If anyone is still reading this.. Yes, an update. "It's been 84 years." I know I know. Still.. Enjoy.

The ride back to their home that night was on silence but it wasn't awkward, surprisingly. It was, as if, the most comfortable silence she had ever been in her entire life. Being in this small space of silentness didn't suffocate her but gave her this indescribable sense of comfort. She wouldn't dare to deny, Taeyeon's calm aura is indeed infectious, despited what had just happened back there.

Most of all, she feels light, the burden left inside of her was lifted immediately, replaced by reliefs and peacefulness. But in the middle of her clear mind, she just had to flashback the incident just now and realized there's no more fear inside her.

The reliefs was too heavenly, she felt she could fly because she felt so light. No more burdens, no more fear but only freedom was all she could taste right now.

Years of hiding, years of denying and ignoring as she stuck in the darkness - giving up of searching for the light to escape, feeling lost than ever, here, she found the light, there were hands that tried to reached out and pulled her out from that darkness - she was thankful, she could see the light finally.

One that she could understand, in the middle of everything, there's a reason on why it had happened. She's not going to complain anymore, she's not going to cry again, but she will fight this time.

A soft exhale escaped , she smiled. She looked at each person in the car, every one of them played a big role in her life now, aside from her sister. Her eyes fell onto the joined hands of her friends, watching how Tiffany would run her thumb on Taeyeon's knuckles soothingly and those comforting smiles they throw towards each other, she saw it all before her eyes curiously fell over Tiffany's hidden wrist. 

Her eyes dimmed a little as her mind filled with thoughts and heart filled with so many undescribable feelings for her best friend. Behind that strong front, behind that cheerfulness, hidden so many things. 

Her heart stung a little when she tried to imagine it all.

Years of trauma, her heart filled with regrets and guilts over the years, feeling helpless, in the midst of healing.. God, that woman is strong, Jessica would never dare to feel related. Even though she has been suffering, she is there to offer her a smile and tried to make amends despited the rejections. She stayed and tried to think of her first despite everything.

Never she ever thought of someone else hurting, suffering, other than herself only. She always thought that she's the only one who is suffering, who is hurting. 

Selfish, she realized as another person's face popped up in her mind.

Krystal's hurting too, she realized as she closed her eyes in regret. Through the years of her pushing people away, shielding herself in fear of getting hurt even more, causing her to hurt the only family she had left.

But Krystal never left. She stayed. And she's still there, always there. The one who greeted her with a smile on her face every time she came home from work, the one who is still smiling when she was pushed away, so many times. 

She ignored everything, she took everything for granted. That selfishness was the reason why she didn't see, the reason why she didn't had the heart to even care, the reason why she pushed people away.

Just why now did she realized about this, she questioned herself before she remember something. 

Indeed, everything happened for a reason.

She was snapped to reality when she felt a soft grasp around her hand and looked over to see a comforting smile from Sooyoung. She tightened her grip around Sooyoung's hand as a reply, feeling thankful.

Is it weird to say, that she felt the most safe when she was with Sooyoung. That guy's embrace around her body, that guy's voice - very gentle and that guy's eyes - her favourite of all, showing these unspoken words that she weirdly get it and how it calms and comforts her immediately.

At that time, there's a voice inside her head that was asking a lot of things. Questions that she couldn't bear to think, but only to wonder. She wouldn't want the answer, she just wanted to understand.

Wondering, she just smiled with ease. She seeks for no answer, she just want to look at that face. 

Wait for me, she thought as she let her eyes bore into Sooyoung's.

---

It was late at night already, but she just had finished cleaning herself and was drying her hair with the towel when she saw her phone blinking on the bed. She smiled a little, expecting it to be from Sooyoung since the younger one had always check on her before they went sleeping, simply to wish her goodnight.

So she walked slowly towards the device, continuously drying her hair with one hand now while she took the phone with another - unlocking her phone while she let herself sit on the bed.

However, her small smile faded when it was just a text from her sister - informing her that she went to sleepover at Amber's house again that week. Huffing, she replied back while dumping her towel into the basket near the door - opening her ears if there was another text, hopefully from the giant.

Finished her night routine, she glanced towards the clock and bit her lower lip. The time showed past the usual time the giant would always text her so she was restless at this point, wondering about Sooyoung.

Exhaling, she took the phone and wondering if she should text her first. It was always Sooyoung who started first so why not her reaching out first this time, since she wanted to try harder for Sooyoung - to let the younger one know how serious she is and how much she likes her.

She raked her brain on what to type, biting her thumb as she kept erasing stuffs on her screen. Was it really hard to type out a message?!

After debating for more than she should be, she finally send a simple message and now she was restless, waiting for the response. Her heart quickened when the screen lightened up but with a call this time.

She cleared , "H-hello?"

"Sica, are you okay?" came Sooyoung's concern voice.

Maybe leaving Jessica alone wasn't a great idea. Taeyeon and Tiffany had offered her to stay at their home, to accompany her since Krystal had to stay out late again but Jessica refused, wanting some time alone with herself and not wanting to burden them any more than she should.

"Yeah, why?" She smiled and grabbed a pillow to hug, staring into space although her ear were listening to the other girl's from the other side.

"No.. I thought.." Sooyoung paused, "Nevermind." she pulled the phone a little to peek the time before putting it back on her ear, "It was late already. Why are you not asleep yet, Sica-ah?" she asked gently, ready to comfort her.

"Because you didn't text me tonight." she wanted to answer but she changed the topic, hoping the latter didn't ask more question about it. "Have you eaten?" she asked instead, softly.

Sooyoung chuckled, "I have. Have you?" 

Jessica's heart soothed at the voice, exhaling in relief at the comfort by just listening to her voice. Even though she couldn't see her, her voice alone caused her heart to quickened. She was falling fast and hard, she knew that.

She nodded, humming in respond - absentmindedly pulling on the thread that was on her pants. 

"You.. Want to talk?" Sooyoung carefully asked. She was worried if there was anything troubling her or anything because of the situation back then. "We can talk, if you want." she persuaded.

"Not really.." Jessica answered softly. "I.. I'm glad to hear your voice, Sooyoungie. Did.. Did I disturb you?" she chewed the skin of her lower lips.

"No, you didn't. I was just.. About to text you, actually." Sooyoung answered, "I took too long to text you. I was just.. busy. Did you wait?" there was no teasing in the tone of the younger girl. Nothing but gentle, soft against the pad of her ear.

"I.. I did." she breathed. "But I'm glad I text you first. I-I get to hear your voice." 

Sooyoung inhaled deeply, smiling a little. "Really? Do you want to video call? I don't mind," she paused, "Unless you were about to go to sleep. I can accompany you like this till you fall asleep."

Jessica blushed, "I didn't.. Have make up on." she shyly confessed. "But.. I would love to talk more, with you."

Sooyoung chuckled, "You're beautiful without it, I'm sure." she exhaled, resting her back against the headboard. Her heart was hammering in indescribable feelings, she couldn't understand it herself but she knew she was falling. "What do you want to talk about?" 

"I don't know." she mumbled. "I just want to hear your voice." she added, quietly.

"Okay," Sooyoung whispered, her heart soaring for the other person. "Lay down, dim the lights, please." she dimmed hers, resting her head on her pillow.

Jessica did as she was told, hugging her pillow closer to her chest as she rested her tired body - releasing all the tension. She sighed and listened to the breathing from the other side. "Sooyoung-ah.." she called fondly.

"Hmm?" Sooyoung stared at the ceiling, thinking.

"I.." she paused, "I like you, a lot." 

Sooyoung's heart accelerated as she held her breath. Even though she knew, to hear it again from the other girl's mouth herself caused her to react violently like that. 

Jessica chuckled shyly, "That felt good." she sighed in pure relief, letting her heart open like that. She cleared . "Sooyoung-ah.." she called again.

"Yes, Sica..?" She tried to control her breathing by taking a deep breath and patted her chest softly to slow down her heart beats.

"I'm serious." Jessica whispered. "I know it's unfair for you with me asking you to wait for my heart. But I do want you. I wanted to give you my heart fully healed. I.. I want to be with you." she confessed again, "I know you liked me, too. But.. I don't want to force you to be with me if you don't want to. I'm broken, after all." she added, quietly.

"Sica.." Sooyou