Each member finished their letters at different times. Seungri looked up first, face a little flushed from the non-stop writing. Top was next, making a few corrections on his letter. GD looked up third, Finally, Taeyang was finished, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he put his pen down.

"Okay. I want you to put your letters in envelopes. Keep them. You may want to read them later. You may want to write new letters, who knows? Your feelings might have changed as you go through the grief process." they nodded and did as she asked, each writing their names on the front of their envelopes and putting them in a drawer.

Siwon looked at his watch. "I need to leave for a press conference now about this." he turned to Dr. Choi. "Thank you very much, Dr. Choi." he glanced at the boys, who mumbled their thanks as well. He escorted the doctor out, calling behind him, "Turn on channel ten if you want to hear."

The door shut and they were alone once again. Each stayed in the positions they were in. Taeyang sniffled a little, but no one really glanced his way.

Seungri touched his eye and winced. GD had a stronger punch than anyone gave him credit for. GD held a tissue to his still-bleeding lip and gazed into the distance.

Top got up, the TV, and quietly went to the kitchen. He came back with two bags of ice, which he gave to Seungri and GD.

The sound of a press conference beginning filled the silent living room. They watched as Siwon sat down and began his prepared opening statement.

"It is my sad duty to inform you of the unfortunate goings on in YG Entertainment right now." he paused, seeming to steel himself. "I am confirming the rumors that have been floating around. Yesterday afternoon, Kang Daesung of Big Bang commited suicide." there were gasps of shock throughout the room. Then the people started firing questions at him.

"Why did he do it, Siwon-ssi?"

"We believe it was because of extreme depression following his accident in May."

"Siwon-ssi! What's wrong with Young-bae?"

"Young-bae was in a state of shock after finding Daesung. He was taken to the hospital for treatement and has since recovered."

"What is Big Bang going to do now?"

"That is still undecided."

"How are the other members holding up?"

At this, Siwon hesitated. In his minds eye, he saw Taeyang leaning against the wall, shaking and crying. He saw Top sitting doing nothing on the couch. He saw Seungri flinging things across the room and shouting in anger. He saw GD muttering to himself about leader responsibility. He saw GD and Seungri roling around on the floor, punching each other, Top trying to break it up. He saw Taeyang crying when he thought no one was watching.

"As -- as well as could be expected." he said, fully aware that he was lying through his teeth.

The members weren't doing well. Not well at all.

Perhaps the reporters sensed the lie, because the next question was,

"How have they taken the news of one less member?"

Siwon hesitated a second time, thinking of Seungri's anger, GD's hoplessness, Top's hurt, Taeyang's distance.

Siwon knew he was in a fix now. If he declined to comment, they'd assume -- correctly -- that they weren't taking it well at all. If he commented, he'd have to choose his words very carefully.

"They've taken it as well as one can expect of them. It's very difficult to be one member less so suddenly and irrevocably."

The questions kept coming, each one harder to answer than the last. Siwon had to decline commenting on several.

After 45 minutes, he called the conference to an end. "Thank you very much. I'm looking forward to the results of this meeting." he bowed politely and hurried back to the dorm.

As he approached the door, he could hear sounds of yelling coming from behind it. He groaned inwardly, but he didn't hear any signs of fists, so he lingered outside and listened.

"What do you mean he should've just told the truth?" that was GD.

"I mean the people will find out anyway that we're doing extremely badly, he might as well save himself the trouble of lying!" Siwon didn't even need to recognize the sneer to know it was Seungri.

"Come on, you want our own manager to rat us out like that?" Siwon started in surprise. That was the first time Taeyang had spoken louder than a mutter in two days. Judging from the sudden silence in the room, the others were just as stunned.

"Oh go back to not talking, hyung." Seungri said. "It was easier."

"How dare you talk like that to your elder?!" it ws Top now. "You have no right --"

"Daesung didn't have any right to do what he did either!"

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Feeling like he should break this up before it got physical, Siwon opened the door in time to see Taeyang swing and hit Seungri in the jaw, making him fall to the floor, holding it.

Angry now, Siwon leapt forward. "I can't leave you guys alone for an hour, can I? I leave and you start fighting! What do I need to do, hire a babysitter for you? Do I need to stick you in separate apartments? Now you will tell me what's going on right now or --"

"Nothing's going on, hyung." Top said tonelessly.

"Nothing my foot. This behavior will stop right now. Maybe I should've told them how you are really acting -- like
two-year-olds! I'm extremely disappointed in you. I thought you'd be a bit more mature."

They hung their heads. Siwon had never yelled at them before, nor had he ever sounded as disappointed in them as he did now.

He didn't say anything else, just shook his head and left them with themselves.

No one moved for a minute, then GD snatched his ice pack from the floor and went to his room, locking the door behind him.

He slid down until he was sitting on the floor, back against the door, and put his head in his hands, blocking everything else out.

No matter how brave the face he showed to the world was, nothing could conceal how he was feeling now. He was tired of showing everyone the defiant and brave personality of G-Dragon. He just wanted, for once, to show how Kwon JiYong was really feeling. Not even the other members knew what was going on inside.

He had never felt more helpless in his life. Every time Seungri started yelling, he had to yell back, because that was the only way he could start feeling in control again. He hadn't been able to help Taeyang, he couldn't even help himself. And the ultimate crime: He hadn't helped Daesung. It was his duty as the leader to help s, but he had failed. Maybe that was why he was so angry with Seungri for suggesting they disband. Going on with Big Bang might correct his mistake, might make him feel good about himself again, might make things up for Daesung.

His shoulders began to shake as the tears he'd been holding back for two days finally made their appearance.

*       *       *

After a while, GD lifted his head and wearily made his way over to his desk. Maybe writing something would clear up his thoughts.

He sat down with a music sheet in front of him, pen poised over it, waiting for something to come.

As he did, a wave of despair came over him.

What's the point? He thought bitterly. He's not coming back. He threw down his pen and leaned back in his chair, running his hands through his hair, trying not to let his thoughts take over him.

But then he heard a sound. And it wasn't coming from the dorm. It was a memory. It had to be, since Daesung's laugh didn't exist anymore. The laugh echoed in his GD's mind, bringing forth a flood of memories.

He seized his pen and began to write feverishly.

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I've actually come to enjoy getting into their heads and figuring out their emotions. It's a fun challenge.

So GD's thoughts actually weren't planned, they just kinda happened, and I have to say, I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out.

Let me know if you think the same!

=) Aiko