“Especially if that slave has gone through what he has.” The guard adds with sympathy written all over his face.

“What do you mean, does that have something to do with Seo-Jun?” I ask.

“I’m sorry but I can't tell you that.” He says signaling the end of the conversation. I return to my room and pick the magazine up again. I look closer at the pictures from the fight yesterday while N enters the room and sets about to cleaning my room like he usually does. I compare the N in the picture to the N now and see that in the picture N has a strange look in his eyes; a manic or deranged one whereas the present N is calm and gentle.

“N, I need to go outside to the guard for a moment, just stay here, okay?” I say. He nods and continues cleaning.

“Do you need something, princess?” The guard asks.

“Yes, I would like to ask you something once more.” I say leading him away.

“Of course.” He says.

“Yesterday, did you notice something different with N?” I ask.

“Slightly, he seemed slightly–if I may say so–unhinged.” He says.

“What made you think that?” I ask.

“He had a deranged look in his eyes as if daring someone to attack, very different to how he is now.” He says.

“But he still let you chain him up?” I ask.

“Yes, he always does especially since he–we need to use the safety procedures.” He changes in midsentence making me even more suspicious. I go back to my room and see that N is just standing around with a lost look on his face. I look on the dining table to find a lot of money bills; the ones Joon had given N for the drinks. I count the money, which is quite a lot.

“N, you left this here.” I hand him the money.

“They’re yours.” He says shaking his head putting the money back on the table.

“There’s no more work for you right now, so maybe catch up on sleep?” I suggest.

“If I sleep now, I won't be able to later,” He says, “And that wouldn’t be good at all.” He mutters.

“What was that?” I ask even though I know exactly what he said.

“I just said that I would keep you up if I slept now and not later.” He lies. I narrow my eyes. At night when N is chained to the bed again, I don’t go right away to sleep but I stay awake, to see if anything changes in him. I hear him whispering quietly to himself the same thing over and over again, “Stay calm stay calm, don’t think about it, don’t think about it.” He says. I get up as if I’m going to the bathroom and he falls silent. I turn the bathroom lights on and I can see him sitting up and his leg is tapping nervously. I drink some water before coming out again, and see his head in his hands and he’s muttering again.

“Are you okay?” I ask. His head snaps up.

“Yes yes fine.” He replies, his eyes flickering around the room. Something’s very wrong with him, but what? I take a step closer and he flinches.

“N, what’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” His voice loses the nervousness and is replaced with anger and his gaze fixes on me with that deranged look. I take a step back and the look crumples and he’s nervous and slightly sad, “P-please go back to bed.” He begs. I do what he says and when I’m in bed, I can still hear the whispers as I drift off to sleep, “Stay calm, don’t think about it, don’t think…”

I wake up and see that N is fast asleep. I quickly get dressed and as soon as I’m back in my room N’s chains have been unlocked and he’s doing what he always does but when I enter the room he falters as if expecting something terrible but then continue what he’s doing.

“N, do you think you can get me some breakfast?” I ask. He nods and disappears. I open my laptop and look up “anxiety” maybe I can find something that matches what N may have. I can't find anything so I give up the search and shut my laptop with a sigh.

“Something wrong?” N asks coming in with a tray.
“No, nothing.” I reassure him. He feeds me again since my hands are still bandaged. N shows no sign of the anger or nervousness from yesterday evening just gentleness. I try to fight the urge to ask but curiousity wins, “N, what happens to you in the evening?” I ask. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out, he frowns trying to think of an answer. “You can tell me.” I take his hand.

“It st-started when–” He’s interrupted when my cousin storms into the room.

“I told you, NOT A WORD!” Seo-Jun says grabbing N by the throat and dragging him out and then slamming the door shut.