Chapter 20

A/N

Okay so, a tiny bit... okay very clicheed flashback to Kyungsoo's youth and ehh yeah... overall as I said in the previous chapter, I'm not entirely happy with some of Kyungsoo's background story but... enjoy? yeah enjoy.

It had been a week.

A very long week.

The first few days since the 'I love you'  incident, Kyungsoo thought it would be best to give Krystal her space. But when he stood waiting outside her door on the third day, she didn't as much as look at him, ignoring his presence all the way to school. Suddenly it was Kyungsoo walking 5 steps behind.

He tried texting, calling, approaching her at school. He bought flowers, strawberry milk and steam cakes, leaving it for her on her doorstep. But nothing.

Kyungsoo was in bewilderment. He was stressed out of his mind from school, his friends were nagging him to come hang out and to top it all off,  his chest hurt like hell. Krystal had always been there. Abandoning everything to see him. And now that she was gone, it was as if something was missing. He was so used to seeing her every day that suddenly not being able to, made him suffer from withdrawal. He smiled less. Checked his phone once a minute, carelessly throwing it away when no new messages greeted him. He would try to smile when his friends told him he looked like crap, all the while assuring them that he was fine.

Keeping up appearances surely was tiresome.

On the seventh day since he last spoke to Krystal, Kyungsoo was hailed to his feet by his shirt collar and dragged out of their classroom by a furious Chanyeol. He dragged him all the way to the men's lavatory. Locking the door. In there, two other faces greeted him. Baekhyun and Minseok.
"Minseok? What are you doing here?" Minseok was three years older than him but they had known each other for a long time. He was the closest thing he had to a hyung.  Now that he had graduated high school, he rarely got to see him anymore.

"Chanyeol asked me to come." Minseok stepped forward to give Kyungsoo a hug  before shooting him an apologetic smile.

"Chanyeol? Why?" Kyungsoo let go of his Hyung to look at Chanyeol.

"Because. You are miserable."

"I'm fine." Kyungsoo defensively took a step back away from his friends, crossing his arms.

"Well, you don't look fine. Do you even eat anymore? Sleep?" Baekhyun piped up.

"I'm fine. Stop babying me." Kyungsoo made for the door but was cut off by Minseok. Damn Minseok for being tiny but with the strength of an ox. Chanyeol grabbed his shoulder.
"Something happened between you and Krystal? Right? You don't walk to school together anymore. You ignore each other at lunch. What happened?"

"I said, I was fine!"

Kyungsoo's breath hitched. His heart started beating erratically in his chest. A cold sweat made his skin feel sick. He couldn't breathe. Taking small desperate breaths that wouldn't reach his lungs, made his head woozy. Kyungsoo was having a panic attack.

The first time it had happened was after his father had left. He was only 5 then but the feeling of hurt was still evident to this day. Kyungsoo had been very bright as a kid. He had been curious as children were, crazy cute, laughing 24/7 and also, he had loved his father more than anything else. One day, Kyungsoo's father just up and vanished. A note was left for his mother who was crying on the living room floor. Kyungsoo hadn't understood why. He had just fetched his own blanket, put it over his mother's quivering body and sat down next to her patting her shoulder saying, 'There, there' like she had done so many times for him.

Soon little Kyungsoo started asking where dad was. And his mother just couldn't tell him.

Every day after he returned from kindergarten, the first thing he would yell was a happy 'Is dad home?!' His smile would quickly fade when he was met with his mother's apologetic smile, disappointment evident on his little face. Never the less, the following month he kept asking 'Is dad home yet?'  until one day his mother broke down, crying. Out of hurt, she yelled at him, shouting that he was never coming back. That he was Gone.  Kyungsoo's mouth had turned into a frown. He had taken a small step backwards. "When is dad coming home?" his lips were trembling. His mother had sighed, holding back a sob. "Never." "Yes he is... Yes he is." Determinately, Kyungsoo stepped towards his mother, opened his small arms to hug her and assure her that Dad really would come back, because dad loved them. He'd said so, many time. His mother had grabbed his arms and tugged hard on them. "He isn't! Kyungsoo he is never. Ever. Coming back." Kyungsoo eyes watered as he took a step back, slowly nodding. "Yes he is.  Yes he is, yes he is, yes he is! Why are you lying to me?!" Before his mother could catch him Kyungsoo had run as fast as his little legs could carry him to his room. Slamming the door. His head was spinning. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see. Tears obscuring his vision. His little heart beating furiously in his chest. He fell down on all four, sobbing, trying to breathe. His mother entered the room, quickly picking up her struggling son and sat on his bed. 'It hurts', Kyungsoo had managed out, between small frantic breaths.

His mother had patted his back while soothing her desperate child into relaxing. When he finally calmed down, he asked his mother why it had hurt so much. His mother explained to him that when you love something and it is taken away from you, it hurts. It hurts because the person is gone but the memories of that person will never completely go away.

Never wanting to experience that pain again, that night he made a pinky-promise to himself never to love anyone ever again.

He never asked about his dad again.   

Kyungsoo was lying on the bathroom floor, tearing up at the memory. 'Go away. Go away.' He kept repeating over and over again in his head.

"What is happening?!"

"Is he dying?!"

Frantic yelling could be heard around him. Baekhyun was pale as a sheet. Minseok was frozen where he stood. Only Chanyeol seemed to be taking action. He hurried out the door, yelling something about staying there.

Kyungsoo felt as if he was going to die. He was actually looking forward to it. Looking forward for the pain to stop.  The bathroom was slowly starting to blur around him, when a luminous angel leaned over him. This was it. He was finally taken away. Kyungsoo visibly started relaxing, calming his breath.

"Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo. Are you alright. Say something." A frantic Krystal was shaking him.

"What happened to him?" She looked to the three guys hovering over them.

"I don't know. One minute he said he was fine, the next he wasn't." Chanyeol kneeled beside her.

"Hey, buddy. Are you okay?" Chanyeol's deep voice was finally calm. He put his hand on Kyungsoo's forehead.

Kyungsoo was little by little coming to, eyesight still blurry.
"Chanyeol? What are you doing in heaven? You should... You should go back."

A worried Chanyeol took his friend's hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Whatever you do, don't follow the light. You hear me Soo?! Don't. Do it!" A melodramatic Chanyeol was pushed away by an annoyed Krystal.  

"It's not funny! Kyungsoo, can you move?"

Funny. The angel sounded like Krystal. It even looked like Krystal. Krystal?!

Kyungsoo was indeed not dead. He threw himself at her knocking her over.

"Don't leave me. Please. I can't..." Kyungsoo was hiding his face in the crook of her neck, but Krystal didn't need to see, to know that Kyungsoo was crying. She quickly pulled him into an embrace, whispering soothing words.

Minseok had helped Krystal bringing Kyungsoo home. Chanyeol had been very insisting on taking him home himself but Minseok didn't want him or Baekhyun to skip class. When Chanyeol accusingly had pointed to Krystal Minseok had reasoned that seeing as Kyungsoo was clinging to her like a baby koala she kinda had to go.

Minseok pulled the car over when they reached Kyungsoo's house. He helped Kyungsoo out of the car before leaving him in Krystal's hands.

"If anything happens, if he gets worse, please call me. Okay?" Minseok would have preferred to stay but it looked like his Kyungsoo and Krystal had a lot to talk about.

Krystal fished out his keys from his bag, half dragging him inside and up to his room. She put him in bed, then turned to take her leave. Kyungsoo had grabbed her hand.

"Please stay?"

Krystal was still angry with Kyungsoo but seeing him like this, she didn't have the heart to leave. Instead, she sat down on his bed, caressing the hand that kept her in place. Kyungsoo sat up, leaning against his headboard. Heaving a deep sigh he began his story.

"If you remember, my so-called father left me and my mom when I was 5. He was my hero." Kyungsoo smiled sadly before continuing.

"He was a writer. Every night he would have a new story ready for bedtime and even though it's hazy and a long time ago, I can still... I still remember. When I turned three, the stories he had told me at night, had been published. Most of the stories were about me. It was called 'The Adventures of D.O.' 

"Bedtime was always the highlight of the day. My dad would act out the new characters with different voices, jumping through my nursery, fighting bad guys." A small laugh escaped his lips but soon turned into a frown.

"The day before he left, he told me another story. He called it, 'D.O. and the hourglass'. Only this time, there was no funny voices. No jumping around. It was just him. Holding my hand.

"The tale was about D.O. discovering time. The little boy had wandered off into a big forest with lots and lots of trees. And on every tree, there had been an hourglass. Some of the hourglasses' were completely full while others were almost empty. When the sand had run out of the hourglass, the tree would wither and disappear. Leaving the hourglass as the only reminder of the tree that once had been. Little D.O. had reached the tallest tree in the forest. It looked strong as its great stem reached the skies. Only the hourglass attached to it, was almost empty. D.O. thought it was a shame to let such a great tree disappear, so he had reached out for the hourglass, turning it over. But turning it over would not be enough to save the tree. It would still disappear. So little D.O. did the only thing he could do. He let it happen.

"I didn't understand then. I still don't. I just asked him if he knew where the trees disappeared to. He didn't know. I asked if he would know tomorrow. He said soon. He would know soon."

Kyungsoo looked so tired. He had never told anyone about this, not his mother, not his best friend. Finally being able to say it, to share the hurt with someone, somehow made him feel lighter.

He still had the book. Also his last story had been written down and put under his pillow while he was sleeping. Countless of times he had considered burning it all, but instead opted to hide it far away along with his feelings of hurt and longing.

Kyungsoo tenderly played with her fingers, hiding his eyes behind long bangs.

"I do love you." Kyungsoo bit his lower lip.

"But I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll end up leaving me too."

Holding back her own tears, Krystal moved closer to Kyungsoo. She let her free hand gently brush his hair away from his eyes.

"I'm not your dad. I love you. And I would never leave you."

"You promise?" Kyungsoo suddenly seemed so fragile. Krystal wanted nothing but to keep Kyungsoo safe.

"I promise."

Krystal was yet to find out she wouldn't be able to keep her promise.