Dara ~~ Healing Hurts Too

 

********************************************

 

 

 

“We’re getting off here” he whispers close to my ear. “Okay, take a step. Careful …”

 

 

Hearing the elevator door open, I stretch out my arms, following his orders with complete trust. We walk some more and then I hear him say “Turn right.” I follow his order. He has his hands on my waist, guiding me.

 

 

I let out a fake groan. “Aren’t we there yet? This better be good Ji or else …” I warn him.

 

 

He chuckles. “We’re almost there.” 

 

 

I feel the slightest flutter of his lips on my nape which made me jump a little. 

 

 

“Ya!” I try to turn and reach for him but my hands only hit air. He immediately lets go of his hold. I fumble like a blind man because of the blindfold over my eyes.

 

 

I hear his laughter and he holds my waist again. “Now, be a good girl … just a few steps more …” he coaxes with a light tap on my .

 

 

I laugh. Honestly, I like it when he surprises me like this. This morning, after breakfast, he announced that we are going somewhere and that I had to keep the blindfold until he says I can take it off. So here we are to God knows where.

 

 

“We’re here! Wait a minute …” 

 

 

I hear some short beeping sounds and then a door opening.

 

 

“Don’t peek” he warns as he urges me to step forward. He continues to guide me and then I feel him stop and steadies me. “Okay, I’ll take off the blindfold now.” His obvious excitement is contagious and I feel my body getting riled up with anticipation.

 

 

As my eyes get accustomed to the light again, I slowly take in our surroundings. We’re standing in the middle of a huge bare room. I feel my heart beat accelerate and I break into a wide smile.

 

 

My eyes sought Jiyong. He is standing behind me with his arms wide open, he has a smile like a kid on a Christmas morning.

 

 

“Happy birthday!” 

 

 

My eyes tear up and he moves to wrap me in his arms. “This is just the beginning, jagiya. Next time, I’ll buy you a mansion where we can fit our dozen children.”

 

 

For countless nights over the years, we had dreamed of living in our own house. One by one, our dreams are coming true!

 

 

I lightly hit his upper arm and I disentangle myself from his embrace. “Give me a tour.” I say and he readily complies.

 

 

From behind, he wraps his arms ‘round my waist and we walk from room to room in a back hug. His knees sometimes hitting the back of my leg as we roam around but I didn’t mind. I like feeling his warmth.

 

 

We were too busy envisioning what each room will look like after we decorate our new place. Our very own. 

 

 

“This will be the master bedroom” he declares proudly. “It has a Jacuzzi” he murmurs, his lips grazing my earlobe and I shiver.

 

 

“Oooh, I like that” I purred.

 

 

“Let me show you my recording room.” 

 

 

When we get there, he lets go of me and he describes where he’ll put his instruments around the room. “And you know the best part is? It’s soundproof!”

 

 

“It’s lovely Ji” I sincerely say. “I’m really happy that we have our own place now.”

 

 

He suddenly sweeps me up and whirls me around out of the room to what will be our living room. I hold on to his shoulders for support and growing tired, he slowly settle me down and we face each other.

 

 

“I take it you like my surprise?” His eyes are full of expectation; his hands squeeze my waist.

 

 

“Like it? I freaking love it!” I exclaim enthusiastically. “I love you, Kwon Jiyong.”

 

 

I take a step forward to kiss him briefly. “This is the best birthday gift ever.”

 

 

He cups the back of my head and pulls me in for another kiss while his other hand, on the small of my back, draws me closer to his body.

 

 

“I love you more, Sandara Park.” He says after the searing kiss.

 

 

“I love you the most” I caress his face and he rubs his cheek like a cat onto my palm. “I love you forever.”

 

 

“Forever” he affirms, pulling me closer, almost molding my body to his. “Want to know how much I love you?” He’s trailing kisses from the side of my neck down to the top of my chest.

 

 

Feeling the familiar heat he incites in me, I give him a seductive smile. “Why don’t you show me?” I walk backwards and he follows me without letting go of my waist into our room and into the huge bathroom.

 

 

Eyeing the Jacuzzi, he realizes what I had in mind and grins.

 

 

“Why don’t we get you in your birthday suit?” He winks and proceeds to do just that.

 

 

 

 

 

“Miss? Miss?”

 

 

For a moment, I am confused on where I am. I was too caught up in the ghost of a bittersweet memory. I turn to the sound of the voice.

 

 

“I-I’m sorry …” says the man who looks uncomfortably and respectfully turns his head away.

 

 

I realize that tears are running down my cheeks. I hastily wipe them away and clear my throat. I attempt a smile. “I don’t know what got into me,” I say as way of explanation, mortified to be caught crying “must be the thought of missing this place …”

 

 

The elderly man from the local Goodwill chapter nods. “That’s understandable.” He smiles at me kindly. “Thank you for your donation,” taking in the boxes of clothes, books and shoes, “I’m sure this will help a lot of people in need.”

 

 

I smile at him. Honestly, I debated over what to do with them. Most were gifts from Jiyong and are all from famous designer brands. If I wanted to make money off of them I could have but I wanted to make a clean break from all of his memories. At least, from the physical things that will remind me of him. “I’m glad to be of help.”

 

 

The elderly man and his companion picked up the boxes. “Thank you once again. We’d best be going now …”

 

 

I nod. “Thank you for picking them up.”

 

 

“Bless you” he says. They walk out the door but then he looks back at me say with eyes full of kindness, “Wherever life may lead you, remember that God always have a better plan than your dreams.”

 

 

They leave and I ponder on his words.

 

 

“I hope so” I whisper to myself. “I sure hope so.”

 

 

With one last glance around, I left the ‘home’ we built with broken dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

It's been the longest winter without you

I didn't know where to turn to

See somehow I can't forget you

After all that we've been through

 

 

Going

Coming

Thought I heard a knock(Whose there, No one?)

Thinking that (I deserve it)

Now I have realized

That I really didn't know.

 

If you didn't notice

You mean everything (quickly I'm learning)

To love again (all I know is)

I will be OK.

 

(Chorus)

 

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's going to hurt when it heals too

Oh yeah (It'll All get better in time)

Even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile because I deserve too

Oooh(It'll all get better in time)

 

 

 

 

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“What is that?” eyes Choi-diva with disdain.

 

 

“It’s beer and fried chicken. Duh?!” I state the obvious. I slump in the middle of his carpeted living room and I place the 6-pack of beers and a box of freshly fried chicken on top of the glass coffee table. 

 

 

I moved in a few hours ago and since it’s almost dinner time, I decided to do something, sort of like a housewarming or welcoming for me and a celebratory treat for Choi’s successful movie. It has been 2 days since it opened in theaters and reviews are good. 

 

 

I take a bite out of a drumstick and open a can of beer. “Mmmm mmmm this is the life!” I say in exaggeration. I am tempting Choi to leave his videogame. He is too engrossed in it and has been at it ever since I arrived.

 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want some?” I run the chicken leg under his nose for him to catch the smell and that did it.

 

 

“Hell” he mutters and almost knocks me down as he squats beside me.

 

 

He immediately starts wolfing down the fried chicken like there’s no tomorrow. “You know I’m on a diet, right?” he says in between bites. “I have to shoot early in the morning.”

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

“And what’s this” he opens a beer and takes a swig, “you could have brought champagne or wine at least. If you’re going to treat me, you could have taken me to an expensive dinner or something. What a cheapskate. Tch!”

 

 

“If you don’t like it then don’t eat.” I attempt to steal the beer can from him but he scooted away from me so I grabbed the box of chicken instead.

 

 

“No more chicken for you.”

 

 

He gives me a conciliatory smile and sidles up to me. “How do you like your room?”

 

 

I smirk. I know it’s his way of reminding me that he ‘allowed’ me to camp in his house for 2 weeks for free.

 

 

He reaches for the box of chicken and I give it up.

 

 

I wonder if I was too hasty in accepting his offer. He is such a big baby.

 

 

I wonder if we can survive each other.

 

 

 

 

********************************************

 

 

 

 

Several days later, we find ourselves catching the last full show of ‘Commitment’ in a movie house inside a mall. We are both wearing hoodies, face masks and sunglasses. Yes, I know, we look very suspicious. However, Choi-diva has made an appearance once again and demanded that I watch the movie. 

 

 

He was very insulted, he said, that his very own manager has not seen his film. 

 

 

I have never been much of a movie-goer. What I do is buy the DVD when it comes out and do movie marathons at home where it’s more convenient.

 

 

I told him that we had been on location shoots non-stop and haven’t had a day off but now that we finally have 1 day of rest, he drags me down to see his freaking movie. I was hoping to finally get at least an 8-hr sleep!

 

 

We sit in an almost empty theater and he was visibly disappointed. I was, too. I mean I was hoping to snooze inside and hope that he won’t notice but seeing his sullen expression, I hit my cheeks with my palms to make sure that I stay awake.

 

 

I bought the largest tub of popcorn and the largest Coke for myself. Choi said that he wasn’t hungry.

 

 

“Don’t feel too bad. A lot of people have already seen the movie. Besides, it’s a weekday so most people are tired from their jobs … I’m sure more people will watch this weekend.” I assure him.

 

 

He’s silent and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

 

 

As the movie plays on, I get to see another side of Choi that I’ve never seen before. He really looks cool and charismatic on screen, I admit. Not too bad for his first leading role.

 

 

I was about to comment on the scene where his hand was accidentally sliced by a broken glass but when I turn to look, he was fast asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

********************************************

 

 

 

 

 

“You didn’t like did you? You found it boring?” He asks as soon as we got back in the car. 

 

 

 

 

I wasn’t the one who fell asleep. “No, I enjoyed it” I answer. “Surprisingly.” I added in a whisper.

 

 

 

He’s studying my face. “Come on. Tell me what you really think ... I can take criticism.”

 

 

“It was good, okay? Better than I expected.” I concentrate on driving.

 

 

Choi is being persistent though and he shifts on his seat to face me. “Hey, I’m giving you permission to bash me … I swear I won’t get mad. This is your chance …”

 

 

I laugh. “No, thanks.”

 

 

I see him pouting as he sits properly, pulling on his seat belt when I sneak a peek at him.

 

 

“Oh, alright.” I give in. “You promised you won’t get mad.”

 

 

He stares in anticipation.

 

 

“First,” I hold up my forefinger, good thing it’s a red stop light. “I wasn’t sold on the political drama. It was too shallow for me. Second, the action scenes were good and I could almost believe you’re an action star but your expressions were all too serious. Seriously.” Traffic light is green again so I drive on. “Third,” I see Choi’s brows furrow, “can’t stop me now. You begged for this remember? Third, it was all too tragic. I mean what’s up with that? If you managed to survive all those other killers, why didn’t they let you live you ‘til the end? You didn’t even get to bang that ballerina girl.” I scoff. “Did the director or writer perhaps forget that you were supposed to be a teenage boy? Why did they let you die a ?”

 

 

“Excuse me?” Choi bellowed, looking incredulous and flushed. “Bang? Did you seriously use the word ‘bang’? I never pegged you as the erted type, Park. And who said I died a ?”

 

 

“What?” I ask, laughing. “I’m not a ert. It’s me being a realist. Put a boy and a girl who are attracted to each other in a room together plus add in the element of danger and adrenaline, it’s a sure fire way to elicit some ual chemistry. And fyi, everything about you in that movie screams ‘I’m a .’”

 

 

“Myung-hoon’s character is meant to be pure okay?”

 

 

I smirk. “He’s from freaking North Korea! If you were him and you meet a Seoul ballerina who I assume is awesomely flexible with her body, wouldn’t you wanna bang her?”

 

 

 “Aagh! I’m not listening to you!” Choi even puts his forefingers in his ears and turns