Dara ~~ Goodbye’s the saddest word

♫♪ Somebody lied to me

It just can’t be

You can’t be gone forever…

Somebody got it wrong

You were gonna love me all my life ♫♪

I furiously wipe away the blinding tears with my right hand while the other hand holds a tight grip on the stirring wheel. I bite the skin at the back of my hand after, still wet from the salty tears, to try to stifle the sound of sobs I couldn’t contain anymore. I’ve been driving for what seem like hours away from Seoul. I have no destination in mind. I just wanted to get away … away from YG building. 

I’m a coward. Truthfully, I’ve been a coward for years. Love has made me into one. A coward and stupid.

I continue to drive aimlessly, not paying attention until an oncoming truck nearly collides with my car and I hit my forehead on the stirring wheel before the airbag did its job. The truck escapes the scene and my car is banked onto the ramp beside the road. I’m shaken and I feel a lump forming on the left side of my forehead but overall, I am fine. I think. 

Is this the universe telling me to wake up and gather my wits? Or my parents in heaven watching over me? Yeah, they’ve always shown me tough love even when they were alive. I swear, sometimes, I feel like my parents are always there guiding me even after all these years.

“I’m sorry … I’m sorry …” I say to no one. “I’m okay now … I’m gonna be okay …” 

I know that I am lying. My voice sounds doubtful but my hippie mother always said before that spoken words have power once you let them out into the universe. So I continue to say the chant that ‘I’m gonna be okay’  … hoping that the words will come true. Willing them to come true.

Flashback…

I am preparing for a photo shoot tomorrow for YG’s newest boy group, Winner. I am helping out as one of the senior stylists and I was on my way to the storage room where we keep most of the costumes and accessories when I heard two voices whispering inside the room. I recognized them as one is my friend and fellow senior stylist, Yoon, and the other is one of the new ones, Minzy, who trained under me.

I didn’t know that they are back. I thought that they will return in two days after attending a music festival with some YG artists in Tokyo. At least that’s what Jiyong said when I asked him when he’ll be back. Normally, I would have gone with them but YG sajangnim personally asked me to supervise Winner last month until their styling team can make it on their own.

I was about to announce my presence and surprise them but what I heard froze me on my feet.

“I still think we should tell unnie” that was Minzy.

“Dara will only get hurt.” countered Yoon.

“But still, don’t you think it’s unfair? Dara unnie is the most trusting person I know and I don’t think I can face her knowing what I know…” Minzy sounded upset. “I feel like I’m also betraying her.”

“Do you think this is easy for me? She’s one of my closest friends here and I’m hurting for her, too. I hope the great Kwon Jiyong will wake up and come to his senses. I just don’t want us to jump the gun, you know. This is not a new thing. In the end, he always comes back to her.”

“Does unnie know?” came Minzy’s shocked voice.

I didn’t hear Yoon’s answer but I can imagine her nodding her head. Everyone knows about Jiyong’s numerous indiscretions. But what Yoon said was true. He always comes back to me asking for forgiveness. I’m pitiful and stupid, I know, because I always take him back with open arms. But what can I do? I love him too much. 

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