Walking inside Hyuk’s home felt like shedding a layer of skin and sweat and grime. I felt warmth enveloping me but the sweat washing me refreshed me even without a cool breeze from a parted window.

As if that pleasant feeling wasn’t enough, he touches my hand, guiding me towards the living room and it felt like a heavy burden was lifted off my body.

“Ta da!” Strewn on the floor were different packaged of chips and ramen. Displayed on the TV screen is ruined looking landscape with an army man cradling an M16 pointed towards the viewers.

“What is this?” He crossed the room and plops on the sofa cradling a small device.

“Peace offering.” He mumbles, mouth full with chips. A confused look wipes his excitement, I walk over beside the sofa and sit beside him. I didn’t want him to worry and I want his peace offering to work.

“Where’s Mrs. Han?” During the span of two hours, I asked this countless of times only to be answered with a low growl and some mumbling through Hyuk’s teeth.

I sensed something peculiar, waves of hot and cold and calm and panic rolled in my body. I just know when something’s wrong but I bit my curiosity down and lengthened my patience.

He continues to beat me over the violent shooting game but it was fun, which I felt shame for because violence in any way, shape or form should not be fun at all. “Hyuk, let me win for once.” I complain. Again, shameful.

He doesn’t laugh and settles the controls down, he swallows, adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He takes mine and also sets it down.

I just know something’s gonna happen…

“Princess.” His voice had a subtle urgency, I wanted to look over to him but he had other plans of action.

His body suddenly crashes against mine. His arms instantly wrapping around me and his head, buried in my chest. “Hyuk.” His name was all I could say, I do not know the nature of his thoughts but it seems serious.

“Princess.” He holds me even tighter, his voice getting thick and his breathing more labored. “Your heart, it’s thundering out of your chest.” I was still in shock by his actions and my hands were awkwardly floating in the air. I soften with his words and rest my hand on his head.

“Is there a problem?” I calmly ask, hands ruffling in his hair. “I-I can’t.” He chokes on his words and start sobbing, a little skip in his chest happens as his lungs couldn’t keep up their pace with his sudden bawling.

We stayed holding each other for a long while in silence, his sniffling decreasing in volume and intensity. “It’s going to be okay.” I told him every once in a while and ran my hands down his back but it did not seem to calm him.

“Geez, princess. Why do you have to act like mom, huh?” The muscles in his back tenses and he looks up, revealing his red nose and puffy eyes. “It’s not gonna be okay because she’s trying to keep us apart.” He rests his head back on my chest, I was caught in my own thoughts of his baby-like face but his body was like a man, such a stark contrast.

“Whatever it is, your mom thinks her decision is the best for you.” He immediately shook his head in protest. How can a male be so quick in shedding tears? I’ve never seen a man’s tears until now and strangely the hurt reflecting in his eyes appear deeper and more painful compared to mine when I cry.

“That’s unfair, don’t use the same words.” His voice is muffled but I hear clearly, almost too clearly actually. By now, my heart has calmed down and our proximity is starting to bother me.

“Hyuk, could you let me go now, please?” I rest my hands on his shoulders and try to push him off, but even if I used all my energy all the distance I could put between us were just mere inches. He also seemed to have held me tighter after my words.

“Wrong answer, you’re also not supposed to say that.” He complains with a lower tone, almost sounding sleepy and lazy. I too was almost like in a daze, wanting to rest my head on his shoulders and sleep until a soft clink wakes me.

His breaths were calm, almost inaudible but the unknown clink bothered me. I peel him away from me, his head falling on my lap. “What am I going to do with you?” I sigh and rest his head back on the sofa, turning the TV off and tidying up the things on the floor.

I pace around the area, looking for a container to dump the empty chip wrappers. My feet froze when I saw who I kept on asking for earlier. Mrs. Han looks calmly at me, like she expected me to be inside her home.

“Son, wake up.” Mrs. Han immediately goes to him and rouses him from his sleep. She sees his puffy eyes but seemed to be avoiding them.

He goes to his room without her, leaving us alone. “I’m sorry.” She faces me and clasps both of my hands with her cold ones. “Mrs. Han, it’s okay.” I assure her and a smile curls in her lips as well as mine.

“Did-” “Would you like-” Mrs. Han had on a thin blouse, barely damp with raindrops she offered some tea which I graciously rejected.

“He told you already?” “Yes.” She sighs in response and sits herself down, I join her.

“I want to send him overseas, we talked about it in the past but now…” She stands up, after resting for a very short while. I could not say anything, all I knew is that my heart was like being held tighter and tighter until it was hard to breathe.

We bade our goodbyes and I walked home alone, somewhat in misery.

***

I feel bad, like I’ve been thrown down the pit less depths of Tartarus o