Dara~~Losing you was like being hit by a bullet

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I thought that I’ll be ready when the time comes. It turns out that no amount of preparation can lessen the pain of a heart that’s about to be broken.

I found him in the living room inside the apartment he bought for me 3 years ago. We used to rent an officetel before but since he started earning a lot, he bought me this as a gift.

It’s near midnight and I just got back from YG. I was expecting him yesterday but he didn’t contact me even after he and her arrived from Japan. This time, I didn’t make the first move. I was always the one to call first lately. Our communication through phone has grown scarce over the past months. He is busier than ever and I used that to justify all those times when we couldn’t see each other or when he couldn’t answer my messages and calls. I preferred to turn a blind eye. I was a willing victim of blissful ignorance. But I wasn’t really ignorant, was I? Deep inside, I knew of his infidelities.

He is sitting in the middle of the black leather couch he helped me pick, back in those days when we were drunk with love and the prospect of building of having our own private home was a big deal. I had a momentary flashback of the bright eyed and crazy in love kids that we used to be. Now, we look nothing like those kids. 

His shoulders are slumped and his hands clasped, elbows resting on his thighs.

“You’re back” I said, by way of greeting.

He looks up, and his eyes follow me as I go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I was glad he didn’t follow me. My hands were shaking, pouring water to the glass. 

He remained silent.

“Have you eaten?” I forced my voice to sound unaffected.

He didn’t answer and instead gave an audible sigh. I can’t hide behind the kitchen counter forever and there’s only so much water one can drink so I steadied my jellied legs and made my way back to the living room.

“We need to talk” he began.

This is it. Oh God, please help me.

“Sandara …” again, he sighed loudly. 

Hearing my full name, coming from him, hurt. Not with that tone. This guy whose voice I’d recognize anywhere with all the intonation and pitch. He sounds like he’s about to recite a speech he’s prepared.

I couldn’t take it so I turned my back on him and went inside my room. I remove my jacket and dropped it on the bed. I opened the closet and pretended to choose something to wear but really, I was furiously blinking to stop the tears from falling. 

I feel his presence but he stayed just at the threshold of the doorframe, not coming inside the room. 

“Sandara …”

“Is my name all you can say? I thought you wanted to talk.” 

“How can we talk if you’re not facing me?” he sounded a little bit angry. 

I stopped going through the hangers and took a couple of deep breaths before facing him. I can barely see his face, with him against the lights. I didn’t turn on the lights in the bedroom and only the bedside lamp is illuminating us. I was thankful for the dimness. I don’t want him to fully see my reaction. “Talk.”

He runs his fingers through his hair while his left hand is firmly grasping the handle of the wide open door. “You’re not making it easy for the both of us” he said, chiding.

I was affronted. I almost let out a snort. When did he turn into such a bastard? I sat on the corner of the bed. I was afraid I’ll fly onto him into a rage.

“I think we should break up.” There, he said it. This is the first time that he initiated the break up. I used to