Seungri opened his eyes and squinted in the early morning sunlight streaming through the crack in the curtains.. He sat up, wincing when he felt his bruised hand.

Speaking of which.....

He held up the bandaged hand. Where did those bandages come from?  He asked himself. And how did I get in hyung's bed? He looked around.

Top was sprawled on the floor, using one of Seungri's pillows and his blanket, as his bed was occupied. Seungri immediately felt bad, both about that and the state of the room he could now make out.

His mattress was off the bedframe across the room, pillows scattered all around it. His books were everywhere and his lamp lay shattered by the door. He winced at the mess. He'd have to clean it up later.

Being careful not to wake up Top, as it was still early, Seungri picked his way through the mess and into the living room.

GD and Taeyang were both on the couch. Taeyang was somewhat sideways, his head resting on the couch arm, and GD was lying on top of Taeyang, his head between his back and the couch. Both were fast asleep. Then Seungri noticed that in both of their hands were pens, held slack in their relaxed fingers. He wondered vaguely about that, then got his answer when he looked at the coffee table in front of the couch.

Lying on the table were three sheets of paper, each covered with writing. He knew instantly what they were.

Top, GD, and Taeyang had been writing letters to Daesung again.

He felt a lump in his throat that had nothing to do with the papers. Although he had freaked out after reading Daesung's letter, since reading it, he'd been feeling . . . different. The only identification he could give it was just, less angry.

Trashing his room had been a way of blowing off steam, being unwilling to admit that Daesung had been absolutely correct. Seungri recalled GDs words the afternoon they'd found Daesung lifeless on the bed.

Young-bae, you want to check in with Daesung? He seemed really depressed this morning.

Seungri flinched. If he'd seemed so depressed, why had they rushed out so quickly? Was their schedule so much more important than their member that they couldn't spare five minutes to talk with him?

Seungri felt a wave of guilt. He thought he knew how Daesung had felt now. He went over to the drawer and pulled out his letter. He reread the angry words, feeling more ashamed with every passing moment.

When he finished, he lowered the paper and stuck it back in it's envelope. He couldn't look at it anymore. It was the last line especially that got to him.

I hope you rot down there.

He shut the drawer with a snap and grabbed a piece of paper, stealing Taeyang's pen as he sat down on the floor and prepared to write.

His feelings flowed through his pen as the fourth letter made it's appearance on the table.

*       *        *

Dear Daesung,

I think I understand now. We found your letter. Well, Young-bae found your letter, actually. When he came out holding it, I was scared. I was scared to find out what you were feeling, how deep your sadness went.

Daesung, I'm so sorry. You probably expected something better of me. If you did, then what I did was unforgivable. The leader should not ignore things like that. The leader shouldn't see the signs and not do anything about them. Please forgive me, Daesung. I'm going to try to be a better leader now. I just wish it hadn't taken something like this to make that happen.

We're not going to disappoint you, Daesung. We've decided to keep going, see how it works. We're going to be a Big Bang that no one's ever seen. We're going to make you proud, Daesung-ah. You'll see.

And if Siwon-hyung tries to add in someone to replace you, he's gonna hear from me, don't worry about that. You can look down at us and be happy with what you see. You'll look down and see that everything had been worth it.

Thank you, Daesung, for everything.

~ JiYong

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Daesung,

I did it, Daesung. I went into our room. It was you who told me to, actually. I told you already that I've been talking to you, and call me crazy, but it's like you're really there, guiding me. You told me to go into our room to find something. Anything.

The letter was under your pillow.

I had mixed emotions when I saw it. I was shocked that I'd found anything at all. I was happy that we'd finally get to see how you really felt. But most of all, I was scared. Scared that it would make me feel even more heartbroken than I was already.

Now, after reading it, I feel selfish. I can't believe myself. I shared a room with you, I saw you the most out of all of us, and yet, I did nothing. If anyone could have done something, it would've been me.

And even afterward, I was so focused on my own pain that I didn't give anyone elses a second thought.
I'm so sorry, Daesung. I'm going to do better. I promise. Now that we're going to debut as a four member group, I'm going to make sure not to make the same mistake again.

I miss you, Daesung, but we'll make you proud.

~ Young-bae

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Daesung,

I wish I could give you a definite description of how I'm feeling now. We read your letter and my immediate reaction was to cry. I'm so sorry, Daesung. I didn't know. I didn't know how you were feeling, like no one cared enough to help you.

You probably won't believe me when I tell you this, but we did care. We were waiting for you to be back with us because we needed you. But that was what we shouldn't have done. You're right. We should've come to you.

But now that we understand, everything seems to have shifted. JiYong is less worried, I guess. We have a plan and he knows what to do. He's not sitting by himself, wondering about leadership so much.
Seungri flipped out when we read the letter, but I think that was his last dosage of anger. He seemed, I don't know, more accepting. I think I saw that in his eyes.

Young-bae actually took part in mine and JiYong's discussion to regroup. He didn't just sit on the side and stare blankly into space.
And me? I'm not as worried now. I think things are going to start looking up again.

We'll never forget you, Daesung.

~ Seunghyun 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Daesung,

Rereading my previous letter, I can't believe it was me who wrote those awful things. How could I blame you? How could any of this possibly be your fault? You blamed yourself, but I'm rightfully blaming us.

I never understood why you couldn't just get over yourself and stop moping around. How you weren't able to talk to us or stop thinking about the accident.
Now I do, Daesung, I understand how you felt now — that there's one less good person in the world. I feel how you felt. I know I can't claim to feel it as deep as you did, but I feel enough to be ashamed of myself.

Please, hyung, forgive me. When we read your letter, I didn't want Young-bae to open it. I was scared to death of what might be inside. I didn't want to confront the feeling that you would give me a logical explanation to what you did.

Then we read the words you wrote, and I knew that what I had feared was true, that I knew deep down that you were right.

I think, now, I'm more open to the idea of making a four member group. I didn't think we could do it, especially without you. But I think it would be an insult to your memory not to. We owe you that much.

I know you told us not to blame ourselves for this.

But I have to.

~ Seungri

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I don't like these as much as the first ones, but they're not disbanding! And they are definately less angry, worried, and stuff than they were before.

So yeah. Hope you guys are enjoying!

Leave me a comment with your thoughts!

=) Aiko