Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for

***

The radio was the only sound that filled the car for most of the ride. Whilst Jongin napped with his blanket around his shoulders, Suzy drove slowly out of the country side. As the peace settled around her, Suzy realised she didn’t want to leave this place.

When she was in America there were times where she would lock herself up in her dorm, never wanting to leave for fear of retribution from the outside world. There were times when Suzy was in Seoul and she was afraid to go out, overwhelmed by everything passing her by. But not here, there was something peaceful about driving on the dirt road under the shade of the trees that lined the paths that made her feel safe.

Jongin stirs in his sleep, and it surprises her, especially when she was driving so slow as to not disturb him. Suzy notices how his eyebrows furrow and how he grips tighter on the edge of his tiny blanket. She frowns and extends her hand, pressing her index finger against his forehead. Jongin’s eyes open slowly, dark brown orbs staring right back at her and Suzy freezes for a second.

She finally relaxes herself after a deep breath, she smiles and he does too, “I told you not to stay up so late,” she teases pulling her hand away.

Jongin rolls his eyes but finds it hard to suppress his smirk, “Yes, mum. You were right, mum.”

***

“I had a good time this weekend, it was like old times,” Jongin says and Suzy smiles, lips about to say something when her phone interrupts them. Both their eyes flicker towards the glowing screen which read ‘Do Kyungsoo’ and Suzy presses her lips into a thin line. “Go on, answer it,” he says after noticing the apologetic look she had on her face.

“Thanks,” she mouths as she presses the green button, “Kyungsoo,” she says cheerily with a smile, “I just got home, how are you feeling?”

Suzy picks up her duffle bag and swings it over her shoulder, other hand still holding onto the phone. Jongin shakes his head and chuckles before closing the boot of his car.

“I missed you too,” he hears from a distant. He thinks that maybe he should call Soojung to see where she was since he hadn’t spoken to her all weekend.

***

Suzy enters her house and hands over her duffle bag to Eunsang who warmly greets her. “I’ll meet up with you for breakfast tomorrow before school? That is… if you can digest food.”

“So long as I stay away from dairy I’ll be fine. I’m better now, really…How about dinner tonight? I've really missed you.”

“Yes Mr. Do, I wouldn’t want to do anything to upset your digestive tract,” Suzy teases. She enters her room where the afternoon breeze greeted her. The curtains in her room were blowing from the balcony doors being left open. Suzy thinks that maybe she had forgotten to close it when she left, but Eunsang would’ve been in regardless. “Hey, I’m going to freshen up ok. But I'll see you tonight at seven?”

“Alright, seven it is.”

“Seven,” Suzy says into the phone with a smile and a nod. “Bye.” Suzy approaches the balcony slowly, ready to close the door when she finds Soojung sitting outside staring into the distance. “You scared me, Jung.” Suzy clasps onto her chest jokingly and smiles. Soojung doesn’t budge from her seat; she’s staring at the stretch of water that seemingly ran for miles in the Bae’s backyard. “Are you ok?”

Silence.

“Are you angry I went to see Jongin’s grandparents?”

Silence.

“I didn’t really expect for it to happen.”

“My mum wants me to move to France,” Soojung says without letting Suzy interject any more excuses. “She wants me to move to France with her next week forever.”

“What? Do you want to?”

Soojung looks up at Suzy with round eyes and a look of disbelief, “Do I want to uproot myself from my home to a new country, all because my parents couldn’t get their personal affairs in check?” she pauses for a bit. “Maybe.”

“But what about Jongin? What about Sehun? Your father – what about me?”

Soojung smirks and rolls her eyes, “What about you? You left me last year too, without a word I might add. I’ve already given you more than you’ve given me.” Suzy bites her lip nervously. “You’re a liar,” Soojung finally says.

“What?” Suzy asks sounding astounded by the accusation, “Jung, I really didn’t.”

“You said you’d be here when I come back and I did and you weren’t there.”

“Jung, I’m sorry,” Suzy says sounding apologetic, she reaches for the girl’s shoulder but Soojung recoils from her. “Would it help if I told you I genuinely believed that you were going to be alright?”

“That’s not the point! It’s like how you promised me we’d never keep secrets from each other, or how you promised me everything was going to be alright. But it’s not is it? You can’t keep your promises. You’re a liar,” Soojung says again, “Since when did we keep problems like this from each other?” Soojung pulls out the infamous yellow bottle of pills from her pocket and shoves it in Suzy’s face.

Her friend looks at her aghast, “How?”

“If you didn’t want people to find it you should’ve kept it well hidden.”

“So you went through my stuff?” Suzy asks the bottom of her lip quivering, suddenly feeling sick in her stomach. She didn’t know whether she should be angry that Soojung had invaded her privacy or relieved that she knew or terrified that her secret was no longer really hers to keep.

“Why are you taking these? Have you turned into a junkie now? Is that what it is?” Soojung asks, “Or do you just have too much money you’re spending it on stupid things like this?”

“I need it.”

“Says every junkie!”

“Look, don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions when you don’t know why I need it.” Suzy tries to raise her voice in defence as she reaches for the bottle from Soojung but misses.

“No of course I don’t know, because you-keep-things-from-me,” Soojung says as she prods Suzy’s chest out of impatience and anger. Suzy winces in pain but she doesn’t move until Soojung lunges forward and embraces her warmly, “I wish you’d told me,” she says already on the verge of tears.

“Jung,” Suzy says and tenses up. It catches her off guard which makes her knees buckle under her friend’s weight.

“I’m going to help you every step of the way, we’re going to get them.”

“Jung, what are you talking about?” Suzy asking was rhetoric, she knew very well that Soojung knew but she was hoping that she didn’t. It was her fight, no one else’s let along Jung Soojung’s.

“Suzy, I know about everything,” Soojung says.

“You don’t know what happened, it’s not what you think…”

“I know about the night of the party, about My—”

“Stop! Stop right there,” Suzy says and retreats backwards “Don’t say his name, just don’t,” she says in distress, “I can’t – please leave,” Suzy says.

“Suj!” Soojung begs. She didn’t know why her best friend was acting this way. This wasn’t the same girl she had known when they were kids. The same girl who was all about bringing people to justice and giving them what they deserved. Maybe in some morbid way, Suzy believed that she deserved this. Soojung shook her head, “I’m not judging you—none of us will judge you!”

“Please, leave!” Suzy says and points towards the door.

Soojung nods her head and gets up from the seat. Before she leaves she turns around and with one last glance she manages, in a stern and steady voice, “I hope you’ll one day find the courage to tell me whatever happened to you that night, I’m not going anywhere.”

Bitter tears streamed down from her cheeks as Suzy curled over onto the floor.

***

“Hey,” Jongin says cheerfully as Soojung rushes quickly into his arms. His skin dampening as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. Jongin her hair worriedly, “I was just about to call you,” he says, resting his chin onto her shoulder. “Are you ok?”

Soojung pulls away and quickly wipes her tears and smiles, “I’m fine, fine...” she lies, her voice trailing off as she pulls off her jacket quickly. Soojung seemed a bit frantic, a bit confused and Jongin couldn’t help but worry more.

“Did you run into Suzy? She’s home.” Jongin sits down on the bed beside her as she took deep breaths to calm herself down.

Soojung bit her lip, “I haven’t,” she lied, “I’ll see her later, I missed you.” Soojung swung her arm around his neck, resting comfortably on the edge of his shoulder.

“Did you want to grab dinner tonight with everyone?” Jongin suggests. Soojung didn’t want to worry Jongin, it was something Sehun had made her promise. Confronting Suzy was one thing but to tell Jongin about it would be unfair. Wouldn’t it be? Soojung bit her lip, buying time for an excuse.

“How about we just have dinner with us two tonight?” she suggests, “Afterall Suzy got you for the weekend, and you are my boyfriend,” Soojung says decisively. She wasn’t jealous, not really, but Jongin knows better.

He nods his head, and loosens his grip on her. “Are you sure you’re ok?” Jongin asks one last time and this time Soojung gives him a more convincing smile which makes him kiss her.

“I really did miss you,” Jongin says caressing her cheek and brushing away the loose strands of hair from her face.

***

Suzy smiles when she sees Kyungsoo. It’s a reaction to his presence. He embraced her quickly and kissed her on the mouth, which catches Suzy off guard. “I thought of you all weekend,” he says. If only he hadn’t been sick, maybe he could’ve spent all weekend doing things that they had planned earlier that week. But things happen and plans change, Suzy knows this.

She reels back in from the kiss and takes a seat at the dinner table, “I missed you,” she said.

Kyungsoo had booked a table outside with a view for the night just for them. They talk like usual, Suzy telling Kyungsoo about how she spent her weekend with Joohyun and Jongsuk whom she had missed dearly. Kyungsoo telling her how he thought he was going to die from the pain, but it was all in good fun. Suzy laughed and that was all Kyungsoo needed to hear.

“Hey so listen, I really want to take you to meet the grandparents at the nursing home that I usually visit this Thursday. Are you up for it?” 

“I’m flattered,” Suzy teased, “Meeting the grandparents this early?” she laughed which made the hairs on Kyungsoo’s arm stand up.

He smirks, “Well you’ve already met my father and my siblings, there’s no one else really…”

“I’d be honoured, Kyungsoo,” Suzy says reassuringly and reaches for his hand across the table.

Kyungsoo smiles, unable to take his eyes off her. “You look beautiful tonight,” he compliments her which makes Suzy feel her heart pound against her ribcage.

Kyungsoo’s presence was such a warm welcome, Kyungsoo helped her forget and helped her to feel.

***

“Isn’t that…Suzy?” Jongin held onto Soojung’s hand and pulled her back as the two stared out onto the balcony where Kyungsoo and Suzy were having dinner.

She nodded, “Let’s go join them,” he says decisively and gestures for the waiter to set their table next to their friends.

“I thought it was just meant to be me and you,” Soojung says and tightens her grip on Jongin but before she can argue they’re already standing at the table and Suzy’s noticed them.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo clears his throat and wipes his lips before standing up to greet the other boy with a strong grip. “How are you?”

“I hope you don’t mind we join you,” Jongin says cheerily.

“Yes, I hope you don’t mind,” Soojung gather’s her thoughts and fakes a smile. “I haven’t seen Suzy all weekend, I’ve really missed you,” Soojung says with an obnoxiously wide grin and gives her friend a side hug.

Suzy eyed her suspiciously as she shuffled over closer to Kyungsoo and looked at him apologetically. Kyungsoo presses his lips into a thin line and ruffles her hair, “Don’t worry about it,” he whispers in her ear and grabs her hand from beneath the table.

“So how have you been Kyungsoo?” Soojung asks as she takes her menu

“I’ve had better weekends, just a bit sick that’s all.”

“Oh really? Poor thing,” Soojung offers him a genuine smile which puts Suzy off guard completely. Soojung had something up her sleeve. She was certain.

***

Sehun is used to being left behind since he was two. Since he was young Sehun’s forced himself not to feel. Maybe that was the reason why he always pushed people away maybe that was why he was always so much more attracted to the idea of a fling than a real romance. Sehun doesn’t believe in long term but while his friends were all finding new relationships, Sehun was still stuck in his old ways. Whatever, he thought; he won’t be the one dealing with a broken heart in a few weeks time.

Sehun wasn’t upset that Taeyeon had left him more so the fact that he allowed himself to feel, even for a second. However, it only took a second for Sehun to regret letting her in. Taeyeon proved that the way he had been living was right all along.

There’s a knock at the door before his mother calls out to him. It was ten and Sehun was already tired but he lets her in regardless. “You’re home early,” Miyoung teased, “No party tonight?”

“Nah, they’re all busy.” Miyoung nodded her head, she looked at him like she had so much to tell. “What is it, Mum?” Sehun asked worriedly.

Miyoung took a deep breath and took a seat on his bed. She patted the mattress, a gesture for him to take a seat beside her. As Sehun sat down she pulled him in for a hug, his head cradled in her arms. Sehun doesn’t say much, nor does he react. “You know, you were so small the day we took you home from the orphanage,” Miyoung sighed and kissed his head, “It’s weird to think how you’ve grown so big.”

“Still your little man though, aren’t I?” Sehun teased.

“Always,” Miyoung hesitated for a second before she continued. “Have you ever wondered about your real birth mother?” Sehun sat up and greeted her with doe eyes which break her heart, but she doesn’t admit it.

“Would you be angry?”

Miyoung smirked, “Have I ever been angry at you?”

Sehun rolled his eyes and laughed, “Remember the time dad took me out for ice-cream and you said I was grounded?”

“I was angry at your father more than I was you,” Miyoung laughed and nodded, “Maybe that’s the reason why you’re so spoilt. Your father, he really does spoil you far too much.” She sighed and loosened her fist a bit. She had been nervous the entire time, “I wanted to ask because your mother, birth-mother, has been trying to contact you. She wants to meet you, Sehun.” Sehun froze and looked at his mother with shock. “This is her number if you want to meet with her.”

His hand reached for the piece of paper in her hand, fingers tracing over the numbers scribbled on the paper. Was he finally getting an answer to all the questions that plagued him at night? “Does she say why she wants to meet me?”

“No,” Miyoung said, “And usually I wouldn’t of have had let you go but it’s not my choi—”

“Thank you,” Sehun said and pulled her in for an embrace. “It doesn’t change anything, Mum,” Sehun whispers, “In my heart you’ll always be my mother,” he kisses her cheek. “It’s just something I’ve got to do.”

Miyoung pouts, tears were filling her dark brown orbs that Sehun wished so much he had. “I’m proud of you, Sehun.”

***

“I’m so happy that Suzy has you, Kyungsoo,” Soojung says which causes everyone to turn their heads. Soojung reaches for Suzy’s hand and intertwines her fingers together. She wanted the other girl to know that she was there for her and that no matter what decision she makes she’d be there for her. “I guess it’s because I’ve been busy with Jongin and my own stuff I haven’t had time to look after her properly. But knowing that she has someone like you in her life makes me happy knowing she’s happy.”

“What about Sehun and me?”

Soojung snorts, “Please. Sehun is too busy trying to remember the name of the girl he’s dating to remember any of us.” Suzy doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t want to. “Suzy and I have been best friends for a long time, there are only a few boys I’ve been happy with her dating.”

“I’ll keep that in mind then,” Kyungsoo says and looks over at Suzy but she doesn’t look back. She keeps staring at the food in front of her quietly.

“I need to go to the restroom for a bit,” Suzy says and excused herself from the table.

“Oh good, I’ll join you too!” Soojung chirped and stood up behind her friend.

Suzy rolls her eyes and walks off ahead without waiting for Soojung. Once they’re in the restroom and completely alone Suzy huffs. “What are you trying to do?”

“What do you mean?” Soojung asks, wide eyed and looking completely clueless at the situation in front of her. “We’re having dinner.” Soojung turns around to the sink and turns on the tap, pretending to act normal as Suzy glared at her.

“Whatever games you’re trying to play isn’t going to work.”

“What games? This isn’t a game. I’m being dead serious – I’m happy for you.”

“If you are keep your nose out of my business,” Suzy said sternly, “I’m not letting anyone else get hurt because of me.”

“Right, and your relationship with Kyungsoo, how do you expect that to end when you can’t even admit your problems to yourself.” Soojung always loved a good challenge. “He’s a nice guy Suzy, really, don’t ruin this for yourself just because of someone else’s fault. No one blames you.”

“I do, I blame myself. You don’t know the whole story, what Sehun – who I’m assuming told you – knows isn’t the entire story. So stop prying before you ruin our relationship.” Suzy stormed back outside leaving Soojung cold.

***

She doesn’t expect to be sitting across from Sehun at 6AM in a diner that was only filled with two waitresses who looked bored out of their minds. She’s still angry with him, she can’t believe that Sehun had told Soojung even when they had explicitly agreed that they wouldn’t. She needed to give him a piece of her mind, she needed to yell at him.

“I—” Suzy tries to protest but Sehun cuts in.

“My birth mother wants to meet me,” Sehun tells her.  He’s not entirely sure when Suzy became his confidant or when he became that person who felt this burning desire to tell people about his life.

“What?” Suzy asks in disbelief, “Sehun! What?”

“My mother, gave me her number, she said that she was looking for me.”

“Sehun this is great! This is great… Isn’t it?” Suzy asked when his expression remained stoic. Typical Sehun to conceal any form of emotion.

“I don’t know,” Sehun sighs, loosening his grip around the coffee mug.

“But you must be curious as to why she wants to meet you right?”

“I am! Crazy curious!” Sehun exclaims, “Like why now? Why after sixteen years does she want to meet me?” Suzy notices how Sehun curls his fist into a ball, the anger and frustration building up inside of him.

“Well if you don’t call her you’ll never know…” Suzy says. “This is what you wanted though? Wasn’t it? To have all your questions answered.”

Sehun loosens his fist and relaxes into his seat. He nods his head slightly, “I’ve already called her,” Sehun confesses, “We’re meeting up for lunch tomorrow.”

Suzy’s eyes widen in disbelief, “But why did you need me if you had already called her?”

Sehun look up and notices the sauce smeared on the corner of her lips from her fries. He reaches for a tissue and stretches across the table, slowly wiping away the sauce. “I wanted to ask you to come with me.”

Suzy scoffs, grabs the tissue from his hand and scrunches it in her hand. “Are you serious? Sehun I think this is something you need to do by yourself.”

Sehun clears his throat and leans forward, “You know I wouldn’t have asked you if I did feel confident that I could do this.”

Suzy looks on worriedly. She had never seen someone so vulnerable in her life. She hadn’t expected it to be Sehun either but she’s not all that surprised. She doesn’t pursue it any further, “Sure,” Suzy agrees. “I’ll go with you.”

Sehun lets out a sigh of relief and cracks a smile that reaches his eyes, “Thanks Bae Suzy.”

“You owe me,” Suzy says decisively, “So much.”

She doesn’t mention Soojung, it was Sehun’s moment and so Suzy swallows her pride. She’d deal with the other girl later when she saw her.

***

Except maybe she doesn’t have to deal with Soojung, not when the other girl was so blatantly avoiding her. Soojung latched onto Jinri at the start of Biology class leaving Hyeri behind with Suzy. Not that she had minded, maybe space from each other was exactly what they needed. “Suzy! Did you hear me?” Hyeri asked and nudged her lightly breaking her focus from Soojung.

“Yeah,” Suzy lies and Hyeri presses her lips into a thin line.

“Oh yeah? What did I say?” Suzy glances over at the bright-eyed girl and frowns, she apologises but Hyeri’s understanding. “Did you sleep at all last night? You look a bit worried?” Hyeri asks, “Or is it because Soojung’s ignoring you?”

Suzy glanced over her shoulder at the other girl who was cheerfully laughing at something Jinri had said. She hadn’t even glanced back at her once.“Yeah, I’ve got an important lunch later,” Suzy says candidly, looking at the blood sample that was presented in front of them. “And Soojung’s just being Soojung, she’ll get over it eventually.”

“Important lunch?” Hyeri asks.

Suzy nods, “Yeah, it’s a secret...” Suzy says and presses her finger to her lips.

“Yeah, you’re full of secrets aren’t you?” Hyeri teases but doesn’t notice the indignant expression on Suzy’s face after she says so.

“Sometimes secrets protect people,” Suzy retorts.

Hyeri smiles, “Sometimes,” she reiterates.

***

Still dressed in their Redwood uniforms Sehun leads Suzy into the restaurant where his birth mother had promised to meet him. Except he’s there early so he helps Suzy into her seat before taking a seat for himself which positions him facing the door. Sehun grips onto the edge of the chair and zones out completely.

“Just water, please,” Suzy replies to the waiter as she extends her arm across to offer him comfort. “Breathe,” Suzy whispers and pats his back, “Drink some water.” Sehun does as he’s told but his expression doesn’t change. He brings the cup to his mouth and wets his lips before he places it back down. He wasn’t thirsty. “Did you want the salmon fettuccine?” Suzy asks, “Or did you want a wagyu burger?”

“Burger,” Sehun replies and Suzy nods before noticing how his face was drained of colour. “That woman,” Sehun chokes.

The lady that approached them was of a slim, petite build. She wore her hair short and sunglasses to accompany her attire that she took off as Sehun met her gaze. Her face was sharp which resonated so much with Suzy as something he recognised Sehun by. Suzy notices how she’s well dressed, from her Dior sunglasses to Gucci scarf. She looks to be her late thirties, somewhere around her mother’s age.

“She was at my hotel the other night, I bought her a drink,” Sehun says beneath his breath.

“You what?” Suzy whispered loudly and snapped her neck in the opposite direction.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” the lady says upon approaching the table, “Oh Sehun.” She greets him by extending her gloveless hand which he takes cautiously. “I’m Yoon Soeun.”

Suzy scoffs and shakes her head, “No, I’m just a really good friend.”

“I’m Yoon Soeun,” she extends her hand for a shake which Suzy hesitantly takes.

“Bae Suzy,” she replies. Soeun gives her a look of acknowledgement but doesn’t say much. Suzy assumes that she’s probably done some form of research on Sehun already. It’s not that hard to miss him when his face is often plastered all over the tabloids.

“Must be someone important for you to be here right now,” Soeun smiles and glances over at Sehun who hadn’t said anything to her yet. “Are you ok, Sehun?” Soeun asks.

“Did you know it was me that night at the hotel?”

“I figured, eventually… the bartender told me after he gave me the drink.”

“So lets get down to business, why are you here?”

Suzy grimaces and turns her head towards Sehun whilst Soeun lets out a chuckle, but definitely not one of social ease.

***

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me

Trying to make updates a bit more frequent before I lose all of my plots/ideas and get ahead of myself.
Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed it please leave a comment.
xo