their eyes. “Did I miss a party last night?” Jongin teases but no one replies. Only the sound of cutlery hitting against the ceramic plates surrounded him and Jongin felt tense. “Is everyone ok?” he asks again.

Soojung glanced up from across the table to look at Suzy but the other girl seemed in a daze herself. The boy next to her didn’t look that great either. So whilst there was nothing plaguing Soojung so much as being angry with her best friend, she couldn’t help but feel cold and distant comparative to her usual demeanour.

Sehun had spent the night down at the bar drinking till only alcohol ran in his veins. He didn’t want to hear his parents fighting only to come home and find his father’s car not in the driveway. He wasn’t there for breakfast either and neither was his mother. Whilst Sehun wasn’t a sentimental person, (at least he believed so), not seeing his parents greeting each other with wide grins and excessive PDA made him realise how much he would rather see that than not to have parents at all.

Suzy hadn’t slept much either. Soohyun’s face was embedded into her mind and became the nightmare that kept her up. Even with the medication she couldn’t calm herself. She had woken up three times over the course of the night, each time with sweat pouring down her forehead and tears down her face. Eventually she stayed awake, all the while wondering about her best friend who was now sleeping in the room down the hall from her.

Suzy glanced up and locked gaze with Soojung. She sighed and placed her knife and fork down before proceeding to announce her departure. “I’m heading to the library to study,” she says.

Sehun glances up and offers an acknowledging nod. “I’m full too,” he adds.

“Yeah, I’m not feeling too well, I think I’m going to lay down in the nurse’s office,” Soojung excuses herself and Jongin finds himself on the outskirts again unsure about what help to offer, because he was unsure about what was going on.

“Friends,” he sniggers to himself as he sits in solitude.

***

When Jongin was younger he never had a lot of friends. He was often too busy with extra curricular activities to ever be able to develop relationships with other people. Extra curricular activities that his parents made him do to ensure that he would be able to take over the company one day. Suzy, Sehun and Soojung were people who found a place in his life and so Jongin couldn’t help but feel more protective of the friends who weren’t so easily spooked by his family name. Maybe it helps that they were like him.

Of late however, Jongin barely recognised any of them. They all seemed too distant from him, bothered, burdened and busy. Whilst Jongin had the perfect life, or so many would say, Suzy had a drug abusing mother, an unfaithful father and too much unnecessary rumours and gossip surrounding her. Soojung’s parents were on the verge of a divorce, her father had begun moving out and Soojung barely sees her mother of late. Sehun, well Sehun was abandoned by his own flesh and blood. Even though he has doting parents, maybe even a bit overbearing, Sehun always lacked that immediate connection he so craved.

Their lives were beginning to diverge due to events that were beyond their control. Jongin wished he could help, but what could he do? He had so much money but they didn’t need money. They needed help.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo’s voice calls him out from behind. He digs his hand further into his pocket but careful to not scrunch the cheque in there.

It was barely five in the afternoon and the sun was already beginning to set. Jongin still in his school uniform stood outside the nursing home that Kyungsoo so often frequented. Jongin was alone. Neither of his friends knew, or cared where he was. They had disappeared by the end of the day that was unusual for them. So here he is. He’s freezing but he’s been contemplating whether or not he should enter for the past ten minutes. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do this. So there’s a slight sense of relief when he sees Kyungsoo.

“W-what are you doing here?” It was a stupid question to ask considering the fact that Kyungsoo had told him before that he often came by Thursdays to help out at the old folks home.

“I’m busking today,” Kyungsoo says and holds up his guitar. “What about you?”

He fumbles for the paper in his pocket that he’s suddenly lost grip off and hands it over to Kyungsoo. “I’m not too sure how much it was going to take to get new heaters for the building but I wanted to donate this to the grandparents living here.” Jongin squeezes the paper into Kyungsoo’s hand and the other boys stares at it, wide eyed and confused.

“Jongin, you didn’t have to.”

“What if it were my grandparents? It would be nice to know someone’s looking after them.”

Kyungsoo gestures for Jongin to come inside, away from the winter chill that was creeping upon them. He makes his way to the reception and greets the nurses inside. He turns around and hands the cheque back to Jongin. “Hold onto it and join me, busking. When it ends we’ll present it to the nursing home together.”

Jongin nods and shoves it back into his pocket. But Jongin can’t sing so he’s not entirely sure what Kyungsoo wants him to do.

He grabs a seat and Jongin helps him set up the microphone outside at the front steps. There’s a bright glow that engulfs him with warmth and Kyungsoo starts singing.

***

Suzy notices the crowd already formed in front of the nursing home when she arrives and she hears Kyungsoo’s voice singing along to a sweet melody. She pushes her way through the crowd and notices Jongin sitting beside him with a microphone in his hand as well. Suzy stands quietly to the side, neither of the boys noticing her presence yet.

“The new guy is handsome,” Suzy hears someone’s comment.

“You changed so quick, Kyungsoo oppa is still the best,” the girl beside the other girl argued.

“Oh well at least we won’t have a clash.”

Suzy chuckled to herself and shook her head before returning her attention to the center. There was already a large pile of money in the middle of the suitcase Suzy fishes out some change from her pocket and makes her way slowly to the center. She drops in a fifty and Kyungsoo grins widely, Jongin sitting beside him also greets her warmly.

“Everyone!” Kyungsoo stops midway and grabs Suzy by the hand, “This is my girlfriend!”

Kyungsoo raises Suzy’s hand in the air and the girl can feel her cheeks flushed and turning a rosy hue.

“She’s a really good singer too,” Jongin adds much to Suzy’s chagrin and removes Kyungsoo’s microphone from the stand and presses it into her hand.

She glares at her friend and nudges him in the ribs which he feigns pain. “The grandparents and these lovely people here would love to hear you sing,” Kyungsoo says as Suzy tries to decline but the look on their faces was the tipping point.

Suzy raises the microphone and sings an old but popular Korean folk song that gets the elderly cheering and clapping excitedly. Kyungsoo and Jongin watch from behind as the smaller boy played the guitar for her and Jongin clapped happily behind her.

***

They all gather inside after the crowd has dispersed and the elderly are lead back inside for dinner. Whilst Kyungsoo gathers all the equipment Jongin approaches Suzy quietly from behind. “Hey,” he says and she jumps at the sound of his voice. He grabs her shoulders gently to reassure her and Suzy smiles. “Thinking about something?”

“Tired,” she says.

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“What makes you think that?” Suzy says with a smile. “No, I can’t say that I have been. Not when home is pretty much the last place I want to be. If it wasn’t bad enough that my mother’s perpetually tense around me, my best friend is now too.”

“What’s wrong with you two?”

“I lied to her,” she says honestly and Jongin looks taken aback when tears start filling her eyes. Jongin doesn’t ask why, even though he wants to because he sees the exhaustion on her face.

Suzy is tired, so tired that she can barely refrain herself from crying out of frustration and Jongin whispers words into her ears as he pulls her into a warm embrace. He the back of her head and runs his fingers through her hair as she buries her head into his shoulder.

“You know that there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me hate you, right?”

Suzy grips onto his coat “I’m sorry,” she whispers as she sniffs back her tears and Jongin reaches into his pocket for his handkerchief.

Suzy wasn’t entirely sure what she was particularly sorry about, but she felt the need to say it. Sorry for lying to him, for hurting him, for hurting Soojung – Suzy was sorry for so many things.

Kyungsoo observes quietly from the side when Jongin catches him staring. He grabs Suzy by the shoulders slowly and pulls her away from him, even though he wished he didn’t have to. “Hey,” he says softly, “I don’t know what’s going on between you two but you’ll figure it out. You always do.”

“Yeah, I know what I need to do.”

Jongin winks, and laughs, “Now stop crying and smile, or else your boyfriend’s going to think I abused you.” Jongin clears his throat but when they turn around Kyungsoo and the equipment have disappeared. Suzy dabs her eyes dry and they both begin to head back inside.

They find Kyungsoo helping the nurses as they serve dinner to the elderly and Suzy quickly rushes to his side. “Are you ok?” Kyungsoo asks, “Your nose is all red.”

Suzy smiles and nods her head, “Yeah, it was just cold,” she says and sniffs her nose. “I’m fine now,” Suzy says and glances at Jongin who was being swarmed by the elderly women.

“So handsome,” one said.

“I wish you were my grandson,” another said to which Jongin nods his head.

“I can be,” he teases and they all laugh.

“Will you come here often?” another one asks.

“I’ll try to,” Jongin replies.

“You must!”

Kyungsoo glances up and smirks, “Everyone loves him don’t they?”

Suzy nods her head. “Yeah,” she utters. “He’s a good person.”

“I can’t argue with that,” Kyungsoo sighs.

“What do you mean?”

“He donated a ten thousand dollar cheque for the heating, which is more than what we needed.”

“Where did he get that money from?”

“Probably his father?”

“His father wouldn’t,” Suzy says which catches Kyungsoo off guard.

“You guys really are close, aren’t you?”

Suzy looks up at Jongin who waves back at her with a cheeky grin as he’s being fed by the grandparents. “Something like that,” she says with a smile.

***

“Hey,” his voice comes through the speaker, “I’m looking for Suzy.”

The door of the Bae house opens and Soojung stands down the end of the corridor in nothing but an oversized shirt staring back at him. Eunsang closes the door and excuses herself as Sehun steps carefully towards Soojung.

“I forget you live here now,” Sehun scratches the back of his neck.

“Not for much longer,” Soojung says and turns on her heels, ready to head back upstairs.

“Where’s Suzy?” Sehun asks.

“I don’t know, I went home without her today.”

“Oh, I guess I’ll find her another time then.”

“What did you want?” Soojung asks eagerly, disappointed that he was going to leave so quickly.

“Nothing that concerns you,” he snorts.

“So you and Suzy, you know she has a boyfriend right?” Soojung crosses her arm and walked up closer to him, finally stepping into the light and out of the darkness of the halls that was hiding her.

He sees her face, bright and fresh like she had just showered. She smelt like strawberries and cream it must’ve been her shampoo. “What of it? I think I’m just as handsome or even better looking that Do Kyungsoo.” Sehun leans in towards her, “I’m definitely taller.”

Soojung steps backwards, she had intended it to be a joke but Sehun’s reaction had caught her off guard. “You don’t…really? Do you?”

“Don’t what?” Sehun asks.

“Like Suzy.”

“I’m at her house looking for her, aren’t I?” Sehun says seriously before cracking out into a wide grin. “What’s with you and Jongin thinking Suzy and I should be a couple.”

Soojung sputters in disbelief, “I don’t think you should be a couple, I love Suzy far too much to let her date someone like you.”

“You love her do you?” Sehun asks, “Because it seemed like you would rather be walking on hot coals than to be sitting with her at lunch today.”

Soojung rolls her eyes and walks to the couch and hugs the pillow tightly as she switches on the television. “Have you tried calling her?”

“I did, but her phone’s switched off.”

“What’s so urgent that you needed to come all the way over here to talk to her about? What are you two hiding? Really.”

Sehun bites his lip and contemplates for a second. He had needed someone to talk to and his confidant had disappeared. “I don’t think you’d want to hear this, it might hit too close to home.”

“All the more reason for you to tell me so I can give you my experience on it.”

“It’s about my parents.”

“Wow,” Soojung exclaims, “I didn’t expect that.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “They’re fighting and it’s because of me.”

“That’s not new, Sehun. They’ve fought before over you, we’ve all seen and heard it.”

“This time it’s different.” Sehun explains to her how his birth mother had contacted him recently much to his father’s chagrin. He tells them how he overheard his parents fight and how he felt as if he was betraying his parents by seeing his mother. Soojung reaches out for him and pats his shoulder.

“Look at us,” she says, “Bonding over how messed up our family is.” Soojung tries to make light of the situation because she doesn’t like it when Sehun doesn’t smile. Not like he usually does, but this is different from his usually brooding looks. Sehun seemed genuinely upset and there’s a part of her that’s glad that he could trust her with this story.

“Yeah, we’re not too different you and I.”

Soojung rolls her eyes, “Miyoung is right,” she adds, “You’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering. So why not meet her now and get it out with. Figure out if she’s someone you want in your life and what roll she’d play. If you don’t you’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering. Like me, I’ll be spending the rest of my life wondering what kind of a person my real dad is. At least you’ve been given a chance.”

“Yeah, but the fact that they’re fighting over this makes me…” Sehun’s words get caught in his mouth but a smile comes on Soojung’s face all too quick.

“Sad?” she finishes the sentence for him. “It’s ok to admit you have feelings, Sehun.”

Sehun rolls his eyes and sighs, “Thanks, Princess.”

“They’ll figure it out. If there’s one thing I’ve always been envious about you is Miyoung and Taecyeon and their nineties romance style. They’ll fight but they always make up. Your dad’s going to understand.”

There’s a moment of silence between them, and these moments are becoming more frequent but less uncomfortable.

“What about you?” Sehun asks, “You can’t live here forever.”

“I know.”

***

Jongin drops Suzy off at the front of her house and watches as she goes in before he pulls out of her driveway. Upon entering the house Suzy is surprised to see the television light glowing from down the corridor. She walked carefully through the darkness towards the only source of light when she noticed a figure with her back faced towards Suzy.

Soojung turned around, “Oh, you’re home.”

“Yeah,” Suzy replies stiffly as she makes her way to the couch and plops herself down in the other corner. “Anything good on?” she asks.

“Nope,” Soojung says.

“Then why are you watching?”

“I needed a distraction,” she says.

“From?”

“From you.”

“Oh.”

“Sehun came before.”

“He did? What did he want?”

“He told me about his parents, fighting.”

“Oh.”

“We talked about my parents,” Soojung says. “I’m going to move to France.”

There's a pause and Soojung searches for Suzy in the darkness. She's looking for a fight but it doesn't happen. “I understand,” Suzy says.

***

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Apologies for the late update. I had a vacation and got a bit sidetracked after that. 
Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed it please leave a comment.
xo