“Wae?! Why are you guys giving me the dead glares? I miss you guys and haven’t seen you guys since everyone are super busy. I don’t have any schedule tomorrow soooooo why not kekeke drink?” I grab my cool bottles of soju from my refrigerator and bring it to the table. Yeeun and Taec were in the kitchen cooking while I insist on ordering take-out but they would not budge from the kitchen. I guess they knew I haven’t had any home-cooked meals since I live alone now. Sunye and Junho were peeling the fruits, while wooyoung on the other hand were feeding me constantly.

“Yahhhahh! Why are you just bones? Have you been missing meals?” Wooyoung lecture me while forcing fruits down my mouth.

“ummmmm sometime…..” I give him my sweetest smile “I’ve been really busy with photo-shoot soooooo I haven’t got time to eat. Between eating and sleeping, my sleep is more precious. Every girl needs her beauty sleep” I joke with him

“Aiiiiisshhhhh that Bingu ! Aren’t you doing a photo-shoot with Seunghyun? He should be taking care of his dongseng better than that ! He won’t hear the end of it from me.” Yubin Unnie states, lecturing her secret boyfriend of seven years.

“Unnie, he take good care of me” I try to defend him but she already called him and yelling through he phone… oops… sorry Top Oppa, I apologizes to myself.

Everyone was drinking and catching up with their daily life. Sunye Unnie have to leave early since she have to go back to her family, Wooyoung and Junho also have to leave early but made me promise that for his birthday party I must show up. Lim also have to leave because she has activity later on in the morning. The one that stayed were the main drinkers of the JYP Nation.  

“Unnie…. I loved him sooo much… I truly thought he was the one. I thought I was the one for him like how he was the one for me. I never expected this outcome. I thought it would be like every break we took, we will be bounded to get back together but he’s not coming back…. He’s clearly happy with where he is now. I’m happy for him but why is it that it’s not me standing by his side….? I vented out to Yubin and Yeeun… the alcohol have clouded my brain filter, allowing me to say whatever on my mind. The members were quiet and let me vent out my silent feelings that finally is being release now. Taec, Junsu and Chansung were already sleeping on the couch. They took more than what they bargained for.

 Why was it not me making him smile…? Why is not me being the one that make him happy and smile? Just months ago that person was me, how could he replace me without thinking about me? Why was it that I feel soooooo unimportant right now… so worthless. I miss him…. I really miss him, his smile. His hugs, his kisses, the way he used to look at me and making me feel like the happiest woman in the world, I miss his “I love you” I just miss everything about him.” I whisper softly before I stagger to the bathroom with my phone in my hand.

I locked the door and dialed his number. Although it is no longer on my contact list, I remember it by heart. We got our phones together; the numbers were the same except the last digit at the end. I dialed his number, half-expecting him to not pick up, he never does and beside it is already five in the morning.

“Yeboseyo” his voice ring through the phone soggily. It was the voice that I missed so much over the past months, the voice that can easily make a girl fall in love with his soft voice.

“Oppa… I guess you were sleeping, sorry if I woke. It’s not like I have anything to say to you but I just wanted to hear your voice, I know I shouldn’t do this, I know it is over between us but can we stay like this for a short moment….?” I softly whisper into the phone.

“Mandu….? Sohee…? I’m with my girlfriend right now” he whispers back into the phone.

“Did you really just say your girlfriend? It is true…. It can’t be…. She is your girlfriend right now…. Is she listening to this?” I question in denial with tears filling my eyes again. He has to be lying to me right now.

“No, she is still asleep” he answers back

“Do I really mean nothing to you? For you to move on so quickly? I ask, my voice were trembling “I’m sorry, I was crazy to call you, this is not like me to call you, it was a stupid thing that I would have never done but still you were sober, you were in the right state of mind. You shouldn’t have pick up, then I could’ve fallen asleep.” I try to muffle my cries

“Sohee-ah?”

“She is your girlfriend, I was your girlfriend. This is not what I wanted to hear. I know even if you don’t say it. if things just pass like this, is it over? Is it nothing to you? Is that it? Loving me, forgetting me, making it be like nothing. Is it that easy for you? Is that how you empty me out? Is that how you erased me? Yes, call me crazy but I still can’t forget you. Say that I’m talking crazy but I won’t remember this tomorrow anyway” I finally let him know my feelings of the past four months. He probably does not know that I found out four months ago or when they start talking.

“So-so” he calls my name with the familiar voice that uses to sing me to sleep for so many years when I was having insomnia. Now there were not love behind it anymore not more emotions, how did our love die so easily? Before he can continue with what he wanted to say, I already hung up the phone. I was not already to face the harsh truth he wanted to tell me. I told myself that I will be strong but here I am, crying again in the bathroom. My legs lost its strength to stand; i grab the sink counter to help support myself. Tears stained my face, I shouldn’t had called him, hearing his voice again made it that much harder to let go.  

Suddenly the there was a knock on the bathroom door. I open it after I wipe away the tears, revealing the two unnies. I guess they heard the entire conversation. They pulled me into a tight hug. That morning the three of us slept in my room while the boys were knock out in the living room.