Seunghyun~~ The Crazy Girl Says We’re Broken

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When I finished until the last day Min Ah and I saw each other, Park was already teary eyed.

“That was so sad” she sniffed.

“I swear if you cry I’m going to my room,” I threatened and she instantly wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

“You should have fought for her and asked her to wait” came her unsolicited advice.

“You think I didn’t do that?” I said testily. “Did you think it was easy for me to kneel in front of her father and company president? I threw away my pride that time and begged like I never begged before” my voice breaks remembering how much of a blow it was for my self esteem to do that. I was a young man who thought that I was on top of the world. “I never felt as low as that moment … and the thing was, I believed them. Back then, I thought that debuting was good enough. But they made me see that I was just a nobody who didn’t deserve Min Ah. I wasn’t the best in rapping. Jiyong has that throne. I was disillusioned to think that announcing our love to the world was the most important thing. I didn’t think of the consequences.”

“Is that why you never released another album after your debut?” Park asked.

I nodded. “I lost confidence.” I admitted before I could stop myself. I never said that out loud before.

“I loved your album” Park consoled. “To be honest, Ji was pressured to write better songs after you released yours.”

I gave a mirthless laugh. “But I wasn’t good enough for her. I would have only caused her career damage. She was on her way to becoming a star while I was just an upstart and a rapper at that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a rapper,” she defended.

I agree. There is nothing wrong with being a rapper. I was happy being one. Doing those underground battles and then finally debuting with the arguable the best management company -YG, it was all a dream come true for me. I thought that I was the king of the world. When I was told that I was unworthy, I crashed and burned big time.

“Was that the reason why you chose to be an actor instead?” Park asked.

For someone who looks clueless, Park was astute with her observation.

I gave a quiet nod. “I wanted to prove to them that I can and will make a name for myself …One that is worthy of her. If they think that being a rapper is not a respectable job, I wanted a fighting chance to stand on the same stage as her. I thought back then that if I became an actor, I’ll get the chance to see her more and maybe work with her. But it has been like, what, 4 -5 years? I still can’t seem to reach her level.”

“Don’t think like that,” Park admonished. “You’re YG’s top actor. Besides, with this movie ‘Commitment’ that’s coming out next month, I predict you’ll be ranked as an A list actor soon. You even have another movie lined up, right?”

“I don’t know.” Sighing in frustration, I hung my head down. “Until now, I still can’t believe that there are people who think I can act. I feel like such a huge fraud sometimes.”

“It’s because you have y eyes.” Park stated. “They look mysterious.”

I swiftly turned my head to look at her. “I can’t believe you’re complimenting me.”

“I’m just saying what I heard from people.” She reasoned with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes at her.

Park folded her legs to the side and leaned closer to me. “Remember Jennie Kim? The stylist who’s now working over at SM?”

“Yeah.” I remember Kim. She was annoying.

“She had the biggest crush on you. When she heard that you and Min Ah broke up, she threw a party. She waited patiently for your return thinking that she’ll be the one to fix your broken heart. Poor girl, she was terrified of you when you finally came back after your temporary hiatus. You were so distant and cold and very unapproachable back then. Jennie left with a broken heart.”

“It wasn’t my fault.” I defended.

“You were barking at every one.”

“I don’t even remember seeing that much of you back then. How would you know?”

“Duh!” Park snorted. “‘Coz I was smart enough to steer clear out of your way. I think you even got YG scared.”

I smirked. He wasn’t scared, that I was sure of. He was more like weary of me because I was so mad at the whole world that I was like a ticking time bomb. Good thing he sent me on a vacation to clear my head.

Park stretched out her skinny legs and I couldn’t help but compare the difference between the length of mine and hers, seeing them side by side. She really is small. She had both of her elbows resting on the sofa while I have mine crossed in front of my chest.

“How come you’re so short?” I blurted.

She cut her eyes at me briefly and then looked away. “That’s not a polite question.”

“Can you please tell me why you’re so small?” I rephrased, emphasizing on the word please.

“Yah!” She hit my shoulder, obviously peeved.

I pretended to nurse my shoulder. I was only trying to liven up the atmosphere … which is weird. I am usually the gloomy one.

“I am only trying to make conversation, you know.”

“Well, it’s my complex so don’t.”

“Which part? I mean everything about you is small” giving her a once over.

Her eyes widened and opened . She looked like she wanted to say something scathing but she closed again. She did that twice, making her look like a fish.

“How could you?” she moaned. “And to think that I was beginning to think were becoming friends.” She hid her face in her hands and pulled up her knees to her chest.

She was quietly sniffing.

I groaned. Not again. I hate seeing girls cry. I sincerely believe it was because my sister and my Mom conditioned me early on in life. They used tears as weapons, I tell ‘ya.

“Hey” I softly called. “Hey … look, I’m so