EPISODE 13

2 March 2014

2NE1 AON Concert, Seoul

“Was that Jonghyun? How come her phone was with you?”

Even though Jiyong already guessed the caller was Jonghyun, he still wanted confirmation from Xin.

“She left it with me because she didn’t want the managers to hold on to it. She was expecting a call from Jonghyun and didn’t want to miss it.”

“Is she ok now? She was really upset with him in the afternoon.”

“She was upset, but you know she lets it go fast too. Not to mention it was for work, so she knew not to stay upset for too long. Who knows, maybe this sudden shift might mean that he could leave work early and come for the concert or the after-party.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. It would be strange to see him 2 days in a row. If he turns up today, it would be without the WGM crew, which means it’s more personal. I really don’t know what to think about it.”

By this time, they have arrived at the common area where the food support from Jonghyun has been set up. The dancers were already eating and Chaerin was seated on the sofa, talking on the phone animatedly. Jiyong stood back and just observed the happy expression on her face. He hated the fact that it wasn’t him who put the smile on her face.

“Is she talking to Jonghyun? She must be, she looks so happy. The food is really yummy!”

Youngbae was munching on some fried shrimp and had a plate full of food. Jiyong remembered that Chaerin has not had lunch, so he made his way to the food line and started putting together a plate for her. He made his way over to where she was sitting and placed the plate in front of her. He caught the tail-end of the conversation.

“...Does that mean you are coming to the concert tonight?!! Only for second half? Would you be able to make it for the after-party? Really?! I’m so happy! Thank you, oppa! Yup, I’m going to eat something now. See you soon~!”

Whatever Jonghyun was saying on the other end put a beautiful smile on Chaerin’s face before she whispered.

“Me too. Oppa, I love you.”

Even though it was a whisper, but the 3 words hit Jiyong hard. Tears rushed to his eyes and he had to blink real fast to stop them from flowing out and making him a fool. Just as he was about to get up from his seat, Chaerin turned and gave him a quick hug. She released him and then turned to the plate of food in front of her.

“Ji oppa, is this plate of food for me? Thank you~”

Without a second word, she started to eat. After a few mouthfuls, she suddenly turned to Jiyong.

“Oppa, aren’t you hungry? You didn’t have lunch too. Here, have some of this fried noodles. You will like it.”

In her hand, she held a forkful of noodles. Jiyong could only smile and then opened his mouth so she could feed him. Suddenly, they heard the sound of a camera going off. Both of them looked up to see Bommie with her camera and a sly smile.

“Chaerin, I’m going to send this photo to Jonghyun~~”

“Unnie, you don’t have his number.”

“Then should I upload this to my Twitter or Instagram account?”

“Bommie noona, don’t do that. You know in the end, it’s Chae who’s going to get attacked. You can send the photo to me though. No, wait, take a photo of Chae feeding me with my phone!”

Jiyong passed his phone to Bom and started posing with his mouth open. Chaerin looked at him strangely but in the end scooped up another forkful of noodle and fed him again.

“Look over here!”

The two of them looked over at Bom and smiled. Bom took the photos happily then gave Jiyong his phone back. Chaerin leaned over to look at the photos, then simply shrugged since it’s not worse than any other photos that she had taken with Jiyong before.

“Chaerin, are you really not afraid of Jonghyun getting jealous of you and Jiyong?”

“What’s there to be jealous of? Jonghyun oppa knows that we are close friends and colleagues. Not to mention, I know where he stands when it comes to me, and he knows where I stand when it comes to him, so yeah. Honest communication is basic of all relationships isn’t it not?”

“Is he coming for the concert tonight?”

“For the second half and the after-party.”

“Someone’s happy~!”

To that, Chaerin simply smiled. After she finished her food, she went off to the dressing room to rest. Jiyong and Youngbae followed her to her personal dressing room. When Chaerin saw them in the dressing room, she looked at them with a puzzled look.

“Oppa, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you stay out there and talk to the other oppas and our members?”

“You know we came mainly to see you. The other hyungs are talking to the other members now.”

“I want to rest though.”

“You don’t have to entertain us.”

“How can I do that? It would be weird. Go and talk with the others!”

Just then, Chaerin’s dressing room burst open and in came Jinu, Sean, and Teddy. Chaerin stood up and bowed to her seniors, only to get her hair messed up by Jinu.

“Jinu oppa!! I hate you!”

“Aigoooo~~ Our Chaerin is so cute! When do I get to meet your hubby?”

“He’s coming during the second half of the concert, if nothing goes wrong. He’s still filming. I’d introduce him to you later.”

“Won’t you be disappointed if he doesn’t turn up later?”

“Oppa, he’s working. There will be times where my job is going to make me break my promises. Live and let live, right?”

“She says that now. If Jonghyun doesn’t turn up, she’s going to kick up a fuss, I’m sure.”

“We’ll see. I really don’t know. I’d be fine if he’s at work, or if he tells me beforehand he can’t make it. But if he says one thing and then do another, then I will be very pissed off.”

“I heard that he went to YG this morning to ask for permission to date you.”

“That he did, and I have already given him my permission. I admire the fact that he dared to come forward, say that he’s in love with Chaerin, and asks for permission to date her.”

Everyone turned to YG, who just came into the room. YG didn't missed the frown that appeared on Jiyong’s face. Jinu and Sean also turned to look at Jiyong and just when Jinu looked like he was about to say something, Sean put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head subtly. Just to get rid of the somewhat awkward atmosphere, Sean turned to Chaerin.

“Chaerin ah, please send our thanks to Jonghyun for the amazing food he provided for everyone. He really spared no expenses. When is the wedding ceremony going to take place?”

“Yes, are we invited?” Jinu chimed in.

“Speaking of that, Jinu oppa, how do you feel about walking me down the aisle at the ceremony?”

“I’d be honored!! But why are you not asking your dad?”

“It will feel too real, and I don't think it's a good time for my dad to meet Jonghyun oppa yet.”

“Why didn't you ask me to walk you down the aisle?”

YG raised the question, sounding a little hurt and angry. Chaerin looked at YG, then walked over to him.

“Because you are like the other dad I have. Having you walk me down the aisle will also feel that it's too real. Now that there is the possibility of me going into a real relationship with Jonghyun oppa, I do want to keep WGM on the work side. The benefit is of course being able to get to know him better on the show. But I definitely would like for you to be present at the ceremony. Teddy oppa too!”

“What about us? Are you forgetting all your Big Bang oppas?”

Chaerin looked at Youngbae and stuck out her tongue at him jokingly.

“I will invite all of you. But I'm quite sure all of you won’t be able to attend. It's not difficult since you are going to be releasing new music soon. You will be busy.”

“Why do you want to keep us out of it? I want to go! Boss, can we all go? You said we should show Chae support for her stint on WGM.”

“Yes, but it's her wedding and she can choose who she wants to be present.”

“It will be overwhelming for Jonghyun oppa if the whole YG family turns up for the wedding ceremony.”

“He can invite his own friends, like Seungyeon noona.”

Youngbae shook his head the moment he heard Seungyeon’s name come out from Jiyong’s mouth. He turned to look at Chaerin who had a really serious face on her face. Then the next moment, a smirk appeared on her face.

“Maybe I should invite Kiko unnie so she can be your plus one. I'm a good little sister right? If you want her to be here, just say the word and I would ask her. Think about it. I have to go change and get ready.”

She turned to give Jinu, Sean, Teddy and YG a hug before leaving the room. The moment the door clicked shut, Jiyong hit the wall with his bare hands.

“You made the wrong move first. You know how sensitive she is about Seungyeon and yet you decide to go and poke that particular beehive.”

“But she was going to cut us out from the wedding. Like we didn't matter, like I didn't matter.”

“She has a point though. Big Bang is going to be busy again very soon. And with your schedule, it would be taxing to squeeze some time to be part of the show. More importantly, she didn't want to be accused of using you guys to gain viewership. She's really sensitive about this.”

“She should be more sensitive to MY feelings then!”

“Why are you so angry, Jiyong? Shouldn't you be happy for her, and yourself too?”

“Jinu hyung, why would I be happy?”

“Because now you won't be distracted by Chaerin.”

Jiyong looked puzzled. He shook his head at Jinu, hoping he would explain.

“You know, your eyes are always on her. Even when you are attached, even when your girlfriends are present in the same space as Chaerin. I'm sure that was the cause of a few of your breakups-”

“More like all of his breakups.”

Youngbae whispered but everyone heard it. Sean went up to Jiyong then and gave him an encouraging squeeze on his shoulders.

“Chaerin looks happy. And I'm sure you would like her to be happy too. I hope we can trust you to do the right thing as her oppa.”

“And what exactly does that mean?”

Jiyong was not dense. He knew what Sean was asking of him, but he didn't have to like it.

“It means that while she's on WGM, I do not want you anywhere near her or Jonghyun.”

“Boss, you can't be serious. You can't-”

“Of course I can. Chaerin is right. Your schedules will be packed. You won't have the time or luxury to sit around. And truth be told, I don't want you to go and distract her at the moment. I do not need her to have to choose between you and Jonghyun. Her emotions will affect her performance on WGM and I didn't put her in the show only for you to ruin it for her because of your selfishness.”

“That's not fair! You can't-”

“Jiyong ah, stop hurting her. It's been awhile since I saw her this happy. It might feel like we are ganging up against you but I want her to be happy. I have seen too much of her tears and her pretending to be alright when she's not. Just let her be. Let her enjoy this experience.”

“Teddy hyung, you too?”

“I already told you my opinion about you and Chaerin. If you really want to be in a real love relationship with her, you need to get rid of all the messy tangles from your previous relationships, whether they are real or not. The fact that Chaerin mentioned Kiko just now meant that she has reasons to believe both of you are still together.”

“Jiyong, we want to be on your side too. If Chaerin chooses you in the end, we will be very happy for you. Right now, we just hope that you give her some space for her to explore her options. Having you and the other oppas hovering around her didn’t make it easy for any guys to come close to her. Just give her some space. Don’t force yourself in her face especially when you are not welcomed.”

“Sean hyung, I find it hard to believe that you are asking me to protect Chaerin from me.”

“That’s only because we have all seen how much she really loves you. And we truly believe that love she has for you is still somewhere inside. Whether she will choose to see it as part of her past or whether she would take it out of storage and love you again, that’s her choice. Sadly, nothing you do right now will convince her that you love her. While it’s strange to be giving you the advice I always give to her when she’s hurt by you, I’m going to give it to you anyway: She needs your support and encouragement more than anything right now. Don’t deny her of that.”

“But I can't find it in me to encourage her to be in a relationship with Jonghyun. In fact, I want to do the opposite of that!”

“Then stay away from her. You have done it in the past-”

“I can't stay away from her! How can I when I'm so afraid that if I take my eyes off her for even a fraction of a second, she would be gone!”

“But you know she's not going to give you any attention or time right now. All you can really do is stand at the sidelines. Jiyong ah, you can't be so selfish. I can tell she is really happy with Jonghyun.”

“That's what hurts me the most. How happy she is. Hyung, I know she's happy. In fact, I have not seen her being this happy for a while now. And I ask myself, ‘why haven't I been able to make her happy?’”

“Do you really want the answer to that question?”

Jiyong looked at Jinu who asked the question. He pondered for a while. Indeed, did he really want to know why.

“Yes.”

Jiyong decided that there was no way around this situation except to hear the most painful truths and learn to pick himself up from there.

“Because you made it impossible for her to be totally happy when she's around you. She always feel like there is a timer that will go off and signal the end of her time with you. So, she stopped hoping that you would have time for her. She stopped hoping that you would look at her as anything else other than a junior in the same company. She didn't know this but we saw her the night she decided that she wasn't going to hope anymore. She was at the dance studio and she looked through all the photos she took of you in her phone. After she was done with it, she threw the phone into a bucket full of water, making sure that the photos died with the phone, making sure her feelings died with that phone. The next day, she told everyone she lost her phone and gave us her new number.”

“So that's what happened to her phone? I remembered being surprised when she messaged me her new number. She isn't one to lose things and definitely not her phone because she has got so much information stored in her phone.”

Jiyong turned to Youngbae.

“She messaged you her new number? I had to get it from her manager when I couldn't get her on the phone.”

“She was trying to erase you out of her life and at that point, she was probably still feeling raw from the decision to cut you off. It would be contradictory if she sent you her new number.”

A heavy silence filled the air. Jiyong looked at all the hyungs gathered in the room. Then he looked around and saw the bouquet of flowers that he got for Chaerin.

Forgotten. That's where I stand in her life right now.

An overwhelming sense of defeat overcame him. He felt like crying but he couldn't find the tears. He felt like screaming but he could not find his voice.

“Jiyong ah, we know that it's difficult for you to take a step back from Chaerin now that you have come to the realization of how much she truly means to you. You should have a good talk with her. Chaerin is a sensible and sensitive girl. And she loves you too much to want to hurt you deliberately.”

“But only as an oppa now.”

“Yes, because that position allowed her to be close to you yet puts the right amount of distance between you.”

“But I want-”

“For once, think about what she wants. What she wants right now is for you to understand she has a job to do, and she needs the encouragement and support that you can give to her. Whether she goes into a real relationship with Jonghyun or not, she would be on WGM for the next 3 months or more-”

“Boss, you have no intention of taking her off the show after the first 3 months?”

“Not at the moment. I like what I see of Chaerin and Jonghyun so far. They are going to be a hit. She needs this exposure. For herself, for 2NE1.”

“If it's for 2NE1, why can't you send any of the other members?”

“Because they do not get as much interest as CL. And you and I know they need a lot of interest.”

“Why can't we create interest by showing their music?”

“Because people know what they are capable of when it comes to music. They want something they do not expect. And I think CL as a girlfriend or wife in this case will generate a lot of interest and buzz.”

“Jiyong ah, it is a good chance for Chaerin. I can see she's really happy too. That's the bottom line for us as well. We want to see her happy and having some fun.”

Just as Jiyong was about to reply, there was a knock on the door.

“Sajangnim, the concert is about to start.”

It was 2NE1’s manager and upon hearing that, YG, Jinu, Sean, and Teddy turned to leave the room. Youngbae put his arm around Jiyong’s shoulders and led him out of the room. Jiyong shook his head and shrug Youngbae’s arm off him.

“Go ahead, I will catch up later. I need a second to get my head around everything that has happened today.”

“You gonna be alright?”

Jiyong sighed and shook his head no.

“But I will try to be alright. I have to. If I'm not, that might cause Chae to take an even bigger step away from me. For now, I will have to accept the distance between us. However, I do not know how long I will last.”

“There's always a safe distance between you and Chae. The only difference this time round is you do not want the distance anymore. That's what you need to come to terms with. Chae has never walked too far away. You are always the one who walked away from her.”

“I won't walk away from her this time. The question is will she walk back to me, or am I going to witness what it feels like to have her walk away from me.”

“Prepare yourself for that possibility. Even if she is not with Jonghyun, it doesn't mean you get an automatic shoo-in. Maybe you need to start from zero, with being a man that's worthy of her in mind. It might not be a bad thing to be honest.”

Jiyong took a minute to think about what Youngbae just said. While it hurts to know what he just said was true, it might be the reality check he needed as he approached the end of his twenties. He couldn't go on being ambiguous with his relationships.

“And one last question you need to ask yourself: are you willing to give up a portion of what you have now for a relationship with Chae? You have to be the one who is willing to handle the fallout of your fans. You know how we are being viewed as just tools for bringing the money in. If the company sees Chae as a burden and liability because you won't have as many supporters as before, she might have to leave the company.”

That silenced Jiyong. While he has no problem with losing fans who can't understand his need to be in a relationship with Chaerin, he cannot in good conscious ruin Chaerin’s career.

“Maybe I should just set up a company that's just for us and Chaerin.”

“Count me in, if you ever decide to do that. It might be something all of us wants in on.”

Jiyong nodded. He knows that he has to make sure Chaerin’s career will be taken care of. He doesn't want that to be an issue that she can use as an excuse to reject him. None of his relationships was ever this complicated. But if he were to be honest with himself, he never took any of his relationships seriously, at least not enough to consider how the relationships will affect the girls. It was made easier for him when the girls didn’t want the public to know about them as well.

As Jiyong stepped out of the dressing room, he could hear the cheers from the fans. He knew how much it means to Chaerin, to be able to stand on stage and perform for their fans. The issue of her being seen as a liability to the company should she go into a relationship with him suddenly became even more pressing because he knows how much she loves performing.

But none of this is important if she’s not going to take him seriously. And that is the most difficult obstacle he has to face in the upcoming days or months. He knows being just friends and colleague is no longer good enough for him. Regrets washed over him when he thought of all the time he wasted. He has to remind himself he cannot lose hope, and faith that somewhere inside Chaerin, the love she has for him still lives. He just needed to know how to get her to see it.

Jiyong stayed backstage, watching the girls perform through the monitors.. His eyes automatically seek Chaerin out. Part of it is because of his own attraction to her, but not many people can resist the desire to look at Chaerin, or CL, when she’s performing. He realized something that was very fundamentally important: He was attracted to both of these personalities that make up Lee Chaerin. The soft, fluffy and caring side of Chaerin, and the strong, independent CL. It made him wonder if his previous girlfriends realized that there’s the Jiyong side to his G-Dragon personality, or even remotely cared about Kwon Jiyong.

Suddenly he felt sad, for himself, for all the girls he ever tried to love. Maybe Youngbae was right. This is a good chance for him to grow up and learn to be a better man. When he looked at the screen and saw Chaerin smiling into the camera, he knew he had to try his best to become the man worthy of her love, worthy of her smiles and most important of all, worthy of her trust.

After the first part of the concert, the girls came in for a costume change. Chaerin caught sight of Jiyong standing at the side of the stage. She was puzzled as to why he was still backstage since all their guests were already seated in the audience. When Jiyong saw her looking at him, he walked over to her, holding a bottle of water in his hand and passing it to her when he was in front of her. Chaerin took the bottle from him and took a sip from it.

“Oppa, why are you backstage? Are you leaving?”

“Somehow it feels like I don’t have to share you with the rest when I’m here. No, I’m not leaving.”

Jiyong looked at Chaerin meaningfully when he said he wasn’t going to leave. Chaerin gave him a quick smile but turned away from him so she could go change. Jiyong took a deep breath and told himself to be patient. When Chaerin came out again from the changing room, she went towards him.

“Oppa, please go to the audience arena. You are one of the people who I trust to give honest opinions about my performance and I want to know your opinions of my performance.”

“I can watch your performance from here too.”

“It’s not the same. The cameras are already choosing what you will see. Will you do me the favor?”

“Alright, I will go to the audience arena now.”

“Thanks, oppa.”

Chaerin gave Jiyong a brief hug then walked to her position. She turned back and smiled at Jiyong. Jiyong was a little shocked because he thought she would avoid any kind of contact with him after what happened this afternoon. When he saw her turn back and gave him a smile, he grinned and gave her a thumbs up, mouthing ‘fighting’ as well. Chaerin nodded and turned back to focus on the next part of the performance.

Jiyong made his way to the audience arena where the YG family members were. Youngbae saw that Jiyong was not frowning. In fact, he grinned at Youngbae when he sat down beside him.

“Were you chased out of backstage?”

“Sort of. Chaerin told me to come out here and observe the performance so I can give her feedback about it.”

“Ok, so she’s talking to you and wants your professional opinion. But you look like you just conquered the world. Did something happen?”

“She gave me a hug when I was least expecting it.”

“I see. But she hugs everyone.”

“At least she is not avoiding any kind of skinship with me.”

“A hug from Chaerin can make you so happy. You are weird. It’s like you have never been hugged by her before.”

“Like you said, I need to start anew with her. I will treat this as a whole new experience. Ok, I need to focus on her performance.”

With that, Jiyong turned to look at the 4 girls performing on stage. Of course, the only one to catch his eyes is still, and always will be Chaerin. He wondered if she ever looked for him when she’s performing on stage. Because he always looked for her when he’s performing and knows that she’s in the audience. And thinking about that made him a little sad because she has turned up less frequently in their performances over the years. Now that he thought about it, she probably didn’t come because his girlfriends would be in the audience.

Unknown to Jiyong, Chaerin always made it to their performances. Unless she was overseas. But she never appeared backstage or in the audience. She would always come in once the show has started, watch from the control room then sneaked away just as the concert is coming to an end. She didn’t feel the need to make her presence known to the fans, or the Big Bang oppas.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have been sitting on all these chapters that I have written, so here's an update. The way this story is going, I kinda expect it to reset Jiyong and Chaerin's relationship. But who Chaerin will eventually end up with, I really don't know. No real plot in mind, just writing what comes to mind. This is not a complicated story, so I have not really thought about how I want it to end yet. I like the confrontation the hyungs had with Jiyong in this chapter, I also like the fact that Chaerin doesn't just avoid Jiyong. The talk is unavoidable, it will be done. And hopefully, Jiyong will come out of that talk a little more matured. Well, hope you liked this chapter. I rarely ask people to comment, but if you occasionally still think of this story, please do let me know. Have a great week ahead!