A/N: For the one whose curious about my definition of love; for my inspiration.

Thank you for the support at the time of my sickness.

This is not my best, I'm still recovering. (Consuming Stress-reliever medicine by the way.... ㅠㅠ)

This [somewhat]drabble, a small part of me.

It kept me thinking.

Some often says, to inhale the nasty blow of tobacco down to their own lungs. It won't hurt the others, thus having the disease by their own. It's their own fault, to have the tobacco held by their fingers and left the remnants of ashes; forgotten and blewn to the open air.

Oh, Christ.

The blinking line on the blank page didn't give me the inspiration, leaving me no choice but to close the laptop harshly. Too caught up in thought, feeling bounded by something that held back my entire inspiration. "Might as well curse myself for choosing the wrong genre." I muttered to the black liquid inside the glass that I held, "I am too angsty for romance. Cheers." I slightly tapped the bottom of the glass to the laptop and drank the whole bitter drink in one-shot.

Drizzles of rain that won't easily stop; my anxiety was happy that it turns out that way. Weird, myself being a snail who loves the shell couldn't be the reason why it's hard to move an inch -out from the house. My gaze were growing insecure everytime I stared at the bloody-threatening LED light of my phone, then I felt sorry for the blank page on my Word program also my not-knowing-anything laptop.

Stop it, impatient LED.

From:  Jessica Jung

To: Taeyeon Kim

"I'm still waiting, like you. I know the rain's falling hard and your home is far. About 2 hours after the weather's cleared, I'll be there."

Be easy on your scarred lungs.

But did we care?

Ah.. The hesitation. Part of everyone's sanity that'll guarantee one's safety, yet something clearly annoying at the rush hour.

Really now? Everything was easy, from parking until you got out of that traffing causing thing -but what's with the tremble on pulling the damned entrance handle? Get a grip woman; wait, I have my grip.

Heart beating fast, missing the person who's sitting far on the corner by the dim lighting. Took me a few nervous step before I'm able to have a seat, but it was an unpleasantly anxious rather than a relaxing one. A smile greeted me, not a simple 'How do you do?'.

"Doing fine, Sica?" I inhaled my own smoke of tobacco, "You look much more motherly, although having a young age." was a burning pain on my lungs. "Yes, I'm fine. Taking care of my firstborn was a hard task." she must be having a hard time inhaling her own smoke, some of it were blewn right to me. "Maybe I'll go visit your baby sometimes, on my free time." oh bitter.

Looks like we had enough of the pain.

"Still spending your time writing?"

"Mostly."

"Having a new relationship?"

That's another inhale on the tobacco.

"I rejected everyone."

My eyes were watery, but I promised myself not to let any drop getting out. We fell into silence after I said it, she must've understood why.

We're still bounded to each other. Never, a word of breaking up were never heard. We clearly have a bad attachment towards the stash of tobacco, killing ourselves slowly, painfully, having no plan to search for a saving grace. She's my tobacco, I'm her tobacco. I swallowed my pain, sometimes she blew her poison towards me. Unfair? Not unless it's your own bad karma.

"I see."

Unable to be unbounded by the chain was much more painful than being released, not the memories but the hopeful feeling that wouldn't be granted. "I left them hanging, most of the time." a chuckle that seems too forced, "So how long?" I asked her with my eyes digging down into hers; searching for answers. She lost me right there.

"Why are you here, Sica?"

"Vacati-.."

"Most likely, but no. Tell me the real reason."

"Taeyeon.."

"Don't make me say it, Sica."

"I understand, but Tae-.."

"I'm still loving you."

I said it, loud and clear. Looking up, I hope that nothing would go out from my eyes. I looked at her once again, we're having the same gaze that inflicted some longing feelings on our chest. "You need to release me, Sica. I won't be able to take a step forward if you're not." it sounded more like a plead, "We should cut this hanging -broken thread." my bosom felt so stuffed.

Guilt would eat you up, everytime you tried to love another. There won't be anyone else invading my head except her; pieces of the past would crawl up my skin, letting me embraced nothing but an open air. It would be myself, the one that I hugged. Crying, lost in my own heartbreak. Unsure to let go or keep on praying that everything would be alright.

Did she feel it? With him? Whom she vowed to live forever with?

"My heart is a liar if I said I don't love you." she placed her hand on top of mine, the blow choked me when I saw the golden band on her finger. "But now it's time we should part from each other, we should Sica. We should." my gaze diverted to the dancing flame on top of the small candle, "You're having a small family now, and I need myself to be able to love someone." slowly but surely -the tobacco is running out for both of us.

"Are you ready for it?"

"Years of waiting.. I am."

Finally we put out the burning fire. A proper parting.

All of the burning feelings on our throat and lungs, it was all forgotten in the air.

It turns into ashes. And it should be.

Our past memories should be forgotten.

The tears that welled up, they're all dripping without mercy. But that was because of relief. We are freed and unbounded anymore. I would have someone inside my embrace again, someone that I could feel with the tip of my fingers and not a mere illusion. No more lingering scents of a burning tobacco.

Oh? The blank pages are filled. And the LED light of my phone didn't seem to be threatening anymore.

From: Jessica Jung

To: Taeyeon Kim

"Are you going to visit my daughter? My husband would like to meet you also."

Why is it still blinking?

Ah, the one I left hanging.

To: Jessica Jung

From: Taeyeon Kim

"Maybe sometimes later. I need to meet someone."

Now it's time to stop someone from litting up the fire on the tobacco.